I just logged onto my Orkut account.. and on there..
Today's fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly
In the words of Borat.... NYYYYCEEEEEEEE!!!!!
With that I'm off to Vegas..
EYYYEEEE LAAIKKKKEEEEE!!!!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Does Length Matter? :)
"Would you not date someone shorter than you?"
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Light of Darkness
The flames go on, the bushes dry yet deep,
I am reminded of all the promises I'm yet to keep
Yet as I stare at those mountains and canyons ablaze
watching as the fireballs crackle through my gaze
listening to the voice of reason asking us to flee
I'm left wondering if this was how I wanted it to be
Its time for high tea and I have no desire for even a scone
I am one to enjoy a rack of lamb, but I'm still dining alone
I stare into the burning red sky, gazing into the hue
I realize a little too late, buttefly, all I ever wanted was you.
-Light of Darkness
The Missing Link!
Who understands women? Freud sure as hell died trying muttering the words that would inspire the title of a Mel Gibson flick "What do Women Want?"
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Magellan - The Navigational Genius
The morning after my famous trek in a suit, right after the company party, I mapquested our route.
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
The Radar lies within...
Last week, I attended the company party. I added the period for effect. For all the things the company I work for can't do, they sure know how to throw a good party once a year... and that's the bone all of us mignons work for all year around.
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
Friday, September 14, 2007
How a Millionaire’s Brain Works
http://www.fortunewatch.com/how-a-millionaires-brain-works/
A man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Philippines on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.
Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″.
The millionaire replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”
Well thats how the rich stay rich, they know a lot more about Money Management. All the millionaires I have met in my life were penny wise. Look after your cents and the Dollars will look after themselves.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
The Saturday Afternoon tidbit
Last few days have been pretty intense on the alcohol consumption scale... also, on the sleep deprivation scale. Woke up today, pretty sore from the activities of this week, not the least a result of the ridiculously heavy work hours lately.
And thus I awoke, inspired by my late afternoon readings of classy magazines for deadbeat men. Here's the latest rib-tickler:
Q. What's the difference between Kinky and Perverted?
A. When you're Kinky, you use a feather. When you're perverted, you use the whole chicken !
Classy!
Now that I have my 1% inspiration, its time for the 99% perspiration. And with the recent heatwave in this city, there's a chance I might actually get there!
And thus I awoke, inspired by my late afternoon readings of classy magazines for deadbeat men. Here's the latest rib-tickler:
Q. What's the difference between Kinky and Perverted?
A. When you're Kinky, you use a feather. When you're perverted, you use the whole chicken !
Classy!
Now that I have my 1% inspiration, its time for the 99% perspiration. And with the recent heatwave in this city, there's a chance I might actually get there!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Of Murphy & Hypocrates!
"and God said, Let there be light: and there was light."
....and then Murphy said, let that light be a train coming in your direction!
Its how I've felt lately. Every victory has been the beginning of a big fall. Light at the end of every tunnel has been a Bullet train rushing back. Its just been busy... work and outside of that.
Which is why I'm updating this blog at 4 in the AM. No, I'm not a serial killer.. I don't know why people equate that with staying up late. and no, I'm not intoxicated... well, maybe a smidgeon.. but whats a few pints between friends.. and bloggers :)
so did you hear the one about the two antennas? yeah, the wedding was alright, but the reception was fantastic..... !!!!!!!
Thank you.. great show tonight! Tonight's topic is hypocrisy.
So, Facebook is at an all time popularity high.. I'm on it.
Orkut seems quite popular too.. I'm on it
Hi5, the original... reasonably popular.. most of my friends are on it
Friendster.. the original facebook... most of my friends are on it.
all these tools to keep in touch with all our "friends" and "classmates" & "colleagues". and we do a damned good job of hanging out online.. .yet, most of the contact online tends to be with people who you end up seeing on a weekly basis anyway..
So, in this wireless world without borders... we know our "friends" across multiple continents, but how many of us know our neighbours?
don't look at me.. I know mine.. they contacted me last week, at 2am, when we were causing too much ruckus at my place. So, Hypocrates, don't look at me... I'm not who you're looking for... hey....I'm just The Canuck Engineer
....and then Murphy said, let that light be a train coming in your direction!
Its how I've felt lately. Every victory has been the beginning of a big fall. Light at the end of every tunnel has been a Bullet train rushing back. Its just been busy... work and outside of that.
Which is why I'm updating this blog at 4 in the AM. No, I'm not a serial killer.. I don't know why people equate that with staying up late. and no, I'm not intoxicated... well, maybe a smidgeon.. but whats a few pints between friends.. and bloggers :)
so did you hear the one about the two antennas? yeah, the wedding was alright, but the reception was fantastic..... !!!!!!!
Thank you.. great show tonight! Tonight's topic is hypocrisy.
So, Facebook is at an all time popularity high.. I'm on it.
Orkut seems quite popular too.. I'm on it
Hi5, the original... reasonably popular.. most of my friends are on it
Friendster.. the original facebook... most of my friends are on it.
all these tools to keep in touch with all our "friends" and "classmates" & "colleagues". and we do a damned good job of hanging out online.. .yet, most of the contact online tends to be with people who you end up seeing on a weekly basis anyway..
So, in this wireless world without borders... we know our "friends" across multiple continents, but how many of us know our neighbours?
don't look at me.. I know mine.. they contacted me last week, at 2am, when we were causing too much ruckus at my place. So, Hypocrates, don't look at me... I'm not who you're looking for... hey....I'm just The Canuck Engineer
A Pack of Smokes!
"So your blog is nice, but its so long" says the lady..
"take away the first part..and you got what she said"..say I, with a mischevious glance.
Boys will be boys.. even when they turn well beyond middle aged. Me... I'll always have the kid in me........ "that's what R Kelly said"... oh no!!!!
"So why is that you haven't updated it in the longest time", again the lady enquired.
This is like an FBI interrogation..except that instead of a big black guy wearing latex gloves, I have a young lady in my car asking me these questions. We're on our way to grab some sustenance... by that I mean, I'm going to grab some food, she's going to essentially watch, and my friends in the other car will do something in the middle...
Not really sure on how to answer that question. It isn't the first time since March that I've been asked that. Different variants of that have made it through by email, text and phone calls. An example has been "yo, your blogs pretty funny.. too bad it was just a one time thing".
NO! it wasn't.. its supposed to be an ongoing thing, except that i've let life's other vices get to me. Was it the extremely busy schedule at work that involved me working wee hours into the morning, including a dubious all-nighter? Check. Was it the co-ordination of an event on stage that was in shambles until the last minute, when we collectively managed to rescue it? Check. Or was it just that somewhere along the line, I just lost the motivation to write down my thoughts, and subject my acquaintances to my miseries? Bingo .. we have a winner!
"I don't know.. I guess I've just been busy" I half-truthed...."But I hope to start updating it again, now that you've brought it up"
"Yea, maybe you should.. Even since Law & Order, SVU cancelled its latest season, primetime TV just doesnt' cut it." said the girl.. I'm gonna refer to her as Smokes. No, she isn't a chain smoker, or a fire-swallower. Lets just say that SVU as a show rocks, and Smokes fits the description for reasons obvious to people in the know. I will never know :)
" Well, I write when I'm inspired.. which I suppose is when you dance"
"Umm .. I dance when I feel like.. not when you're inspired"
Sigh... suppose a stupid question.. suppose a smart ass answer
Smokes continues...."I have siblings who are way older than me. So I grew up in my own world, hanging out by myself, where I was the queen and the princess.. .the duckling and the swan....dancing in my own land, for myself.. and for my man.... my knight in shining armor"..
What would M. Night Shyamalan say?...... nope too cheesy.
Now, I can see DB#2 getting excited at the prospect if dancing for a man, sorry bud, it ain't quite like that. Smokes is clearly one of the most talented artists I've met, and she gave me a clue to where here talent came from.
"Well, I hope you continue the art... I know a lot of us contemplated a light when we saw that dance.... and we're all non-smokers"
"Aww shucks"... Smokes turned red-faced
There you have it though.... some of us work for ourselves..some for The Man....I guess some of us dance for ourselves...some for Some man....
In the world of analogies in the sea, it's interesting how we see a boat.. a mechanism for going from where you are to where you want to be... . Some see it as a rescue device for where you're drowning. Others treat is a vacation device, for when you're just surfing :) . Some think the boat is calling, other's wonder if they missed the boat altogether...Me... I can't sink nor swim... why do I need a boat.. I'm just the blogger.. I'm just The Canuck Engineer
"take away the first part..and you got what she said"..say I, with a mischevious glance.
Boys will be boys.. even when they turn well beyond middle aged. Me... I'll always have the kid in me........ "that's what R Kelly said"... oh no!!!!
"So why is that you haven't updated it in the longest time", again the lady enquired.
This is like an FBI interrogation..except that instead of a big black guy wearing latex gloves, I have a young lady in my car asking me these questions. We're on our way to grab some sustenance... by that I mean, I'm going to grab some food, she's going to essentially watch, and my friends in the other car will do something in the middle...
Not really sure on how to answer that question. It isn't the first time since March that I've been asked that. Different variants of that have made it through by email, text and phone calls. An example has been "yo, your blogs pretty funny.. too bad it was just a one time thing".
NO! it wasn't.. its supposed to be an ongoing thing, except that i've let life's other vices get to me. Was it the extremely busy schedule at work that involved me working wee hours into the morning, including a dubious all-nighter? Check. Was it the co-ordination of an event on stage that was in shambles until the last minute, when we collectively managed to rescue it? Check. Or was it just that somewhere along the line, I just lost the motivation to write down my thoughts, and subject my acquaintances to my miseries? Bingo .. we have a winner!
"I don't know.. I guess I've just been busy" I half-truthed...."But I hope to start updating it again, now that you've brought it up"
"Yea, maybe you should.. Even since Law & Order, SVU cancelled its latest season, primetime TV just doesnt' cut it." said the girl.. I'm gonna refer to her as Smokes. No, she isn't a chain smoker, or a fire-swallower. Lets just say that SVU as a show rocks, and Smokes fits the description for reasons obvious to people in the know. I will never know :)
" Well, I write when I'm inspired.. which I suppose is when you dance"
"Umm .. I dance when I feel like.. not when you're inspired"
Sigh... suppose a stupid question.. suppose a smart ass answer
Smokes continues...."I have siblings who are way older than me. So I grew up in my own world, hanging out by myself, where I was the queen and the princess.. .the duckling and the swan....dancing in my own land, for myself.. and for my man.... my knight in shining armor"..
What would M. Night Shyamalan say?...... nope too cheesy.
Now, I can see DB#2 getting excited at the prospect if dancing for a man, sorry bud, it ain't quite like that. Smokes is clearly one of the most talented artists I've met, and she gave me a clue to where here talent came from.
"Well, I hope you continue the art... I know a lot of us contemplated a light when we saw that dance.... and we're all non-smokers"
"Aww shucks"... Smokes turned red-faced
There you have it though.... some of us work for ourselves..some for The Man....I guess some of us dance for ourselves...some for Some man....
In the world of analogies in the sea, it's interesting how we see a boat.. a mechanism for going from where you are to where you want to be... . Some see it as a rescue device for where you're drowning. Others treat is a vacation device, for when you're just surfing :) . Some think the boat is calling, other's wonder if they missed the boat altogether...Me... I can't sink nor swim... why do I need a boat.. I'm just the blogger.. I'm just The Canuck Engineer
Monday, August 20, 2007
Of Cadillacs and Escalades!
"Table for three please", I said..lying about the number in the party. It was two actually......but there is no heterosexual way to ask a beautiful hostess for a table for 2 guys... not when you're a guy :)
"We're a bit busy right now.. Bar good for you until a table opens up?" said the hostess.
"Yeah, sure, it works....", said I, relieved as I walked towards the bar with DB#2. DB#2, introduced as one of my co-workers early in this blog, has lately earned his name even more.
"DB", he says to me, "what's the call tonight?"
