"So I been meaning to talk to you about something at work"
"Are you taking a vacation anytime soon?"
"Ya maybe, but seriously, we need to discuss a project coming up"
"So whens the bachelor party?"
"My cousin's gettnig married, and you're not invited... But Dude, when are we discussing this project?"
"Vegas? Bellagio?"
"I dunno.. Could be in Canada. I need more resources to get this done. Are you free next month?"
"I'll go if K, V & J come along. I think we'll have a blast"
"So its a deal, you're gonna help me on this project?"
"What Project?"
"the one I've been talking about all week?"
"You lost me at hello!"
"No Doubt"
"Niiiiceee"
"Giggity Giggitttyyy"
"Awwwwwiiiiiigggggggghhhhttt"
And so began another day in Canuck Engineer Land
Friday, February 29, 2008
A Night in The NightLIfe
"So what DOO you do for a living?", asked the young co-ed
"I'm a magician!"
"ya, ok, that's probably your move in clubs like this, but seriously what do you do?"
"You mean, when I'm not a marine?"
"Yes, when you're not performing magic, or being a marine"
"oh y0u mean when the world is not allowed the pleasure of my services.."
"Canuck, can you tell me already, what you do, otherwise I'm walking away from this table, and not paying for you drink"
Now this was a huge threat, because you never wanna turn down a free drink, and since I'd already got a drink and 3 smokes for my friends from her friends, I suppose I shouldn't screw this one up.
"Do you have a cell phone?"
the bitch shield goes up.. her friend says.. "No"
"Really.. You claim you don't have a cell phone in your purse?"
"Ya, I dont' need a cellphone to talk to my friends", said the friend..
Ringgggggg Ringngggggggg
As soon as she said she didnt' own a phone, her phone rang
She looked more sheepish than she could ever imagine.. Victory was mine. The bitch shield was off.
The British chick continued..."So Canuck, are you ever gonna say what you do"
"Yea.. Do you have a cell phone?"
"Of course I do"
"Well, Do you like to talk on it"
"Duhh..what else is a phone good for?"
"Ya.. I only use my phone to answer calls that my friends call me for. What do you use one for?" said the friend with the bitch shield slowly wearing off
"Well, I dunno.. All I do with Cell phones is I make it happen... I make your cell phone work"
"So you're a cell phone dude? are y0u one of those guys at the mall hollering at chicks for cell phones?"
"umm.. ya, I suppose I am a cell phone dude.. but no I dont' work at malls.. Just clubs like this, where i sell you new cell phones"
"But I don't want a new cell phone. I'm happy with this new phone of mine.. I even got a pink case for it"
"Well, if you had a new cell phone, you could call people on Verizon for free"
"Well, I already have Verizon.. Are you on Verizon also? So I could call you, and it wouldnt' cost us. Whats your number?" asked the hot Brit.
Victory was mine. A chick was asking me for digits... AND she was hot!!! And then she and her friend started gazing at each other verrrry lovingly...and then they got closer...
BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
I woke up. with a start.. The damn alarm clock said.. ."9:48" The dot on the AM was on.
I was late for my 10 am meeting!
and so another day started. Nice Dream.... and late to a meeting..
This is the life...for the Canuck Engineer.
"I'm a magician!"
"ya, ok, that's probably your move in clubs like this, but seriously what do you do?"
"You mean, when I'm not a marine?"
"Yes, when you're not performing magic, or being a marine"
"oh y0u mean when the world is not allowed the pleasure of my services.."
"Canuck, can you tell me already, what you do, otherwise I'm walking away from this table, and not paying for you drink"
Now this was a huge threat, because you never wanna turn down a free drink, and since I'd already got a drink and 3 smokes for my friends from her friends, I suppose I shouldn't screw this one up.
"Do you have a cell phone?"
the bitch shield goes up.. her friend says.. "No"
"Really.. You claim you don't have a cell phone in your purse?"
"Ya, I dont' need a cellphone to talk to my friends", said the friend..
Ringgggggg Ringngggggggg
As soon as she said she didnt' own a phone, her phone rang
She looked more sheepish than she could ever imagine.. Victory was mine. The bitch shield was off.
The British chick continued..."So Canuck, are you ever gonna say what you do"
"Yea.. Do you have a cell phone?"
