Yes, I know its been a while since I've posted anything. But I'm gonna start updating this blog frequently. I've just been on vacations the past couple of months, and haven't really been in the Blogzone. But got a few stories to tell, so stay tuned over the next few weeks. I already posted a few recently:)
and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P
And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.
Night Night!
Showing posts with label Canuck Speak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Canuck Speak. Show all posts
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Do Unto Others...
The world's a comic convention! My typical email this past week:
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"
Here's another gem:
Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"
Sigh!!
If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the
Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)
Pirates of the Car-ibean?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"
I Lol'd :)
Super Tuesday
Its Polling Day around here.. and the Elections Fever is in the air. I'm going to bother anyone with my views on these Primaries.. but I think this picture might be topical.. if a bit crass :)
Million to One Shot ?
"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. Feel free to read a magazine". I'm in an urgent care facility, hoping to get my finger x-rayed after my latest football injury.
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"
So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!
What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...
"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"
I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...
"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.
"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"
"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.
"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"
"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.
"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"
I listen to this in stark terror.
"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"
I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!
So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..
Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?
10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor
"Sir Yes Sir"
"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"
He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.
I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"
Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Swollen Members
"You alright, Canuck?" asks my O-line mate.
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.
Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D
and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.
Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.
Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.
"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.
I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!
"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.
I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer
Friday, October 26, 2007
Confucious Say....
I just logged onto my Orkut account.. and on there..
Today's fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly
In the words of Borat.... NYYYYCEEEEEEEE!!!!!
With that I'm off to Vegas..
EYYYEEEE LAAIKKKKEEEEE!!!!
Today's fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly
In the words of Borat.... NYYYYCEEEEEEEE!!!!!
With that I'm off to Vegas..
EYYYEEEE LAAIKKKKEEEEE!!!!
Does Length Matter? :)
"Would you not date someone shorter than you?"
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..
So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.
"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.
In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)
The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...
"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"
Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."
Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"
now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"
Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.
"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...
"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."
So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!
"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".
Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"
Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..
While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...
Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."
Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.
"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.
So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...
you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)
-The Canuck Engineer
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Light of Darkness
The flames go on, the bushes dry yet deep,
I am reminded of all the promises I'm yet to keep
Yet as I stare at those mountains and canyons ablaze
watching as the fireballs crackle through my gaze
listening to the voice of reason asking us to flee
I'm left wondering if this was how I wanted it to be
Its time for high tea and I have no desire for even a scone
I am one to enjoy a rack of lamb, but I'm still dining alone
I stare into the burning red sky, gazing into the hue
I realize a little too late, buttefly, all I ever wanted was you.
-Light of Darkness
The Missing Link!
Who understands women? Freud sure as hell died trying muttering the words that would inspire the title of a Mel Gibson flick "What do Women Want?"
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...
and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Magellan - The Navigational Genius
The morning after my famous trek in a suit, right after the company party, I mapquested our route.
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.
Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here
For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel
The Radar lies within...
Last week, I attended the company party. I added the period for effect. For all the things the company I work for can't do, they sure know how to throw a good party once a year... and that's the bone all of us mignons work for all year around.
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!
I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.
By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!
well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..
All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!
Friday, September 14, 2007
How a Millionaire’s Brain Works
http://www.fortunewatch.com/how-a-millionaires-brain-works/
He told the loan officer that he was going to Philippines on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.
Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″.
The millionaire replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”
Well thats how the rich stay rich, they know a lot more about Money Management. All the millionaires I have met in my life were penny wise. Look after your cents and the Dollars will look after themselves.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
The Saturday Afternoon tidbit
Last few days have been pretty intense on the alcohol consumption scale... also, on the sleep deprivation scale. Woke up today, pretty sore from the activities of this week, not the least a result of the ridiculously heavy work hours lately.
And thus I awoke, inspired by my late afternoon readings of classy magazines for deadbeat men. Here's the latest rib-tickler:
Q. What's the difference between Kinky and Perverted?
A. When you're Kinky, you use a feather. When you're perverted, you use the whole chicken !
Classy!
Now that I have my 1% inspiration, its time for the 99% perspiration. And with the recent heatwave in this city, there's a chance I might actually get there!
And thus I awoke, inspired by my late afternoon readings of classy magazines for deadbeat men. Here's the latest rib-tickler:
Q. What's the difference between Kinky and Perverted?
A. When you're Kinky, you use a feather. When you're perverted, you use the whole chicken !
Classy!
