The Canuck Engineer

Dear Diary

2011-11-07T02:40:00.001-08:00

Dear Diary,

I want the perfect man.

I want him to find me.
I want him to be my friend.
I want him to become my companion.
I want him to understand me.
I want him to get me.
I want him to be strong when I need him to be.
I want him to be funny when I want to smile.
I want him to be goofy so I can roll my eyes
I want him to know how to listen so I could vent.
I want him to make me realize I don't have to be short tempered.
I want him to make me realize I can be fun too.
Every time I think of him, I want to smile.
I want to be able to talk to him about anything.
I want to be able to talk to him about everything.
I don't want there to be anything I can't talk to him about.
I want him to be able to take control.
I want him to know what I want, even when I don't.
I want him to be able to make me blush.
I want to feel butterflies with him.
I want him to be a big part of my day...everyday
I want to be able to hear his voice every single day.. multiple times
I want to move into his heart
I want him to figure out a way to move into mine
I want him to be my lover... and also my friend.
I want him to be a pretty awesome guy.

Does he exist?

-Girl

Dear Diary,

I went out with this girl the other day.
I bought her a cookie.
She gave me the first bite.

I will never go hungry.

I found the perfect girl.

-Guy

Foot in Mouth Disease

2011-10-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

Its Happy Hour..

"Omg, Canuck.. I have some news for you... My buddy and I just started a new venture..."

"Wow, that's awesome.. so you quit your job, and you're now diving into this? that's awesome.. You've always wanted to be an entrepreneur!"

"yeah.. thanks Canuck.. I'm excited too! Its actually a really new concept.. and I'll really looking forward to it picking up"

"That's really neat.. Let me buy you your next round.. y'know.. it'll be my congratulations to you"

Everyone at the table gets a new drink. I get her a glass of red wine..

"Lets all toast to our good friend G... and her new ... uhmm.. new.. uhh.. conception"

Awkward silence.. everyone sips.. looking at me with a WTF expression.

Just another Wednesday night in the life of Canuck.

-The "Immaculate" Canuck Engineer

Wtf was I

Two Shakes of a Lamb's Tail

2011-10-24T03:25:00.001-07:00

My boss decided to walk into my office last Friday... at the end of the day.

This was the guy who hired me many many moons ago when I was the Canuck Intern Engineer... We went back a long way....or so I always felt. He had now become a big shot within the organization.. and so our interactions were not as frequent as before.

"So how're things Canuck....Are you still worthy of this office, or should we get you into a cubicle already".. Good Ole boss.. always knew how to pay me a compliment!

There's never time for pleasantries with the big shots.. so you have to take advantage of the time you do get.. and I had always wanted his opinion on how he managed people.
In the world we live, we are defined by our relationships with people. Every single person you meet .. they become a part of your life.. in however insignificant a part.. but still a part. Those that matter will become a bigger part of your life story.. others may become mere footnotes.. some might be relegated to the addendums.. some may not even make it to the index..but dealing with people is probably the single most important skill anyone can acquire as long as the world we live in has humans.

He dove in to the answer... and then after another follow up question.. continued.

"....the hardest part is to make sure people stay motivated. We've all been passed up for a promotion.. sometimes twice. Its how you handle these things that define your career.. I mean who amongst us has not been rejected in some part of our lives... ".

It was pretty topical.
Coworkers had been affected.
Some of my friends had been affected..
I'm sure a lot of people I don't know are also affected.
I wish I could say all of this to them..

Rejection.

When things don't go the way you had anticipated, there are always repercussions.. Everyone deals with setbacks in pretty much everything they do. Which banker has not had a merger canceled on him? There isn't a salesman or real estate agent who had a deal fall through when everything was just set. Every single employee at some point has felt some form of rejection. whether it was an anticipated promotion they felt they deserved.. a career opportunity.. a raise... There is always a setback.

Most people in the 20s or 30s have experienced at least one relationship setback.. Some had high school sweethearts that didn't work out.. Some even got left at the altar... Others get married and then get divorced. There isn't one of these situations that feels good at that time. Heck, How I Met Your Mother is a show where a man tells his kids the story of him meeting his mother.. but six seasons in, all I see are stories of heartbreak after another.

But that's just pretty much a fact of life. There will always be rejection.. There will always be a sense of loss. Some forms of loss are much graver than others. Having a close relative, a parent or a spouse die..even worse.. having to bury your kid. That is a colossal loss.. one that might take forever to heal from.. Others may be easier to deal with.

Regardless, you still need to deal with it.

The way you deal with rejection ends up defining the way you see life. Unfortunately, people take vary different approaches to dealing with this. I met a friend of mine who had just broken off an engagement. He kept telling me how his health was deteriorating, his job performance suffered. and that he just could not focus on anything.. and that he felt bitter about any future relationships.