"Of course I do"
"Well, Do you like to talk on it"
"Duhh..what else is a phone good for?"
"Ya.. I only use my phone to answer calls that my friends call me for. What do you use one for?" said the friend with the bitch shield slowly wearing off
"Well, I dunno.. All I do with Cell phones is I make it happen... I make your cell phone work"
"So you're a cell phone dude? are y0u one of those guys at the mall hollering at chicks for cell phones?"
"umm.. ya, I suppose I am a cell phone dude.. but no I dont' work at malls.. Just clubs like this, where i sell you new cell phones"
"But I don't want a new cell phone. I'm happy with this new phone of mine.. I even got a pink case for it"
"Well, if you had a new cell phone, you could call people on Verizon for free"
"Well, I already have Verizon.. Are you on Verizon also? So I could call you, and it wouldnt' cost us. Whats your number?" asked the hot Brit.
Victory was mine. A chick was asking me for digits... AND she was hot!!! And then she and her friend started gazing at each other verrrry lovingly...and then they got closer...
BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
I woke up. with a start.. The damn alarm clock said.. ."9:48" The dot on the AM was on.
I was late for my 10 am meeting!
and so another day started. Nice Dream.... and late to a meeting..
This is the life...for the Canuck Engineer.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Stacey's Mom
She's got it going on.
lol.. for those of you wondering where I suddenly got this new found appreciation for older women... relax.. if you don't know that song by Fountains of Wayne, know it now...its been in my head all day!!
lol.. for those of you wondering where I suddenly got this new found appreciation for older women... relax.. if you don't know that song by Fountains of Wayne, know it now...its been in my head all day!!
We is almost a year old!
Its almost a year since CanuckEngineer started. Sure the posting has been sporadic, but it would never have happened had I not gotten my wisdom teeth pulled one fine morning in March, and get Vicodin'd out of my mind. For the next few days, all i did was stay at home, pop the pills and blog on this site. I suppose you can say.. I'll always have that March OD on painkillers...
That got me thinking. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of such few-day or few month instances which in their own way were more than significant in the life of the Canuck Engineer.
I'll always have:
I also learn to not ask questions during ER or Prison Break. If you do, the first time you'll be ignored. The second time, you'll be shushed. The third time, the DVR will be paused, and you'll get a strong bitchslap from your roommate.
Don't take calls during dinner at North 44. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from your date and you could get replaced by the waiter
Do please the non-baseball fan with an icecream to distract them while you watch Roy Halladay pitch. If you don't, your ER favors from above will be returned in kind.
Don't assume you have car-fixing skills and that your can paint/reattach your side view mirrors on your car. If you do, you will fail.. and have to sell your car off in the next couple of weeks.
Don't speed during speedtraps at the US/Canadian border. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the cop waiting for you in the median.
and finally, don't assume that a prix fix menu makes it affordable for you to take 6 people out for dinner. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the gay server when you do a doubletake on the cheque..
Well, them was some good months....Most of you will have a strong "WTF" while reading this, so the next time I'm giving thanks, I'll bring to you my experiences with dem cops right thurr.
-Canuck Engineer
That got me thinking. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of such few-day or few month instances which in their own way were more than significant in the life of the Canuck Engineer.
I'll always have:
- Bomber Night
- IRS... when we earned that Iron Ring!
I also learn to not ask questions during ER or Prison Break. If you do, the first time you'll be ignored. The second time, you'll be shushed. The third time, the DVR will be paused, and you'll get a strong bitchslap from your roommate.
- the 5-course meal
- GradBall
Don't take calls during dinner at North 44. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from your date and you could get replaced by the waiter
- CindyBear
- Jays game in the Rain.....
Do please the non-baseball fan with an icecream to distract them while you watch Roy Halladay pitch. If you don't, your ER favors from above will be returned in kind.
- "That First Sale"
- Sassafras
Don't assume you have car-fixing skills and that your can paint/reattach your side view mirrors on your car. If you do, you will fail.. and have to sell your car off in the next couple of weeks.
- The GO Train Doors
- XLR for the birthday weekend
Don't speed during speedtraps at the US/Canadian border. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the cop waiting for you in the median.
- Altoids
- "WoF"
and finally, don't assume that a prix fix menu makes it affordable for you to take 6 people out for dinner. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the gay server when you do a doubletake on the cheque..
Well, them was some good months....Most of you will have a strong "WTF" while reading this, so the next time I'm giving thanks, I'll bring to you my experiences with dem cops right thurr.
-Canuck Engineer
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Squiggly Line
Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.
I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision.
I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision.
But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Good Night, Selfish.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Good Night, Selfish.
Bottle Wise, TableSpoon Foolish
Congratulations. You have passed your mission.
The following details may interest you.
Tequila: Jose Cuervo Gold
Quantity: 2 Tbsps
Location: Same Ol' Bar & Grill
Time: 8:30pm..
Please leave a comment of confirmation. Fare Thee Well!
-The Canuck Engineer
The following details may interest you.
Tequila: Jose Cuervo Gold
Quantity: 2 Tbsps
Location: Same Ol' Bar & Grill
Time: 8:30pm..
Please leave a comment of confirmation. Fare Thee Well!
-The Canuck Engineer
Sunday, February 10, 2008
He Said, She Said
There aint nothing common between a male mind and that of a female.. Nothing..
As a direct corollary from that, men and women have different definitions for most things...
Some classics of course are..
Female: "I have a headache"
Translation: "You behaved like an ass over dinner, and I'm cutting you off for a while"
Male: "I have a headache"
Translation: "My favorite team lost today. I'm going to sleep.... but i'll still have time for a quickie!"
Female: "Its not you, its me!"
Translation: "Its you!"
Male: "I'm just going golfing"
Translation: "I can barely swing a club. I just want to get away from my wife.. and the kids.. and the chores....even if just for a few hours.."
But then there's the sense of timing that varies drastically between men and women..
A woman saying "I'm late" can cause untold effects on men, symptoms including jaw dropping, butt clenching, sever choking & asphyxiation, and usually uncontrolled sobbing.. Sometimes, all of the above.
A Man saying "I'm late" would usually be met by the response "About friggin time you showed up, Canuck!"
I was reading a blog the other day, about how women may consider a couple of months without a boyfriend an eternity. Yet I'm sure there are men in this world with dry spells that would make the Sahara jealous.
If a bunch of girls at a party say "they're tired", its usually that they're bored. If a bunch of attractive men were to appear in their eyeline, they'd likely outstay the rest of the party-ers.
If however a guy at a party says "I'm tired", it just means that there is a sausage overload at that party, all of them trying to game the lone girl who showed up. He's just cutting his losses and licking his wounds.
When the Canuck Engineer says "I'm tired", it just means he's finding an excuse to be home to play his newly acquired Wii. :)
As a direct corollary from that, men and women have different definitions for most things...
Some classics of course are..
Female: "I have a headache"
Translation: "You behaved like an ass over dinner, and I'm cutting you off for a while"
Male: "I have a headache"
Translation: "My favorite team lost today. I'm going to sleep.... but i'll still have time for a quickie!"
Female: "Its not you, its me!"
Translation: "Its you!"
Male: "I'm just going golfing"
Translation: "I can barely swing a club. I just want to get away from my wife.. and the kids.. and the chores....even if just for a few hours.."
But then there's the sense of timing that varies drastically between men and women..
A woman saying "I'm late" can cause untold effects on men, symptoms including jaw dropping, butt clenching, sever choking & asphyxiation, and usually uncontrolled sobbing.. Sometimes, all of the above.
A Man saying "I'm late" would usually be met by the response "About friggin time you showed up, Canuck!"
I was reading a blog the other day, about how women may consider a couple of months without a boyfriend an eternity. Yet I'm sure there are men in this world with dry spells that would make the Sahara jealous.
If a bunch of girls at a party say "they're tired", its usually that they're bored. If a bunch of attractive men were to appear in their eyeline, they'd likely outstay the rest of the party-ers.
If however a guy at a party says "I'm tired", it just means that there is a sausage overload at that party, all of them trying to game the lone girl who showed up. He's just cutting his losses and licking his wounds.
When the Canuck Engineer says "I'm tired", it just means he's finding an excuse to be home to play his newly acquired Wii. :)
The Klawny Post
I was at my man Klawny's the other day, and we were discussing the Christmas break, and the recent uneventfulness after the New Years.
Klawny : "ya, its been quiet for over a month now"
Canuck: "dude, you were on vacation for the longest time. Whenchu get back?"
