I'm sleepy, and I can't sleep.
If you were to pop the sleep-aid "ambien" you'd sleep and then start walking or eating while in slumber.
The question is.. would TheCanuckEngineer start blogging in his sleep?
Heath Ledger had an addiction to Ambien. He started popping two a night, to get enough sleep just to keep himself sane. guess he didn't do a very good job with that.. bless his soul.
For the record, The Dark Night is the best Joker ever.. I'm gonna go ahead and say, best Batman villain yet.. and maybe ever. I'd like to say Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is the best villain ever, but Hannibal Lecter's fans might have somethings to say about that.
If you haven't seen that movie..you're missing out on a phenomenal performance. I'm not sure where that movie stands in my rankings.. but I can assure you I disagree with IMDB's ranking of it being the 2nd best movie of all time. The Shawshank Redemption raises its eyebrows.
On another topic, I gotta hand it to my man Klawny. He correctly predicted that my posts come in spurts. Then again, rumor has it that so does he.
As i sign off for the night.. the Canuck Engineer has a question for you... really..
"Why so serious?"
Saturday, August 16, 2008
House Cleaning!
I finally succumbed to my laziness.
I hired a maid!
The maid's a mexican dude!
When he came over to look at my place for an estimate, he was gung-ho about doing a townhouse.
When he entered my bathroom, he high-tailed it out there.
I managed to sweet talk him into agreeing to do the job. I think my affable personality won him over. He also charged me twice as much for my room & restroom, but that's just an irrelevant details. I now have a clean bathroom, and I intend to keep it that way. Which is why i've been showering for the past week in my Roommate Spades' bathroom.
We're pretty tight but he didn't seem very impressed when he found out about it. I don't think the fact that I was brushing my teeth, while in a bathrobe dripping all over his carpet had anything to do with it though. Nor the fact that it was his bathrobe!
Maybe it was the fact that it was also his toothbrush. Not really sure why he was upset though...he did mention"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with you, than clean your car". Well, he never cleaned my car.
sigh.. and they say I don't have social skills
I hired a maid!
The maid's a mexican dude!
When he came over to look at my place for an estimate, he was gung-ho about doing a townhouse.
When he entered my bathroom, he high-tailed it out there.
I managed to sweet talk him into agreeing to do the job. I think my affable personality won him over. He also charged me twice as much for my room & restroom, but that's just an irrelevant details. I now have a clean bathroom, and I intend to keep it that way. Which is why i've been showering for the past week in my Roommate Spades' bathroom.
We're pretty tight but he didn't seem very impressed when he found out about it. I don't think the fact that I was brushing my teeth, while in a bathrobe dripping all over his carpet had anything to do with it though. Nor the fact that it was his bathrobe!
Maybe it was the fact that it was also his toothbrush. Not really sure why he was upset though...he did mention"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with you, than clean your car". Well, he never cleaned my car.
sigh.. and they say I don't have social skills
Random Musings
- Murphy's laws of Employment states that for every two-week after-work activity that you plan, you will have 4 weeks of 60-hr weeks, during those two weeks!
- Murphy's a god damned genius. but i wish he would be wrong every now and then!
- US women swimmers wear full make-up even while in the pool. Guess they were all in the "boy scouts" while growing.. and just wanna "be prepared"!
- Spades is in Canada for work. So I'm the king of the castle this week. So where's the Orgies then, you ask? ah, i postponed them cuz of the olympics... yes, i know.. but that's my story and sticking to it!
- Sticking the landing is a skill even Olympic gymnasts haven't mastered
- Knowing when to keep my mouth shut at work is a skill I still haven't mastered... (i know.. it took me by surprise too!)
- Work's been a whore lately. My boss' boss' boss even offered me a hug. I had a JD moment with Dr. Cox. For those of you who don't watch Scrubs, please come back to this planet!
- I attended my first baby shower!
- I took wine!
- Knowing what to gift at a baby shower is a skill I still haven't mastered
- Anna Kournikova showed up at my door this week.... just thought I'd mention it
- oh btw, I'm a Maxim subscriber.
- I haven't updated my blog in almost 3 months.
- I haven't been on facebook in over 2 weeks
- Did I mention work's been a bitch? In this analogy, the work is the dog, and I'm the fire-hydrant..
- I been watching The Mole on tv. Its the second reality show I've been interested in, the first being The Apprentice.
- Donald Trump is a pimp... 'nuff said
- I bought a pair of shoes online. Somehow I clicked the link twice. I must've been tired, because I didn't notice the final price. Two pairs of "identical" shoes showed up. Some like-sized individual is getting a nice pair of Ken Coles in his Christmas Stockings this year!
- Chicago Style Pizza at 5am after a night of drinking is perfection. ... just saying..
Impressions from the first week at the Beijing Olympicsof
The Olympics started last Friday, 08/08/08. Some random thoughts:
These are my impressions from the first week. I wish the Olympics would happen more than once ever four years!
- The opening ceremony was the best ever...no doubt about it
- 200 ft foldable LCD screen... how do you top that!
- Equestrian is not an Olympic sport. its not a sport... its a midget riding a horse.... sl0wly..! Its like going to the retarded horse races!
- Where the hell is the ping-pong coverage on NBC? I need me some ping pong action
- Micheal Phelps eats 10,000 calories a day... that's 5 times the average male's consumption!
- That's almost twice my daily consumption :) (*yea, i been cutting back) :P
- Shawn Johnson, from the US Women's gym team, has the best temperament of any gymnast I've seen these olympics. Bullets could bounce off her suit, and she'd be unfazed
- Alicia Sacramone broke a lot of hearts when she screwed up the US womens Gymnast team event... then again, judging by her appearance, breaking hearts may not be anything new to her
- Nastia Lukin deserved that gold medal. She should thank the lord that, with a name like that, she's still easy on the eye. How much would it suck to be named "Nastia Lukin" and be Nasty Looking!!!
- Micheal Phelps is a stud... 'nuff said
- Canada has fewer medals than India... and India just got their first ever gold medal... yes, India has 1 medal. for the non-engineers reading this, that would mean Canada has as many medals so far in these Olympics as I do!
- Bela Karoliy, the former US gymnastic coach, the one of coaching Nadia to the first perfect 10 fame, is hilarious. I love his candor... more commentators like him.. less Political Correctness!
- The Chinese Gymnasts are NOT 16. Some of them may be 14. Babytooth is not 16.. Babytooth is 8.. if you don't know who I'm talking about.. you haven't seen the Chinese Women's team these Olympics!
- Misty May adds the "hot" in "Olympics". Wait, that would've worked a lot better during "Hotlanta '96".. Sigh.. i'm 12 years too late!
- The US alternate turned starting Male Gymnast, Raj B, has it going on!
- Watching the 3rd Alternate Male Gymnast break into tears after the US Male team won the Team bronze was my softest moment yet. I might shed a tear..
- In other news, I just lost my last Man-Card!
- Did I mention Micheal Phelps is a stud?
- Togo has 2 medals.. That would be two more medals than Canada has!
- Watching Team Canada has no Happy Ending. Where's a massage parlor when you need one!
- What's the deal with these Swimsuits? How does every record get broken in the Preliminary Heats? and then Re-broken in the next heat? At this rate, the 100m Track would be done in 8s!
- Speaking of Track, this might be the greatest 100m event ever. 3 finalists who've broken 9.8s!
- My biased self feels Ben Johnson would've escaped unscathed if he ran for the US team instead of Canada's!
- These Olympics are wrecking my sleep schedule!
- Watching Nigeria play soccer takes me back to my middle-school days. Go Supah Eaguls!
- Thank God for Women's Beach Volleyball
- On another unrelated topic, Thank God for HD Tv!
These are my impressions from the first week. I wish the Olympics would happen more than once ever four years!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Take me to the Ball Game
Overheard at a club this past weekend from a member of the fairer sex:
"3rd base is the best part. Home Runs ...and then its all over...but 3rd base. There is always some suspense left!"
Most men would smile at that comment.. unfortunately this comment was made while watching some SportCenter highlights of the Yankees.
Then again, this comment could just as well have come NOT watching a baseball game.
Also overheard at a club a few weekends ago:
"how young is too young?"
"Hey, if there's grass on the field, play ball!"
Sigh, what has this blog come to!
"3rd base is the best part. Home Runs ...and then its all over...but 3rd base. There is always some suspense left!"
Most men would smile at that comment.. unfortunately this comment was made while watching some SportCenter highlights of the Yankees.
Then again, this comment could just as well have come NOT watching a baseball game.
Also overheard at a club a few weekends ago:
"how young is too young?"
"Hey, if there's grass on the field, play ball!"
Sigh, what has this blog come to!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Save the Earth!
May 12th, 2007
"Are you gonna bike to work this Friday, Canuck? Its Bike-to-Work day"
"Of course!" I responded, absent mindedly.
"Really? I didn't take you to be the physically active kind"
"Neither does my health insurance agent!"
"Seriously, if you're gonna bike on Friday, register on this website".
Not willing to back down from a self-imposed challenge.."Sure, I'll do it right now, in front of you. Any thing to Save the Earth", as I signed up at SavetheEarth.com (or some variant of that)
May 16, 2007
I got home around 10pm from work.. (yes, I like to work a full 8hr shift on Thursdays!), all gung-ho to ride my bike in anticipation of Saving the Earth. I figured I'd go for a 5mile bike ride.