There's no sugar coating it. Its tough. We've all been there. When things don't go your way, sometimes you can laugh it off, sleep in and be ready the next morning.. Other times, you might find yourself unable to focus on anything. You watch entire movies but don't' remember half of what you saw.. You might sit on a couch for hours and not recall watching a single show. You might drive for hours.. and not remember any part of the commute. You might imagine the phone ringing.. or constantly hope for emails or text messages .. Heck, you might lock your keys in your car multiple times . and then proceed to lock yourself out of your own house.. all within a week, just because your mind is elsewhere.. ..cuz you're distracted... because you're too busy wondering "what if".. you're too busy thinking about "why".. or "how".

There are two paths you can take... You can either blame yourself... or you can improve yourself..

Too often people start blaming themselves.or . If I would have done this.. then that would not have happened.... Or make excuses like.. .My damn boss just has it out for me.... or He was never really into me.

If you got passed up for a promotion, then you spend some time analyzing why that happened.. figure out was there anything else you could have done.. and then make sure you learn from that.. and do it better the next time.

Invest in yourself. Figure out.. were there any mistakes I made?. Don't repeat the same mistakes again. There are always things you can do better.. Do them better.

Learn to see the signs. Every time you think a bombshell has been dropped on you..chances are there were signs alluding to it. Maybe you hadn't been getting the top assignments at work for a while. That's a sign. Maybe "he" was just not calling you often enough.. That's a sign. Maybe "she" was always too busy with her friends to make time for you. These are all signs.

If you're a top performer like you think.. your company WILL keep you relevant. They will involve in you in the top projects.

If your girlfriend/wife is really into you, she WILL make time for you.. She will value your opinion.

If your bf/husband values you in his life.. he will go out of his way to make you feel special.

If any of those things used to happen, but no longer do.. then make sure you stay aware of that. Man is a creature of habit.. he follows the same pattern. If patterns change.. that is a dead giveaway.. somethings awry.. You can either try to nip it in the bud and deal with it then, or don't pay attention at your own peril.

Relationships may not work out for so many reasons. Too old, too young.. not the right time.. not enough time.. too far to make it work ,... too close to give any space...too boring.. too hectic... sometimes you just lose the attraction... and sometimes catastrophic events happen that one of you .. or both of you.. just can not recover from....

But you can NOT take the setback personally. Its too easy to blame yourself.. to play the victim card, feel self-pity.. and in the process lose the most important part of your life.. You!

You invested in an education for a reason.
You might have gone to the top schools of the world.
You have worked your butt off the past few years (or months or decades) because you took pride in your work.
You used to work out so you could maintain a positive appearance.
So why throw all that down the drain now!

So it didn't work out... But it did at one time? At one time you were the top salesman in your company.. At one time, He would have dinner planned for you when you got home... At one time, she would go out of her way to buy you something special.

and in two shakes of a lambs tail.. it could all change.

That's okay. It happens.. .That's life.. No one said it had to be fair.
But be constructive.. not destructive.

Spend some time working on yourself.
Invest in that diploma.. in that degree. There will always be value for an education... always.. don't let the high school dropout billionaires fool you...note that the very companies they run insist on hiring at top schools only! Hypocritical?, perhaps... truth? absolutely!

Take pride in your appearance.. Don't let your face look like you just came back from a 4month trip to the Andes. Don't let your gut look like you chose to prepare for a famine.

Don't spend all your time feeling glum.. Go out and do things.
Hit the gym... Go hike that trail you always wanted. Start playing sports again. Get a new hobby.. Pay attention to your friends. Make time for your family.

It is tough to deal with a setback. It takes time. But there are things you can do to help yourself.. and there are things you can do to hurt yourself.

There will be always be value for a man who knows his worth. same for a woman.
Regardless of the situation.. whether is professional, personal or academic.

Your company hired you because you were an asset. You aced your interviews. You got the first project finished in record time. You were the rockstar... and then you slipped.. well dust yourself off.. and go get to that point again.. It was always you.. it can be you once again... if not at this job.. get another one.. but get there again!

Your girlfriend dated you because she thought you would be a positive addition to your life. You were the life of the party.. You could make her laugh anytime she needed a smile.. She found comfort in your ear.. and loved hearing your voice.. and would call/text you all day every day... It was why she was attracted to you.

Well, the relationship may not be any longer.. but you still are.. .and those are the same traits attractive to every single person in the other gender.

If a relationship has ended.. cherish the moments you had together... relish the fact that, for a while, however long it was, you gave each comfort, support.. and joy. Then wish the other the best for the future.

No point holding grudges...Sure you might feel vengeful, wronged, or just plain sad... But cry out a river.. build a bridge and then get over it. Do NOT get bitter. One job does not have to define your career. One relationship does not have to define your life.