"I'ma stick to my Escalade. This place rocks those Margarita's like nobody's bizness" say I, as we chance ourselves upon a recently cleared booth in the restaurant area. I guess we're gonna get seated in the restaurant after all
Score! and the waitress walks by right at that point... "why don't you guys have a seat, and I'll come by in a minute.. Do you guys want anything to drink?"
DB#2 jumps at that "I'll have an Apple-tini...heavy on the Apple, light on the Tini"....
The waitress writes it down.. suppressing her smile
"I'll have the Escalade please", I chuckle.
"Escalade? whats that?" the perplexed server squeals.
"Escalade!.. its a large Cadillac. in fact, its the largest Cadillac" my smile growing bigger.
"Stop! Are you guys pulling my leg cuz I'm blonde?" server speaketh.
lol.. that's awesome, I think to myself.
"Nope, we've ordered it in the past. Cancel the 'tini, I'll take one of those actually", chimes in DB#2.
"Ok, I'm gonna go ask the bartender, and if its not a real drink, I'm gonna hunt you guys down", smiles our server, to DB#2, enjoying a little lighthearted moment at the end of her shift.
"Yea, sure... and If you need it, I know where he lives. The judge asked him to let the entire neighborhood know when he moved in", I quip.
This is one of my favorite lines of all time. Usually most people don't get it quite then. But they laugh it off, with a confused look. and then it dawns on them.. and their expression changes for a short second. Absolute devestation. and then of course, they see the humour in there. I love watching the expressions change..and that's what I did to our server too.
She caught on quite soon though. She chuckled that comment away,
"Do you guys do this all the time?" the server says, now realizing our whole act.
"Since 2005, tormenting servers far and wide!", we both chuckle. Our server's cool. She's earned her tip already.
We get our drinks, and clink our glasses. Its been busy at work lately, some liquor after work is a welcome break. I sip the margarita, marvelling, enviously, at the life of the worm that may have resided in that bottle of Tequila, from which my drink was made.
I smile at the fact that I'm envious of a worm! Maybe I am a worm at heart... Maybe I am ..The Canuck Engineer
"We're a bit busy right now.. Bar good for you until a table opens up?" said the hostess.
"Yeah, sure, it works....", said I, relieved as I walked towards the bar with DB#2. DB#2, introduced as one of my co-workers early in this blog, has lately earned his name even more.
"DB", he says to me, "what's the call tonight?"
"I'ma stick to my Escalade. This place rocks those Margarita's like nobody's bizness" say I, as we chance ourselves upon a recently cleared booth in the restaurant area. I guess we're gonna get seated in the restaurant after all
Score! and the waitress walks by right at that point... "why don't you guys have a seat, and I'll come by in a minute.. Do you guys want anything to drink?"
DB#2 jumps at that "I'll have an Apple-tini...heavy on the Apple, light on the Tini"....
The waitress writes it down.. suppressing her smile
"I'll have the Escalade please", I chuckle.
"Escalade? whats that?" the perplexed server squeals.
"Escalade!.. its a large Cadillac. in fact, its the largest Cadillac" my smile growing bigger.
"Stop! Are you guys pulling my leg cuz I'm blonde?" server speaketh.
lol.. that's awesome, I think to myself.
"Nope, we've ordered it in the past. Cancel the 'tini, I'll take one of those actually", chimes in DB#2.
"Ok, I'm gonna go ask the bartender, and if its not a real drink, I'm gonna hunt you guys down", smiles our server, to DB#2, enjoying a little lighthearted moment at the end of her shift.
"Yea, sure... and If you need it, I know where he lives. The judge asked him to let the entire neighborhood know when he moved in", I quip.
This is one of my favorite lines of all time. Usually most people don't get it quite then. But they laugh it off, with a confused look. and then it dawns on them.. and their expression changes for a short second. Absolute devestation. and then of course, they see the humour in there. I love watching the expressions change..and that's what I did to our server too.
She caught on quite soon though. She chuckled that comment away,
"Do you guys do this all the time?" the server says, now realizing our whole act.
"Since 2005, tormenting servers far and wide!", we both chuckle. Our server's cool. She's earned her tip already.
We get our drinks, and clink our glasses. Its been busy at work lately, some liquor after work is a welcome break. I sip the margarita, marvelling, enviously, at the life of the worm that may have resided in that bottle of Tequila, from which my drink was made.
I smile at the fact that I'm envious of a worm! Maybe I am a worm at heart... Maybe I am ..The Canuck Engineer
The World's a Stage..
All the world's a stage
and all men and women merely players...
Truer words may never have been spoken.. or written, as the great Bard Shakespeare once did. In spite of this huge production that we all involuntarily seem to be a part of, a lot of us like to voluntarily be part of a production to be delivered on stage. Whether its film, theatre, music or a combination, way too often the players don't pay attention to the next line in this great poem..
They have their exits and their entrances...
The Canuck Engineer was recently involved in a small part of a big event all being performed on stage. Now, by "involved", I don't mean how Tom and Katie are involved. I wasn't jumping on no couches on a talk show.. although I was seated on a couch as part of a make believe Talk Show that I was hosting. Great Segue, I know, but that's a whole different post.
Having been involved in about 3 productions in the past year and a half, and having sat through a couple more, I'm listing a few things that productions should not have...ie cases where the players should know their exits and entrances :)
You might be part of a poor production if:
- The Host of the show and the EmCee of the show are two different people
- All the Microphones have a range limited to a 3 square foot area on one end of the stage.
- That end of the stage is not lit...and the mikes squeal because they're too close to the speakers
- The EmCee of the show promises that the show "will get better in the next few hours"
- The Show lasts for the next few hours!
- The EmCee begs the audience to return after the intermission.
- The audience starts applauding midway through the performance of an artist in an attempt to get him to end the segment
- If the artist takes the above to be appreciation, and further elongates his act!
- The Emcee starts making shadow puppets on stage, in order to while away the time!
- For the end credits, the Host asks for "The talent to appear on stage"... all the participants look around confused trying to figure out who the stage manager is referring to!
- When you exit the theatre, you have escort service flyers clipped to your windshield wipers!
fyi, none of the above is fiction. All of it happened as part of a couple of productions that went down recently. well almost all of it. The escort flyers weren't exactly clipped to my car when I came out of the theatre, I had to steal them off another car's wipers !!
After all, I AM the Canuck Engineer!
Who's the boss?
When the human body was first made, all the parts wanted to be " The Boss."
The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while The Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the Story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
Corporate Lessons
Musing #1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Corporate Lesson#1
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. !!!
Musing #2
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
Bull : "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Corporate Lesson#2
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Musings
Like I mentioned earlier, I've been swamped at work. I'd love to do this all day, but it takes a computer and DSL connection for me to update my blog. For me to support those things, I sorta have to go to work and earn my paycheque. Every six months, they pretend to review me and thrown a nickel my way. Its that time again, maybe they'll reward my hardwork and toss a dime my way this time around.. and no, I did not mean dime bag. Yes, I know I'm a Canuck, we're not all potheads :)
All this work stuff had me reminiscing about the days when the Internet was new, and forwarded emails were the rage. Remember all those emails which Bill Gates was tracking and would pay you $5 for each forward? How about the one about the kidneys getting mysteriously removed? And of course the famous Nigerian Prince who wanted to give you a few billion to help him out. ah, those were the days.
In between those forwards, there were a couple of pretty funny ones. Given the time of the year, I thought sharing some of these might be appropriate. Note that, while this blog is usually all original content, the next couple of posts are attributed to anonymous wisemen. Men who were wise and funny...a far cry from me.. The Canuck Engineer
All this work stuff had me reminiscing about the days when the Internet was new, and forwarded emails were the rage. Remember all those emails which Bill Gates was tracking and would pay you $5 for each forward? How about the one about the kidneys getting mysteriously removed? And of course the famous Nigerian Prince who wanted to give you a few billion to help him out. ah, those were the days.
In between those forwards, there were a couple of pretty funny ones. Given the time of the year, I thought sharing some of these might be appropriate. Note that, while this blog is usually all original content, the next couple of posts are attributed to anonymous wisemen. Men who were wise and funny...a far cry from me.. The Canuck Engineer
Back for Good!
its been a while since I updated this blog.. Sorta got caught up at work, and did this one other event. Between the two of them, I barely had time to breathe.. my laundry hasn't been done since then either.. yes, I own a tonne of underwear.
I'm also half-kidding. I have been swamped over the past few months, and I've been meaning to update the blog, it just hasn't happened though. Its gonna happen now :)
I'm also half-kidding. I have been swamped over the past few months, and I've been meaning to update the blog, it just hasn't happened though. Its gonna happen now :)
The Canuck Engineer is glad to be back!
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Midnight Musings
While I try to keep this blog about original content and perspective, every now and then I'll post something that screams to be put on this blog.
I was watching "The Winner" earlier today and its only appropriate that I post this here for all the canuck-haters that read this blog
Q: "What do you call a French-Canadian person flying a plane?"
A: "A Pilot, you damn racist!"
aaaah, there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard!
and before I call it a night:
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
I was watching "The Winner" earlier today and its only appropriate that I post this here for all the canuck-haters that read this blog
Q: "What do you call a French-Canadian person flying a plane?"
A: "A Pilot, you damn racist!"
aaaah, there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard!
and before I call it a night:
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Got Balls?
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
Note how the Executives have the hardest balls :)
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
Note how the Executives have the hardest balls :)
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Rain Rain Go away!
"Unbelievable!" I yell to my roommate Spades.
Its Sunday morning, and we were supposed to toss the football. Instead we're stuck indoors, watching the rain come down. Its late February, and we're in So Cal, and its raining on a Sunday.
What's so unbelievable about that? Well, it rained yesterday too!!
In So Cal, it rains an average of 2 days per year* (*Unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my own conjecture!). And its rained two consecutive days already. Its been a rainy winter, I suppose you could say.
Well, its time to run some errands. I head down to the local plaza, and the smile on my face returns. Weekend grocery shopping is not without its benefits. You see, weekends are when most of the college girls around here choose to do their laundry. Usually they try to minimize their number of loads, so all their clothes go in to the washer at once. Which is why, for a few hours every weekend, the ladies around here roam around in bare minimums* (another unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my hormonal ones)
I walk into the drugstore. I need some toothpaste and razor blades. I grab me my minty-fresh toothpaste, and I'm off to the grooming section. I scan the blades, looking for my Schick Extreme III 'SubZero'. I've tried a lot of razors, for some reason I've enjoyed these blades, with the cooling feeling of 'SubZero' being quite nice. I also see a yellow tag right below the Schicks.
"On Sale 11.99 Regular 14.99. Guaranteed Item". Right above the guaranteed item, I see an empty shelf.
"That's bizarre!", I say to myself, and flag the nearest associate.
"Hi, I'm looking for these Schick blades. Its a guaranteed item, but I don't see any of them available".
"Hmm", says the associate, "let me check the back".
I always wonder what they have in the 'back' of all these stores, and who gets access to the stuff in the 'back'. I bet Tony Soprano gets access to the 'back'. Then again, if Tony Soprano wants in the 'back', Tony Soprano gets in the 'back'.
As I am musing the charitable operations of the underworld, the associate returns with the manager, who with an ingratiating smile, approaches me.
"Sir, I believe you're looking for some blades"
"Yes, Sir"
"Yes... Yes.......You see, because of the recent rain, some of our deliveries are running late, and the shipment of the blades just hasn't arrived yet. Yes... Yes.....This is a guaranteed item, but we just don't have it in stock right now".
Sort of defeats the purpose of a guaranteed item, but then I'm just TheCanuckEngineer.
"well, I don't want to lose the sale price, I guess I'll just take a raincheck, in that case".
The manager comes closer, and his smile becomes even larger.
"Yes... Yes.....Well, you see, while this item is on sale, we've technically not run out of them, we just never received them. Yes... .Yes... and because we didn't receive them due to the torrential rains, I am unable to issue you a raincheck. Yes....Yes....You see, RainChecks do not apply to acts of nature, such as weather".
"sir, its a R-A-I-N-C-H-E-C-K! the term was originated with rain in mind!" I'm perplexed, since the manager seems to be agreeing with everything I say.. twice!