Now that I have my 1% inspiration, its time for the 99% perspiration. And with the recent heatwave in this city, there's a chance I might actually get there!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Of Murphy & Hypocrates!
"and God said, Let there be light: and there was light."
....and then Murphy said, let that light be a train coming in your direction!
Its how I've felt lately. Every victory has been the beginning of a big fall. Light at the end of every tunnel has been a Bullet train rushing back. Its just been busy... work and outside of that.
Which is why I'm updating this blog at 4 in the AM. No, I'm not a serial killer.. I don't know why people equate that with staying up late. and no, I'm not intoxicated... well, maybe a smidgeon.. but whats a few pints between friends.. and bloggers :)
so did you hear the one about the two antennas? yeah, the wedding was alright, but the reception was fantastic..... !!!!!!!
Thank you.. great show tonight! Tonight's topic is hypocrisy.
So, Facebook is at an all time popularity high.. I'm on it.
Orkut seems quite popular too.. I'm on it
Hi5, the original... reasonably popular.. most of my friends are on it
Friendster.. the original facebook... most of my friends are on it.
all these tools to keep in touch with all our "friends" and "classmates" & "colleagues". and we do a damned good job of hanging out online.. .yet, most of the contact online tends to be with people who you end up seeing on a weekly basis anyway..
So, in this wireless world without borders... we know our "friends" across multiple continents, but how many of us know our neighbours?
don't look at me.. I know mine.. they contacted me last week, at 2am, when we were causing too much ruckus at my place. So, Hypocrates, don't look at me... I'm not who you're looking for... hey....I'm just The Canuck Engineer
....and then Murphy said, let that light be a train coming in your direction!
Its how I've felt lately. Every victory has been the beginning of a big fall. Light at the end of every tunnel has been a Bullet train rushing back. Its just been busy... work and outside of that.
Which is why I'm updating this blog at 4 in the AM. No, I'm not a serial killer.. I don't know why people equate that with staying up late. and no, I'm not intoxicated... well, maybe a smidgeon.. but whats a few pints between friends.. and bloggers :)
so did you hear the one about the two antennas? yeah, the wedding was alright, but the reception was fantastic..... !!!!!!!
Thank you.. great show tonight! Tonight's topic is hypocrisy.
So, Facebook is at an all time popularity high.. I'm on it.
Orkut seems quite popular too.. I'm on it
Hi5, the original... reasonably popular.. most of my friends are on it
Friendster.. the original facebook... most of my friends are on it.
all these tools to keep in touch with all our "friends" and "classmates" & "colleagues". and we do a damned good job of hanging out online.. .yet, most of the contact online tends to be with people who you end up seeing on a weekly basis anyway..
So, in this wireless world without borders... we know our "friends" across multiple continents, but how many of us know our neighbours?
don't look at me.. I know mine.. they contacted me last week, at 2am, when we were causing too much ruckus at my place. So, Hypocrates, don't look at me... I'm not who you're looking for... hey....I'm just The Canuck Engineer
A Pack of Smokes!
"So your blog is nice, but its so long" says the lady..
"take away the first part..and you got what she said"..say I, with a mischevious glance.
Boys will be boys.. even when they turn well beyond middle aged. Me... I'll always have the kid in me........ "that's what R Kelly said"... oh no!!!!
"So why is that you haven't updated it in the longest time", again the lady enquired.
This is like an FBI interrogation..except that instead of a big black guy wearing latex gloves, I have a young lady in my car asking me these questions. We're on our way to grab some sustenance... by that I mean, I'm going to grab some food, she's going to essentially watch, and my friends in the other car will do something in the middle...
Not really sure on how to answer that question. It isn't the first time since March that I've been asked that. Different variants of that have made it through by email, text and phone calls. An example has been "yo, your blogs pretty funny.. too bad it was just a one time thing".
NO! it wasn't.. its supposed to be an ongoing thing, except that i've let life's other vices get to me. Was it the extremely busy schedule at work that involved me working wee hours into the morning, including a dubious all-nighter? Check. Was it the co-ordination of an event on stage that was in shambles until the last minute, when we collectively managed to rescue it? Check. Or was it just that somewhere along the line, I just lost the motivation to write down my thoughts, and subject my acquaintances to my miseries? Bingo .. we have a winner!