Note that I hadn't ridden a bike in about 15 years, so I wasn't sure where I stood in the biking ability. I had just bought a bike helmet, so I decided to bust that out.
The bike helmet is the most complicated headgear I ever wore.. and I actually had to put on a turban for an event! Honestly, the helmet seemed to fit both ways.. (pun not intended, DBs, bite your tongues). I couldn't figure out which way was the right one.. 5 minutes and 2 pages from the Power of Google, later, I knew which way Front was. As I looked at my helmet, I saw the "Front" sign right in the middle of the inside.
Regardless, helmet on, I broke out the bike from its cobwebs, only to find both tires completely out of air. With an inspiration of genius, I placed the bike in the backseat of my car, thanking myself for buying a soft-top vehicle..and then whizzed away to the gas station.
Only to find that the gas station air-valves were not compatible with mountain-bike valves. Score!
I called my buddy who inspired this entire ordeal, and he volunteered his air-pump's services.. Caveat, his place was about 9 miles away. I went and got my tires filled up.
May 17th
I woke up early morning at 7am, all set to bike to work the entire 5 miles. and then I decided to sleep in for a few minutes, "cuz I'm worth it".
BEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEP
The alarm jolted me out of bed at 10 am.. So much for the early breakfast. I showered in record time and sun-screened my entire body.. packed my office wear in the backpack I had acquired the night before from DB#3's sister-in-law. It was the only backpack available, even though it had a huge 'Hello Kitty' sign on it.... in Pink..
I was man enough.. I was gonna Bike to Work!
I got on the bike and bike about 2 miles in, when I heard this hissing sound..
Uh oh.. it was my front tire, doing most snakes proud! it was losing air, and there was nothing I could do about it. So now i'm halfway between work and home.. with a useless bike on my hands.
I decided to walk all the way back with the bike! One hour, and a sweaty t-shirt, later, I got in my car and reached work.
Typical 1 day mileage of Canuck Engineer; 5m to work + 5m back = 10m
Save the Earth Mileage for Canuck Engineer: 2m to Gas Station + 9m to friend + 9m back + 5m to work + 5m back = 30m.
Hey I tried Saving the Earth...Instead I pulled a
-Canuck Engineer!
"Are you gonna bike to work this Friday, Canuck? Its Bike-to-Work day"
"Of course!" I responded, absent mindedly.
"Really? I didn't take you to be the physically active kind"
"Neither does my health insurance agent!"
"Seriously, if you're gonna bike on Friday, register on this website".
Not willing to back down from a self-imposed challenge.."Sure, I'll do it right now, in front of you. Any thing to Save the Earth", as I signed up at SavetheEarth.com (or some variant of that)
May 16, 2007
I got home around 10pm from work.. (yes, I like to work a full 8hr shift on Thursdays!), all gung-ho to ride my bike in anticipation of Saving the Earth. I figured I'd go for a 5mile bike ride.
Note that I hadn't ridden a bike in about 15 years, so I wasn't sure where I stood in the biking ability. I had just bought a bike helmet, so I decided to bust that out.
The bike helmet is the most complicated headgear I ever wore.. and I actually had to put on a turban for an event! Honestly, the helmet seemed to fit both ways.. (pun not intended, DBs, bite your tongues). I couldn't figure out which way was the right one.. 5 minutes and 2 pages from the Power of Google, later, I knew which way Front was. As I looked at my helmet, I saw the "Front" sign right in the middle of the inside.
Regardless, helmet on, I broke out the bike from its cobwebs, only to find both tires completely out of air. With an inspiration of genius, I placed the bike in the backseat of my car, thanking myself for buying a soft-top vehicle..and then whizzed away to the gas station.
Only to find that the gas station air-valves were not compatible with mountain-bike valves. Score!
I called my buddy who inspired this entire ordeal, and he volunteered his air-pump's services.. Caveat, his place was about 9 miles away. I went and got my tires filled up.
May 17th
I woke up early morning at 7am, all set to bike to work the entire 5 miles. and then I decided to sleep in for a few minutes, "cuz I'm worth it".
BEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEP
The alarm jolted me out of bed at 10 am.. So much for the early breakfast. I showered in record time and sun-screened my entire body.. packed my office wear in the backpack I had acquired the night before from DB#3's sister-in-law. It was the only backpack available, even though it had a huge 'Hello Kitty' sign on it.... in Pink..
I was man enough.. I was gonna Bike to Work!
I got on the bike and bike about 2 miles in, when I heard this hissing sound..
Uh oh.. it was my front tire, doing most snakes proud! it was losing air, and there was nothing I could do about it. So now i'm halfway between work and home.. with a useless bike on my hands.
I decided to walk all the way back with the bike! One hour, and a sweaty t-shirt, later, I got in my car and reached work.
Typical 1 day mileage of Canuck Engineer; 5m to work + 5m back = 10m
Save the Earth Mileage for Canuck Engineer: 2m to Gas Station + 9m to friend + 9m back + 5m to work + 5m back = 30m.
Hey I tried Saving the Earth...Instead I pulled a
-Canuck Engineer!
What's in a Title?
So I decided to replenish my stock of business cards last week.
I've been going to a few events over the past few months that have kinda sorta required the use of a business card. not as much for contact information, as much for legitimacy...
or at least that's what I think!
So I decided to go ahead and order some business cards, with my work assigned title..
something to the effect of
Name: "The Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Engineer, Canuck"
With that I submitted the order, expecting a set of 500 cards to be in my mailbox sometime later this month.
That very night I get an email from my manager.. and I quote...
"Canuck, can you please change your title? As it stands on your proposed business card, it is too boring"
Now I have been prone to some fiction and some exaggeration in the history of this blog.. the above has no word of a lie.. I quote, verbatim!
So I got around to thinking of what my title at work should be. Should title reflect self-grandeur... or should title reflect exactly what you do?
If the latter, how would "Guy who gets stuff done, including feeding the printer paper" sound?
If I wanted some more credibility, I could go for "Implementation Engineer". That sounds respekkable, dunnit?
In Ali G's words... "There is so little Respek left in the world, if you look it up in the dictionary, its not even there!"
But then I realized, no one's gonna audit my business card.. So if I wanted to put in some name to stroke my own ego, I could totally do that.
Visions of "Supreme Commander" crept in my head. I brushed them aside only to find myself drooling at the thought of Steve Job's title.. "Chief Know-it-all".
Then I wondered if I could reflect my web surfing obsession respectably... "Cybrarian" comes to mind..
Of course, if I owned my own company, I would go with.. "Master of Time & Space".. that would show them all :)
In the end (not the Linkin Park song!), My modesty took over, and I decided to go with a humble title that described me to the fullest...My business cards will arrive next week.. like so..:
Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic"
Oh wait, I got tenure...
Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic, Chief"
Call me :)
I've been going to a few events over the past few months that have kinda sorta required the use of a business card. not as much for contact information, as much for legitimacy...
or at least that's what I think!
So I decided to go ahead and order some business cards, with my work assigned title..
something to the effect of
Name: "The Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Engineer, Canuck"
With that I submitted the order, expecting a set of 500 cards to be in my mailbox sometime later this month.
That very night I get an email from my manager.. and I quote...
"Canuck, can you please change your title? As it stands on your proposed business card, it is too boring"
Now I have been prone to some fiction and some exaggeration in the history of this blog.. the above has no word of a lie.. I quote, verbatim!
So I got around to thinking of what my title at work should be. Should title reflect self-grandeur... or should title reflect exactly what you do?
If the latter, how would "Guy who gets stuff done, including feeding the printer paper" sound?
If I wanted some more credibility, I could go for "Implementation Engineer". That sounds respekkable, dunnit?
In Ali G's words... "There is so little Respek left in the world, if you look it up in the dictionary, its not even there!"
But then I realized, no one's gonna audit my business card.. So if I wanted to put in some name to stroke my own ego, I could totally do that.
Visions of "Supreme Commander" crept in my head. I brushed them aside only to find myself drooling at the thought of Steve Job's title.. "Chief Know-it-all".
Then I wondered if I could reflect my web surfing obsession respectably... "Cybrarian" comes to mind..
Of course, if I owned my own company, I would go with.. "Master of Time & Space".. that would show them all :)
In the end (not the Linkin Park song!), My modesty took over, and I decided to go with a humble title that described me to the fullest...My business cards will arrive next week.. like so..:
Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic"
Oh wait, I got tenure...
Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic, Chief"
Call me :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
The Sexist Post
What was that old rhyme that girls would be singing when we grew up.. something like.."Girls go to college to gain some Knowledge.... Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider"
Well, other than the redundant more in the sentence, I can kinda see where those girls were coming from.. (Venus, obviously.. they would have to be aliens, considering how complex they are to figure out!)
So..Historically, why have men married women younger than them?
Its cause Men are like Government bonds.. they take forever to mature!
Which is why its been recommended that men marry women who're slightly younger than them. It helps with the fact that typically men are slightly immature for their age, while women tend to grow up a tad faster.
It also works out with the life expectancies, since women typically average a few more years than men.. Marrying men older than them helps minimize the number of Golden Years they spend alone.
Its ironic that women have always been asking for equal rights, when they've been blessed with the biggest inequality of all.. lifespan. then again, it is interesting that the number one thing women look for in a man is a sense of security....