People don't like change... but we have to deal with it.. whether its of our own choosing or not. Since its inevitable.. do yourself a favor.. and learn to deal with it... because it might look dark right now... but things do get better..

Savor the good times while you can.. because inevitably there will be some not so great times ahead..
As the great poet, Hafiz, so aptly put it..

Joy and Sorrow.. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

As I love quoting on this blog.. and I will once again..

"Nothing lasts forever..
even cold November rain"

...and then I went back into the conversation that my boss was having with me...

"... and its the way that people get back up from setbacks that really ends up defining them as people... To cut a long story short, Canuck, let me be the first to congratulate you on your promotion"

Victory is mine! :)

-The Canuck "Almost-big-shot" Engineer

Money!

2011-10-20T20:10:00.001-07:00

I walked into my room.. and finally paid attention to the top of my chest of drawers.. the place that I used to try to keep clean, but on which random things now found themselves, thanks to my "housecleaning"over the past year.

and then I noticed..

My Money Plant had died :(

It was a little plant. .gifted to me at my housewarming.. by my man Doc....it was supposed to be for good luck..
so obviously I put it in my bedroom..

I guess I should have paid more attention to it..
I was even reminded, nay, told to water it periodically..
Last time I did that was in the summer..

Guess, my money plant couldn't wait anymore for me .
and now.. The feeling's strong..
...The summer gone.

The Canuck "No Money No Power" Engineer

Up in the Air

2011-10-16T01:23:00.000-07:00

"Do you have my seatbelt buckle?"

I turned around to the person on the aisle seat as I was just getting adjusted to the middle seat of my flight back to SoCal, with a quizzical look that said..huh

"My seatbelt buckle.. I think you're using mine"

Damn aisle seat lady, i murmured... After years of flying one airline, I had gotten used to enjoying a certain status.. which included amongst its many benefits.. the guarantee of an exit row aisle seat! But due to a mechanical delay, I had missed my connection, and on standby beggars can't be choosers.. and so here I was.. stuck in the middle seat .. struggling with my seatbelt.

"Oh.. I'll trade you".. as I handed over my buckle to her, and then proceeded to buckle myself in.

and then I dived right into my pre-flight ritual.. sending a last minute text message to say I'd boarded.. shutting down my phone.. and picking out some reading material for the takeoff, before the laptop would come out.

"So are you visiting SoCal, or are you heading home", continued the lady.

I now looked up. Every man always hopes to sit next to a pretty young girl on a plane, since that helps mitigate the mundaneness that is flying, but in all my flights, with my luck, I'm usually stuck next to a middle aged person, not interested in chatting, or a very very large gentleman who insists on spilling over into my part of the arm rest and beyond.

But today.. after I had two mechanical delays..a missed connection and a middle seat, I find myself seated next to a fine young lady! Had my aviation luck finally turned?

"Nah, SoCal is home.. I was visiting CanuckLand for work, and now I'm headed back"

"Oh what do you do for work?"

wow, easy on the eye AND eager to converse.

"I'm an engineer.. I am THE canuck engineer!"

"wow.. sounds exciting.. and impressive".

"Its neither, really! What do you do?", continued I. I was going to be cramped up in the middle seat for a while, so might as well while it out having a fun conversation... and it seemed that this lady was intrigued by yours truly.. I mean.. very rarely.. on the right occasion.. when the stars align...and the weather is just fine...and if the light hits me just right... I can be a fun companion!

"I'm a MatchMaker!"

...strike 3...this was gonna be a drag.

"Cool." I was done with this conversation already.

"No seriously, I am. So what about you? I see you're not married"

I could predict what was coming up next. A soft sell, maybe even a hard sell.

"I could be y'know. Are you flying on business"

"haha, no.. I'm visiting my mother.. she lives in SoCal... Me and my boyfriend are visiting her for the week".

..and the shotclock expires.

"yeah, I think he's going to propose to me this weekend".

"What makes you think that? Has he given you any hints?" enquired the canuck.

"No... i just feel it y'know... "

"are you going to say Yes, or will you make him sweat?"

"aww.. he's so sweet. I'll say yes.. but i'm not worried if it doesn't happen right now.. I know it'll happen"

"neat.. so quite the romantic, I take it?" I continued.

"Oh god no! I used to be the total emotionless package... I'd date anybody.. but I would never want to be in a relationship.. "

"quite the transformation huh!"

"no really, I just found that guys would smother me.. I wanted to take things at my pace.. but they'd always want more.. or go faster than what I wanted...".

hmmm

"..i remember this guy I was dating... and suddenly I felt it was going too fast... I felt...y'know.. smothered".

well i don't missy.. i just met you!

"So what did you do?"