"I don't know.. I guess I've just been busy" I half-truthed...."But I hope to start updating it again, now that you've brought it up"
"Yea, maybe you should.. Even since Law & Order, SVU cancelled its latest season, primetime TV just doesnt' cut it." said the girl.. I'm gonna refer to her as Smokes. No, she isn't a chain smoker, or a fire-swallower. Lets just say that SVU as a show rocks, and Smokes fits the description for reasons obvious to people in the know. I will never know :)
" Well, I write when I'm inspired.. which I suppose is when you dance"
"Umm .. I dance when I feel like.. not when you're inspired"
Sigh... suppose a stupid question.. suppose a smart ass answer
Smokes continues...."I have siblings who are way older than me. So I grew up in my own world, hanging out by myself, where I was the queen and the princess.. .the duckling and the swan....dancing in my own land, for myself.. and for my man.... my knight in shining armor"..
What would M. Night Shyamalan say?...... nope too cheesy.
Now, I can see DB#2 getting excited at the prospect if dancing for a man, sorry bud, it ain't quite like that. Smokes is clearly one of the most talented artists I've met, and she gave me a clue to where here talent came from.
"Well, I hope you continue the art... I know a lot of us contemplated a light when we saw that dance.... and we're all non-smokers"
"Aww shucks"... Smokes turned red-faced
There you have it though.... some of us work for ourselves..some for The Man....I guess some of us dance for ourselves...some for Some man....
In the world of analogies in the sea, it's interesting how we see a boat.. a mechanism for going from where you are to where you want to be... . Some see it as a rescue device for where you're drowning. Others treat is a vacation device, for when you're just surfing :) . Some think the boat is calling, other's wonder if they missed the boat altogether...Me... I can't sink nor swim... why do I need a boat.. I'm just the blogger.. I'm just The Canuck Engineer
"take away the first part..and you got what she said"..say I, with a mischevious glance.
Boys will be boys.. even when they turn well beyond middle aged. Me... I'll always have the kid in me........ "that's what R Kelly said"... oh no!!!!
"So why is that you haven't updated it in the longest time", again the lady enquired.
This is like an FBI interrogation..except that instead of a big black guy wearing latex gloves, I have a young lady in my car asking me these questions. We're on our way to grab some sustenance... by that I mean, I'm going to grab some food, she's going to essentially watch, and my friends in the other car will do something in the middle...
Not really sure on how to answer that question. It isn't the first time since March that I've been asked that. Different variants of that have made it through by email, text and phone calls. An example has been "yo, your blogs pretty funny.. too bad it was just a one time thing".
NO! it wasn't.. its supposed to be an ongoing thing, except that i've let life's other vices get to me. Was it the extremely busy schedule at work that involved me working wee hours into the morning, including a dubious all-nighter? Check. Was it the co-ordination of an event on stage that was in shambles until the last minute, when we collectively managed to rescue it? Check. Or was it just that somewhere along the line, I just lost the motivation to write down my thoughts, and subject my acquaintances to my miseries? Bingo .. we have a winner!
"I don't know.. I guess I've just been busy" I half-truthed...."But I hope to start updating it again, now that you've brought it up"
"Yea, maybe you should.. Even since Law & Order, SVU cancelled its latest season, primetime TV just doesnt' cut it." said the girl.. I'm gonna refer to her as Smokes. No, she isn't a chain smoker, or a fire-swallower. Lets just say that SVU as a show rocks, and Smokes fits the description for reasons obvious to people in the know. I will never know :)
" Well, I write when I'm inspired.. which I suppose is when you dance"
"Umm .. I dance when I feel like.. not when you're inspired"
Sigh... suppose a stupid question.. suppose a smart ass answer
Smokes continues...."I have siblings who are way older than me. So I grew up in my own world, hanging out by myself, where I was the queen and the princess.. .the duckling and the swan....dancing in my own land, for myself.. and for my man.... my knight in shining armor"..
What would M. Night Shyamalan say?...... nope too cheesy.
Now, I can see DB#2 getting excited at the prospect if dancing for a man, sorry bud, it ain't quite like that. Smokes is clearly one of the most talented artists I've met, and she gave me a clue to where here talent came from.