So go ahead and keep 'em warm and cosy... and while you're at it, open the doors, pull out the chairs...and damn right, you're gonna be splitting the chores ...but don't for a moment forget.. anything you can do.. they can do better.
Oh yea.. how about doing some yard work for a change..
and how about doing it with the shirt off ;)
How bout this gem I recently overheard:
Men are like Wine.. they grow fine with age.
Women are like.. Milk... .....
ah, Never mind :)
Well, other than the redundant more in the sentence, I can kinda see where those girls were coming from.. (Venus, obviously.. they would have to be aliens, considering how complex they are to figure out!)
So..Historically, why have men married women younger than them?
Its cause Men are like Government bonds.. they take forever to mature!
Which is why its been recommended that men marry women who're slightly younger than them. It helps with the fact that typically men are slightly immature for their age, while women tend to grow up a tad faster.
It also works out with the life expectancies, since women typically average a few more years than men.. Marrying men older than them helps minimize the number of Golden Years they spend alone.
Its ironic that women have always been asking for equal rights, when they've been blessed with the biggest inequality of all.. lifespan. then again, it is interesting that the number one thing women look for in a man is a sense of security....
So go ahead and keep 'em warm and cosy... and while you're at it, open the doors, pull out the chairs...and damn right, you're gonna be splitting the chores ...but don't for a moment forget.. anything you can do.. they can do better.
Oh yea.. how about doing some yard work for a change..
and how about doing it with the shirt off ;)
How bout this gem I recently overheard:
Men are like Wine.. they grow fine with age.
Women are like.. Milk... .....
ah, Never mind :)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The Buoyancy of Citrus
"I went waterskiing* last weekend"
"Score.. "Do you know how to swim?"
"Nah man"
"Wow, that's ballsy. did you have a lifejacket on?"
"I had one, but it dint' fit. But not to worry, I had a lime"
"A lime?"
"Yea, last time I had a Jack & Coke, it had a lime in it."
"ookay?"
"Well, I saw the lime float. So I figured the next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I'd reach for a lime"
"People saw me water-skiing without a lifejacket and they said what the hell, and I pulled out a lime.... and a lemon.."
Saved by the buoyancy of citrus!
Disclaimer: The above story may have some mild exaggerations of truth....for large values of mild.
I WAS on a speedboat last weekend.. and I did wear my newly acquired swim trunks, that closely resemble Beyonce's hotpants.. which is a story that I won't get into for the betterment of society in general.... and the lifejacket didn't fit... but fortunately elasticity is a brilliant property of lifepreservers.. and No, I did Not have any lime on me, but I just couldn't pass up a Mitch Hedberg bit like so :)
"Score.. "Do you know how to swim?"
"Nah man"
"Wow, that's ballsy. did you have a lifejacket on?"
"I had one, but it dint' fit. But not to worry, I had a lime"
"A lime?"
"Yea, last time I had a Jack & Coke, it had a lime in it."
"ookay?"
"Well, I saw the lime float. So I figured the next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I'd reach for a lime"
"People saw me water-skiing without a lifejacket and they said what the hell, and I pulled out a lime.... and a lemon.."
Saved by the buoyancy of citrus!
Disclaimer: The above story may have some mild exaggerations of truth....for large values of mild.
I WAS on a speedboat last weekend.. and I did wear my newly acquired swim trunks, that closely resemble Beyonce's hotpants.. which is a story that I won't get into for the betterment of society in general.... and the lifejacket didn't fit... but fortunately elasticity is a brilliant property of lifepreservers.. and No, I did Not have any lime on me, but I just couldn't pass up a Mitch Hedberg bit like so :)
The Durrrty South!
What's the price of a shoe?
Most of the men would probably say.. less than a Hundy! unless they're those Air Jordan's at the peak of their popularity.. in which case 2 Benjamin's was about right, and in which case you about 15 years too late to the party!
Well in Louisiana apparently, the price of a shoe is much higher than that.
Louisiana? What the hell was I doing there? that's exactly the question I've been pondering too.. suffice to say, I took the wrong flight there..and then decided to make the most of it :)
Indian Wedding.. The Dirrty South....2 Groomsmen, including yours truly, protecting the grooms shoes. 4 Bridesmaids, conniving their evil plans to steal those very shoes.
SHOES! Stealing Shoes! USED & WORN shoes!
Would a shoe by any other name not smell like a shoe? Call 'em florsheims or call 'em Jooties...They still wreak!
What kinda state is this? The DB's had been right to warn me of the Sooouthh!
"Give us those shoes.. Its a custom, We sell these shoes back to the groom. This is our payday", yelled the Brides "sisters".
"Sorry ladies, you're gonna have to go through me first", proudly proclaimed CanuckEngineer, in his latest avatar as Chief Protector of the Groom's Kicks.
That's right.. Every Dog has his Day.. today was gonna be mine!
As I sat watching the bride & groom exchanging their vows, my little pinky attached to the bag holding the precious cargo, I heard a rustle...and then some bustle.. and before I knew it, it was a 3on1 on the CanuckEngineer.... (and no, not the kind of 3-on-1 most men dream of), resulting in me left holding the bag, literally, sans the bullion!
So much for Chief Protector, eh, The only silver lining being the buffet outside. I walk towards said silver lining, only to find my shoes missing, cleverly hidden by the "dark side" as insurance!
As I ponder the very existence of my shoes, calusses occuring on my barefeet, I get hauled up by the groom's aunts... "Where the shoes at?". Shrug of the shoulder, as I point to my bare feet.. and I get a "WHAHHHAT? You lost the groom's shoes to those GIRLS?.. wait.. whatt.. you lost YOUR shoes tooo? What good are you?"
ok ok.. i get the point.. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200!
"HOW COULD YOU? You gave the shoes away? Whats the groom gonna walk in? you couldn't hold your own against GIRLS half your age and a quarter your size?"
ok.. first of all.. two-thirds my age!! you know what...never mind! I'd lost my battle, lost my pride.. and also lost my shoes...the only thing worse would be if I lost my appetite!
sigh.. so much for being the Big Dog!
Sometimes you're the dog.. Sometimes you're the Fire Hydrant..
Today.. I wasn't the Dog!
Most of the men would probably say.. less than a Hundy! unless they're those Air Jordan's at the peak of their popularity.. in which case 2 Benjamin's was about right, and in which case you about 15 years too late to the party!
Well in Louisiana apparently, the price of a shoe is much higher than that.
Louisiana? What the hell was I doing there? that's exactly the question I've been pondering too.. suffice to say, I took the wrong flight there..and then decided to make the most of it :)
Indian Wedding.. The Dirrty South....2 Groomsmen, including yours truly, protecting the grooms shoes. 4 Bridesmaids, conniving their evil plans to steal those very shoes.
SHOES! Stealing Shoes! USED & WORN shoes!
Would a shoe by any other name not smell like a shoe? Call 'em florsheims or call 'em Jooties...They still wreak!
What kinda state is this? The DB's had been right to warn me of the Sooouthh!
"Give us those shoes.. Its a custom, We sell these shoes back to the groom. This is our payday", yelled the Brides "sisters".
"Sorry ladies, you're gonna have to go through me first", proudly proclaimed CanuckEngineer, in his latest avatar as Chief Protector of the Groom's Kicks.
That's right.. Every Dog has his Day.. today was gonna be mine!
As I sat watching the bride & groom exchanging their vows, my little pinky attached to the bag holding the precious cargo, I heard a rustle...and then some bustle.. and before I knew it, it was a 3on1 on the CanuckEngineer.... (and no, not the kind of 3-on-1 most men dream of), resulting in me left holding the bag, literally, sans the bullion!
So much for Chief Protector, eh, The only silver lining being the buffet outside. I walk towards said silver lining, only to find my shoes missing, cleverly hidden by the "dark side" as insurance!
As I ponder the very existence of my shoes, calusses occuring on my barefeet, I get hauled up by the groom's aunts... "Where the shoes at?". Shrug of the shoulder, as I point to my bare feet.. and I get a "WHAHHHAT? You lost the groom's shoes to those GIRLS?.. wait.. whatt.. you lost YOUR shoes tooo? What good are you?"
ok ok.. i get the point.. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200!
"HOW COULD YOU? You gave the shoes away? Whats the groom gonna walk in? you couldn't hold your own against GIRLS half your age and a quarter your size?"
ok.. first of all.. two-thirds my age!! you know what...never mind! I'd lost my battle, lost my pride.. and also lost my shoes...the only thing worse would be if I lost my appetite!
sigh.. so much for being the Big Dog!
Sometimes you're the dog.. Sometimes you're the Fire Hydrant..
Today.. I wasn't the Dog!
Friday, May 2, 2008
"Runs" to the hills!
Over a month with no updates, you say the CanuckEngineer's been slacking, I say he's been Snacking.
You see, part of the reason for this lull in blogativity was that the CanuckEngineer had been travelling. I was in India for slightly over two weeks, where I'd gone to attend the wedding of one of my closest cousins.
It was a fantastic trip, not the least of which was the immaculately conducted wedding. Some of the bonuses of the trip included touring the various sites & sounds of New Delhi & gorging on some of the best tasting food I've ever had in my life. When I wasn't marvelling at how an entire city can run with such precision under what would look to the untrained eye as pure chaos and anarchy, I was hanging out with my cousins who were no longer as little as I remembered them... and when I wasn't busy with them, I was indulging myself in the 2nd Deadly Sin - Gluttony.
