Every weekend I plan to be productive and do my taxes and run my errands. Every weekend, I end up going out and staying up really late and then sleeping in and not doing anything that I had planned. And then every sunday I vow to not let that happen again.
Its Sunday Night. Next weekend will be different.
That expectation of change. I wonder if that's human nature.. or more specifically male nature. Everytime I hear from my recently married friends, they're always a bit surprised at how radically their lives have changed. Girls are no different either
actually there is a difference. and its something that I've noticed in all my years of wisdom.. I had been thinking about it.. and I read it somewhere, and I couldn't have said it better in my own words.
Men marry women, hoping the women will never change. But they do!
Women marry men, hoping the men will change. But they never do!
Change! Seems to be the topical word this past year or so. Never before was change considered this cool.. .Not even at the Hobo Conventions..
But now we're in it..."Change We can believe in"!
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!
-W. CanuckEngineer Fields
Sunday, March 15, 2009
You think this is joke?
For breakfast on Saturdays, I like to eat cereal... Well, I like to eat cereal on other days too, but I definitely like to eat them on Saturday... Its how the day should be started.. some milk and Wheaties.. after all, its only appropriate that I eat the Breakfast of Champions!
so when my day started yesterday, I opened the fridge and Bam.. no milk...! Well, let me rephrase that.. There was milk in the fridge...it just resembled yoghurt.....and I don't know of any Champions having lumps in their breakfast....although that might be debatable in this steroidal era.
So I gets in my car and heads to the grocery store and pack in a couple of gallons of milk, some dill pickels and some Liquid Plumber. Just a coincidence there.. Moving on... to the checkout aisle, I see every one lining up for the self-checkout.. yet the express lane there is free.. "manned" by an eastern european cashier "Tatiana"...Eastern European girls in general are easy on the eye...and their names even more exotic... its usually a good deal... unfortunately this is my blog, so obviously it was an exception to the rule. I got the member of the Yugoslavian Wrestling team..."Welcome to Ralphs"...and then she broke out into what might pass for a smile...except that I couldn't stop staring at her teeth. oh my god, those teeth!! It was like multiple bar fights gone wrong. Someone up there must have threw a bunch of chicklets and hope they stuck..... I mean I know hockey players with a better set of orthodontics!
I had my best Usher moment right there. She reminded me of a girl that I once knew. Same type of messed up teeth...We used to call her "Summer"... "Why Summer", "Well, y'know.. cuz summer 'ere, summer there" :)
Anyways, so Summer's checking out my pickle... as I'm nostalgic about my college days. Once she's done checking me out, the total is "fortee three dowlers". Forty Three..!!!!
damn, I forgot to use my club card. So I asked her if she'd slid a card for me..
"No.. do you have Club Card?"..
well, I do, but I don't have it on me....
"Okay then.. Fortee Three dowlers"....
No, I mean.. Can you not slide one of yours?
No, you need to bring card.
well, I don't have it here, but i don't want to pay almost twice of what I owe.
Fortee Three Dowlers!
I know its forty-three bucks.. can i get a new card then?
You will lose old card
That's fine
Ok, fill up application
Fine, so i filled up my name and phone number on the new club card and handed it to Tatiana. She looked at me, and she's like..
"What is this"
"This is the application you asked me to fill out"
"You didn't complete it"
"Yes, I realize that, but I put in the relevant stuff. .Name and Ph No."
"YOU THINK THIS IS JOKE?"
no, I really didn't think it was a joke.. I mean, I know whats a joke.. like.. "whats the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A pigeon can still make a deposit on Ferrari"
See I know jokes.. and this was no joke!
"No ma'am, I do NOT think this is a joke"
"Well, you're holding up line.. Fourtee Three Dowlers"
"What was the whole point of me filling up the application form then?"
"ugg.. fine.. i slide this time. but you treat this as joke. Twenty three dowlers"
"Thank you very much Tatiana", said I as I slid my credit card through.
her face was worth looking at..I was channeling Heath Ledger when I considered.. "Lets put a smiiiile on that faceeeeh!"
As I was leaving, "Btw, Tatiana, can you please pack my liquid plummer with some Updawg?"
"What's Updawg?"
"Not Much, What's up with you?" quipped as I walked out with the biggest grin a cheshire cat would ever see.
As I looked back, I saw Tatiana there, muttering to herself, with a very confused look on her face.