"Yes.... Yes.... I know, it does seem ironic doesn't it Sir, but the policy here at Short's Drugs is clear that rainchecks do not apply to deliveries that may be affected by acts of god, including weather. I hope you understand Sir."
"No, I do not understand", I mumble, as I walk away, more bemused than surprised or shocked. No I do not understand.. but then again, I'm just the CanuckEngineer.
Its Sunday morning, and we were supposed to toss the football. Instead we're stuck indoors, watching the rain come down. Its late February, and we're in So Cal, and its raining on a Sunday.
What's so unbelievable about that? Well, it rained yesterday too!!
In So Cal, it rains an average of 2 days per year* (*Unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my own conjecture!). And its rained two consecutive days already. Its been a rainy winter, I suppose you could say.
Well, its time to run some errands. I head down to the local plaza, and the smile on my face returns. Weekend grocery shopping is not without its benefits. You see, weekends are when most of the college girls around here choose to do their laundry. Usually they try to minimize their number of loads, so all their clothes go in to the washer at once. Which is why, for a few hours every weekend, the ladies around here roam around in bare minimums* (another unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my hormonal ones)
I walk into the drugstore. I need some toothpaste and razor blades. I grab me my minty-fresh toothpaste, and I'm off to the grooming section. I scan the blades, looking for my Schick Extreme III 'SubZero'. I've tried a lot of razors, for some reason I've enjoyed these blades, with the cooling feeling of 'SubZero' being quite nice. I also see a yellow tag right below the Schicks.
"On Sale 11.99 Regular 14.99. Guaranteed Item". Right above the guaranteed item, I see an empty shelf.
"That's bizarre!", I say to myself, and flag the nearest associate.
"Hi, I'm looking for these Schick blades. Its a guaranteed item, but I don't see any of them available".
"Hmm", says the associate, "let me check the back".
I always wonder what they have in the 'back' of all these stores, and who gets access to the stuff in the 'back'. I bet Tony Soprano gets access to the 'back'. Then again, if Tony Soprano wants in the 'back', Tony Soprano gets in the 'back'.
As I am musing the charitable operations of the underworld, the associate returns with the manager, who with an ingratiating smile, approaches me.
"Sir, I believe you're looking for some blades"
"Yes, Sir"
"Yes... Yes.......You see, because of the recent rain, some of our deliveries are running late, and the shipment of the blades just hasn't arrived yet. Yes... Yes.....This is a guaranteed item, but we just don't have it in stock right now".
Sort of defeats the purpose of a guaranteed item, but then I'm just TheCanuckEngineer.
"well, I don't want to lose the sale price, I guess I'll just take a raincheck, in that case".
The manager comes closer, and his smile becomes even larger.
"Yes... Yes.....Well, you see, while this item is on sale, we've technically not run out of them, we just never received them. Yes... .Yes... and because we didn't receive them due to the torrential rains, I am unable to issue you a raincheck. Yes....Yes....You see, RainChecks do not apply to acts of nature, such as weather".
"sir, its a R-A-I-N-C-H-E-C-K! the term was originated with rain in mind!" I'm perplexed, since the manager seems to be agreeing with everything I say.. twice!
"Yes.... Yes.... I know, it does seem ironic doesn't it Sir, but the policy here at Short's Drugs is clear that rainchecks do not apply to deliveries that may be affected by acts of god, including weather. I hope you understand Sir."
"No, I do not understand", I mumble, as I walk away, more bemused than surprised or shocked. No I do not understand.. but then again, I'm just the CanuckEngineer.
Monday, March 5, 2007
My head don go Pata-Pata!
"How fah?", asked the security guard, as I strolled out of my house.
Its late summer, and its my first weekend in Lagos, Nigeria. I'm still a young teenager, in middle school, all excited about being in an exotic land.
"How far to what?", I ask back, with a puzzled face
The guard just looks at me, perplexed. Then he sighs, and asks, "How now?"
Now its my turn to be perplexed.
"how WHAT now?", i inquire.
"Li'l pikin", says the guard, with a smile, "I ask you how you are doing. You no sabi pidgin?"
I finally get it. I had been told about Pidgin on the way in from the airport. Its a simplified version of English, with trivialized grammar in some cases. All I know is, the Nigerian version of it was damn colorful!
"Sunday!", yells our chef, Glory "Where's Peace?", referring to the housegirl, "Madame wan know!"
"She don go away-0!" shouts back Sunday.
"She don go for chop? Where she go?"
"She neva tell. She don chop earlier. She com back next tomorrow"
I walk back into the house. I'm loving this new language.
"Masta, Masta!" pants the chauffeur, Tunji. "Da Benz.. ..."
"What about it?", asks my dad, looking up from his newspaper
"Da benz.. it don die-o.. it don die-o for the middle of the road. "
It died?? I thought cars were inanimate. Did they bury the cars here?
"Where's Ade?" asks my dad, referring to the driver of the vehicle
"He go find transport. Make I go over there to help 'im dash yellow fever?"
I walk away, into the kitchen, still trying to figure out how they'd lay the car to rest. What Tunji meant above was that he was going to help Ade deal with cops and "dash" or bribe them some money to get the car towed.
The chef is teaching the house-girl how to make yogurt at home.
"Make you go take milk and small water, mix 'em, then take small yogurt, and put it to sleep with the milk. Then you go find yogurt next tomorrow, sabi?"
I guess we tolerated fornication in the kitchen too!
Later, I hear a loud commotion. Ade is back, with his tales of misery, pleading his case to anyone who's listen.
"Khai! long day-o!! car don die.. then fever harass me. they ask me .. are you condemn car? you no fit drive 'em. I de say.. oga.. you sabi see self. car don dieo...engine no fit talk....hey lord.. my head don go pata-pata-o!!"
I loved my time in Nigeria. Great country, great people, great language. Nothing describes a moment more vividly than some Pidgin!
"Not tonight, honey, my head don go pata-pata-o!"
Its late summer, and its my first weekend in Lagos, Nigeria. I'm still a young teenager, in middle school, all excited about being in an exotic land.
"How far to what?", I ask back, with a puzzled face
The guard just looks at me, perplexed. Then he sighs, and asks, "How now?"
Now its my turn to be perplexed.
"how WHAT now?", i inquire.
"Li'l pikin", says the guard, with a smile, "I ask you how you are doing. You no sabi pidgin?"
I finally get it. I had been told about Pidgin on the way in from the airport. Its a simplified version of English, with trivialized grammar in some cases. All I know is, the Nigerian version of it was damn colorful!
"Sunday!", yells our chef, Glory "Where's Peace?", referring to the housegirl, "Madame wan know!"
"She don go away-0!" shouts back Sunday.
"She don go for chop? Where she go?"
"She neva tell. She don chop earlier. She com back next tomorrow"
I walk back into the house. I'm loving this new language.
"Masta, Masta!" pants the chauffeur, Tunji. "Da Benz.. ..."
"What about it?", asks my dad, looking up from his newspaper
"Da benz.. it don die-o.. it don die-o for the middle of the road. "
It died?? I thought cars were inanimate. Did they bury the cars here?
"Where's Ade?" asks my dad, referring to the driver of the vehicle
"He go find transport. Make I go over there to help 'im dash yellow fever?"
I walk away, into the kitchen, still trying to figure out how they'd lay the car to rest. What Tunji meant above was that he was going to help Ade deal with cops and "dash" or bribe them some money to get the car towed.
The chef is teaching the house-girl how to make yogurt at home.
"Make you go take milk and small water, mix 'em, then take small yogurt, and put it to sleep with the milk. Then you go find yogurt next tomorrow, sabi?"
I guess we tolerated fornication in the kitchen too!
Later, I hear a loud commotion. Ade is back, with his tales of misery, pleading his case to anyone who's listen.
"Khai! long day-o!! car don die.. then fever harass me. they ask me .. are you condemn car? you no fit drive 'em. I de say.. oga.. you sabi see self. car don dieo...engine no fit talk....hey lord.. my head don go pata-pata-o!!"
I loved my time in Nigeria. Great country, great people, great language. Nothing describes a moment more vividly than some Pidgin!
"Not tonight, honey, my head don go pata-pata-o!"
Sunday, March 4, 2007
The Summer of '69
Its Wednesday evening, my last term in school. I got a major test tomorrow, and I'm feeling drowsy. "That Lasagna for dinner sure hit the spot", I muse to myself. I'm feeling drowsy, the bed beckons.. ...
"Tring tring...tring thin.. tring thin.. triniiingg thing...", rang my cell phone, to the tune of 50 Cent's In Da Club. Ya, 'twas the summer, and I was cool once too! Yes, I know.. I wasn't always an Engineer!
"Tring trin.. tring thh.." I woke up with a start, I picked up the phone, wondering who it could be the evening before my Economics Mid-term. I almost regretted answering the phone the moment I picked it up, in all my experience, nothing good has ever come from taking a call the night before an important exam.
"Hi!!!!"
The voice made me smile. why? Well, because it was one of the most beautiful voices I'd ever heard on my phone, and because it sounded pretty..oh, and also because it belonged to a girl... yes, a rarity in the world of engineers indeed!
"Do you even know who this is"?" asked the angel on the other end.
"I don't even care" , I said to myself, "Just keep talking, please".
"Engineer, I told you I'd be in town tonight. Are you going to the Bomber tonight? You promised me you would"
"oh yes, of course, I remember, its BebyG! Its been a long time.. and yea, I'll be there.. just a bit later in the evening!", lied I.
I had met BebyG over a year ago, at one of our social events in school. One of the prettiest women I'd ever laid my eyes on, she was clearly out of my league. I thought she was really cool though, she always pretended to be interested in what I said! I loved talking to her :)
I vaguely recall some conversation on MSN of her coming to town. But I had thought that to be one of those things that are often said but never followed up on..
She is IN MY HOOD right now!!!!
My heart rate's racing, my pulse is pulsing, my heart is thumping, my pulse is bumping!
"ENGINEER!!! Get a hold of yourself. " Spoke the inner me!
"You have a mid-term tomorrow, worth 35% of your grade!", my mind reasons.
"She is there with a bunch of friends, she may not even recognize you", some more reasoning
"You have a mid-term.........." trailed off the mind, even it realized it was all in vain.
It didn't matter what I had or didn't have tomorrow. I was going to the Bomber!
I looked up my wardrobe, found my best pair of socks (in EngineerWorld, well dressed means having matching socks!). Then I got out of my lounge pants, and flip flops, and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt.
and No, not all engineers have creases or pleats on their jeans!
I'm going to meet BebyG!
Why was I so excited? I don't know. But every man loves getting a phone call from a hot chick. I didn't care what happened tomorrow, I had got that call today :)
So I reach the Bombshelter, the local on-campus pub that was the hotspot on Wednesday nights. I says to myself "Deep Breaths! Be Cool! Don't be a loser", not really believing in any of that.
I spot BebyG in the line . Do I hug her? or do I shake her hand? Whats the rule on meeting someone after a year? So I offer her my hand, as I give her a half hug. She looks a bit surprised.
Its awkward! Engineer, you coulda been studying for your test. This thing's going no where!
We get into the club, I put my best "cool" face forward. I get me a beer, hang out with a couple of friends, all the while keeping an eye out for BebyG. I see her dancing with a couple of her friends.
Deep Breaths, Engineer!
I muster up the courage, I walk up to BebyG on the dance floor. She smiles at me, we start dancing, at a nerdy distance of about 3 feet from each other. She's smiling.. I remember now, what I was so attracted by.. it was that smile of hers...
"lets get a drink", says the hot BebyG.
"Ok, you lead the way", I said, chuckling at myself. Its not so much chivalry that I let her walk ahead of me... it was also for the 'view' :)
We're at the bar, about to order drinks. The Bartender asks her "what would you like to drink?"
"Chocolate Martini please!"
Eager to Impress, I yell "Shaken, not stirred".
The BarTender looks at me with his eyes searing at me. The eyes say "You're an idiot". I feel like an idiot. I guess that this may not have been the first time that Bartender has heard that line.
Nice Job Engineer!!
BebyG smiles at me. I can't figure out how much of the smile is pity. I guess 100%. I'm usually right!