But it wasn't all fun and mowing down the chow! The first week in there I took ill. Not sick as much as got the stomach bug, and to describe my predicament as "the runs" is a slight to marathoners around the world. The travel bug often causes people to not be able to hold any food.... I couldn't hold water!!! After 2 days of visiting the restroom, every hour on the hour, I was probably threatening the holder of the record for visiting the most number of bathrooms in New Delhi in a 48 hour span.
As proud I was of my latest achievement, I was still miserable, especially since I was missing all the great wedding food thanks to my predicament. I happened to visit one of my folks's friends' folks, who I affectionately call Uncle & Aunty, who lived close to the place of the wedding. I spent the first 40 minutes explaining why I couldn't have any of their thoughtfully provided salty mixes, thanks to my digestive system that now resembled the sewage systems in Hiroshima shortly after Little Boy in '45.
"Uncle" then made me an offer I couldn't refuse..."You can either continue to suffer in this way, or pop a couple of pills that I prescribe and get some relief". well, if he's prescribing pills, he's probably a doctor.. Would his degree be recognized in the States?...As I pondered these thoughts, put forth in front of me were two strips of pills and a glass of water. I'd heard a lot about narcotics in India, but I doubted that they'd use this family as peddlers. Even so, I was going to risk it, if the reward was relief from the spasms my stomach was going through. Besides, that might give me some blog material. Unfortunately, they were legit pills. Darnit!
I'm not trying to be pretentious, but after this incident, I'm pretty sure I can relate to childbirth. what with the water breaking and the contractions, I'm a bonafide midwife already!
anyways, I popped those pills, and hoped for the best. obviously it wasn't going to be an instantaneous cure, so I promptly christened their restroom as well. and then began the "thank you & Good bye" process, during which I gladly visited their other bathroom as well, and then finally took off to get dressed for the Reception in the evening.
Maybe it was the low expectations, maybe I was just delusional, but I was stunned when by the time of the Reception, my stomach stopped hurting, and I didn't even get a chance to visit the coveted restrooms at this resort that was hosting the reception. thankfully, I could now enjoy what was left of the Wedding in India experience.
The next day, I called up my folks.."Dad, you wouldn't believe Uncle's skills. He provided me these pills and voila, I was kicking it in no time."
My dad paused.."Uncle, as in Rosy's dad?"
"What a doctor, Dad.. Knows his stuff!".
I overheard a chuckle..and a smile... as I heard my Dad say.."Uncle!.. He's a vet!"
You see, part of the reason for this lull in blogativity was that the CanuckEngineer had been travelling. I was in India for slightly over two weeks, where I'd gone to attend the wedding of one of my closest cousins.
It was a fantastic trip, not the least of which was the immaculately conducted wedding. Some of the bonuses of the trip included touring the various sites & sounds of New Delhi & gorging on some of the best tasting food I've ever had in my life. When I wasn't marvelling at how an entire city can run with such precision under what would look to the untrained eye as pure chaos and anarchy, I was hanging out with my cousins who were no longer as little as I remembered them... and when I wasn't busy with them, I was indulging myself in the 2nd Deadly Sin - Gluttony.
But it wasn't all fun and mowing down the chow! The first week in there I took ill. Not sick as much as got the stomach bug, and to describe my predicament as "the runs" is a slight to marathoners around the world. The travel bug often causes people to not be able to hold any food.... I couldn't hold water!!! After 2 days of visiting the restroom, every hour on the hour, I was probably threatening the holder of the record for visiting the most number of bathrooms in New Delhi in a 48 hour span.
As proud I was of my latest achievement, I was still miserable, especially since I was missing all the great wedding food thanks to my predicament. I happened to visit one of my folks's friends' folks, who I affectionately call Uncle & Aunty, who lived close to the place of the wedding. I spent the first 40 minutes explaining why I couldn't have any of their thoughtfully provided salty mixes, thanks to my digestive system that now resembled the sewage systems in Hiroshima shortly after Little Boy in '45.
"Uncle" then made me an offer I couldn't refuse..."You can either continue to suffer in this way, or pop a couple of pills that I prescribe and get some relief". well, if he's prescribing pills, he's probably a doctor.. Would his degree be recognized in the States?...As I pondered these thoughts, put forth in front of me were two strips of pills and a glass of water. I'd heard a lot about narcotics in India, but I doubted that they'd use this family as peddlers. Even so, I was going to risk it, if the reward was relief from the spasms my stomach was going through. Besides, that might give me some blog material. Unfortunately, they were legit pills. Darnit!
I'm not trying to be pretentious, but after this incident, I'm pretty sure I can relate to childbirth. what with the water breaking and the contractions, I'm a bonafide midwife already!
anyways, I popped those pills, and hoped for the best. obviously it wasn't going to be an instantaneous cure, so I promptly christened their restroom as well. and then began the "thank you & Good bye" process, during which I gladly visited their other bathroom as well, and then finally took off to get dressed for the Reception in the evening.
Maybe it was the low expectations, maybe I was just delusional, but I was stunned when by the time of the Reception, my stomach stopped hurting, and I didn't even get a chance to visit the coveted restrooms at this resort that was hosting the reception. thankfully, I could now enjoy what was left of the Wedding in India experience.
The next day, I called up my folks.."Dad, you wouldn't believe Uncle's skills. He provided me these pills and voila, I was kicking it in no time."
My dad paused.."Uncle, as in Rosy's dad?"
"What a doctor, Dad.. Knows his stuff!".
I overheard a chuckle..and a smile... as I heard my Dad say.."Uncle!.. He's a vet!"
Saturday, March 22, 2008
All in Night's work!
rrrriinnnnnnnnnnggggg ringgggggggggg
I will not miss that goddamned phone!
ringgggggggggggg ringggggggggg. ringggggggg ringggggggggggggggggg
Thank goodness I won't have to deal with ring over at Kelsey's. I will not miss that goddamned phone!
"Jose, why don't you grab that phone, and answer it already"
"You sure you don't want to answer the calls on your last day at the Hut?" inquired Jose.
"Alright..Settle down Cathal, I got it"
Thank you for calling the Hut, Jose speakin.. how may I help you
"Cathal, they're demanding to speak with the manager"
On my last friggin day, are you kidding me?
"Deal with the issue, offer them something else"
"Cathal, they asked to speak with you"
sigh. They're going to chew me out.. and demand a huge discount...
why the hell could Devon not take my last shift. Thank goodness I'll never be here on a Saturday ever again. !
"Hi, I'm Cathal, the manager of this store. I understand there's a problem"
"Cathal, is that your name? Well, it took us about 15 minutes before anyone answered the phone for this call. Our food took forever to arrive., and when it did, the bread sticks didn't have cheese spread evenly on them. " the entitled lady at the other end yelled!
I'm friggin checked out already! I won't miss the complaining customers!
"I'm sorry Ma'am, We've had an unusually busy evening, and we might have rushed through the order"
"But that's my point.. this is supposed to be a restaurant. Don't you know how to run this place. This is no Mom & Pop store. We should be treated better", continued Ms. Personality
This is textbook.
"I apologize ma'am that your expectations havent' been met tonight. As a token of appreciation of your continued patronage, I'd gladly re-cook your entire order, and have it delivered to you , for the price of 'on the Hut'."
sigh..would it be unprofessional to spit in her food before I send it out for delivery?
"Thats fine. We'll take it in that case. But we're not pleased!" Click!
The cardinal rule of Food & Beverage holds true.. all customers are the devil!!
I will NOT miss answering the phone!
"Cathal, Can you grab Line2?" huffed Jose
Are you kidding.. It took all my mental strength to not cuss out the Drama Queen in the last phone call, I can not handle another complaint at this point
"Jose, I told you, I'm not touching that phone again tonight.. just grab the order and deal with it"
"Cathal, its for YOU!"
sigh. 1 more hour. I cannot wait to never come back again!
"Cathal speaking"
"Hey Cathal, its Mindy! "
Ah, the cute coordinator for the peewee league. Makes the phone call a tad easier to handle now :)
" Guess what! Middleton Stars won their final league game yesterday, we're in the playoffs for Saturday. Thanks so much for the special pizza's during the entire season"
"Thats great to hear!"
".....The kids loved your pizzas so much, they made you a uniform, and the entire team signed it. They want to give it to you at the Playoff Dinner on Saturday, at the Hut. Lil Brandon came up with your name "PizzaMan". "
"....."
"Cathal, are you there?"
"mm... m.... Mindy... I might not be working that shift"
whats that lump in my throat.. I can't speak
"Cathal, we all really hope you'll stop by even if you're not working that shift. "
"I'll try Mindy. Good luck for the game though
"uh.. Cathal.?."
"Yes, Mindy?"
"umm.. The kids aren't the only ones looking forward to seeing you on Saturday night! Bye!"
...
....
.....
......
I stared at the handset.
I will miss that goddamned phone, after all.
I will not miss that goddamned phone!
ringgggggggggggg ringggggggggg. ringggggggg ringggggggggggggggggg
Thank goodness I won't have to deal with ring over at Kelsey's. I will not miss that goddamned phone!
"Jose, why don't you grab that phone, and answer it already"
"You sure you don't want to answer the calls on your last day at the Hut?" inquired Jose.
"Alright..Settle down Cathal, I got it"
Thank you for calling the Hut, Jose speakin.. how may I help you
"Cathal, they're demanding to speak with the manager"
On my last friggin day, are you kidding me?
"Deal with the issue, offer them something else"
"Cathal, they asked to speak with you"
sigh. They're going to chew me out.. and demand a huge discount...
why the hell could Devon not take my last shift. Thank goodness I'll never be here on a Saturday ever again. !
"Hi, I'm Cathal, the manager of this store. I understand there's a problem"
"Cathal, is that your name? Well, it took us about 15 minutes before anyone answered the phone for this call. Our food took forever to arrive., and when it did, the bread sticks didn't have cheese spread evenly on them. " the entitled lady at the other end yelled!
I'm friggin checked out already! I won't miss the complaining customers!
"I'm sorry Ma'am, We've had an unusually busy evening, and we might have rushed through the order"
"But that's my point.. this is supposed to be a restaurant. Don't you know how to run this place. This is no Mom & Pop store. We should be treated better", continued Ms. Personality
This is textbook.
"I apologize ma'am that your expectations havent' been met tonight. As a token of appreciation of your continued patronage, I'd gladly re-cook your entire order, and have it delivered to you , for the price of 'on the Hut'."
sigh..would it be unprofessional to spit in her food before I send it out for delivery?
"Thats fine. We'll take it in that case. But we're not pleased!" Click!
The cardinal rule of Food & Beverage holds true.. all customers are the devil!!
I will NOT miss answering the phone!
"Cathal, Can you grab Line2?" huffed Jose
Are you kidding.. It took all my mental strength to not cuss out the Drama Queen in the last phone call, I can not handle another complaint at this point
"Jose, I told you, I'm not touching that phone again tonight.. just grab the order and deal with it"
"Cathal, its for YOU!"
sigh. 1 more hour. I cannot wait to never come back again!
"Cathal speaking"
"Hey Cathal, its Mindy! "
Ah, the cute coordinator for the peewee league. Makes the phone call a tad easier to handle now :)
" Guess what! Middleton Stars won their final league game yesterday, we're in the playoffs for Saturday. Thanks so much for the special pizza's during the entire season"
"Thats great to hear!"
".....The kids loved your pizzas so much, they made you a uniform, and the entire team signed it. They want to give it to you at the Playoff Dinner on Saturday, at the Hut. Lil Brandon came up with your name "PizzaMan". "
"....."
"Cathal, are you there?"
"mm... m.... Mindy... I might not be working that shift"
whats that lump in my throat.. I can't speak
"Cathal, we all really hope you'll stop by even if you're not working that shift. "
"I'll try Mindy. Good luck for the game though
"uh.. Cathal.?."
"Yes, Mindy?"
"umm.. The kids aren't the only ones looking forward to seeing you on Saturday night! Bye!"
...
....
.....
......
I stared at the handset.
I will miss that goddamned phone, after all.
Outro-Spection!
"Show me around!"
yes ma'am
"Buy me dinner"
Of course dear
"Hold my purse"
sure, cutie!
"Walk beside me"
si senorita
"Do I look hot"
you always do
everyone's met this person before.. She is the spoilt kid, who had never heard the word "no" in her life. Typically blessed with good looks, said person usually has an entourage of "yes men" who hover round, always ready to please, and compliment, each one of them hoping for that one moment when she may smile at them or even better, fall for them.
Unfortunately these chumps almost always get heartbroken, as they watch theirBetty Paige get hit on by random guy after another. Sometimes SpoiltKid may say "Sorry, I got a boyfriend", at which point every Y chromosome in the entourage perks up, hoping she referred to him. In her mind of course, 'boyfriend' is just a placeholder to stave off the wrong kind of attention... rather attention from the wrong kinda male. As the men in the circle stand up tall, chest outs now that they have a thimble of hope, they start buying Her drinks, complimenting her again..and try to get within that 2 foot physical barrier that She seems to hold. Thinks are moving, things are progressing.. and then.. once again, random bloke picks her up and steals her from right in front of their eyes. HeartBreak Hotel, now ready for check-in!
Usually most adults are moulded in their formative years. the spoilt ones turn into the above. The deprived ones,, well, you can catch them on Cops, Jerry Spring, Maury... and sometimes all of them :). The Canuck Engineer was never deprived.. nor spoiled.. usually got most things he needed.. the one thing he never did get was a Nintendo, when all the kids had one. For some reason, I never got that goddamned console, and i was also playing at my friends house. Finally, when my folks decided to buy me, at the ripe old age of 12, all the cool kids were playing Sega, and once again, I was an outcaste!
Could that help explain how I turned out? Could a damn 8-bit console be the cause why the CanuckEngineer is how he is.....? Hmm.. this could be good material for my Wednesday 8pm'er. Recent sessions had been kinda dull! Now its time for some "Wii-habilitation" :)
Don't forget, Kids.. Stay in School, don't do drugs.. and Get the latest VideoGame out there...
you will thank yourself during your mid-age crisis!
yes ma'am
"Buy me dinner"
Of course dear
"Hold my purse"
sure, cutie!
"Walk beside me"
si senorita
"Do I look hot"
you always do
everyone's met this person before.. She is the spoilt kid, who had never heard the word "no" in her life. Typically blessed with good looks, said person usually has an entourage of "yes men" who hover round, always ready to please, and compliment, each one of them hoping for that one moment when she may smile at them or even better, fall for them.
Unfortunately these chumps almost always get heartbroken, as they watch theirBetty Paige get hit on by random guy after another. Sometimes SpoiltKid may say "Sorry, I got a boyfriend", at which point every Y chromosome in the entourage perks up, hoping she referred to him. In her mind of course, 'boyfriend' is just a placeholder to stave off the wrong kind of attention... rather attention from the wrong kinda male. As the men in the circle stand up tall, chest outs now that they have a thimble of hope, they start buying Her drinks, complimenting her again..and try to get within that 2 foot physical barrier that She seems to hold. Thinks are moving, things are progressing.. and then.. once again, random bloke picks her up and steals her from right in front of their eyes. HeartBreak Hotel, now ready for check-in!
Usually most adults are moulded in their formative years. the spoilt ones turn into the above. The deprived ones,, well, you can catch them on Cops, Jerry Spring, Maury... and sometimes all of them :). The Canuck Engineer was never deprived.. nor spoiled.. usually got most things he needed.. the one thing he never did get was a Nintendo, when all the kids had one. For some reason, I never got that goddamned console, and i was also playing at my friends house. Finally, when my folks decided to buy me, at the ripe old age of 12, all the cool kids were playing Sega, and once again, I was an outcaste!
Could that help explain how I turned out? Could a damn 8-bit console be the cause why the CanuckEngineer is how he is.....? Hmm.. this could be good material for my Wednesday 8pm'er. Recent sessions had been kinda dull! Now its time for some "Wii-habilitation" :)
Don't forget, Kids.. Stay in School, don't do drugs.. and Get the latest VideoGame out there...
you will thank yourself during your mid-age crisis!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
American Pimp
Last Saturday, I went out again, after solemnly vowing the night before to have no more wildness, considering the toll Thu & Fri night had taken on my oh so aging body!
But a few ounces of ethanol later, I didn't quite mind the lineup at the club.. and when we didnt' have to pay cover, I definitely was ok with that too.
a couple more drinks were guzzled. visited all the rooms & levels of said club, and then I took my friend, who was visiting from out of town, to the bar. "aite, bro.. whatchu want?"
"whatever you're getting"
so I try to get to the bar, trying to catch they eye of the bartender. Fat chance, considering everyone around the bar had X chromosomes only.
"Kettle one with RedBull"...
I turned to my side, to stare at the person who would drink mix one of the finer vodka's with caffeineted grape juice and pay upwards of 30 bucks for it.
"What kinda order is that?", i yelled out, annoyed at the waste of some good Goose/One.
As I said, I was still turning my head, and as it turns out, the voice belonged to a rather attractive lady. Of course, if I wasn't as inebriated, I would have ordinarly not said a word.. but I was.... thanks to the ethanol mentioned above..
"i like my redbull and i like good vodka" says chica.
Now of course, what I meant to say in my head was
"oh yea.. they could pour you a well drink, you'd never know the difference!"
However, thanks to a gmail chat with one of my boys earlier in the day, what ended up coming out of my mouth was:
"Girl, you're looking qualified to be satisfied!"
And I said that with all the confidence of an American Pimp! (see part8 of the movie)
and as I said that, i took my ChupaChup out of my mouth and walked away..sporting the biggest grin on my face you'd ever see.
yes, ChupaChup... Yes, Alpha...for one evening atleast :D
-CanuckAlphaMaleEngineer
But a few ounces of ethanol later, I didn't quite mind the lineup at the club.. and when we didnt' have to pay cover, I definitely was ok with that too.
a couple more drinks were guzzled. visited all the rooms & levels of said club, and then I took my friend, who was visiting from out of town, to the bar. "aite, bro.. whatchu want?"
"whatever you're getting"
so I try to get to the bar, trying to catch they eye of the bartender. Fat chance, considering everyone around the bar had X chromosomes only.
"Kettle one with RedBull"...
I turned to my side, to stare at the person who would drink mix one of the finer vodka's with caffeineted grape juice and pay upwards of 30 bucks for it.
"What kinda order is that?", i yelled out, annoyed at the waste of some good Goose/One.