Now to get my wheaties on!
so when my day started yesterday, I opened the fridge and Bam.. no milk...! Well, let me rephrase that.. There was milk in the fridge...it just resembled yoghurt.....and I don't know of any Champions having lumps in their breakfast....although that might be debatable in this steroidal era.
So I gets in my car and heads to the grocery store and pack in a couple of gallons of milk, some dill pickels and some Liquid Plumber. Just a coincidence there.. Moving on... to the checkout aisle, I see every one lining up for the self-checkout.. yet the express lane there is free.. "manned" by an eastern european cashier "Tatiana"...Eastern European girls in general are easy on the eye...and their names even more exotic... its usually a good deal... unfortunately this is my blog, so obviously it was an exception to the rule. I got the member of the Yugoslavian Wrestling team..."Welcome to Ralphs"...and then she broke out into what might pass for a smile...except that I couldn't stop staring at her teeth. oh my god, those teeth!! It was like multiple bar fights gone wrong. Someone up there must have threw a bunch of chicklets and hope they stuck..... I mean I know hockey players with a better set of orthodontics!
I had my best Usher moment right there. She reminded me of a girl that I once knew. Same type of messed up teeth...We used to call her "Summer"... "Why Summer", "Well, y'know.. cuz summer 'ere, summer there" :)
Anyways, so Summer's checking out my pickle... as I'm nostalgic about my college days. Once she's done checking me out, the total is "fortee three dowlers". Forty Three..!!!!
damn, I forgot to use my club card. So I asked her if she'd slid a card for me..
"No.. do you have Club Card?"..
well, I do, but I don't have it on me....
"Okay then.. Fortee Three dowlers"....
No, I mean.. Can you not slide one of yours?
No, you need to bring card.
well, I don't have it here, but i don't want to pay almost twice of what I owe.
Fortee Three Dowlers!
I know its forty-three bucks.. can i get a new card then?
You will lose old card
That's fine
Ok, fill up application
Fine, so i filled up my name and phone number on the new club card and handed it to Tatiana. She looked at me, and she's like..
"What is this"
"This is the application you asked me to fill out"
"You didn't complete it"
"Yes, I realize that, but I put in the relevant stuff. .Name and Ph No."
"YOU THINK THIS IS JOKE?"
no, I really didn't think it was a joke.. I mean, I know whats a joke.. like.. "whats the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A pigeon can still make a deposit on Ferrari"
See I know jokes.. and this was no joke!
"No ma'am, I do NOT think this is a joke"
"Well, you're holding up line.. Fourtee Three Dowlers"
"What was the whole point of me filling up the application form then?"
"ugg.. fine.. i slide this time. but you treat this as joke. Twenty three dowlers"
"Thank you very much Tatiana", said I as I slid my credit card through.
her face was worth looking at..I was channeling Heath Ledger when I considered.. "Lets put a smiiiile on that faceeeeh!"
As I was leaving, "Btw, Tatiana, can you please pack my liquid plummer with some Updawg?"
"What's Updawg?"
"Not Much, What's up with you?" quipped as I walked out with the biggest grin a cheshire cat would ever see.
As I looked back, I saw Tatiana there, muttering to herself, with a very confused look on her face.
Now to get my wheaties on!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Play it again, Jerry
For some reason, Jerry Maguire has made a resurgence in my life.
now, while that's something you might expect Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields to say, this past week, I found myself quoting lines from that movie more often than I was snorting them!
its been ridiculous at work lately, then again, rare is the week that its not.. of course, this year's been off the ridiculousness charts... but I think I worked hard... so much so that my boss's boss was quite impressed.. to the extent that he promised to double my bonus... Later that day, his boss, (so now we're at my boss's boss's boss) decided to double my raise. When I told my manager about what recently transpired, he agreed to quadruple both...!!!
Thats when my mind was like.. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"... yeah.. for once I actually held back what I was thinking... holding back.. my goodness, see what age does to a person!!! The only time I ever held something back were tears when family guy returned to primetime, but I digress..
So as I'm in the midst of my best Cuba Gooding Jr impression (sans the abs, of course, I've always been a staunch believer of the "why settle for a six-pack, when you can have the keg!" theory).... "Show me the money", My manager forwards to me the company wide email announcing the cancellation of all bonuses and raises for this review period..
