It was a cold December afternoon, down in Sunny SoCal, when I saw an OOO email from Beeks, stating he was flying out for his marriage, and won't be back for about 4 weeks. I panicked... "O Dang, I betta try to call him, I still haven't wished him luck.. God Knows every man needs that!".
ring ring ring
"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"
"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"
"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."
"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"
"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.
"I can tell you this conversation blows"
"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"
"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."
"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."
"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"
I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "
"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..
"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."
"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..
"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."
"Uh why not, Canuck?"
"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"
"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".
Now it was my turn to ignore him..
"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"
I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...
"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"
sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...
You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."
"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"
"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"
lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..
"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"
Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....
"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!
static... white... .noise..
Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)
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