As I said, I was still turning my head, and as it turns out, the voice belonged to a rather attractive lady. Of course, if I wasn't as inebriated, I would have ordinarly not said a word.. but I was.... thanks to the ethanol mentioned above..
"i like my redbull and i like good vodka" says chica.
Now of course, what I meant to say in my head was
"oh yea.. they could pour you a well drink, you'd never know the difference!"
However, thanks to a gmail chat with one of my boys earlier in the day, what ended up coming out of my mouth was:
"Girl, you're looking qualified to be satisfied!"
And I said that with all the confidence of an American Pimp! (see part8 of the movie)
and as I said that, i took my ChupaChup out of my mouth and walked away..sporting the biggest grin on my face you'd ever see.
yes, ChupaChup... Yes, Alpha...for one evening atleast :D
-CanuckAlphaMaleEngineer
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I need... atishoo!!
I'm Strong.!!!!
Seriously.. I am!
I'm not claiming to be able to bench 500lbs or Squat another 700.. but I definitely have at least average strength.
AND I'm not particularly skinny either.. as those of you who've seen me in person will gladly attest to.... so I'm definitely not weak!
Ergo.. I am strong.. at least as strong as the average person..
Now I know what most of you are thinking reading this..."Canuck's finally lost his marbles. The wheel's spinning, but the Hamster's dropped off"
Well, no, This isn't exactly a self-congratulatory post....(those are for Sunday Mornings!). And no, this isn't an attempt to call out attention to the fact that I've been knocking out ten extra pushups every other Sunday, either.... (Scrubs reference, anybody?). =)
The reason I'm ranting like this is because I'm wondering why, if I'm at least as averagely healthy as an average healthy male, do I have the immunity of an ant? If I have the physical traits atleast EQUAL to that of the average male... then why the hell do I contract the damn common cold every single time *any* one in my vicinity has a cold.
Its ridiculous!. .. If I walk within 50 feet of someone who's been within 50 feet of a baby, I get a cold.
If I walk with 50 feet of a hospital or a doctor's office.. I get a cold.
If I walk for 50 feet... I get a cold!!
What is up with that!
Most people perform just fine with a cold. They fight wars, battle for championships, takeover companies, invent & discover and go about their merry life just fine.
Me.. with a cold.. Complete Shut Down Mode
Complete Shut Down Mode, with a thick veil of Self-Pity!
that's when I'm usually moaning and groaning about how tough I have it that I have to deal with a nose that reminds tourists of Niagara..
or how that itch in my throat prevents my splendid baritone from reaching my Roommate when I'm showering..
ah showering.. another casualty of this war against the Cold.
But as I deal with this quite routine catastrophe in the life of the Canuck Engineer, I've come to terms with my bouts of nasal leakage & throatal grunts that could only remind people of harsh animal abuse worthy of SPCA intervention( well, either that, or intense bestiality, whatever floats your boat!!)
But the worst is that along with losing my social couth, when I'm not wiping the snot out of... well.. my snot, I also lose whatever semblance of humor I have left after grinding out those days in Engineering Labs. Ya, check this out.. This was gonna be my hook for this blog today:
"Not only am I strong.. I am also fast.... why you ask? Cuz I can Catch a cold"!!
Yes, exactly.. so why don't you just slap my ass, and call me Alexander Phlegming, I'm outta here!
PS: on second thoughts, no ass slaps please. Not that there's anything wrong with it ;)
Seriously.. I am!
I'm not claiming to be able to bench 500lbs or Squat another 700.. but I definitely have at least average strength.
AND I'm not particularly skinny either.. as those of you who've seen me in person will gladly attest to.... so I'm definitely not weak!
Ergo.. I am strong.. at least as strong as the average person..
Now I know what most of you are thinking reading this..."Canuck's finally lost his marbles. The wheel's spinning, but the Hamster's dropped off"
Well, no, This isn't exactly a self-congratulatory post....(those are for Sunday Mornings!). And no, this isn't an attempt to call out attention to the fact that I've been knocking out ten extra pushups every other Sunday, either.... (Scrubs reference, anybody?). =)
The reason I'm ranting like this is because I'm wondering why, if I'm at least as averagely healthy as an average healthy male, do I have the immunity of an ant? If I have the physical traits atleast EQUAL to that of the average male... then why the hell do I contract the damn common cold every single time *any* one in my vicinity has a cold.
Its ridiculous!. .. If I walk within 50 feet of someone who's been within 50 feet of a baby, I get a cold.
If I walk with 50 feet of a hospital or a doctor's office.. I get a cold.
If I walk for 50 feet... I get a cold!!
What is up with that!
Most people perform just fine with a cold. They fight wars, battle for championships, takeover companies, invent & discover and go about their merry life just fine.
Me.. with a cold.. Complete Shut Down Mode
Complete Shut Down Mode, with a thick veil of Self-Pity!
that's when I'm usually moaning and groaning about how tough I have it that I have to deal with a nose that reminds tourists of Niagara..
or how that itch in my throat prevents my splendid baritone from reaching my Roommate when I'm showering..
ah showering.. another casualty of this war against the Cold.
But as I deal with this quite routine catastrophe in the life of the Canuck Engineer, I've come to terms with my bouts of nasal leakage & throatal grunts that could only remind people of harsh animal abuse worthy of SPCA intervention( well, either that, or intense bestiality, whatever floats your boat!!)
But the worst is that along with losing my social couth, when I'm not wiping the snot out of... well.. my snot, I also lose whatever semblance of humor I have left after grinding out those days in Engineering Labs. Ya, check this out.. This was gonna be my hook for this blog today:
"Not only am I strong.. I am also fast.... why you ask? Cuz I can Catch a cold"!!
Yes, exactly.. so why don't you just slap my ass, and call me Alexander Phlegming, I'm outta here!
PS: on second thoughts, no ass slaps please. Not that there's anything wrong with it ;)
Friday, February 29, 2008
Another Day in Paradise
"So I been meaning to talk to you about something at work"
"Are you taking a vacation anytime soon?"
"Ya maybe, but seriously, we need to discuss a project coming up"
"So whens the bachelor party?"
"My cousin's gettnig married, and you're not invited... But Dude, when are we discussing this project?"
"Vegas? Bellagio?"
"I dunno.. Could be in Canada. I need more resources to get this done. Are you free next month?"
"I'll go if K, V & J come along. I think we'll have a blast"
"So its a deal, you're gonna help me on this project?"
"What Project?"
"the one I've been talking about all week?"
"You lost me at hello!"
"No Doubt"
"Niiiiceee"
"Giggity Giggitttyyy"
"Awwwwwiiiiiigggggggghhhhttt"
And so began another day in Canuck Engineer Land
"Are you taking a vacation anytime soon?"
"Ya maybe, but seriously, we need to discuss a project coming up"
"So whens the bachelor party?"
"My cousin's gettnig married, and you're not invited... But Dude, when are we discussing this project?"
"Vegas? Bellagio?"
"I dunno.. Could be in Canada. I need more resources to get this done. Are you free next month?"
"I'll go if K, V & J come along. I think we'll have a blast"
"So its a deal, you're gonna help me on this project?"
"What Project?"
"the one I've been talking about all week?"
"You lost me at hello!"
"No Doubt"
"Niiiiceee"
"Giggity Giggitttyyy"
"Awwwwwiiiiiigggggggghhhhttt"
And so began another day in Canuck Engineer Land
A Night in The NightLIfe
"So what DOO you do for a living?", asked the young co-ed
"I'm a magician!"
"ya, ok, that's probably your move in clubs like this, but seriously what do you do?"
"You mean, when I'm not a marine?"
"Yes, when you're not performing magic, or being a marine"
"oh y0u mean when the world is not allowed the pleasure of my services.."
"Canuck, can you tell me already, what you do, otherwise I'm walking away from this table, and not paying for you drink"
Now this was a huge threat, because you never wanna turn down a free drink, and since I'd already got a drink and 3 smokes for my friends from her friends, I suppose I shouldn't screw this one up.
"Do you have a cell phone?"
the bitch shield goes up.. her friend says.. "No"
"Really.. You claim you don't have a cell phone in your purse?"
"Ya, I dont' need a cellphone to talk to my friends", said the friend..
Ringgggggg Ringngggggggg
As soon as she said she didnt' own a phone, her phone rang
She looked more sheepish than she could ever imagine.. Victory was mine. The bitch shield was off.
The British chick continued..."So Canuck, are you ever gonna say what you do"
"Yea.. Do you have a cell phone?"
"Of course I do"
"Well, Do you like to talk on it"
"Duhh..what else is a phone good for?"
"Ya.. I only use my phone to answer calls that my friends call me for. What do you use one for?" said the friend with the bitch shield slowly wearing off
"Well, I dunno.. All I do with Cell phones is I make it happen... I make your cell phone work"
"So you're a cell phone dude? are y0u one of those guys at the mall hollering at chicks for cell phones?"
"umm.. ya, I suppose I am a cell phone dude.. but no I dont' work at malls.. Just clubs like this, where i sell you new cell phones"
"But I don't want a new cell phone. I'm happy with this new phone of mine.. I even got a pink case for it"
"Well, if you had a new cell phone, you could call people on Verizon for free"
"Well, I already have Verizon.. Are you on Verizon also? So I could call you, and it wouldnt' cost us. Whats your number?" asked the hot Brit.
