Swollen Members

"You alright, Canuck?" asks my O-line mate.
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.

Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D

and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.

Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.

Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.

"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.

I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!

"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.

I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer