I just logged onto my Orkut account.. and on there..
Today's fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly
In the words of Borat.... NYYYYCEEEEEEEE!!!!!
With that I'm off to Vegas..
EYYYEEEE LAAIKKKKEEEEE!!!!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Does Length Matter? :)
"Would you not date someone shorter than you?"
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Light of Darkness
The flames go on, the bushes dry yet deep,
I am reminded of all the promises I'm yet to keep
Yet as I stare at those mountains and canyons ablaze
watching as the fireballs crackle through my gaze
listening to the voice of reason asking us to flee
I'm left wondering if this was how I wanted it to be
Its time for high tea and I have no desire for even a scone
I am one to enjoy a rack of lamb, but I'm still dining alone
I stare into the burning red sky, gazing into the hue
I realize a little too late, buttefly, all I ever wanted was you.
-Light of Darkness
The Missing Link!
Who understands women? Freud sure as hell died trying muttering the words that would inspire the title of a Mel Gibson flick "What do Women Want?"
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Magellan - The Navigational Genius
The morning after my famous trek in a suit, right after the company party, I mapquested our route.
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
The Radar lies within...
Last week, I attended the company party. I added the period for effect. For all the things the company I work for can't do, they sure know how to throw a good party once a year... and that's the bone all of us mignons work for all year around.
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)