Two Shakes of a Lamb's Tail

My boss decided to walk into my office last Friday... at the end of the day.

This was the guy who hired me many many moons ago when I was the Canuck Intern Engineer... We went back a long way....or so I always felt. He had now become a big shot within the organization.. and so our interactions were not as frequent as before.

"So how're things Canuck....Are you still worthy of this office, or should we get you into a cubicle already".. Good Ole boss.. always knew how to pay me a compliment!

There's never time for pleasantries with the big shots.. so you have to take advantage of the time you do get.. and I had always wanted his opinion on how he managed people.
In the world we live, we are defined by our relationships with people. Every single person you meet .. they become a part of your life.. in however insignificant a part.. but still a part. Those that matter will become a bigger part of your life story.. others may become mere footnotes.. some might be relegated to the addendums.. some may not even make it to the index..but dealing with people is probably the single most important skill anyone can acquire as long as the world we live in has humans.

He dove in to the answer... and then after another follow up question.. continued.

"....the hardest part is to make sure people stay motivated. We've all been passed up for a promotion.. sometimes twice. Its how you handle these things that define your career.. I mean who amongst us has not been rejected in some part of our lives... ".

It was pretty topical.
Coworkers had been affected.
Some of my friends had been affected..
I'm sure a lot of people I don't know are also affected.
I wish I could say all of this to them..

Rejection.

When things don't go the way you had anticipated, there are always repercussions.. Everyone deals with setbacks in pretty much everything they do. Which banker has not had a merger canceled on him? There isn't a salesman or real estate agent who had a deal fall through when everything was just set. Every single employee at some point has felt some form of rejection. whether it was an anticipated promotion they felt they deserved.. a career opportunity.. a raise... There is always a setback.

Most people in the 20s or 30s have experienced at least one relationship setback.. Some had high school sweethearts that didn't work out.. Some even got left at the altar... Others get married and then get divorced. There isn't one of these situations that feels good at that time. Heck, How I Met Your Mother is a show where a man tells his kids the story of him meeting his mother.. but six seasons in, all I see are stories of heartbreak after another.

But that's just pretty much a fact of life. There will always be rejection.. There will always be a sense of loss. Some forms of loss are much graver than others. Having a close relative, a parent or a spouse die..even worse.. having to bury your kid. That is a colossal loss.. one that might take forever to heal from.. Others may be easier to deal with.

Regardless, you still need to deal with it.

The way you deal with rejection ends up defining the way you see life. Unfortunately, people take vary different approaches to dealing with this. I met a friend of mine who had just broken off an engagement. He kept telling me how his health was deteriorating, his job performance suffered. and that he just could not focus on anything.. and that he felt bitter about any future relationships.

There's no sugar coating it. Its tough. We've all been there. When things don't go your way, sometimes you can laugh it off, sleep in and be ready the next morning.. Other times, you might find yourself unable to focus on anything. You watch entire movies but don't' remember half of what you saw.. You might sit on a couch for hours and not recall watching a single show. You might drive for hours.. and not remember any part of the commute. You might imagine the phone ringing.. or constantly hope for emails or text messages .. Heck, you might lock your keys in your car multiple times . and then proceed to lock yourself out of your own house.. all within a week, just because your mind is elsewhere.. ..cuz you're distracted... because you're too busy wondering "what if".. you're too busy thinking about "why".. or "how".

There are two paths you can take... You can either blame yourself... or you can improve yourself..

Too often people start blaming themselves.or . If I would have done this.. then that would not have happened.... Or make excuses like.. .My damn boss just has it out for me.... or He was never really into me.

If you got passed up for a promotion, then you spend some time analyzing why that happened.. figure out was there anything else you could have done.. and then make sure you learn from that.. and do it better the next time.

Invest in yourself. Figure out.. were there any mistakes I made?. Don't repeat the same mistakes again. There are always things you can do better.. Do them better.

Learn to see the signs. Every time you think a bombshell has been dropped on you..chances are there were signs alluding to it. Maybe you hadn't been getting the top assignments at work for a while. That's a sign. Maybe "he" was just not calling you often enough.. That's a sign. Maybe "she" was always too busy with her friends to make time for you. These are all signs.

