Does Length Matter? :)

"Would you not date someone shorter than you?"

I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..

So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.

"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.

In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)

The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...

"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"

Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."

Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"

now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"

Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.

"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...

"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."

So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!

"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".

Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"

Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..

While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...

Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."

Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.

"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.

So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...

you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)

-The Canuck Engineer