Klawny: "January 4th. I came on the 4th. Its been a month already!"
Canuck: "Dry Spell huh!"
For the usually quick-witted Klawny, he spent an eternity mulling that one before catching the impish grin on my face, and going for the obvious reference. It was interesting, because for the number of such digs that I take at him, one of the few joyous past times of mine, he has retorted back to an unusually high percentage.
Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been subjected to my single-tracked sense of what most would rank second only to potty humor, for over a month.
Perhaps, it was the consumption of all that Vodka mixed in a vat of Blue Curacao. We were after all at the "Official Cock-tail Party", sans any tail.. so you can tell what it mostly was :).. Oh by the way, We did order some good pizza.
Speaking of Meat-Lovers, Klawny takes enough shots at himself in his own rant page, which I find an amusing read. I especially look forward to occasions he reacquaints with his pet spider.
Sometimes the tone is a tad more sombre.. But I'm not worried. When life gives Klawny lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Klawny f'kin hates Lemonade!
-CanuckEngineer, Founding Member, Fans United against the Castigation of Klawny.
Klawny : "ya, its been quiet for over a month now"
Canuck: "dude, you were on vacation for the longest time. Whenchu get back?"
Klawny: "January 4th. I came on the 4th. Its been a month already!"
Canuck: "Dry Spell huh!"
For the usually quick-witted Klawny, he spent an eternity mulling that one before catching the impish grin on my face, and going for the obvious reference. It was interesting, because for the number of such digs that I take at him, one of the few joyous past times of mine, he has retorted back to an unusually high percentage.
Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been subjected to my single-tracked sense of what most would rank second only to potty humor, for over a month.
Perhaps, it was the consumption of all that Vodka mixed in a vat of Blue Curacao. We were after all at the "Official Cock-tail Party", sans any tail.. so you can tell what it mostly was :).. Oh by the way, We did order some good pizza.
Speaking of Meat-Lovers, Klawny takes enough shots at himself in his own rant page, which I find an amusing read. I especially look forward to occasions he reacquaints with his pet spider.
Sometimes the tone is a tad more sombre.. But I'm not worried. When life gives Klawny lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Klawny f'kin hates Lemonade!
-CanuckEngineer, Founding Member, Fans United against the Castigation of Klawny.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Canuck Dr. Phil
It was a cold December afternoon, down in Sunny SoCal, when I saw an OOO email from Beeks, stating he was flying out for his marriage, and won't be back for about 4 weeks. I panicked... "O Dang, I betta try to call him, I still haven't wished him luck.. God Knows every man needs that!".
ring ring ring
"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"
"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"
"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."
"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"
"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.
"I can tell you this conversation blows"
"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"
"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."
"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."
"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"
I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "
"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..
"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."
"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..
"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."
"Uh why not, Canuck?"
"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"
"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".
Now it was my turn to ignore him..
"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"
I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...
"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"
sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...
You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."
"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"
"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"
lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..
"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"
Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....
"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!
static... white... .noise..
Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)
ring ring ring
"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"
"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"
"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."
"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"
"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.
"I can tell you this conversation blows"
"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"
"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."
"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."
"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"
I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "
"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..
"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."
"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..
"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."
"Uh why not, Canuck?"
"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"
"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".
Now it was my turn to ignore him..
"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"
I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...
"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"
sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...
You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."
"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"
"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"
lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..
"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"
Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....
"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!
static... white... .noise..
Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)
The Insomniac Post
Yes, I know its been a while since I've posted anything. But I'm gonna start updating this blog frequently. I've just been on vacations the past couple of months, and haven't really been in the Blogzone. But got a few stories to tell, so stay tuned over the next few weeks. I already posted a few recently:)
and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P
And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.
Night Night!
and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P
And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.
Night Night!
Double Parked, Double Booked?
"Its a bbq.. just bring your appetite. yes, I know Canuck, that you will..." My man, Beeks, says in his email. The latest one to get married in our group, Beeks wanted to introduce his fiance to his So Cal crew... It was a Saturday afternoon BBQ-at-the-Park, but I had said I'd be delayed due to other commitments.
My football team was out supporting the Girls' tournament that Saturday. We were supposed to have had our tournament the week before, but due to rain and ground conditions, it got posponed.... yes, unfortunate indeed, because in the scrimmage that ensued, I came out sans the use of my finger. If it had been the tournament, atleast I coulda claimed it was a Wound O' War.... Oh well.