"So, how is Samantha?", asks BebyG, referring to my ex-girlfriend
"Oh, we broke up recently. How about you?"
"Yeah, Joe was a jerk, I'm single now"
Vegas has jackpots, Canada has lotteries. I feel like I'd won them both suddenly.
BebyG is single!!!!
She then took a napkin from the Bar, took out her lipstick from her purse, and wrote something on the napkin and handed it to me. I looked at it and smiled.
We got some more drinks. We then hit the dance floor. I met all her friends, and made the nice. Yea, she was way out of the league for an Engineer, but she was just so awesome to hang out with!
We then took a walk in the patio, for some reason.. It was pretty cold. We then got some more drinks. All throughout the night, all I could think of was how hot this girl was, how pretty she was, and yet how easy it was to talk to her, how much fun it was to talk to her.
I would love to date this woman, I thought to myself, as I sipped on my 6th beer of the night. No shit genius, so would about a billion other men, I thought to myself, as I spilt most of my 7th beer of the night!
"Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep"!!!!
Ah, that frighteningly scary alarm clock! I look at it.. " 6:30 am" flashing real loud. I open my eyes. Oh Shit, its midterm day! I suddenly remember the events of the night before. Were they for real? What about BebyG?
I turn around in my bed, slowly, hoping, nay praying, for one of those moments you always dream of as a young teenager. I look hopefully to the other side of my bed. Nope.. hasn't been touched...by anyone.
I give myself a wry smile. It was too good to be true. I get out of bed. I have my midterm in less than an hour, I'd better get ready for school. I pick up my jacket from the floor, all the while thinking about my amazing dream from the night before.
I don't know why I enjoyed the dream so much. It could've been the thought of hanging out with a beautiful, intelligent girl. Maybe it was the fact that she called me up. or maybe it was just the typical nerd-dates-a-hottie dream. I smile at myself, at how easily I confused fantasy with reality.
It was a dream... a goddmaned..nice dream!
I then bend down to pick up a piece of paper that's fallen from my jacket. Its a napkin from the Bombshelter. and it has something written on it with a lipstick. WHAT!!!
It.. wasn't.... a... dreamm!!????
I nod to myself, with a big smile.
I'm glad I took that phone call the night before my Mid-term exam!
"Tring tring...tring thin.. tring thin.. triniiingg thing...", rang my cell phone, to the tune of 50 Cent's In Da Club. Ya, 'twas the summer, and I was cool once too! Yes, I know.. I wasn't always an Engineer!
"Tring trin.. tring thh.." I woke up with a start, I picked up the phone, wondering who it could be the evening before my Economics Mid-term. I almost regretted answering the phone the moment I picked it up, in all my experience, nothing good has ever come from taking a call the night before an important exam.
"Hi!!!!"
The voice made me smile. why? Well, because it was one of the most beautiful voices I'd ever heard on my phone, and because it sounded pretty..oh, and also because it belonged to a girl... yes, a rarity in the world of engineers indeed!
"Do you even know who this is"?" asked the angel on the other end.
"I don't even care" , I said to myself, "Just keep talking, please".
"Engineer, I told you I'd be in town tonight. Are you going to the Bomber tonight? You promised me you would"
"oh yes, of course, I remember, its BebyG! Its been a long time.. and yea, I'll be there.. just a bit later in the evening!", lied I.
I had met BebyG over a year ago, at one of our social events in school. One of the prettiest women I'd ever laid my eyes on, she was clearly out of my league. I thought she was really cool though, she always pretended to be interested in what I said! I loved talking to her :)
I vaguely recall some conversation on MSN of her coming to town. But I had thought that to be one of those things that are often said but never followed up on..
She is IN MY HOOD right now!!!!
My heart rate's racing, my pulse is pulsing, my heart is thumping, my pulse is bumping!
"ENGINEER!!! Get a hold of yourself. " Spoke the inner me!
"You have a mid-term tomorrow, worth 35% of your grade!", my mind reasons.
"She is there with a bunch of friends, she may not even recognize you", some more reasoning
"You have a mid-term.........." trailed off the mind, even it realized it was all in vain.
It didn't matter what I had or didn't have tomorrow. I was going to the Bomber!
I looked up my wardrobe, found my best pair of socks (in EngineerWorld, well dressed means having matching socks!). Then I got out of my lounge pants, and flip flops, and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt.
and No, not all engineers have creases or pleats on their jeans!
I'm going to meet BebyG!
Why was I so excited? I don't know. But every man loves getting a phone call from a hot chick. I didn't care what happened tomorrow, I had got that call today :)
So I reach the Bombshelter, the local on-campus pub that was the hotspot on Wednesday nights. I says to myself "Deep Breaths! Be Cool! Don't be a loser", not really believing in any of that.
I spot BebyG in the line . Do I hug her? or do I shake her hand? Whats the rule on meeting someone after a year? So I offer her my hand, as I give her a half hug. She looks a bit surprised.
Its awkward! Engineer, you coulda been studying for your test. This thing's going no where!
We get into the club, I put my best "cool" face forward. I get me a beer, hang out with a couple of friends, all the while keeping an eye out for BebyG. I see her dancing with a couple of her friends.
Deep Breaths, Engineer!
I muster up the courage, I walk up to BebyG on the dance floor. She smiles at me, we start dancing, at a nerdy distance of about 3 feet from each other. She's smiling.. I remember now, what I was so attracted by.. it was that smile of hers...
"lets get a drink", says the hot BebyG.
"Ok, you lead the way", I said, chuckling at myself. Its not so much chivalry that I let her walk ahead of me... it was also for the 'view' :)
We're at the bar, about to order drinks. The Bartender asks her "what would you like to drink?"
"Chocolate Martini please!"
Eager to Impress, I yell "Shaken, not stirred".
The BarTender looks at me with his eyes searing at me. The eyes say "You're an idiot". I feel like an idiot. I guess that this may not have been the first time that Bartender has heard that line.
Nice Job Engineer!!
BebyG smiles at me. I can't figure out how much of the smile is pity. I guess 100%. I'm usually right!
"So, how is Samantha?", asks BebyG, referring to my ex-girlfriend
"Oh, we broke up recently. How about you?"
"Yeah, Joe was a jerk, I'm single now"
Vegas has jackpots, Canada has lotteries. I feel like I'd won them both suddenly.
BebyG is single!!!!
She then took a napkin from the Bar, took out her lipstick from her purse, and wrote something on the napkin and handed it to me. I looked at it and smiled.
We got some more drinks. We then hit the dance floor. I met all her friends, and made the nice. Yea, she was way out of the league for an Engineer, but she was just so awesome to hang out with!
We then took a walk in the patio, for some reason.. It was pretty cold. We then got some more drinks. All throughout the night, all I could think of was how hot this girl was, how pretty she was, and yet how easy it was to talk to her, how much fun it was to talk to her.
I would love to date this woman, I thought to myself, as I sipped on my 6th beer of the night. No shit genius, so would about a billion other men, I thought to myself, as I spilt most of my 7th beer of the night!
"Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep"!!!!
Ah, that frighteningly scary alarm clock! I look at it.. " 6:30 am" flashing real loud. I open my eyes. Oh Shit, its midterm day! I suddenly remember the events of the night before. Were they for real? What about BebyG?
I turn around in my bed, slowly, hoping, nay praying, for one of those moments you always dream of as a young teenager. I look hopefully to the other side of my bed. Nope.. hasn't been touched...by anyone.
I give myself a wry smile. It was too good to be true. I get out of bed. I have my midterm in less than an hour, I'd better get ready for school. I pick up my jacket from the floor, all the while thinking about my amazing dream from the night before.
I don't know why I enjoyed the dream so much. It could've been the thought of hanging out with a beautiful, intelligent girl. Maybe it was the fact that she called me up. or maybe it was just the typical nerd-dates-a-hottie dream. I smile at myself, at how easily I confused fantasy with reality.
It was a dream... a goddmaned..nice dream!
I then bend down to pick up a piece of paper that's fallen from my jacket. Its a napkin from the Bombshelter. and it has something written on it with a lipstick. WHAT!!!
It.. wasn't.... a... dreamm!!????
I nod to myself, with a big smile.
I'm glad I took that phone call the night before my Mid-term exam!
Saturday, March 3, 2007
The Professionals
Late last year, I went out with a group of people who I like to refer to as friends, although they have been known to have used the term "distantly acquainted" when referring to me, on more than one occasion ;-)
The cuisine of choice was Indian, so the obvious location was the local strip plaza sporting multiple choices for Indian Cuisine. On arriving there, it turned out that there was quite a celebration going on at said location, and hordes of people were there enjoying the festivities.
We decide to join the crowds and enjoy the foods on display, while taking in the general festive feeling around. Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas and now this, I can't help but agree with Frank Costanza on having Festivus..."The One Festivus for the Rest of us".
My city in So Cal is a large city, but its a small world! Why am I waxing poetic all of a sudden, I don't know.. it might be the Vicodin I'm on.. or it might just be fact. The population here is in the millions, yet I seem to recognize many faces. Of course, a lot of these work in my industry, some actually at my company.
I shake the hands, do the chit-chat, the usual small-talk about nothing, all the while nodding to people in the distance or just staring past some blank expressions. ...y'know.. "just making the nice". A typical social outing, I think to myself. I've worked with many of the people I see tonight, I've been to client meetings with some of them. All thorough professionals at work, handling themselves with style and grace, on every occasion that I've associated them in business or at work.
Which is why i'm surprised, as I see these same people take their disposable paper plates and throw them right near the trash bin, but not in it!. "Poor Aim", I think to myself, and look away.
The other side isn't much better. I see another group of people walking with their styrofoam coffee cups and callously tossing them by the side as they continue walking, and there isn't a trash-bin in sight!
Woah, what just happened here? I guess they're short of garbage cans around here.
Nature Calls..I heed it. The Men's room has a line, of course. I wait patiently, thinking about how relieved I'd feel when I get my turn. My sweet thoughts are abruptly broken, as I get a little shove. Suddenly I see two of these "gentlemen" barge right in, and cut right into the middle of the line, with one of their buddies. Funny, I don't remember reading about "holding a spot in the urinals line" in the book of Man-laws. I recognize these faces as well. Another one of those "professionals" I was talking about!
Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everything backwards? The same people that wouldn't dream of throwing a piece of paper outside the recycling bin at work are trashing coffee cups by the side of the road. People I've known to dispose of theirs and others trash in an orderly manner, after meetings, are now going ape-like tossing wrappers anywhichwhere! Guys I've seen patiently wait in line for over an hour just last week at the opening for the new Bond movie, are now cutting in line at a men's room? at a Men's room?? are you kidding me!
What changed for these people, now that we're no longer at work or at the movies? Aren't we still at a public place? a place of business? So why does etiquette go right out the window, just because it happens to be an ethnic place, Little India in this case.
I don't know why it happens... but it always happens!
We are like this only!
The cuisine of choice was Indian, so the obvious location was the local strip plaza sporting multiple choices for Indian Cuisine. On arriving there, it turned out that there was quite a celebration going on at said location, and hordes of people were there enjoying the festivities.
We decide to join the crowds and enjoy the foods on display, while taking in the general festive feeling around. Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas and now this, I can't help but agree with Frank Costanza on having Festivus..."The One Festivus for the Rest of us".
My city in So Cal is a large city, but its a small world! Why am I waxing poetic all of a sudden, I don't know.. it might be the Vicodin I'm on.. or it might just be fact. The population here is in the millions, yet I seem to recognize many faces. Of course, a lot of these work in my industry, some actually at my company.
I shake the hands, do the chit-chat, the usual small-talk about nothing, all the while nodding to people in the distance or just staring past some blank expressions. ...y'know.. "just making the nice". A typical social outing, I think to myself. I've worked with many of the people I see tonight, I've been to client meetings with some of them. All thorough professionals at work, handling themselves with style and grace, on every occasion that I've associated them in business or at work.
Which is why i'm surprised, as I see these same people take their disposable paper plates and throw them right near the trash bin, but not in it!. "Poor Aim", I think to myself, and look away.