I felt like the M&Ms from the M&M's commercial...and for those who may not have seen it...well, it'll feel like the raise and bonus I'm supposedly gonna get.. but never see!!!
That was followed by another colleague of mine asking me for help... this is one of the colleagues of Quick Questoin fame. Of course, as with every such question, I had to ask about 10 more follow up questions just to get the whole story... Once again, inspired by Mr. Scientology, I quipped.. "Help me Help You!"... and then I went into a whole routine ... "help ME, help YOU...".. seriously. >"HELP ME.. help YOU"... HELP ME HELP YOU.. .. help me.. just help me. help you.. Help ME Help YOU...."
by the end of that bit of course, said colleague was getting no help.. and others had already made me an appointment for when I could get some.... Help that is!! its all I'd be willing to pay for!!
and then just last evening I met this gorgeous woman... who seemed quite content with my company... and I was cranking up the charm.. after all, how often do you get a drop dead 10 hanging with you... (that was a rhetorical question...but if you insist, the answer is .. not as often as you'd think!)....and working it.. she said the 5 most beautiful words.. "You had me at Hello"...
this night couldn't get any better...and suddenly Stewie Griffin pops in and asks me how my blog is coming along.. the blog I've been working on for 2 years now.... WTF!...
BEEEP BEEP... ah the alarm clock... of course.. another blissful dream...
sigh.. i miss writing this blog.... this blog is my united way.. Without it there would no way... As I sign off for the evening, and in keeping with the theme of the post...
Dear Blog... you complete me!!
-Me, the Canuck Engineer
now, while that's something you might expect Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields to say, this past week, I found myself quoting lines from that movie more often than I was snorting them!
its been ridiculous at work lately, then again, rare is the week that its not.. of course, this year's been off the ridiculousness charts... but I think I worked hard... so much so that my boss's boss was quite impressed.. to the extent that he promised to double my bonus... Later that day, his boss, (so now we're at my boss's boss's boss) decided to double my raise. When I told my manager about what recently transpired, he agreed to quadruple both...!!!
Thats when my mind was like.. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"... yeah.. for once I actually held back what I was thinking... holding back.. my goodness, see what age does to a person!!! The only time I ever held something back were tears when family guy returned to primetime, but I digress..
So as I'm in the midst of my best Cuba Gooding Jr impression (sans the abs, of course, I've always been a staunch believer of the "why settle for a six-pack, when you can have the keg!" theory).... "Show me the money", My manager forwards to me the company wide email announcing the cancellation of all bonuses and raises for this review period..
I felt like the M&Ms from the M&M's commercial...and for those who may not have seen it...well, it'll feel like the raise and bonus I'm supposedly gonna get.. but never see!!!
That was followed by another colleague of mine asking me for help... this is one of the colleagues of Quick Questoin fame. Of course, as with every such question, I had to ask about 10 more follow up questions just to get the whole story... Once again, inspired by Mr. Scientology, I quipped.. "Help me Help You!"... and then I went into a whole routine ... "help ME, help YOU...".. seriously. >"HELP ME.. help YOU"... HELP ME HELP YOU.. .. help me.. just help me. help you.. Help ME Help YOU...."
by the end of that bit of course, said colleague was getting no help.. and others had already made me an appointment for when I could get some.... Help that is!! its all I'd be willing to pay for!!
and then just last evening I met this gorgeous woman... who seemed quite content with my company... and I was cranking up the charm.. after all, how often do you get a drop dead 10 hanging with you... (that was a rhetorical question...but if you insist, the answer is .. not as often as you'd think!)....and working it.. she said the 5 most beautiful words.. "You had me at Hello"...
this night couldn't get any better...and suddenly Stewie Griffin pops in and asks me how my blog is coming along.. the blog I've been working on for 2 years now.... WTF!...
BEEEP BEEP... ah the alarm clock... of course.. another blissful dream...
sigh.. i miss writing this blog.... this blog is my united way.. Without it there would no way... As I sign off for the evening, and in keeping with the theme of the post...
Dear Blog... you complete me!!
-Me, the Canuck Engineer
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Ambien-Talk?
I'm sleepy, and I can't sleep.
If you were to pop the sleep-aid "ambien" you'd sleep and then start walking or eating while in slumber.
The question is.. would TheCanuckEngineer start blogging in his sleep?