"I just ended it... I've always broken up with my bf's... I just ended it.. and went away.. "

"clean as a bandaid?"

"Yeah, just like that. I just shut it down.. and then started dating someone else...I wanted it my way"

interesting..

"are you glad you did that?"

"well, in the past I was always happy with that.. but this time around, I just realized it was a mistake.. "

"Mistake? how's that?"

"Well, he was really nice to me.. and was very open with his emotions... something I always found really hard to do. I was always bottled up.. I kept these shields around me.. I didn't want to be vulnerable y'know.. I wanted to my thing. be an independent woman..and I felt being emotional sort of hindered that...so I just walked away...."

"... but then I realized... the thing I liked about him was just that.. the openness of emotions.. y'know.. like he was never too cool to show his feelings.. to show he was hurt.. or upset.. He never used his manliness to act aloof... and that kinda helped me realize.. maybe it was okay for me to give into my emotions too".

"so where's the mistake in here?"... This sounded like a movie, and the lady seemed to wanna take just as long to narrate her story!~

"Well, I left him.. dated someone else.. but then I realized what I really wanted was what I had with this guy... but I just wasn't ready at that time to move at the pace he wanted to".

cool... I interjected.. not that she really needed me to say anything here.

"and after a while, we got back in touch.. and by that time I had realized I was okay with being vulnerable.. I mean I had been working on fixing the other parts of my life.. and then when it came to realizing the emotion on my personal side... the person i wanted to do that with was not with me.. .cuz of me".

"so did you ask him out again?"

"hell no.. I'm a girl! we don't do that! but I did initiate the first conversation.. y'know sent him a feeler, see how he was doing.. dating someone or not.. I mean he's such a sweetheart, he always get a lot of attention, so I had to make sure he was single, before I let him know I was.."

"Damn women and games"

"noo.. I really wasn't playing games.. I was young.. I was just 3 years out of college.. It was a different time for me...and what was weird was that most guys get intimidated by me.. maybe cuz of my sense of humor.. I dunno."

yeah, NOT your sense of humor!

".. but he was never intimidated.. and he kept pace with me.. making me laugh... and being real.."

I smiled to myself.. here was a matchmaker, ostensibly trying to size me up as a potential client.. but instead had me going all Dr. Phil on her.

"So how long did you end up getting back with that guy then?"

"are you kidding, he's sitting right there in the exit row.. we've been together over 2 years now!!"

damn guy took my exit seat!! but good for that guy..

"so are you guys pretty secure with each other?"

"oh of course.. and I'm glad I gave him that call. He asked me to move in 3 months later.. and I told him.. hey.. take it easy.. we'll get there.. lets just deal with my pace, alright "

I chuckled.. she was verbose.. but she enjoyed telling her story alright!

"...btw, he's been talking to that girl a LONG time now... does he not realize I'm here and i can see him!!!"

"lol.. i thought you guys were secure!!"

"hey a little bit of jealousy isn't a bad thing y'know"

and then almost like on cue.. the guy turns around, interrupts our conversation, and shows her a pic of something on his cellphone...and she feigns a laugh. and he goes back.

"y'know.. he did that purely because I had been talking to you all this time!"

wow, I thought... I looked up at the light above my seat... wondering how exactly it was hitting my face.

I still got it!!

-Canuck "The Aviator" Engineer

2011-10-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

"OMG... You smell really good... What cologne is that".. exclaims the waitress as she chooses to lean onto our table to rest her tired legs and ask us about our next round of drinks..

"Jean-Paul Gaultier?..Am I right?" continued the damsel.

"Sorry", I said", "That's just my B.O. You should really smell me when I actually have cologne on.!"

"aww common.. Its Givenchy?.. gotta be Givenchy".

I shook my head with a smile...rather amused at how this conversation had evolved.

"Gucci? Are you sure its not Gaultier?"

I just shook my head.. with a bigger grin.. cuz the wheels were turning..

"Its actually just him." as I pointed to the guy seated across the table... my good ole buddy Junior..

"Yeah.. its really his smell on me that you find so fragrant", I said with my best matter-of-fact face.

"Oh.. That's cool".. she quipped, without skipping a beat.

"Yeah, Its my cologne you can smell on him.. He always ends up stealing my scent" said Junior, getting into the story..

"wow.. you guys really boyfriends? I just didn't picture that when you came in".

"Now what is that supposed to mean? Are you not supportive of our lifestyle choices?"

"No.. no no no.. I mean yes.. absolutely.. So how long have you been dating?"

"Well, I just met him today after nearly 10 years" This part was true.. We were middle school buddies who went to neighboring colleges and then Junior went up and left to the UK in our sophomore year and I didn't really see him since then...

"We never did go through the college experimentation phase.. So just trying to see if that spark is still there".

