Million to One Shot ?

"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. Feel free to read a magazine". I'm in an urgent care facility, hoping to get my finger x-rayed after my latest football injury.

In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"

So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!

What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...

"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"

I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...

"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.

"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"

"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.

"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"

"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.

"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"

I listen to this in stark terror.

"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"

I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!

So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..

Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?

10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor

"Sir Yes Sir"

"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"

He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.

I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"

Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)

-The Canuck Engineer