Heath Ledger had an addiction to Ambien. He started popping two a night, to get enough sleep just to keep himself sane. guess he didn't do a very good job with that.. bless his soul.
For the record, The Dark Night is the best Joker ever.. I'm gonna go ahead and say, best Batman villain yet.. and maybe ever. I'd like to say Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is the best villain ever, but Hannibal Lecter's fans might have somethings to say about that.
If you haven't seen that movie..you're missing out on a phenomenal performance. I'm not sure where that movie stands in my rankings.. but I can assure you I disagree with IMDB's ranking of it being the 2nd best movie of all time. The Shawshank Redemption raises its eyebrows.
On another topic, I gotta hand it to my man Klawny. He correctly predicted that my posts come in spurts. Then again, rumor has it that so does he.
As i sign off for the night.. the Canuck Engineer has a question for you... really..
"Why so serious?"
If you were to pop the sleep-aid "ambien" you'd sleep and then start walking or eating while in slumber.
The question is.. would TheCanuckEngineer start blogging in his sleep?
Heath Ledger had an addiction to Ambien. He started popping two a night, to get enough sleep just to keep himself sane. guess he didn't do a very good job with that.. bless his soul.
For the record, The Dark Night is the best Joker ever.. I'm gonna go ahead and say, best Batman villain yet.. and maybe ever. I'd like to say Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is the best villain ever, but Hannibal Lecter's fans might have somethings to say about that.
If you haven't seen that movie..you're missing out on a phenomenal performance. I'm not sure where that movie stands in my rankings.. but I can assure you I disagree with IMDB's ranking of it being the 2nd best movie of all time. The Shawshank Redemption raises its eyebrows.
On another topic, I gotta hand it to my man Klawny. He correctly predicted that my posts come in spurts. Then again, rumor has it that so does he.
As i sign off for the night.. the Canuck Engineer has a question for you... really..
"Why so serious?"
House Cleaning!
I finally succumbed to my laziness.
I hired a maid!
The maid's a mexican dude!
When he came over to look at my place for an estimate, he was gung-ho about doing a townhouse.
When he entered my bathroom, he high-tailed it out there.
I managed to sweet talk him into agreeing to do the job. I think my affable personality won him over. He also charged me twice as much for my room & restroom, but that's just an irrelevant details. I now have a clean bathroom, and I intend to keep it that way. Which is why i've been showering for the past week in my Roommate Spades' bathroom.
We're pretty tight but he didn't seem very impressed when he found out about it. I don't think the fact that I was brushing my teeth, while in a bathrobe dripping all over his carpet had anything to do with it though. Nor the fact that it was his bathrobe!
Maybe it was the fact that it was also his toothbrush. Not really sure why he was upset though...he did mention"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with you, than clean your car". Well, he never cleaned my car.
sigh.. and they say I don't have social skills
I hired a maid!
The maid's a mexican dude!
When he came over to look at my place for an estimate, he was gung-ho about doing a townhouse.
When he entered my bathroom, he high-tailed it out there.
I managed to sweet talk him into agreeing to do the job. I think my affable personality won him over. He also charged me twice as much for my room & restroom, but that's just an irrelevant details. I now have a clean bathroom, and I intend to keep it that way. Which is why i've been showering for the past week in my Roommate Spades' bathroom.
We're pretty tight but he didn't seem very impressed when he found out about it. I don't think the fact that I was brushing my teeth, while in a bathrobe dripping all over his carpet had anything to do with it though. Nor the fact that it was his bathrobe!
Maybe it was the fact that it was also his toothbrush. Not really sure why he was upset though...he did mention"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with you, than clean your car". Well, he never cleaned my car.
sigh.. and they say I don't have social skills
Random Musings
- Murphy's laws of Employment states that for every two-week after-work activity that you plan, you will have 4 weeks of 60-hr weeks, during those two weeks!
- Murphy's a god damned genius. but i wish he would be wrong every now and then!
- US women swimmers wear full make-up even while in the pool. Guess they were all in the "boy scouts" while growing.. and just wanna "be prepared"!
- Spades is in Canada for work. So I'm the king of the castle this week. So where's the Orgies then, you ask? ah, i postponed them cuz of the olympics... yes, i know.. but that's my story and sticking to it!