"Oh.. well.. great.. are you guys kidding?"

By this time, Junior was cracking up... so that gave the lady a chance to get up and collect herself.

"So, would you guys like another round of Rickards Red?" Rickards.. one of my favorite brews, found only in Canuckland.. which I was happy to be visiting after a while..

So she comes back a few minutes later with a pitcher...

"... and seriously though.. was it Gaultier or Givenchy?"

"I really don't remember"

"It has to be... .See, I know my men's colognes"...

and then pours us each a glass of Hefeweizen. "Enjoy your Rickards guys"

Colognes she might have known...The difference between Rickards and Heff... not so much.

But even that wheat pour couldn't affect the great evening I had catching up with an ole bud...."Jimmy quit.. Jodie got married.." y'know that kind of thing..
Guess we all enjoy talking about our Summers of '69! :)

-The Canuck "not that old yet" Engineer!

Legacy

2011-10-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

The hits just keep coming this year.
Maybe I'm just getting older and this is now a normal part of life.
But that makes it 4 people close to me...this year.... and now an icon.

On the day the world was grieving the loss of an icon, I lost a friend..
one who truly lived her life in a short 28 years ..
and helped me get through some difficult times in my own life.
But the one thing that always fascinated me about her was how she was able to get up after being knocked down..every single time... brush it off, and then continue reveling in life.... that short part of which I shared with her.

Sometimes you just have to take risks ... those who we consider having made it are those who took risks.. and put it all on the line.. for times when they felt it all in the gut.

Trust your gut and live your passion... said the man who single-handedly revolutionized how future generations will use consumer electronics..

On Instinct

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Have faith.. and go with it... When you look back, you'll see the road not taken. and the path you did tread on...and if you happen to be one of those visionaries.. chances are . you took the path not oft taken.... and if you're lucky.. you'll change the world...and if you're not...You'll live happy.

oh everyone should be so unlucky!

But that's what greatness is... finding the simple things in this complex walk of life... one that is unfortunately fleetingly escapes us..
and being conscious and aware of this very mortality is likely the most important thing in living a life fulfilling for yourself and others.

On life

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

Lose the baggage..no one cares.. it doesn't matter...
You leave exactly how you came... empty handed
When its all said and done.. would you rather beam at all you had achieved... or regret not doing things you could have done..
Everyone comes into the world screaming away in tears as they leave the womb... but its those rare few who leave this place smiling, laughing, cheerful.. and on their own terms.. those are the kings of their destiny

If you feel it in your gut.. you go for it...
You live... on your own terms..
No reason not to follow your heart..
It won't beat for ever..

-The Canuck Engineer

Marley & Me

2011-10-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

-Bob Marley... Reggae SuperStar, and also, a philosopher!

Delicious and Refreshing!

2011-09-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

I was busy...
she was there waiting for me

I had it all set up..
ready to celebrate..
but guess I just didn't pay attention to the timing

They said it was not a good match
but that's not what I learned on tv
and in all those magazines
They said, heck yeah, I enjoy her.
and I believed it..

But she wasn't ready..
then she got too cold.
Just could never time it right...

and so I just left her there
all by herself in the cold..
and by the time I figured I should check on her..
the fizz was gone.

Dear Bottle of Mexican Coke in my refrigerator
You deserved better..
Maybe next time?

-The Canuck Engineer

Las Vegas, New Jersey!

2011-09-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

I check my mail.

ooh look at that.. an evite

"the debacheloring of Canuck's Friend"..

hmm.. a bachelor party.. sweet..
Wouldn't mind a trip to vegas.. its been a while.
not that I haven't been on trips lately..
but seems to be pretty damn swamped around these parts recently..
and the next couple of months don't promise much respite..

So this might be just what the doctor ordered in November.

well, lets be clear.. a weekend in vegas is quite possibly exactly the opposite of what doctors might order.. whether it be in November, or march.. or any other month..

but this is my buddy whose bachelor party has been a long time coming...
and the Canuck has never needed much of an excuse to head to vegas!
(bank accounts and credit card statements not withstanding!)

I tell my buddy, Mo.. who's got a few decades on me..
but might even be younger than me at heart.
"hey mo.. you going to Sam's BP?
OH hells yeah i am!
Mo continues.."y'know, i get invited to a ton of bachelor parties"..
..and then pauses, not sure if for effect. or if he's just lost his train of thought..
"... but i never get invited to the weddings".

I let out a mind-chuckle.... where I laugh out loud in my mind but say nothing..
and happens to be quite the opposite of keeping a poker face.. but saying "L O L".
which happens to be a peeve of mine.. one I share with the great Sir Larry David!