If you're a top performer like you think.. your company WILL keep you relevant. They will involve in you in the top projects.

If your girlfriend/wife is really into you, she WILL make time for you.. She will value your opinion.

If your bf/husband values you in his life.. he will go out of his way to make you feel special.

If any of those things used to happen, but no longer do.. then make sure you stay aware of that. Man is a creature of habit.. he follows the same pattern. If patterns change.. that is a dead giveaway.. somethings awry.. You can either try to nip it in the bud and deal with it then, or don't pay attention at your own peril.

Relationships may not work out for so many reasons. Too old, too young.. not the right time.. not enough time.. too far to make it work ,... too close to give any space...too boring.. too hectic... sometimes you just lose the attraction... and sometimes catastrophic events happen that one of you .. or both of you.. just can not recover from....

But you can NOT take the setback personally. Its too easy to blame yourself.. to play the victim card, feel self-pity.. and in the process lose the most important part of your life.. You!

You invested in an education for a reason.
You might have gone to the top schools of the world.
You have worked your butt off the past few years (or months or decades) because you took pride in your work.
You used to work out so you could maintain a positive appearance.
So why throw all that down the drain now!

So it didn't work out... But it did at one time? At one time you were the top salesman in your company.. At one time, He would have dinner planned for you when you got home... At one time, she would go out of her way to buy you something special.

and in two shakes of a lambs tail.. it could all change.

That's okay. It happens.. .That's life.. No one said it had to be fair.
But be constructive.. not destructive.

Spend some time working on yourself.
Invest in that diploma.. in that degree. There will always be value for an education... always.. don't let the high school dropout billionaires fool you...note that the very companies they run insist on hiring at top schools only! Hypocritical?, perhaps... truth? absolutely!

Take pride in your appearance.. Don't let your face look like you just came back from a 4month trip to the Andes. Don't let your gut look like you chose to prepare for a famine.

Don't spend all your time feeling glum.. Go out and do things.
Hit the gym... Go hike that trail you always wanted. Start playing sports again. Get a new hobby.. Pay attention to your friends. Make time for your family.

It is tough to deal with a setback. It takes time. But there are things you can do to help yourself.. and there are things you can do to hurt yourself.

There will be always be value for a man who knows his worth. same for a woman.
Regardless of the situation.. whether is professional, personal or academic.

Your company hired you because you were an asset. You aced your interviews. You got the first project finished in record time. You were the rockstar... and then you slipped.. well dust yourself off.. and go get to that point again.. It was always you.. it can be you once again... if not at this job.. get another one.. but get there again!

Your girlfriend dated you because she thought you would be a positive addition to your life. You were the life of the party.. You could make her laugh anytime she needed a smile.. She found comfort in your ear.. and loved hearing your voice.. and would call/text you all day every day... It was why she was attracted to you.

Well, the relationship may not be any longer.. but you still are.. .and those are the same traits attractive to every single person in the other gender.

If a relationship has ended.. cherish the moments you had together... relish the fact that, for a while, however long it was, you gave each comfort, support.. and joy. Then wish the other the best for the future.

No point holding grudges...Sure you might feel vengeful, wronged, or just plain sad... But cry out a river.. build a bridge and then get over it. Do NOT get bitter. One job does not have to define your career. One relationship does not have to define your life.

People don't like change... but we have to deal with it.. whether its of our own choosing or not. Since its inevitable.. do yourself a favor.. and learn to deal with it... because it might look dark right now... but things do get better..

Savor the good times while you can.. because inevitably there will be some not so great times ahead..
As the great poet, Hafiz, so aptly put it..

Joy and Sorrow.. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

As I love quoting on this blog.. and I will once again..

"Nothing lasts forever..
even cold November rain"

...and then I went back into the conversation that my boss was having with me...

"... and its the way that people get back up from setbacks that really ends up defining them as people... To cut a long story short, Canuck, let me be the first to congratulate you on your promotion"

Victory is mine! :)

-The Canuck "Almost-big-shot" Engineer