The other side isn't much better. I see another group of people walking with their styrofoam coffee cups and callously tossing them by the side as they continue walking, and there isn't a trash-bin in sight!
Woah, what just happened here? I guess they're short of garbage cans around here.
Nature Calls..I heed it. The Men's room has a line, of course. I wait patiently, thinking about how relieved I'd feel when I get my turn. My sweet thoughts are abruptly broken, as I get a little shove. Suddenly I see two of these "gentlemen" barge right in, and cut right into the middle of the line, with one of their buddies. Funny, I don't remember reading about "holding a spot in the urinals line" in the book of Man-laws. I recognize these faces as well. Another one of those "professionals" I was talking about!
Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everything backwards? The same people that wouldn't dream of throwing a piece of paper outside the recycling bin at work are trashing coffee cups by the side of the road. People I've known to dispose of theirs and others trash in an orderly manner, after meetings, are now going ape-like tossing wrappers anywhichwhere! Guys I've seen patiently wait in line for over an hour just last week at the opening for the new Bond movie, are now cutting in line at a men's room? at a Men's room?? are you kidding me!
What changed for these people, now that we're no longer at work or at the movies? Aren't we still at a public place? a place of business? So why does etiquette go right out the window, just because it happens to be an ethnic place, Little India in this case.
I don't know why it happens... but it always happens!
We are like this only!
What the Canuck?
"Hey Engineer, I read your blog. Its pretty neat", commented my friend, Ms. Artiste
"Thanks", I say, muffling those words out of clenched teeth somehow. "I'm glad you liked it, I just needed something to do as I recover from this surgery"
I'd had my wisdoms pulled earlier this week. I wasn't allowed to sleep for a few hours while my tongue was still numb, lest I swallow it. Tv wasn't cutting it, and Surfing the web just felt blah!. and thats how TheCanuckEngineer.BlogSpot.com was born!
" Yea, its entertaining. Although one of the blogs was really long.. I kinda skimmed it, I enjoy the shorter posts more"
"I'll keep that in mind, Artist. I guess size does matter!" I mumbled , with a twinkle in my eye. I may have lost my wisdom, but my mind is still in the gutter!
"So tell me this, why did you name your blog so... What's a Canuck?"
"oh, a Canuck's a Canadian" I quipped, slightly surprised.
"Oh, I thought that was a team!"
"That's the Vancouver Canucks, they're a hockey team. But Canuck, in general, refers to Canadians"
"hmm, didn't know that!", says la Artiste.
She wasn't the only one who's asked me this in the past few days.
So here's my Wikipedia note on the term Canuck
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canuck
Now if you want to know what an engineer is.. well, that's a whole different blog :)
"Thanks", I say, muffling those words out of clenched teeth somehow. "I'm glad you liked it, I just needed something to do as I recover from this surgery"
I'd had my wisdoms pulled earlier this week. I wasn't allowed to sleep for a few hours while my tongue was still numb, lest I swallow it. Tv wasn't cutting it, and Surfing the web just felt blah!. and thats how TheCanuckEngineer.BlogSpot.com was born!
" Yea, its entertaining. Although one of the blogs was really long.. I kinda skimmed it, I enjoy the shorter posts more"
"I'll keep that in mind, Artist. I guess size does matter!" I mumbled , with a twinkle in my eye. I may have lost my wisdom, but my mind is still in the gutter!
"So tell me this, why did you name your blog so... What's a Canuck?"
"oh, a Canuck's a Canadian" I quipped, slightly surprised.
"Oh, I thought that was a team!"
"That's the Vancouver Canucks, they're a hockey team. But Canuck, in general, refers to Canadians"
"hmm, didn't know that!", says la Artiste.
She wasn't the only one who's asked me this in the past few days.
So here's my Wikipedia note on the term Canuck
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canuck
History
The term was coined in the 19th century, although its etymology is unclear. Possibilities include:- kanata1 "village" (See Canada)
- Canada + -uc (Algonquian noun suffix)
- Canada + -inuk (Inuit for "man")
- Connaught, an obscure term for Irish-French-Canadians.
- Cann-uck, a small yellow bird, much like Woodstock from the Peanuts comic strip.
Meaning
The Random House Dictionary notes that: "The term Canuck is first recorded about 1835 as an Americanism, originally referring specifically to a French Canadian. This was probably the original meaning, though in Canada and other countries, Canuck now more often refers to any Canadian." [1]Usage and Examples
The use of "Canuck" by Canadians themselves is usually affectionate or patriotic.The history and use of the term include:
- The Vancouver Canucks hockey team
- The Canada national rugby union team Canucks
- The Crazy Canucks, a group of Canadian alpine ski racers who dominated the World Cup circuit in the '70s.
The use of "Canuck" parallels that of some other potentially offensive nicknames, that is, when used by the people it names — Canadians in this case — it is usually acceptable. But when used by an outsider — in this case particularly American strangers — it can be misinterpreted and deemed as insulting one's heritage (though rarely credibly so for Canuck). Although it is not as severe as most ethnic slurs, some consider it one - just as Yankee can be.[citation needed]
Now if you want to know what an engineer is.. well, that's a whole different blog :)
Friday, March 2, 2007
We Bring Good Things to Life
dit-tit-tit-ting!
dit-tit-titi--dit-diti-ting!
I look upstairs..Uh Oh! I got IM's on MSN. I'm watching the end of Scrubs.. just a couple more minutes...
dit-tit-tit-tit-ttiiit-titiit-ting!
oh man..this one's aggressive. So I pause my Scrubs, thanking the engineers who invented the DVR. Best new invention since flip-top ketchup bottle!
I reach upstairs to my room, and see my computer.. flashing icons.. hmm, i got messages.
The first of them reads... "Dude, I just got the offer!! in spite of that crazy interview...its sick!"
I smile. My buddy up in Canuck land just got a job offer, after going through a wierd interview of sorts. Suddenly my mind moved back to when I was interviewing for internships & full-time jobs, and remembered some of my crazy interviews.
like the one my roommate at that time had to go through..
"Sorry, Mr. Roommate, your interviewer is running late...like 4 hours late. Can you keep waiting?"
4 hours later, the guy shows up. He's wearing a leather jacket and chaps... To an Interview!!!
"sorry, messiuer, I was ryding up eeere on my motoorcycil.. it waaaz a lawng day, you know...bien sur, i'll interview you now...sorry about that..."
My roommate started laughing at the french accent...or at the attire... or maybe he just got the joke he'd heard on Conan the night before.
he didn't get that job!
I walked into an interview with GE. Met with a portly man of about 50. "Mr. Canuck, pleased to meet you... why do you want to work for GE".
I gave him the usual spiel, and then ended with "I want to bring good things to life!" chuckling away in my mind. That coulda sounded way funnier if I brought it up with the rest of the guys drinking up in the dorms.
"So Mr. Canuck, I did not have time to prepare for this interview, so I just picked up this list of Interview Questions that we had kicking around at GE. Lets go through them, shall we?"
"sure, Mr. Interviewer"
"Tell me about a time when no one in your group liked you"
sigh!.. where do i start! I navigated through that one
"Tell me about a time when you were the most unpopular person at work"
hmm. has he met me before??
"Give me an example where you had to make a decision against the will of your teammates"
I'm thinking.. what kind of interview is this? I'm applying for an engineering internship for a summer... .these questions don't sound very typical.
This one, too, passes.
"Tell me a situation where you had to refuse accepting a kick-back and took the moral high-ground"
excuse' moi? kick-back? to a student engineer in his 2nd year of undergraduate study? wow, i must been working in the wrong industry!
"No sir, I have never had a situation where I was offered a kick-back for anything I did, or was asked to do. My wages/salary offer me the compensation I'm looking for"
Mr. Interviewer looked shocked... and then disappointed. Maybe he was looking for a juicy story. maybe I should've given him one.
Then I glance at the interview sheet. The title of the first page had been at a bad angle from me all this time.. but now I could read it.
"General Electric Interview Questions for External Executive candidates"
you're kidding! Jaw... meet floor!
"Mr. Canuck, these next two questions don't seem very applicable to this position, so lets skip them"
and the previous four were???? I'm now rolling my eyes.. I'm not getting this job, might as well enjoy the interview. It was an hour long interview too, almost twice the normal length of interviews i was used to.
"How would you impact the bottom line of the company?"
"Mr. Interviewer, I would come up with a complete plan to overhaul the sales of the company"
"really, how would you go about that?"
"I would start selling GE as a package deal for both commercial and residential deals.
If you buy a house, it should be GE approved. In that house, you would have GE appliances in the kitchen, laundry, electronics. All the set-top boxes for the cable shows would be GE, and the default channels would be NBC (also owned by GE). The Gas & Electric utilities would be through GE wholesalers. I would make sure that all commercial companies get their real estate through GE real estate, and their commercial aviation needs go through GE Air."
At this point, Mr. Interviewer has his eyebrows raised, and is beaming.
"you know a lot about our company. Its clear you've done your research. Listen, we're going to be meeting at a local watering hole next week. There's gonna be beer and wings, its meant for our current and future employees..." and he gives me a huge smile.
I'm pretty shocked at this point.. first time i ever got offered booze at an interview... and that too on an interview that i had no hope of passing!!
I get up from my seat, thank him and shake hands with him.
"Before I let you go, Mr. Canuck, What are your opinions on some of the political avenues they're trying to take on"
I'm stumped..what's he talking about?
"Mr. Interviewer, I think GE should plan an anti-abortion rally, and broadcast that to themselves. Pro-choice goes against their motto of 'Bringing Good things to Life' "
Now its the interviewers turn to Jaw meet Floor!
He clears his throat...
"Mr. Canuck, I was referring to their Congress involvement in the proposed acquisition of Honeywell"
awkward silence!
"Oh that... ya, they should do it.. thanks for the interview"
Next week, I went for the beer and wings. I enjoyed them.. I thought it was great. I probably got a bit mashed too.. Free suds are tough to turn down.
I didn't get the job! :)
dit-tit-titi--dit-diti-ting!
I look upstairs..Uh Oh! I got IM's on MSN. I'm watching the end of Scrubs.. just a couple more minutes...
dit-tit-tit-tit-ttiiit-titiit-ting!
oh man..this one's aggressive. So I pause my Scrubs, thanking the engineers who invented the DVR. Best new invention since flip-top ketchup bottle!
I reach upstairs to my room, and see my computer.. flashing icons.. hmm, i got messages.
The first of them reads... "Dude, I just got the offer!! in spite of that crazy interview...its sick!"
I smile. My buddy up in Canuck land just got a job offer, after going through a wierd interview of sorts. Suddenly my mind moved back to when I was interviewing for internships & full-time jobs, and remembered some of my crazy interviews.
like the one my roommate at that time had to go through..
"Sorry, Mr. Roommate, your interviewer is running late...like 4 hours late. Can you keep waiting?"
4 hours later, the guy shows up. He's wearing a leather jacket and chaps... To an Interview!!!
"sorry, messiuer, I was ryding up eeere on my motoorcycil.. it waaaz a lawng day, you know...bien sur, i'll interview you now...sorry about that..."
My roommate started laughing at the french accent...or at the attire... or maybe he just got the joke he'd heard on Conan the night before.
he didn't get that job!
I walked into an interview with GE. Met with a portly man of about 50. "Mr. Canuck, pleased to meet you... why do you want to work for GE".
I gave him the usual spiel, and then ended with "I want to bring good things to life!" chuckling away in my mind. That coulda sounded way funnier if I brought it up with the rest of the guys drinking up in the dorms.
"So Mr. Canuck, I did not have time to prepare for this interview, so I just picked up this list of Interview Questions that we had kicking around at GE. Lets go through them, shall we?"
"sure, Mr. Interviewer"
"Tell me about a time when no one in your group liked you"
sigh!.. where do i start! I navigated through that one
"Tell me about a time when you were the most unpopular person at work"
hmm. has he met me before??
"Give me an example where you had to make a decision against the will of your teammates"
I'm thinking.. what kind of interview is this? I'm applying for an engineering internship for a summer... .these questions don't sound very typical.
This one, too, passes.