Mo muses... "not sure if the weddings get cancelled after the wild times we have at the BP.."
... "or cause I'm just persona-non-grata after what goes on in those times"

Oh.. well, we're going to Vegas.. and I'm getting excited for this.

I don't know if I always used to feel this way.. or if the excitement is mostly due to watching "The Hangover"... but I'm excited..

I continue reading the evite...
"So let us know if you're in for a round of Golf.. and after that we'll head to the Taj".

The TAJ? I didn't know there was a Taj in Vegas.. is this a new casino? a club?

I read the evite again..
"Atlantic City".

ATLANTIC CITY??

You want me to go NEW JERSEY for a party?
the sewage dump of the world... For a party?
are you effin kidding me??

I send out an email expressing my displeasure in no diplomatic terms to the Best man.

within minutes I get a response..

"I know how much we all wanted to go to vegas bro.. but a lot of the people are already in NYC, and so we figured AC was the obvious location.. . besides its pretty much the same thing"

Same thinG?

Are you kidding me?

you're saying atlantic city is the same thing as vegas?

If it was the same thing, it wouldn't be called Atlantic City..
It would be called "LAs Vegas"!!!

the same thing?
no its the not the same thing.

A donut without a hole is not a donut!
its a danish.

and i'll be damned if I got to a Danish bachelor party!!

oh wait.. Danish?? ie Denmark? i.e scandinavia?

hmmmm
hhmmmmm

Well, I wouldn't so much mind a Danish Party..
but it better be in vegas!!

And if I'm gonna go to Atlantic City..
Its gonna be under protest
and I will not participate in any of the adventures of the weekend.

Unless, they change it to Vegas.

Vegas Baby
Vegas
:D

-The Canuck "rainman" Engineer

Lazy Sunday!

2011-09-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

After completing a packed Saturday that started at 5am.. and ended sometime in the wee hours on Sunday morning, I decided to reward myself with a lazy Sunday afternoon of watching Football... Sure its a luxury I may not have for long, so I figured I'd squeeze it in while I could... After all, the Chargers are looking good, the Patriots lost.. and I kept flipping over to watch the Yankees-Sox game go into extra innings...

But unfortunately my lazy Sunday didn't end up lasting long, since later in the evening I had to attend to a few other things, including writing and researching a paper... finally, after getting that done, I allowed myself to flip the channels and caught the "top 100 songs" from the past decade..

As the songs played in the background, while I continued hacking away at my keyboard, I kept thinking back to the times of each song. Its funny how every single #1 reminded me of an exciting summer in high school.. or a Halloween party .. really just bringing back memories associated with that time in my life..

Got me thinking.. You always tend to look into the past and reminisce about the good times you had.

Also, reminded me of the excitement I felt back then at the prospect of school, college, traveling abroad, or whatever have you.

and then i started wondering about the things that I might have done different, and how that might have changed the life I currently live.

What if I took a job in Canada, and never made it down to the states?
How about taking on that internship in Finland, and maybe settling in Scandinavia?

What if I'd gone to that Oktoberfest event in Germany, that all my friends went to?

Perhaps that wedding of my friend that I wanted to attend and never could?

You're always going to have thoughts about the past that make you feel good or not so great.
You always tend to ponder the future with feelings of excitement and anxiety intertwined.

Could I have done anything different?
Should I have done anything different?

I remember when I wanted to apply to college.. I made sure I did everything to position myself the best possible way for the interview..met the right people, said the right things.. even made an unsolicited visit to press my case.. even before I got the decision.

Was I more aggressive back then? Has age and.. ahem maturity.. made me softer?

I wanted to explore retail sales after college.. and I cold called' the crap out of the companies I wanted...even showed up to meet the GM of a dealership hours after I had faxed him my resume. I waited in the lobby until he gave me 10 minutes...and boy did I make those minutes count!

They wanted somebody.. I had to prove I was that somebody.

That's really what it all comes down to!

A house for sale wants somebody to be a buyer... You need to convince the seller you're that somebody.
A company with an opening wants an employee... You need to convince them you're that somebody.

Everything comes down to that.. filling that void.. filling that need..

SOMEBODY's gotta get it...why not that somebody be you?

But that's the thing... There IS a need. when you have that, you have a shot.

What about cases when there is no "need".. or "void".
There is no position to fill?

Or what if you want something.. but its just not available?
that's just bad timing..

Timing.. the most critical of things.. sometimes way beyond anything you can control.

if you want a job now.. and your dream company isn't hiring till next year.. what can you do?

What about those times you lowered your bet to the minimum, only to get a blackjack?
Remember when you bought a new stock? and the market tanked?
and then you sold at a loss.. and then the stock just exploded?
how about that timing..

You can walk away.. brush it off..
it just wasn't mean to be..

but what if it was something you really wanted?
It could be a stock,
it could be that house. .
it could be your career.
it could be "her"..