Anyways, the girls team did exceptionally well, and definitely beat my expectations when they reached the finals of the tournament. it was a great performance, but alas, it had lasted until well past 5pm that day.. As soon as the game was over, I made like a banana and split to catch whatever remained of the BBQ.... (Did I mention that i was staaahvin?) Of course, it took me about 30 minutes to get out cause some yahoo had decided to double park right next to my car.... of course!!!
By the time I arrived, it was dark already and the crowd had gathered around the grill to toast their hands like they were marshmallows. "ah Canuck... about friggin time Your Highness got here..."... where the hell were you...?"
I told them.
my man Klowny wouldn't let this chance go. "You were Cheeeerleaaading???????"
"No, I was 'supporting' our girls team"
"So how does it feel to be a male cheerleader?", he continued.
"I was NOT cheerleading.. i was cheering them on so they would return the favor at our game"
"What, so they would return their pom poms to you?"
sigh...This was not an arguement I was gonna win.. Nor a battle I wanted to contest. Beeks to the rescue, introducing to me his newlywed better half..... and yes.. literally.. Half :)
"Thanks for calling me before I flew out for my wedding man", continued Beeks.
"hey man.. i'm glad I caught you just in time.. Besides, I can claim I was the last person to wish you luck for the future"... beamed I.... I'd given up on being the first or the best at anything a long time ago.. Now I just took pride in maximizing the things I could be the last to do.
"Ya, bro.. Thanks for the call...and those Marriage Tips."
My mind flashed back to that afternoon in December .. an afternoon, when I was The Canuck Dr. Phil... not just... the Canuck Engineer..
My football team was out supporting the Girls' tournament that Saturday. We were supposed to have had our tournament the week before, but due to rain and ground conditions, it got posponed.... yes, unfortunate indeed, because in the scrimmage that ensued, I came out sans the use of my finger. If it had been the tournament, atleast I coulda claimed it was a Wound O' War.... Oh well.
Anyways, the girls team did exceptionally well, and definitely beat my expectations when they reached the finals of the tournament. it was a great performance, but alas, it had lasted until well past 5pm that day.. As soon as the game was over, I made like a banana and split to catch whatever remained of the BBQ.... (Did I mention that i was staaahvin?) Of course, it took me about 30 minutes to get out cause some yahoo had decided to double park right next to my car.... of course!!!
By the time I arrived, it was dark already and the crowd had gathered around the grill to toast their hands like they were marshmallows. "ah Canuck... about friggin time Your Highness got here..."... where the hell were you...?"
I told them.
my man Klowny wouldn't let this chance go. "You were Cheeeerleaaading???????"
"No, I was 'supporting' our girls team"
"So how does it feel to be a male cheerleader?", he continued.
"I was NOT cheerleading.. i was cheering them on so they would return the favor at our game"
"What, so they would return their pom poms to you?"
sigh...This was not an arguement I was gonna win.. Nor a battle I wanted to contest. Beeks to the rescue, introducing to me his newlywed better half..... and yes.. literally.. Half :)
"Thanks for calling me before I flew out for my wedding man", continued Beeks.
"hey man.. i'm glad I caught you just in time.. Besides, I can claim I was the last person to wish you luck for the future"... beamed I.... I'd given up on being the first or the best at anything a long time ago.. Now I just took pride in maximizing the things I could be the last to do.
"Ya, bro.. Thanks for the call...and those Marriage Tips."
My mind flashed back to that afternoon in December .. an afternoon, when I was The Canuck Dr. Phil... not just... the Canuck Engineer..
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Do Unto Others...
The world's a comic convention! My typical email this past week:
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
Had a Bad Day?
I was about to whine about day at work.. after all the original name of this blog was going to be Engineering Rant... But then I saw this video..... compilation of many bad days at work..
Pirates of the Car-ibean?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Super Tuesday
Its Polling Day around here.. and the Elections Fever is in the air. I'm going to bother anyone with my views on these Primaries.. but I think this picture might be topical.. if a bit crass :)
Million to One Shot ?
"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. Feel free to read a magazine". I'm in an urgent care facility, hoping to get my finger x-rayed after my latest football injury.
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Swollen Members
"You alright, Canuck?" asks my O-line mate.
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
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