"Well, I hope you continue the art... I know a lot of us contemplated a light when we saw that dance.... and we're all non-smokers"
"Aww shucks"... Smokes turned red-faced
There you have it though.... some of us work for ourselves..some for The Man....I guess some of us dance for ourselves...some for Some man....
In the world of analogies in the sea, it's interesting how we see a boat.. a mechanism for going from where you are to where you want to be... . Some see it as a rescue device for where you're drowning. Others treat is a vacation device, for when you're just surfing :) . Some think the boat is calling, other's wonder if they missed the boat altogether...Me... I can't sink nor swim... why do I need a boat.. I'm just the blogger.. I'm just The Canuck Engineer
Monday, August 20, 2007
Of Cadillacs and Escalades!
"Table for three please", I said..lying about the number in the party. It was two actually......but there is no heterosexual way to ask a beautiful hostess for a table for 2 guys... not when you're a guy :)
"We're a bit busy right now.. Bar good for you until a table opens up?" said the hostess.
"Yeah, sure, it works....", said I, relieved as I walked towards the bar with DB#2. DB#2, introduced as one of my co-workers early in this blog, has lately earned his name even more.
"DB", he says to me, "what's the call tonight?"
"I'ma stick to my Escalade. This place rocks those Margarita's like nobody's bizness" say I, as we chance ourselves upon a recently cleared booth in the restaurant area. I guess we're gonna get seated in the restaurant after all
Score! and the waitress walks by right at that point... "why don't you guys have a seat, and I'll come by in a minute.. Do you guys want anything to drink?"
DB#2 jumps at that "I'll have an Apple-tini...heavy on the Apple, light on the Tini"....
The waitress writes it down.. suppressing her smile
"I'll have the Escalade please", I chuckle.
"Escalade? whats that?" the perplexed server squeals.
"Escalade!.. its a large Cadillac. in fact, its the largest Cadillac" my smile growing bigger.
"Stop! Are you guys pulling my leg cuz I'm blonde?" server speaketh.
lol.. that's awesome, I think to myself.
"Nope, we've ordered it in the past. Cancel the 'tini, I'll take one of those actually", chimes in DB#2.
"Ok, I'm gonna go ask the bartender, and if its not a real drink, I'm gonna hunt you guys down", smiles our server, to DB#2, enjoying a little lighthearted moment at the end of her shift.
"Yea, sure... and If you need it, I know where he lives. The judge asked him to let the entire neighborhood know when he moved in", I quip.
This is one of my favorite lines of all time. Usually most people don't get it quite then. But they laugh it off, with a confused look. and then it dawns on them.. and their expression changes for a short second. Absolute devestation. and then of course, they see the humour in there. I love watching the expressions change..and that's what I did to our server too.
She caught on quite soon though. She chuckled that comment away,
"Do you guys do this all the time?" the server says, now realizing our whole act.
"Since 2005, tormenting servers far and wide!", we both chuckle. Our server's cool. She's earned her tip already.
We get our drinks, and clink our glasses. Its been busy at work lately, some liquor after work is a welcome break. I sip the margarita, marvelling, enviously, at the life of the worm that may have resided in that bottle of Tequila, from which my drink was made.
I smile at the fact that I'm envious of a worm! Maybe I am a worm at heart... Maybe I am ..The Canuck Engineer
"We're a bit busy right now.. Bar good for you until a table opens up?" said the hostess.
"Yeah, sure, it works....", said I, relieved as I walked towards the bar with DB#2. DB#2, introduced as one of my co-workers early in this blog, has lately earned his name even more.
"DB", he says to me, "what's the call tonight?"
"I'ma stick to my Escalade. This place rocks those Margarita's like nobody's bizness" say I, as we chance ourselves upon a recently cleared booth in the restaurant area. I guess we're gonna get seated in the restaurant after all
Score! and the waitress walks by right at that point... "why don't you guys have a seat, and I'll come by in a minute.. Do you guys want anything to drink?"
DB#2 jumps at that "I'll have an Apple-tini...heavy on the Apple, light on the Tini"....
The waitress writes it down.. suppressing her smile
"I'll have the Escalade please", I chuckle.
"Escalade? whats that?" the perplexed server squeals.
"Escalade!.. its a large Cadillac. in fact, its the largest Cadillac" my smile growing bigger.
"Stop! Are you guys pulling my leg cuz I'm blonde?" server speaketh.
lol.. that's awesome, I think to myself.