Well it could be a "him".. lets not forget.. Dont Ask Don't Tell did just get repealed!

So you walk away...?
nothing you coulda done?
give up.. go home?
It just "wasn't in the cards"?

I remember my best poker hand that I played..
I got a 2 pair on the flop... Winning hand that..
and then the turn brought about a pair on the board..
Somebody might have trips!
and then the Ace rivered.
What should I have done?
Smart strategy would be to fold..
I wasn't that invested..
but i looked around.. .I didn't see a lot of confidence...
and so I represented the full house..
and I played it like a full-house..
and then people started mucking..
and at the river...I bet strong.. and a guy with a higher 2 pair actually folded!
I won that hand..
the one that "wasn't in the cards"

and I don't even care about poker.. but i went for it.

Would I do that for something I really cared about?
What if the timing wasn't right?
Would I be willing to just walk away?

When it really matters.. what are you willing to do?
You can't fit a square peg in a round hole..
That is futile.. and also stupid.
If its a bad deal.. you walk away...
There's always another opportunity if you look hard enough..

But if it could fit..but the timing's off..
do you still let the situation get the better of you?

In some matters, you just can't force the issue..
So what do you do?

They say your legacy is defined by the decisions you make..
but it is equally impacted... by those you didn't make!

Everyone knows about "The Decision" courtesy Lebron.
He probably made the wrong one..
even if it was the correct one, he went about it the wrong way.
He was listening to the wrong people..

When faced with the "big" decisions...
you talk to those you care about
and sound out your thoughts..
and hear theirs..
Its probably why people have partners.
in firms..
in investments..
in relationships..

Unless of course that's the very decision you're faced with..
haha.. that's when you gotta listen to your gut..
and make your decision flying solo..

and as I type this... the "hit" being played on tv?

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me..
...I walk alone"

Appropriate!

-The Canuck "Greenday" Engineer

Bells and whistles

2011-09-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

Remember when the summer vacation would end.. and you'd dread the first day of school..
and you'd make every possible excuse to avoid going to class.
and convince yourself you were too sick to go to school...
so much so that you'd feign sickness until you actually fell sick..
and contracted a light fever..
or a cold.. or a cough..
really just anything to extend the vacation by one more day?

Some things never really change..
You plan to go to bed on time the night before..
and yet fail miserably to do that..
and then ignore your cell phone alarm till the battery dies.
and try to catch those precious few minutes of shut eye..

But try as you might.. you'd always wake up to a phone call..
that reminded you to wake up..
cuz its time to get up!
But then that phone never does ring
and you never get that wake up call.
and you sleep in that extra 10 minutes
and then look at the clock..
and realize you no longer have time to "prep" for class..
and so you tuck yourself in the covers even deeper
delaying the inevitable..

and then your alarm clock starts beeping...
and then starts chirping...
and then you detect a sound on your night stand..
followed by a thud..
all the while accompanied by the loudest beeping you've ever heard..
and you wave your arms frnatically...
reaching for your alarm clock on your nightstand..
hoping agianst hope for it to shut up..
but it doesnt..
cuz now the sound emanates from outside your room..
and it just won't stop..
and then you finally get out of bed in a huff..
and chase down your damn alarm clock into hte living room..
as it tries its best to evade you..
and you finally pick it up and shut it down..

but by then you're out of bed..
and you're up
and you see the time..
and you realize.. ITS TIME...
and then you just accept that you're now up to start your coveted (dreaded) Saturday morning.
and then you groom yourself...
from a scrub into a presentable student ready to get his learn on..
and frantically leave the house.. to get to your car..

and as you're about to lock your door...
you look back in..
and see the alarm clock now on the living room counter..
and let out a wry smile..

Thank you Clocky.... you done did it again

-The Canuck Engineer

Manly Decisions!

2011-09-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

-The Manly Canuck Engineer

Band Camp

2011-09-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

I wish I played a musical instrument.

I never had a ear for music.. or a voice.... or a face or a body.. but i guess that's getting beyond this.

Growing up, we all had to take the mandatory music/band class... so I kinda sorta played an instrument.. but never really learned anything.

I wasn't gonna be a master at anything that I had to blow into.... so the flute was out right there...and I'd seen enough videos of the tuba guy in the band getting all kinds of things stuffed into the other end.. so that was out too!

I wanted to play the piano. .that was kinda grandiose.. but figured i'd never have the hand-leg coordination to deal with the pedals etc...and besides playing with two hands.. If I don't need two hands to drive, why should I use two for music... so there went the Piano.

I did like the idea of the keyboard.. so I spent a few months practicing that in school. But of course, practicing in school on the school keyboard wasn't cool. so i had to get mine. so I could bring that to school, and high-step my mad finger skills... (no no... we're still talking about music here... and no..we're ONLY talking about accoustic music.. no metaphors for making music.. get outtta here you gutterminds!)...

