My head don go Pata-Pata!

"How fah?", asked the security guard, as I strolled out of my house.

Its late summer, and its my first weekend in Lagos, Nigeria. I'm still a young teenager, in middle school, all excited about being in an exotic land.

"How far to what?", I ask back, with a puzzled face

The guard just looks at me, perplexed. Then he sighs, and asks, "How now?"

Now its my turn to be perplexed.

"how WHAT now?", i inquire.

"Li'l pikin", says the guard, with a smile, "I ask you how you are doing. You no sabi pidgin?"

I finally get it. I had been told about Pidgin on the way in from the airport. Its a simplified version of English, with trivialized grammar in some cases. All I know is, the Nigerian version of it was damn colorful!

"Sunday!", yells our chef, Glory "Where's Peace?", referring to the housegirl, "Madame wan know!"

"She don go away-0!" shouts back Sunday.

"She don go for chop? Where she go?"

"She neva tell. She don chop earlier. She com back next tomorrow"

I walk back into the house. I'm loving this new language.

"Masta, Masta!" pants the chauffeur, Tunji. "Da Benz.. ..."

"What about it?", asks my dad, looking up from his newspaper

"Da benz.. it don die-o.. it don die-o for the middle of the road. "

It died?? I thought cars were inanimate. Did they bury the cars here?

"Where's Ade?" asks my dad, referring to the driver of the vehicle

"He go find transport. Make I go over there to help 'im dash yellow fever?"

I walk away, into the kitchen, still trying to figure out how they'd lay the car to rest. What Tunji meant above was that he was going to help Ade deal with cops and "dash" or bribe them some money to get the car towed.

The chef is teaching the house-girl how to make yogurt at home.

"Make you go take milk and small water, mix 'em, then take small yogurt, and put it to sleep with the milk. Then you go find yogurt next tomorrow, sabi?"

I guess we tolerated fornication in the kitchen too!

Later, I hear a loud commotion. Ade is back, with his tales of misery, pleading his case to anyone who's listen.

"Khai! long day-o!! car don die.. then fever harass me. they ask me .. are you condemn car? you no fit drive 'em. I de say.. oga.. you sabi see self. car don dieo...engine no fit talk....hey lord.. my head don go pata-pata-o!!"

I loved my time in Nigeria. Great country, great people, great language. Nothing describes a moment more vividly than some Pidgin!

"Not tonight, honey, my head don go pata-pata-o!"