"Tell me a situation where you had to refuse accepting a kick-back and took the moral high-ground"
excuse' moi? kick-back? to a student engineer in his 2nd year of undergraduate study? wow, i must been working in the wrong industry!
"No sir, I have never had a situation where I was offered a kick-back for anything I did, or was asked to do. My wages/salary offer me the compensation I'm looking for"
Mr. Interviewer looked shocked... and then disappointed. Maybe he was looking for a juicy story. maybe I should've given him one.
Then I glance at the interview sheet. The title of the first page had been at a bad angle from me all this time.. but now I could read it.
"General Electric Interview Questions for External Executive candidates"
you're kidding! Jaw... meet floor!
"Mr. Canuck, these next two questions don't seem very applicable to this position, so lets skip them"
and the previous four were???? I'm now rolling my eyes.. I'm not getting this job, might as well enjoy the interview. It was an hour long interview too, almost twice the normal length of interviews i was used to.
"How would you impact the bottom line of the company?"
"Mr. Interviewer, I would come up with a complete plan to overhaul the sales of the company"
"really, how would you go about that?"
"I would start selling GE as a package deal for both commercial and residential deals.
If you buy a house, it should be GE approved. In that house, you would have GE appliances in the kitchen, laundry, electronics. All the set-top boxes for the cable shows would be GE, and the default channels would be NBC (also owned by GE). The Gas & Electric utilities would be through GE wholesalers. I would make sure that all commercial companies get their real estate through GE real estate, and their commercial aviation needs go through GE Air."
At this point, Mr. Interviewer has his eyebrows raised, and is beaming.
"you know a lot about our company. Its clear you've done your research. Listen, we're going to be meeting at a local watering hole next week. There's gonna be beer and wings, its meant for our current and future employees..." and he gives me a huge smile.
I'm pretty shocked at this point.. first time i ever got offered booze at an interview... and that too on an interview that i had no hope of passing!!
I get up from my seat, thank him and shake hands with him.
"Before I let you go, Mr. Canuck, What are your opinions on some of the political avenues they're trying to take on"
I'm stumped..what's he talking about?
"Mr. Interviewer, I think GE should plan an anti-abortion rally, and broadcast that to themselves. Pro-choice goes against their motto of 'Bringing Good things to Life' "
Now its the interviewers turn to Jaw meet Floor!
He clears his throat...
"Mr. Canuck, I was referring to their Congress involvement in the proposed acquisition of Honeywell"
awkward silence!
"Oh that... ya, they should do it.. thanks for the interview"
Next week, I went for the beer and wings. I enjoyed them.. I thought it was great. I probably got a bit mashed too.. Free suds are tough to turn down.
I didn't get the job! :)
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Color Me Brown!
"The Doctor will see you in a few minutes"
The brunette assistant smiles at me, and goes back to doing her files. Its only 20 minutes beyond my appointment. I'm a patient man, I look around the room.
I can overhear the other assistant trying to make a doctor's appointment for herself.
BlondeAssistant "But I can't wait 2 months for an appointment!"
I chuckle. The world is round, I suppose!
15 minutes later..
"Mr. Canuck?" yells the assistant. "Yes Ma'am". Follow me
Into the little waiting room, I go. She goes through the pre-physical stuff, all my measurements. 2o minutes later, I'm still waiting for the doctor.
30 minutes pass. Its now well over an hour now. First in the Waiting Room, and now in the Little Waiting Room. That Seinfeld guy, sure has a knock of hitting the nail on the head!
"You must be Mr. Canuck", says this lady, who I assume is a doctor, mainly cuz she had sthethoscope around her neck. I make a mental note to try roaming around with a stethoscope around my neck sometime,... could be fun.
"OK, so in your country, they probably pronounce your name Canook. I'm only recently started learnign more about your peoples' culture"
That surprises me a bit.. but oh well, let her generalize me as the typical south asian person... doesn't really matter right now.
"OK, lets go over your basics... Ah, all these questions.. I can probably guess them right away.. you're probably vegetarian, no meat, no eggs or fish, never drink, never smoke and are probably single, right"
Jaw drops.. what the hell's wrong with you, woman!
"No, I'm a meat eater"
"Oh, you probably don't eat beef or pork then right"
"No, I enjoy all the meats"
"Oh..."
"and I enjoy my drink as well"
"Oh I see, probably an ocassional beer once a month or so right.. no drinking multiple drinks on the weekend".
I don't really need to correct her there.. I'm sure there'll be other instances :)
and so, the physical continues..
"So, when did the weight gain start"
"Since i started working.. about 2 years ago"
"yeah, I can see that.. You're overweight, sonny. I need you to lose about 25 lbs to get fit again"
"Alright, ma'am"
"Do you understand 25 lbs? I guess thats 13 kilograms for you people"
is this ever gonna stop??
" I'm familiar with the imperial system, Doctor"
"oooh, you must have adapted fast!"
does that really deserve a response?? I just stare back.
The Doctor ponders, then asks "Now, is your diet primarily south asian, or do you also ocassionally eat American food"
"well, i don't eat much south asian food, and i don't really know what american food is, but I guess you can say yes.. I eat North American Cusine" What's american food? freedom fries?
"There's your problem. you need to fix that.. okay , mr. C-A-N-U-C-K?.. .see I pronounced your name perfectly"
"Yes ma'am, I appreciate it. I guess I've been lazy about my dietary habits since i moved down here from CANADA"
"Oooh, you're from Canada... oh so you know what I'm talking about then..I needn't have translated everything to you."
Why would I not know what she was talking about even if I was from Sierra Leone!!!
"Come visit me in about a week, and we'll discuss your lab work. You're from Canada, you probably know that we do tests on your blood, thats why we extracted it from you..."
No Way!! I thought it was just an extension of the Homeland Security Act!
The Doctor did make a valid point though.. when she wasn't busy painting me with the stereotype brush. I need to get my ass of the Couch...
i agree.. I'll start tomorrow!
The brunette assistant smiles at me, and goes back to doing her files. Its only 20 minutes beyond my appointment. I'm a patient man, I look around the room.
I can overhear the other assistant trying to make a doctor's appointment for herself.
BlondeAssistant "But I can't wait 2 months for an appointment!"
I chuckle. The world is round, I suppose!
15 minutes later..
"Mr. Canuck?" yells the assistant. "Yes Ma'am". Follow me
Into the little waiting room, I go. She goes through the pre-physical stuff, all my measurements. 2o minutes later, I'm still waiting for the doctor.
30 minutes pass. Its now well over an hour now. First in the Waiting Room, and now in the Little Waiting Room. That Seinfeld guy, sure has a knock of hitting the nail on the head!
"You must be Mr. Canuck", says this lady, who I assume is a doctor, mainly cuz she had sthethoscope around her neck. I make a mental note to try roaming around with a stethoscope around my neck sometime,... could be fun.
"OK, so in your country, they probably pronounce your name Canook. I'm only recently started learnign more about your peoples' culture"
That surprises me a bit.. but oh well, let her generalize me as the typical south asian person... doesn't really matter right now.
"OK, lets go over your basics... Ah, all these questions.. I can probably guess them right away.. you're probably vegetarian, no meat, no eggs or fish, never drink, never smoke and are probably single, right"
Jaw drops.. what the hell's wrong with you, woman!
"No, I'm a meat eater"
"Oh, you probably don't eat beef or pork then right"
"No, I enjoy all the meats"
"Oh..."
"and I enjoy my drink as well"
"Oh I see, probably an ocassional beer once a month or so right.. no drinking multiple drinks on the weekend".
I don't really need to correct her there.. I'm sure there'll be other instances :)
and so, the physical continues..
"So, when did the weight gain start"
"Since i started working.. about 2 years ago"
"yeah, I can see that.. You're overweight, sonny. I need you to lose about 25 lbs to get fit again"
"Alright, ma'am"
"Do you understand 25 lbs? I guess thats 13 kilograms for you people"
is this ever gonna stop??
" I'm familiar with the imperial system, Doctor"
"oooh, you must have adapted fast!"
does that really deserve a response?? I just stare back.
The Doctor ponders, then asks "Now, is your diet primarily south asian, or do you also ocassionally eat American food"
"well, i don't eat much south asian food, and i don't really know what american food is, but I guess you can say yes.. I eat North American Cusine" What's american food? freedom fries?
"There's your problem. you need to fix that.. okay , mr. C-A-N-U-C-K?.. .see I pronounced your name perfectly"
"Yes ma'am, I appreciate it. I guess I've been lazy about my dietary habits since i moved down here from CANADA"
"Oooh, you're from Canada... oh so you know what I'm talking about then..I needn't have translated everything to you."
Why would I not know what she was talking about even if I was from Sierra Leone!!!
"Come visit me in about a week, and we'll discuss your lab work. You're from Canada, you probably know that we do tests on your blood, thats why we extracted it from you..."
No Way!! I thought it was just an extension of the Homeland Security Act!
The Doctor did make a valid point though.. when she wasn't busy painting me with the stereotype brush. I need to get my ass of the Couch...
i agree.. I'll start tomorrow!
No Diggity
DB#2: "I gotta lock my office door!"
Canuck: "Yea, my car is Outdoors, genius.. or Do you usually park it in the lobby!!"
DB#2: "I said I gotta go upstairs"
Canuck: "I'll be at my car, which is outdoors"
DB#2: "Are you being a Bouchedag?"
Canuck: "I'ma play some racquetball tonite"
DB#2: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Canuck: "No Doubt!"
and they said Cellphones don't fry your brains!
Canuck: "Yea, my car is Outdoors, genius.. or Do you usually park it in the lobby!!"
DB#2: "I said I gotta go upstairs"
Canuck: "I'll be at my car, which is outdoors"
DB#2: "Are you being a Bouchedag?"
Canuck: "I'ma play some racquetball tonite"
DB#2: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Canuck: "No Doubt!"
and they said Cellphones don't fry your brains!
"Quick Question"
"I have a quick question"
I breathe heavily.. I sigh..I stare back at the person to who that previous comment belonged. Eager to learn, typical of a new hire... always asking questions... expand their understanding, i got no problem with that.
So why does this comment bother me so much?
Cuz there is nothing QUICK about these questions. And typically these questions are asked right as I'm about to leave for lunch, or for the day, or when I need to urgently visit the facilities.
Today is one of the latter. I sigh to myself.. I know whats coming... I brace myself, wondering to myself, if I might rue this day in my 60's when I lose all bladder control and it gets traced to me holding it in during my 20s'! Resigned to my fate, I ask..."Newbie, whats up?"
"I have a quick question. I was just wondering, can you explain to me the concept behind how I can continue a call on my cell-phone as I'm driving through multiple networks of Verizon, Cingular and Sprint, even though I only have a T-Mobile account"
Yowza!
I'd much sooner be asked to derive the value of Pi from first principles. Anyways, I do my best to answer the question. Forty-five minutes, and a whole lot of frivolous nodding by the rookie, conveying the incorrect message that they understand what you just said, later, I excuse my self from that conversation, just in time to avoid having the same reaction as a four-yr-0ld after a nightmare...
As I'm standing at the urinals, it dawns on me as to what a good "quick question" should be like.
Quick Question: "What's the rule about choosing urinals at a 3-urinal-restroom, when all 3 of them are open"
Quick Answer: "Respect the buffer!!!! Always choose the corner urinals, NEVER the middle one"
sigh, why can't I get "quick questions" like that one?
I breathe heavily.. I sigh..I stare back at the person to who that previous comment belonged. Eager to learn, typical of a new hire... always asking questions... expand their understanding, i got no problem with that.
So why does this comment bother me so much?
Cuz there is nothing QUICK about these questions. And typically these questions are asked right as I'm about to leave for lunch, or for the day, or when I need to urgently visit the facilities.
Today is one of the latter. I sigh to myself.. I know whats coming... I brace myself, wondering to myself, if I might rue this day in my 60's when I lose all bladder control and it gets traced to me holding it in during my 20s'! Resigned to my fate, I ask..."Newbie, whats up?"
"I have a quick question. I was just wondering, can you explain to me the concept behind how I can continue a call on my cell-phone as I'm driving through multiple networks of Verizon, Cingular and Sprint, even though I only have a T-Mobile account"
Yowza!