Victory was mine. A chick was asking me for digits... AND she was hot!!! And then she and her friend started gazing at each other verrrry lovingly...and then they got closer...
BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
I woke up. with a start.. The damn alarm clock said.. ."9:48" The dot on the AM was on.
I was late for my 10 am meeting!
and so another day started. Nice Dream.... and late to a meeting..
This is the life...for the Canuck Engineer.
"I'm a magician!"
"ya, ok, that's probably your move in clubs like this, but seriously what do you do?"
"You mean, when I'm not a marine?"
"Yes, when you're not performing magic, or being a marine"
"oh y0u mean when the world is not allowed the pleasure of my services.."
"Canuck, can you tell me already, what you do, otherwise I'm walking away from this table, and not paying for you drink"
Now this was a huge threat, because you never wanna turn down a free drink, and since I'd already got a drink and 3 smokes for my friends from her friends, I suppose I shouldn't screw this one up.
"Do you have a cell phone?"
the bitch shield goes up.. her friend says.. "No"
"Really.. You claim you don't have a cell phone in your purse?"
"Ya, I dont' need a cellphone to talk to my friends", said the friend..
Ringgggggg Ringngggggggg
As soon as she said she didnt' own a phone, her phone rang
She looked more sheepish than she could ever imagine.. Victory was mine. The bitch shield was off.
The British chick continued..."So Canuck, are you ever gonna say what you do"
"Yea.. Do you have a cell phone?"
"Of course I do"
"Well, Do you like to talk on it"
"Duhh..what else is a phone good for?"
"Ya.. I only use my phone to answer calls that my friends call me for. What do you use one for?" said the friend with the bitch shield slowly wearing off
"Well, I dunno.. All I do with Cell phones is I make it happen... I make your cell phone work"
"So you're a cell phone dude? are y0u one of those guys at the mall hollering at chicks for cell phones?"
"umm.. ya, I suppose I am a cell phone dude.. but no I dont' work at malls.. Just clubs like this, where i sell you new cell phones"
"But I don't want a new cell phone. I'm happy with this new phone of mine.. I even got a pink case for it"
"Well, if you had a new cell phone, you could call people on Verizon for free"
"Well, I already have Verizon.. Are you on Verizon also? So I could call you, and it wouldnt' cost us. Whats your number?" asked the hot Brit.
Victory was mine. A chick was asking me for digits... AND she was hot!!! And then she and her friend started gazing at each other verrrry lovingly...and then they got closer...
BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
I woke up. with a start.. The damn alarm clock said.. ."9:48" The dot on the AM was on.
I was late for my 10 am meeting!
and so another day started. Nice Dream.... and late to a meeting..
This is the life...for the Canuck Engineer.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Stacey's Mom
She's got it going on.
lol.. for those of you wondering where I suddenly got this new found appreciation for older women... relax.. if you don't know that song by Fountains of Wayne, know it now...its been in my head all day!!
lol.. for those of you wondering where I suddenly got this new found appreciation for older women... relax.. if you don't know that song by Fountains of Wayne, know it now...its been in my head all day!!
We is almost a year old!
Its almost a year since CanuckEngineer started. Sure the posting has been sporadic, but it would never have happened had I not gotten my wisdom teeth pulled one fine morning in March, and get Vicodin'd out of my mind. For the next few days, all i did was stay at home, pop the pills and blog on this site. I suppose you can say.. I'll always have that March OD on painkillers...
That got me thinking. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of such few-day or few month instances which in their own way were more than significant in the life of the Canuck Engineer.
I'll always have:
I also learn to not ask questions during ER or Prison Break. If you do, the first time you'll be ignored. The second time, you'll be shushed. The third time, the DVR will be paused, and you'll get a strong bitchslap from your roommate.
Don't take calls during dinner at North 44. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from your date and you could get replaced by the waiter
Do please the non-baseball fan with an icecream to distract them while you watch Roy Halladay pitch. If you don't, your ER favors from above will be returned in kind.
Don't assume you have car-fixing skills and that your can paint/reattach your side view mirrors on your car. If you do, you will fail.. and have to sell your car off in the next couple of weeks.
Don't speed during speedtraps at the US/Canadian border. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the cop waiting for you in the median.
and finally, don't assume that a prix fix menu makes it affordable for you to take 6 people out for dinner. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the gay server when you do a doubletake on the cheque..
Well, them was some good months....Most of you will have a strong "WTF" while reading this, so the next time I'm giving thanks, I'll bring to you my experiences with dem cops right thurr.
-Canuck Engineer
That got me thinking. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of such few-day or few month instances which in their own way were more than significant in the life of the Canuck Engineer.
I'll always have:
- Bomber Night
- IRS... when we earned that Iron Ring!
I also learn to not ask questions during ER or Prison Break. If you do, the first time you'll be ignored. The second time, you'll be shushed. The third time, the DVR will be paused, and you'll get a strong bitchslap from your roommate.
- the 5-course meal
- GradBall
Don't take calls during dinner at North 44. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from your date and you could get replaced by the waiter
- CindyBear
- Jays game in the Rain.....
Do please the non-baseball fan with an icecream to distract them while you watch Roy Halladay pitch. If you don't, your ER favors from above will be returned in kind.
- "That First Sale"
- Sassafras
Don't assume you have car-fixing skills and that your can paint/reattach your side view mirrors on your car. If you do, you will fail.. and have to sell your car off in the next couple of weeks.
- The GO Train Doors
- XLR for the birthday weekend
Don't speed during speedtraps at the US/Canadian border. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the cop waiting for you in the median.
- Altoids
- "WoF"
and finally, don't assume that a prix fix menu makes it affordable for you to take 6 people out for dinner. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the gay server when you do a doubletake on the cheque..
Well, them was some good months....Most of you will have a strong "WTF" while reading this, so the next time I'm giving thanks, I'll bring to you my experiences with dem cops right thurr.
-Canuck Engineer
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Squiggly Line
Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.
I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision.
I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision.
But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Good Night, Selfish.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Good Night, Selfish.
Bottle Wise, TableSpoon Foolish
Congratulations. You have passed your mission.
The following details may interest you.
Tequila: Jose Cuervo Gold
Quantity: 2 Tbsps
Location: Same Ol' Bar & Grill
Time: 8:30pm..
Please leave a comment of confirmation. Fare Thee Well!
-The Canuck Engineer
The following details may interest you.
Tequila: Jose Cuervo Gold
Quantity: 2 Tbsps
Location: Same Ol' Bar & Grill
Time: 8:30pm..
Please leave a comment of confirmation. Fare Thee Well!
-The Canuck Engineer
Sunday, February 10, 2008
He Said, She Said
There aint nothing common between a male mind and that of a female.. Nothing..
As a direct corollary from that, men and women have different definitions for most things...
Some classics of course are..
Female: "I have a headache"
Translation: "You behaved like an ass over dinner, and I'm cutting you off for a while"
Male: "I have a headache"
Translation: "My favorite team lost today. I'm going to sleep.... but i'll still have time for a quickie!"
Female: "Its not you, its me!"
Translation: "Its you!"
Male: "I'm just going golfing"
Translation: "I can barely swing a club. I just want to get away from my wife.. and the kids.. and the chores....even if just for a few hours.."
But then there's the sense of timing that varies drastically between men and women..
A woman saying "I'm late" can cause untold effects on men, symptoms including jaw dropping, butt clenching, sever choking & asphyxiation, and usually uncontrolled sobbing.. Sometimes, all of the above.
A Man saying "I'm late" would usually be met by the response "About friggin time you showed up, Canuck!"
I was reading a blog the other day, about how women may consider a couple of months without a boyfriend an eternity. Yet I'm sure there are men in this world with dry spells that would make the Sahara jealous.
If a bunch of girls at a party say "they're tired", its usually that they're bored. If a bunch of attractive men were to appear in their eyeline, they'd likely outstay the rest of the party-ers.
If however a guy at a party says "I'm tired", it just means that there is a sausage overload at that party, all of them trying to game the lone girl who showed up. He's just cutting his losses and licking his wounds.
When the Canuck Engineer says "I'm tired", it just means he's finding an excuse to be home to play his newly acquired Wii. :)
As a direct corollary from that, men and women have different definitions for most things...
Some classics of course are..
Female: "I have a headache"
Translation: "You behaved like an ass over dinner, and I'm cutting you off for a while"
Male: "I have a headache"
Translation: "My favorite team lost today. I'm going to sleep.... but i'll still have time for a quickie!"
Female: "Its not you, its me!"
Translation: "Its you!"
Male: "I'm just going golfing"
Translation: "I can barely swing a club. I just want to get away from my wife.. and the kids.. and the chores....even if just for a few hours.."
But then there's the sense of timing that varies drastically between men and women..
A woman saying "I'm late" can cause untold effects on men, symptoms including jaw dropping, butt clenching, sever choking & asphyxiation, and usually uncontrolled sobbing.. Sometimes, all of the above.
A Man saying "I'm late" would usually be met by the response "About friggin time you showed up, Canuck!"
I was reading a blog the other day, about how women may consider a couple of months without a boyfriend an eternity. Yet I'm sure there are men in this world with dry spells that would make the Sahara jealous.
If a bunch of girls at a party say "they're tired", its usually that they're bored. If a bunch of attractive men were to appear in their eyeline, they'd likely outstay the rest of the party-ers.