- Sticking the landing is a skill even Olympic gymnasts haven't mastered
- Knowing when to keep my mouth shut at work is a skill I still haven't mastered... (i know.. it took me by surprise too!)
- Work's been a whore lately. My boss' boss' boss even offered me a hug. I had a JD moment with Dr. Cox. For those of you who don't watch Scrubs, please come back to this planet!
- I attended my first baby shower!
- I took wine!
- Knowing what to gift at a baby shower is a skill I still haven't mastered
- Anna Kournikova showed up at my door this week.... just thought I'd mention it
- oh btw, I'm a Maxim subscriber.
- I haven't updated my blog in almost 3 months.
- I haven't been on facebook in over 2 weeks
- Did I mention work's been a bitch? In this analogy, the work is the dog, and I'm the fire-hydrant..
- I been watching The Mole on tv. Its the second reality show I've been interested in, the first being The Apprentice.
- Donald Trump is a pimp... 'nuff said
- I bought a pair of shoes online. Somehow I clicked the link twice. I must've been tired, because I didn't notice the final price. Two pairs of "identical" shoes showed up. Some like-sized individual is getting a nice pair of Ken Coles in his Christmas Stockings this year!
- Chicago Style Pizza at 5am after a night of drinking is perfection. ... just saying..
Impressions from the first week at the Beijing Olympicsof
The Olympics started last Friday, 08/08/08. Some random thoughts:
These are my impressions from the first week. I wish the Olympics would happen more than once ever four years!
- The opening ceremony was the best ever...no doubt about it
- 200 ft foldable LCD screen... how do you top that!
- Equestrian is not an Olympic sport. its not a sport... its a midget riding a horse.... sl0wly..! Its like going to the retarded horse races!
- Where the hell is the ping-pong coverage on NBC? I need me some ping pong action
- Micheal Phelps eats 10,000 calories a day... that's 5 times the average male's consumption!
- That's almost twice my daily consumption :) (*yea, i been cutting back) :P
- Shawn Johnson, from the US Women's gym team, has the best temperament of any gymnast I've seen these olympics. Bullets could bounce off her suit, and she'd be unfazed
- Alicia Sacramone broke a lot of hearts when she screwed up the US womens Gymnast team event... then again, judging by her appearance, breaking hearts may not be anything new to her
- Nastia Lukin deserved that gold medal. She should thank the lord that, with a name like that, she's still easy on the eye. How much would it suck to be named "Nastia Lukin" and be Nasty Looking!!!
- Micheal Phelps is a stud... 'nuff said
- Canada has fewer medals than India... and India just got their first ever gold medal... yes, India has 1 medal. for the non-engineers reading this, that would mean Canada has as many medals so far in these Olympics as I do!
- Bela Karoliy, the former US gymnastic coach, the one of coaching Nadia to the first perfect 10 fame, is hilarious. I love his candor... more commentators like him.. less Political Correctness!
- The Chinese Gymnasts are NOT 16. Some of them may be 14. Babytooth is not 16.. Babytooth is 8.. if you don't know who I'm talking about.. you haven't seen the Chinese Women's team these Olympics!
- Misty May adds the "hot" in "Olympics". Wait, that would've worked a lot better during "Hotlanta '96".. Sigh.. i'm 12 years too late!
- The US alternate turned starting Male Gymnast, Raj B, has it going on!
- Watching the 3rd Alternate Male Gymnast break into tears after the US Male team won the Team bronze was my softest moment yet. I might shed a tear..
- In other news, I just lost my last Man-Card!
- Did I mention Micheal Phelps is a stud?
- Togo has 2 medals.. That would be two more medals than Canada has!
- Watching Team Canada has no Happy Ending. Where's a massage parlor when you need one!
- What's the deal with these Swimsuits? How does every record get broken in the Preliminary Heats? and then Re-broken in the next heat? At this rate, the 100m Track would be done in 8s!
- Speaking of Track, this might be the greatest 100m event ever. 3 finalists who've broken 9.8s!
- My biased self feels Ben Johnson would've escaped unscathed if he ran for the US team instead of Canada's!
- These Olympics are wrecking my sleep schedule!
- Watching Nigeria play soccer takes me back to my middle-school days. Go Supah Eaguls!
- Thank God for Women's Beach Volleyball
- On another unrelated topic, Thank God for HD Tv!
These are my impressions from the first week. I wish the Olympics would happen more than once ever four years!
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