I'd much sooner be asked to derive the value of Pi from first principles. Anyways, I do my best to answer the question. Forty-five minutes, and a whole lot of frivolous nodding by the rookie, conveying the incorrect message that they understand what you just said, later, I excuse my self from that conversation, just in time to avoid having the same reaction as a four-yr-0ld after a nightmare...
As I'm standing at the urinals, it dawns on me as to what a good "quick question" should be like.
Quick Question: "What's the rule about choosing urinals at a 3-urinal-restroom, when all 3 of them are open"
Quick Answer: "Respect the buffer!!!! Always choose the corner urinals, NEVER the middle one"
sigh, why can't I get "quick questions" like that one?
Le Bouchedags
I work for a decent size Engineering company. My group at work has a generally young dynamic, with half of the entire team <5years of graduation, in their mid-twenties.
Most of us get along pretty well, and hang out at lunch or sometimes after work for a brew or five. Usually Fridays, we'll try to do happy hour, and invite out some of the suds-lovers for a drink and some calamari/wings. Last year, someone in the team had decided to set up bowling afternoons on the first fridays of the month.
those worked out well, cuz that was just an excuse to again consume more suds. By the time bowling was done (6pm league play began), our night was just beginning!
And along with the brew, there's always stories.. usually work-related, interjected by frequent references to a recent movie (like "NICE!" from Borat).
One such Friday, We were arguing about how Barry Bonds was the biggest Douchebag in all of sport. Then Jim Rome got added to that list. And suddenly, it was a great idea to say "douchebag" in a french accent. And that suddenly turned into "BoucheDag", what with Bouche actually being a french term.
Regardless, Bouchedag came to be the term of choice when referring to a select few members of the Brew-Club. The abbreviation stuck too "DB". of course, it clearly tickled the nerdy humor of my fellow engineers to actually refer to people by a unit of power.. but DB it is.
I'll refer to three of them as DB#1, DB#2, DB#3...they're all in the late 20s/early 30s range, all of whom I work with.. and all of them provide enough entertainment to fill this blog !
Signing off, the proud Canuck (not a bouchedag!)
Most of us get along pretty well, and hang out at lunch or sometimes after work for a brew or five. Usually Fridays, we'll try to do happy hour, and invite out some of the suds-lovers for a drink and some calamari/wings. Last year, someone in the team had decided to set up bowling afternoons on the first fridays of the month.
those worked out well, cuz that was just an excuse to again consume more suds. By the time bowling was done (6pm league play began), our night was just beginning!
And along with the brew, there's always stories.. usually work-related, interjected by frequent references to a recent movie (like "NICE!" from Borat).
One such Friday, We were arguing about how Barry Bonds was the biggest Douchebag in all of sport. Then Jim Rome got added to that list. And suddenly, it was a great idea to say "douchebag" in a french accent. And that suddenly turned into "BoucheDag", what with Bouche actually being a french term.
Regardless, Bouchedag came to be the term of choice when referring to a select few members of the Brew-Club. The abbreviation stuck too "DB". of course, it clearly tickled the nerdy humor of my fellow engineers to actually refer to people by a unit of power.. but DB it is.
I'll refer to three of them as DB#1, DB#2, DB#3...they're all in the late 20s/early 30s range, all of whom I work with.. and all of them provide enough entertainment to fill this blog !
Signing off, the proud Canuck (not a bouchedag!)
Of Wisdom & sundry!
So I decided to get my wisdom teeth yanked. I wasn't so sure about going back to the Dentist, walking into whose office the last time, I felt compelled to keep a hand on my wallet.
But the extractions were to be done by his colleague, one who actually had a pretty good rep. I had a few concerns, so the receptionist promised she'd call me back to answer my questions.
Ms. Dentist: "Hi Mr. Canuck, I hear you have some questions ahead of your extractions later this week"
Engineer: "Yea, are you gonna put me to sleep?"
Ms. Dentist: "No, we don't put people under, you'd have to go to an Oral Surgeon for that, besides, I don't think you'll need it"
Never really needed gas to start laughing, I figured to myself. Lets move on..
Engineer: "Are you gonna give me a lot of Vicodin?"
Ms. Dentist: "That depends on how it goes. We'll see"
That's not a good answer. I've always heard about the wonder of Vicodin. and now that I finally have a legit reason to atleast try some, I get a "Depends". Depends is for incontinence, woman!! Besides, all the help I'm expecting later this week is contingent on that part going through!
Engineer: "Am I gonna have whiplash, since you'll yanking my teeth, and I'll be pulling back?"
Ms.Dentist: "Excuse me?"
At this point, she started laughing. I was actually serious. If you're gonna yank my teeth, howz my neck going to be supported?
Ms. Dentist: "That's the first time I ever heard that. Don't worry about it, you'll be fine"
D-Day.
I've made a big enough deal about it.. every one who knows me has heard bout this.. most of them have been assigned duties, against their wills, of course. Transportation to & fro, meds, food etc. I figured, its the only time I'm ever getting my wisdoms pulled, might as well milk it!
I'm a tad apprehensive, but not really worried. some 20 years ago when i was a youngun, we went to the dentist to extract some of my Baby teeth to make room for the "Big Real" teeth i was getting. They applied the topical numbing agent, and busted out the syringe. i saw the needle, and i'm like.. "oh hells no!", and i kicked the dentist in the nads and ran out. Of course, they tried to chase me down.. Led to a pretty comical scene .. Dentist chasing me, followed by the assistant, followed by my mom. I got out of that one, never got 'em extracted, and i did alright.
Back to now, no such shenanigans, i get numbed up pretty good this time.
First tooth goes fine.. until they take it out, and see that the roots were way more spread. Bit that's still ok. I'm thinking this is easy.
Second tooth (impacted) needs to be chipped. they start trying to break it up. Need more anasthetic. still tryign to chip it.. aint happening
Ms. Dentist: "Thats some strong enamel you got there.. haven't seen such a hard-to-break tooth in ages"
Is that a compliment? You are trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson!
still hacking away, i'm getting sore.. not used to having my jaw stretched so far wide that the sides of my mouth are threating to bust open.
.....and then they heave a sigh.. the tooth is out.. or is it?
I look at the assistant's face. she's got an expressive face! she's like "Uh Oh"
Great! Just what I wanted to hear. and now its hurting like a mudda!
Ms. Dentist: "Suction! Scissors! Suction MORE SUCTION! "
and then i see her snapping off something from the tooth, I can even feel it cuz i'm hurting right about now.
The tooth was stuck to the bone & tissue, hence the pain.... and the expression of the assistant.
I'm exhausted at this point.. Usually, I've a high threshold for pain, but I'm really tired now. All that chipping and pulling has taken its toll.. they numb my other side now, and ask me:
"Do you still want to continue? Your appointment was scheduled to end right now, but we're only halfway there... Are you too tired"
"What do you suggest, Ms. Dentist?" Atleast, that's what I tried to say.. not sure what it sounded like to her.
"If you can, I think you should, you already have all the anasthesia, why double the dosage for next time"
"I agree, lets get this over with" say I, as I gulp down a cup of water, which, unbenownst to me, promptly flows all the way down my bib onto my shirt...
Third one comes out.. not too much pain.. she had to still chop away at the bone..
Ms. Dentist: "Hey Assistant, tell Receptionist to bill this correctly. We thought it was a Simple, but its surgical"
Great! i'm in pain.. but why is my wallet hurting now? Sympathy pains I suppose
4th one comes off.. it was like the 2nd one.. boy did it take its toll on me.
My jaw hurts, my mouths all sore.. my gums are tender (and they're bleeding like Niagara!) The dentist claims she hasn't had one this hard in years.
I get gauzed up, and now the anesthetic is wearing off.. Just what i needed! I get my post-op instructions.. and off to the pharmacy I go.
Pharmacy Chick: "our pharmacist is out to lunch, there is nothing we can do. You have two prescriptions ahead of you, plus you're a new patient. It'll be about 90 minutes"
Here I am biting my lip (mainly cuz i can't feel it), clenching my jaw (mainly, cuz i can't feel it), and thumbing my fists, (mainly, cuz my anasthetic is wearing off, and i'm hurting), and this broad wants 90 minutes to fill my Vicodin?
Doesn't she realize that that's my deal with all those involved in transporting me to & from the dentist. " A Ride for a Favre" sums it up quite well!
90 minutes later, I get my meds, its begun to kick in.. and now I'm not as grumpy and sore as I was an hour ago..
Now, I'm just the Wisdom-Less Canuck Engineer
But the extractions were to be done by his colleague, one who actually had a pretty good rep. I had a few concerns, so the receptionist promised she'd call me back to answer my questions.
Ms. Dentist: "Hi Mr. Canuck, I hear you have some questions ahead of your extractions later this week"
Engineer: "Yea, are you gonna put me to sleep?"
Ms. Dentist: "No, we don't put people under, you'd have to go to an Oral Surgeon for that, besides, I don't think you'll need it"
Never really needed gas to start laughing, I figured to myself. Lets move on..
Engineer: "Are you gonna give me a lot of Vicodin?"
Ms. Dentist: "That depends on how it goes. We'll see"
That's not a good answer. I've always heard about the wonder of Vicodin. and now that I finally have a legit reason to atleast try some, I get a "Depends". Depends is for incontinence, woman!! Besides, all the help I'm expecting later this week is contingent on that part going through!
Engineer: "Am I gonna have whiplash, since you'll yanking my teeth, and I'll be pulling back?"
Ms.Dentist: "Excuse me?"
At this point, she started laughing. I was actually serious. If you're gonna yank my teeth, howz my neck going to be supported?
Ms. Dentist: "That's the first time I ever heard that. Don't worry about it, you'll be fine"
D-Day.
I've made a big enough deal about it.. every one who knows me has heard bout this.. most of them have been assigned duties, against their wills, of course. Transportation to & fro, meds, food etc. I figured, its the only time I'm ever getting my wisdoms pulled, might as well milk it!
I'm a tad apprehensive, but not really worried. some 20 years ago when i was a youngun, we went to the dentist to extract some of my Baby teeth to make room for the "Big Real" teeth i was getting. They applied the topical numbing agent, and busted out the syringe. i saw the needle, and i'm like.. "oh hells no!", and i kicked the dentist in the nads and ran out. Of course, they tried to chase me down.. Led to a pretty comical scene .. Dentist chasing me, followed by the assistant, followed by my mom. I got out of that one, never got 'em extracted, and i did alright.
Back to now, no such shenanigans, i get numbed up pretty good this time.
First tooth goes fine.. until they take it out, and see that the roots were way more spread. Bit that's still ok. I'm thinking this is easy.
Second tooth (impacted) needs to be chipped. they start trying to break it up. Need more anasthetic. still tryign to chip it.. aint happening
Ms. Dentist: "Thats some strong enamel you got there.. haven't seen such a hard-to-break tooth in ages"
Is that a compliment? You are trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson!
still hacking away, i'm getting sore.. not used to having my jaw stretched so far wide that the sides of my mouth are threating to bust open.
.....and then they heave a sigh.. the tooth is out.. or is it?
I look at the assistant's face. she's got an expressive face! she's like "Uh Oh"
Great! Just what I wanted to hear. and now its hurting like a mudda!
Ms. Dentist: "Suction! Scissors! Suction MORE SUCTION! "
and then i see her snapping off something from the tooth, I can even feel it cuz i'm hurting right about now.
The tooth was stuck to the bone & tissue, hence the pain.... and the expression of the assistant.
I'm exhausted at this point.. Usually, I've a high threshold for pain, but I'm really tired now. All that chipping and pulling has taken its toll.. they numb my other side now, and ask me:
"Do you still want to continue? Your appointment was scheduled to end right now, but we're only halfway there... Are you too tired"
"What do you suggest, Ms. Dentist?" Atleast, that's what I tried to say.. not sure what it sounded like to her.
"If you can, I think you should, you already have all the anasthesia, why double the dosage for next time"
"I agree, lets get this over with" say I, as I gulp down a cup of water, which, unbenownst to me, promptly flows all the way down my bib onto my shirt...