"Nope, we've ordered it in the past. Cancel the 'tini, I'll take one of those actually", chimes in DB#2.
"Ok, I'm gonna go ask the bartender, and if its not a real drink, I'm gonna hunt you guys down", smiles our server, to DB#2, enjoying a little lighthearted moment at the end of her shift.
"Yea, sure... and If you need it, I know where he lives. The judge asked him to let the entire neighborhood know when he moved in", I quip.
This is one of my favorite lines of all time. Usually most people don't get it quite then. But they laugh it off, with a confused look. and then it dawns on them.. and their expression changes for a short second. Absolute devestation. and then of course, they see the humour in there. I love watching the expressions change..and that's what I did to our server too.
She caught on quite soon though. She chuckled that comment away,
"Do you guys do this all the time?" the server says, now realizing our whole act.
"Since 2005, tormenting servers far and wide!", we both chuckle. Our server's cool. She's earned her tip already.
We get our drinks, and clink our glasses. Its been busy at work lately, some liquor after work is a welcome break. I sip the margarita, marvelling, enviously, at the life of the worm that may have resided in that bottle of Tequila, from which my drink was made.
I smile at the fact that I'm envious of a worm! Maybe I am a worm at heart... Maybe I am ..The Canuck Engineer
The World's a Stage..
All the world's a stage
and all men and women merely players...
Truer words may never have been spoken.. or written, as the great Bard Shakespeare once did. In spite of this huge production that we all involuntarily seem to be a part of, a lot of us like to voluntarily be part of a production to be delivered on stage. Whether its film, theatre, music or a combination, way too often the players don't pay attention to the next line in this great poem..
They have their exits and their entrances...
The Canuck Engineer was recently involved in a small part of a big event all being performed on stage. Now, by "involved", I don't mean how Tom and Katie are involved. I wasn't jumping on no couches on a talk show.. although I was seated on a couch as part of a make believe Talk Show that I was hosting. Great Segue, I know, but that's a whole different post.
Having been involved in about 3 productions in the past year and a half, and having sat through a couple more, I'm listing a few things that productions should not have...ie cases where the players should know their exits and entrances :)
You might be part of a poor production if:
- The Host of the show and the EmCee of the show are two different people
- All the Microphones have a range limited to a 3 square foot area on one end of the stage.
- That end of the stage is not lit...and the mikes squeal because they're too close to the speakers
- The EmCee of the show promises that the show "will get better in the next few hours"
- The Show lasts for the next few hours!
- The EmCee begs the audience to return after the intermission.
- The audience starts applauding midway through the performance of an artist in an attempt to get him to end the segment
- If the artist takes the above to be appreciation, and further elongates his act!
- The Emcee starts making shadow puppets on stage, in order to while away the time!
- For the end credits, the Host asks for "The talent to appear on stage"... all the participants look around confused trying to figure out who the stage manager is referring to!
- When you exit the theatre, you have escort service flyers clipped to your windshield wipers!
fyi, none of the above is fiction. All of it happened as part of a couple of productions that went down recently. well almost all of it. The escort flyers weren't exactly clipped to my car when I came out of the theatre, I had to steal them off another car's wipers !!
After all, I AM the Canuck Engineer!
Back for Good!
its been a while since I updated this blog.. Sorta got caught up at work, and did this one other event. Between the two of them, I barely had time to breathe.. my laundry hasn't been done since then either.. yes, I own a tonne of underwear.
I'm also half-kidding. I have been swamped over the past few months, and I've been meaning to update the blog, it just hasn't happened though. Its gonna happen now :)
I'm also half-kidding. I have been swamped over the past few months, and I've been meaning to update the blog, it just hasn't happened though. Its gonna happen now :)
The Canuck Engineer is glad to be back!
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Midnight Musings
While I try to keep this blog about original content and perspective, every now and then I'll post something that screams to be put on this blog.
I was watching "The Winner" earlier today and its only appropriate that I post this here for all the canuck-haters that read this blog
Q: "What do you call a French-Canadian person flying a plane?"
A: "A Pilot, you damn racist!"
aaaah, there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard!
and before I call it a night:
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
I was watching "The Winner" earlier today and its only appropriate that I post this here for all the canuck-haters that read this blog
Q: "What do you call a French-Canadian person flying a plane?"
A: "A Pilot, you damn racist!"
aaaah, there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard!
and before I call it a night:
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