If however a guy at a party says "I'm tired", it just means that there is a sausage overload at that party, all of them trying to game the lone girl who showed up. He's just cutting his losses and licking his wounds.
When the Canuck Engineer says "I'm tired", it just means he's finding an excuse to be home to play his newly acquired Wii. :)
The Klawny Post
I was at my man Klawny's the other day, and we were discussing the Christmas break, and the recent uneventfulness after the New Years.
Klawny : "ya, its been quiet for over a month now"
Canuck: "dude, you were on vacation for the longest time. Whenchu get back?"
Klawny: "January 4th. I came on the 4th. Its been a month already!"
Canuck: "Dry Spell huh!"
For the usually quick-witted Klawny, he spent an eternity mulling that one before catching the impish grin on my face, and going for the obvious reference. It was interesting, because for the number of such digs that I take at him, one of the few joyous past times of mine, he has retorted back to an unusually high percentage.
Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been subjected to my single-tracked sense of what most would rank second only to potty humor, for over a month.
Perhaps, it was the consumption of all that Vodka mixed in a vat of Blue Curacao. We were after all at the "Official Cock-tail Party", sans any tail.. so you can tell what it mostly was :).. Oh by the way, We did order some good pizza.
Speaking of Meat-Lovers, Klawny takes enough shots at himself in his own rant page, which I find an amusing read. I especially look forward to occasions he reacquaints with his pet spider.
Sometimes the tone is a tad more sombre.. But I'm not worried. When life gives Klawny lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Klawny f'kin hates Lemonade!
-CanuckEngineer, Founding Member, Fans United against the Castigation of Klawny.
Klawny : "ya, its been quiet for over a month now"
Canuck: "dude, you were on vacation for the longest time. Whenchu get back?"
Klawny: "January 4th. I came on the 4th. Its been a month already!"
Canuck: "Dry Spell huh!"
For the usually quick-witted Klawny, he spent an eternity mulling that one before catching the impish grin on my face, and going for the obvious reference. It was interesting, because for the number of such digs that I take at him, one of the few joyous past times of mine, he has retorted back to an unusually high percentage.
Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been subjected to my single-tracked sense of what most would rank second only to potty humor, for over a month.
Perhaps, it was the consumption of all that Vodka mixed in a vat of Blue Curacao. We were after all at the "Official Cock-tail Party", sans any tail.. so you can tell what it mostly was :).. Oh by the way, We did order some good pizza.
Speaking of Meat-Lovers, Klawny takes enough shots at himself in his own rant page, which I find an amusing read. I especially look forward to occasions he reacquaints with his pet spider.
Sometimes the tone is a tad more sombre.. But I'm not worried. When life gives Klawny lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Klawny f'kin hates Lemonade!
-CanuckEngineer, Founding Member, Fans United against the Castigation of Klawny.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Canuck Dr. Phil
It was a cold December afternoon, down in Sunny SoCal, when I saw an OOO email from Beeks, stating he was flying out for his marriage, and won't be back for about 4 weeks. I panicked... "O Dang, I betta try to call him, I still haven't wished him luck.. God Knows every man needs that!".
ring ring ring
"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"
"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"
"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."
"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"
"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.
"I can tell you this conversation blows"
"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"
"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."
"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."
"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"
I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "
"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..
"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."
"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..
"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."
"Uh why not, Canuck?"
"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"
"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".
Now it was my turn to ignore him..
"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"
I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...
"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"
sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...
You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."
"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"
"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"
lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..
"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"
Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....
"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!
static... white... .noise..
Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)
ring ring ring
"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"
"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"
"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."
"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"
"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.
"I can tell you this conversation blows"
"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"
"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."
"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."
"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"
I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "
"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..
"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."
"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..
"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."
"Uh why not, Canuck?"
"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"
"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".
Now it was my turn to ignore him..
"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"
I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...
"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"
sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...
You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."
"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"
"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"
lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..
"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"
Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....
"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!
static... white... .noise..
Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)
The Insomniac Post
Yes, I know its been a while since I've posted anything. But I'm gonna start updating this blog frequently. I've just been on vacations the past couple of months, and haven't really been in the Blogzone. But got a few stories to tell, so stay tuned over the next few weeks. I already posted a few recently:)
and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P
And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.
Night Night!
and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P
And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.
Night Night!
Double Parked, Double Booked?
"Its a bbq.. just bring your appetite. yes, I know Canuck, that you will..." My man, Beeks, says in his email. The latest one to get married in our group, Beeks wanted to introduce his fiance to his So Cal crew... It was a Saturday afternoon BBQ-at-the-Park, but I had said I'd be delayed due to other commitments.
My football team was out supporting the Girls' tournament that Saturday. We were supposed to have had our tournament the week before, but due to rain and ground conditions, it got posponed.... yes, unfortunate indeed, because in the scrimmage that ensued, I came out sans the use of my finger. If it had been the tournament, atleast I coulda claimed it was a Wound O' War.... Oh well.
Anyways, the girls team did exceptionally well, and definitely beat my expectations when they reached the finals of the tournament. it was a great performance, but alas, it had lasted until well past 5pm that day.. As soon as the game was over, I made like a banana and split to catch whatever remained of the BBQ.... (Did I mention that i was staaahvin?) Of course, it took me about 30 minutes to get out cause some yahoo had decided to double park right next to my car.... of course!!!
By the time I arrived, it was dark already and the crowd had gathered around the grill to toast their hands like they were marshmallows. "ah Canuck... about friggin time Your Highness got here..."... where the hell were you...?"
I told them.
my man Klowny wouldn't let this chance go. "You were Cheeeerleaaading???????"
"No, I was 'supporting' our girls team"
"So how does it feel to be a male cheerleader?", he continued.
"I was NOT cheerleading.. i was cheering them on so they would return the favor at our game"
"What, so they would return their pom poms to you?"
sigh...This was not an arguement I was gonna win.. Nor a battle I wanted to contest. Beeks to the rescue, introducing to me his newlywed better half..... and yes.. literally.. Half :)
"Thanks for calling me before I flew out for my wedding man", continued Beeks.
"hey man.. i'm glad I caught you just in time.. Besides, I can claim I was the last person to wish you luck for the future"... beamed I.... I'd given up on being the first or the best at anything a long time ago.. Now I just took pride in maximizing the things I could be the last to do.
"Ya, bro.. Thanks for the call...and those Marriage Tips."
My mind flashed back to that afternoon in December .. an afternoon, when I was The Canuck Dr. Phil... not just... the Canuck Engineer..
My football team was out supporting the Girls' tournament that Saturday. We were supposed to have had our tournament the week before, but due to rain and ground conditions, it got posponed.... yes, unfortunate indeed, because in the scrimmage that ensued, I came out sans the use of my finger. If it had been the tournament, atleast I coulda claimed it was a Wound O' War.... Oh well.
Anyways, the girls team did exceptionally well, and definitely beat my expectations when they reached the finals of the tournament. it was a great performance, but alas, it had lasted until well past 5pm that day.. As soon as the game was over, I made like a banana and split to catch whatever remained of the BBQ.... (Did I mention that i was staaahvin?) Of course, it took me about 30 minutes to get out cause some yahoo had decided to double park right next to my car.... of course!!!
By the time I arrived, it was dark already and the crowd had gathered around the grill to toast their hands like they were marshmallows. "ah Canuck... about friggin time Your Highness got here..."... where the hell were you...?"
I told them.
my man Klowny wouldn't let this chance go. "You were Cheeeerleaaading???????"
"No, I was 'supporting' our girls team"
"So how does it feel to be a male cheerleader?", he continued.
"I was NOT cheerleading.. i was cheering them on so they would return the favor at our game"
"What, so they would return their pom poms to you?"
sigh...This was not an arguement I was gonna win.. Nor a battle I wanted to contest. Beeks to the rescue, introducing to me his newlywed better half..... and yes.. literally.. Half :)
"Thanks for calling me before I flew out for my wedding man", continued Beeks.
"hey man.. i'm glad I caught you just in time.. Besides, I can claim I was the last person to wish you luck for the future"... beamed I.... I'd given up on being the first or the best at anything a long time ago.. Now I just took pride in maximizing the things I could be the last to do.
"Ya, bro.. Thanks for the call...and those Marriage Tips."
My mind flashed back to that afternoon in December .. an afternoon, when I was The Canuck Dr. Phil... not just... the Canuck Engineer..
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Do Unto Others...
The world's a comic convention! My typical email this past week:
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
Had a Bad Day?
I was about to whine about day at work.. after all the original name of this blog was going to be Engineering Rant... But then I saw this video..... compilation of many bad days at work..
Pirates of the Car-ibean?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Super Tuesday
Its Polling Day around here.. and the Elections Fever is in the air. I'm going to bother anyone with my views on these Primaries.. but I think this picture might be topical.. if a bit crass :)
Million to One Shot ?
"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. Feel free to read a magazine". I'm in an urgent care facility, hoping to get my finger x-rayed after my latest football injury.
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Swollen Members
"You alright, Canuck?" asks my O-line mate.
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Who started the Fire?
Its been 7 years since the last tech bubble..a time when fortunately I wasn't in the market. Back then everyone claimed a 30/20 hindsight..."Oh how could you not have seen the bubble.. it was so obvious..."
O'rly?
How about this time around?
O'rly?
How about this time around?
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