Third one comes out.. not too much pain.. she had to still chop away at the bone..
Ms. Dentist: "Hey Assistant, tell Receptionist to bill this correctly. We thought it was a Simple, but its surgical"
Great! i'm in pain.. but why is my wallet hurting now? Sympathy pains I suppose
4th one comes off.. it was like the 2nd one.. boy did it take its toll on me.
My jaw hurts, my mouths all sore.. my gums are tender (and they're bleeding like Niagara!) The dentist claims she hasn't had one this hard in years.
I get gauzed up, and now the anesthetic is wearing off.. Just what i needed! I get my post-op instructions.. and off to the pharmacy I go.
Pharmacy Chick: "our pharmacist is out to lunch, there is nothing we can do. You have two prescriptions ahead of you, plus you're a new patient. It'll be about 90 minutes"
Here I am biting my lip (mainly cuz i can't feel it), clenching my jaw (mainly, cuz i can't feel it), and thumbing my fists, (mainly, cuz my anasthetic is wearing off, and i'm hurting), and this broad wants 90 minutes to fill my Vicodin?
Doesn't she realize that that's my deal with all those involved in transporting me to & from the dentist. " A Ride for a Favre" sums it up quite well!
90 minutes later, I get my meds, its begun to kick in.. and now I'm not as grumpy and sore as I was an hour ago..
Now, I'm just the Wisdom-Less Canuck Engineer
Oral Beauty!
For someone who's been orthodontically blessed most of his life, last months' dentist's visit came as a bit of a surprise. Every since I moved to SoCal, preventive health had taken a backseat. Almost 2 years later, i decided to get my teeth cleaned. The appointment happened as a result of my escapades at the Bank, in the same food court.
2 weeks later, at the appointment, I meet Mr. Dentist, greeting me with a huge smile. Suddenly, I felt like my balls were in a brace.. weird feeling, sort of what people associate with walking into a used Car lot owned by Guido Suave! ( I do have a soft spot for the car sales profession, but we'll discuss that in another post).
Dentist: "Mr Canuck, how're you doing, I'm Dentist. (I was waiting for "I'm Rick James, bitch!".. wrong show!). I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions, they might sound weird but bear with me"
I sigh to myself. Sure, I'll humour you, Mr. Dentist.as I prepared myself for the upsell...teeth whitening strips, Invisaligns, Electric ToothBrushes, some platinum grills. That last idea aint half bad. :D
Dentist: "How do you like your smile"
Engineer: "Fantastical, next!"
Dentist: "What would you change about your face?"
Engineer: "I'm the next coming of Narcissus. I'd actually like to clone my face, I think its perfect" I would've liked to have said that.. i Just said. " Nothing"
Dentist: "Are you open to cosmetic improvement for your oral beauty"... Oral Beauty?? The last time I heard a sentence with those two words in it.....well....well, lets keep this PG-13, what say ye!
I mumbled something that said..I dont' really care for it
Dentist: "Thank you very much Mr. Canuck, we'll now do the x-ray jazz and oral examination"
"Umm, nurse, why don't you take 3 x-rays from each angle, and then do the panoramic.. and then if you want to do any individuals, do the the three molars each.. and how about a couple of the front ones as well..... Howz your insurance Mr. Canuck?"
Anyways, despite the extremely slick-haired 'interduction", the exam wasn't too eventful after that. I was scheduled for a cleaning, and a "discussion". Turns out I had a couple of wisdom teeth that were impacted, so they needed to be yanked. Might as well grab the upper ones at the same time.. Sure. And one impacted tooth caused decay in my molar.. so need a fillign for that.. oh whats that, not a filling, but an onlay? oh sweet, only $1300 for one of those.. oh the insurance covers an entire HALF of that.. Aren't you just wonderful, Mr. Dentist.
So I leave the dentist, with a "suggested" action estimate totalling 2G's out of pocket.. Welcome to SoCal, Canuck, where the Doctors play and the Engineers pay!
2 weeks later, at the appointment, I meet Mr. Dentist, greeting me with a huge smile. Suddenly, I felt like my balls were in a brace.. weird feeling, sort of what people associate with walking into a used Car lot owned by Guido Suave! ( I do have a soft spot for the car sales profession, but we'll discuss that in another post).
Dentist: "Mr Canuck, how're you doing, I'm Dentist. (I was waiting for "I'm Rick James, bitch!".. wrong show!). I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions, they might sound weird but bear with me"
I sigh to myself. Sure, I'll humour you, Mr. Dentist.as I prepared myself for the upsell...teeth whitening strips, Invisaligns, Electric ToothBrushes, some platinum grills. That last idea aint half bad. :D
Dentist: "How do you like your smile"
Engineer: "Fantastical, next!"
Dentist: "What would you change about your face?"
Engineer: "I'm the next coming of Narcissus. I'd actually like to clone my face, I think its perfect" I would've liked to have said that.. i Just said. " Nothing"
Dentist: "Are you open to cosmetic improvement for your oral beauty"... Oral Beauty?? The last time I heard a sentence with those two words in it.....well....well, lets keep this PG-13, what say ye!
I mumbled something that said..I dont' really care for it
Dentist: "Thank you very much Mr. Canuck, we'll now do the x-ray jazz and oral examination"
"Umm, nurse, why don't you take 3 x-rays from each angle, and then do the panoramic.. and then if you want to do any individuals, do the the three molars each.. and how about a couple of the front ones as well..... Howz your insurance Mr. Canuck?"
Anyways, despite the extremely slick-haired 'interduction", the exam wasn't too eventful after that. I was scheduled for a cleaning, and a "discussion". Turns out I had a couple of wisdom teeth that were impacted, so they needed to be yanked. Might as well grab the upper ones at the same time.. Sure. And one impacted tooth caused decay in my molar.. so need a fillign for that.. oh whats that, not a filling, but an onlay? oh sweet, only $1300 for one of those.. oh the insurance covers an entire HALF of that.. Aren't you just wonderful, Mr. Dentist.
So I leave the dentist, with a "suggested" action estimate totalling 2G's out of pocket.. Welcome to SoCal, Canuck, where the Doctors play and the Engineers pay!
"Canada? Is that near Detroit?"
Going through my paperwork on one of those dreaded Sunday evenings, with the sinking feeling in your stomach... "uh oh, tomorrow's Work!".
And then I spot something.. a Cheque.. jeez is it christmas already? actually it is.. a cheque from christmas that I haven't deposited yet...its from home.. so its a Canadian Dollar cheque.. I guess its time for a visit to the bank.
Next day I visit the bank, and i hand them my Canadian Cheque, and BrilliantTeller looks at me like i'm outer space.
"You'd like to CASH this, sir?".
"yes, I'd like it deposited in my account"
"Well, we're going to have to convert it to US Dollars. this is a foreign Cheque"
"Yes, I realize that... thats why I'm here"
"Oh..well.. let me see" Brilliant Teller then tries to fumble around with his terminal.. then calls the supervisor over.
Supervisor: "So you want to cash a Canadian Cheque?"
"yes, ma'am"
"We're going to have to convert it"
"yes, ma'am"
"It won't be for the same amount... We'll have to apply the exchange rate!" She looks at me, with a triumphant expression suited for someone who had just solved the "Da Vinci Code"
I have a comment oozing sarcasm in my mouth, but i bury it there.
"yes ma'am, that'll be fine"
Supervisor fiddles around with the computer. I grow more aware of the line I'm holding up.
Supervisor: "well, we're going to have to figure this out..umm, our computer system isn't working right"
"Alright, i can take a walk and be back in about 20"
"Great!"
So I decided to walk around. Right next to the bank, in the plaza, was a food court, along with a bunch of stores. One of them said "Dentist". I said why not, and got me an appointment for two weeks. I haven't had a check-up since i moved here almost two years ago!
I walk back to the bank and they're still perplexed over this.. The lineup at the teller is now almost 10 people, all of them staring at me, their watches, while yapping on their cellphones, explaining why their lunch hasn't ended yet.
You can derail a train off the rails with a Canadian Loonie ($1 coin)... I guess you can derail Bank of America, all you need is a Canadian Check, eh :)
So I make my way to the counter:
Supervisor: "Sir, this is an unusual request. How about we hang onto your check, and deposit it into your account, once we're done with this rush.. leave us your phone number and we'll call and confirm that"
I like the offer, so I take it and leave. Really does surprise me as to how much commotion a single foreign currency cheque can cause in a bank.
Its not like I tried to cash a cheque from the Bank of Azerbaijan. Its from a Bank in Canada.. CANADA.. y'know that 51st state up there.
Supervisor: "Sir, before you leave, can we see some ID to confirm your address"
I flash her my Canadian Driver's license. (Yea, I should get on that. Supposed to have one within 10 days of moving here... Oh well, whats an extra 500 days between friends)
BrilliantTeller: "Where is that from?".
Engineer: "Its from Canada"..
BrilliantTeller: "Canada?? is that near Detroit?".
I stare back at him.. blink a couple of times...
"Yes...especially at this time of the year, it is!"
and then I walk away
"Is that near Detroit"!!!
Wow!!! My checks did get cashed later that day... The Engineer from the country "near detroit" was served well , after all !!
And then I spot something.. a Cheque.. jeez is it christmas already? actually it is.. a cheque from christmas that I haven't deposited yet...its from home.. so its a Canadian Dollar cheque.. I guess its time for a visit to the bank.
Next day I visit the bank, and i hand them my Canadian Cheque, and BrilliantTeller looks at me like i'm outer space.
"You'd like to CASH this, sir?".
"yes, I'd like it deposited in my account"
"Well, we're going to have to convert it to US Dollars. this is a foreign Cheque"
"Yes, I realize that... thats why I'm here"
"Oh..well.. let me see" Brilliant Teller then tries to fumble around with his terminal.. then calls the supervisor over.
Supervisor: "So you want to cash a Canadian Cheque?"
"yes, ma'am"
"We're going to have to convert it"
"yes, ma'am"
"It won't be for the same amount... We'll have to apply the exchange rate!" She looks at me, with a triumphant expression suited for someone who had just solved the "Da Vinci Code"
I have a comment oozing sarcasm in my mouth, but i bury it there.
"yes ma'am, that'll be fine"
Supervisor fiddles around with the computer. I grow more aware of the line I'm holding up.
Supervisor: "well, we're going to have to figure this out..umm, our computer system isn't working right"
"Alright, i can take a walk and be back in about 20"
"Great!"
So I decided to walk around. Right next to the bank, in the plaza, was a food court, along with a bunch of stores. One of them said "Dentist". I said why not, and got me an appointment for two weeks. I haven't had a check-up since i moved here almost two years ago!
I walk back to the bank and they're still perplexed over this.. The lineup at the teller is now almost 10 people, all of them staring at me, their watches, while yapping on their cellphones, explaining why their lunch hasn't ended yet.
You can derail a train off the rails with a Canadian Loonie ($1 coin)... I guess you can derail Bank of America, all you need is a Canadian Check, eh :)
So I make my way to the counter:
Supervisor: "Sir, this is an unusual request. How about we hang onto your check, and deposit it into your account, once we're done with this rush.. leave us your phone number and we'll call and confirm that"
I like the offer, so I take it and leave. Really does surprise me as to how much commotion a single foreign currency cheque can cause in a bank.
Its not like I tried to cash a cheque from the Bank of Azerbaijan. Its from a Bank in Canada.. CANADA.. y'know that 51st state up there.
Supervisor: "Sir, before you leave, can we see some ID to confirm your address"
I flash her my Canadian Driver's license. (Yea, I should get on that. Supposed to have one within 10 days of moving here... Oh well, whats an extra 500 days between friends)
BrilliantTeller: "Where is that from?".
Engineer: "Its from Canada"..
BrilliantTeller: "Canada?? is that near Detroit?".
I stare back at him.. blink a couple of times...
"Yes...especially at this time of the year, it is!"
and then I walk away
"Is that near Detroit"!!!
Wow!!! My checks did get cashed later that day... The Engineer from the country "near detroit" was served well , after all !!
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