So i convinced my folks to get me a yamaha keyboard. It wasn't easy, cuz they knew I switched my choice of musical instruments faster than Liz Taylor changed husbands.. (yeah, I could've with a lady gaga reference, but its key that I highlight the fact that I grew up at a time when liz taylor still mattered.. actually she didn't, i ain't that old.. but it gives me some kind of pervasive pleasure to make myself older than I am... perhaps its my way of convincing myself of my awesome maturation processs...one that grey hairs will never provide!.. not that i have any .... and yes Denial is not just a river in Africa... get it? get it.. rimshot! i'm here all week).

Anyways, I finally got myself my badass Yamaha keyboard.. took it to class to demo the canuck rendition of what I considered a classic : the Top Gun theme... and the fact that It had taken me a whole two weeks to learn a theme song that was even easier than Chopsticks on the piano didn't faze me one bit.. >Then again, it took me a LONG time to figure out chopsticks for real.

I used to love ramen noodles as a 7 year old.. and would insist on eating them with a fork, including the soup... Never did do the math on that one.. and my fork never really scooped that much soup in the first place, but since when did logic ever get equated with anything the Canuck Engineer ever did.. .haha yeah, it might surprise those who know the Canuck now, that I wasn't always this brilliant.. thank you thank you! and one fine day, my neighbors.. two sisters, one of whom I hated, and the other who I was particularly fond off, invited me over for some Ramen... and as I took on a fork and prepared to embark on an expedition of culinary delight, they said.. "fork".. how bout chopsticks? and I gave them a look that said "Do I look like a graduate from the 36th Temple of Shaolin arts"? cuz I had only ever seen those guys rock chopsticks with Ramen... but no.. they insisted that I try out some Ramen-chopsticks style...and after 2 weeks of practice.. and about 10 bowls of Ramen later, I was a ChopMaster!

Anyways.,. the day I went to demo my Keyboard skills, this other guy decided to demo his rendition of Hotel California.. yeah.. in Grade 3!! Hotel California.. while I was just getting ready to spit some top Gun toons! and that's when I decided the keyboard was lame..
and never played it again...
and the Yamaha spent many years in our house.. acting as a wonderful display item, sometimes confused for a clothes rack..

But then many a time, especially in college and beyond, I felt it would've been nice if I'd learned to play the Guitar..y'know.. a COOL instrument... and then I saw Bill Clinton rock the Sax... and i figured.. if the President of the United States can blow into a tube.. then it shouldn't be beneath... but unfortunately I never got my shot at music..

until Guitar Hero.. and Rock band!
and then's when I discovered.. i sucked at the guitar..
well, i wasn't absolutely brutal, but it held no interest to me whatsoever..
yeah, in my head, i could picture being a Rock Band lead guitarist with chicks swooning all over me...but still.. no guitar for me..
but I did discover the drums! and I loved it..
and i took to it like fish take to alcohol.... or is it water? well, it goes "drink like a fish".. so it probably means alcohol.. so yeah.. I took to the RockBand drums like a fish takes to alcohol.. lets say a Mojito..... and I really enjoyed it...
and i got really good at it.. unlocking all those new levels.. and suddenly discovered a hitherto unknown hand-foot miscoordination that would make driving look like rocket science.. but i still enjoyed it..
and wondered.. what If I'd tried to learn the drums early on....hmm.. who knows!

why this sudden interest in music again?

Well.. partially, because I always wanted to write this on my facebook status:

"my neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. can you believe that?! 2:30am! luckily for him I was still up playing my drums!"

Haha. but really, its basically that, after a weekend of watching a lot of Shawshank redemption... the quote that rings out the loudest to me is Andy saying

"You need (music) so you don't forget....That there are places in the world that aren't made out of stone. That there's... there's somethin' inside that they can't get to; that they can't touch. It's yours."
What are you talkin' about?
Hope.

and Red, displaying the cynicism that's so typical in today's world...the one where people are so afraid of failure.. and its repercussions. that they won't dare dream..

" Hope? Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. It's got no use on the inside. You'd better get used to that idea."

Nah....That's not an idea I could ever get used to...
which is probably why I think I would have enjoyed playing the drums..
not just so I could give myself the customary "rimshot" after each one of my zingers!!
(well, they can't all be winners!)
but so I could bang on the rawhide..and remind myself.... there be hope in them these sounds..and that's the beauty of music... no body can turn that off!!

Too bad I didn't get a chance to be the next Hendrix or Slash...oh well, So I couldn't be a Star.. but I could still always be the next Ringo Starr ! (Rim shot.. another advantage of playing the drums!)

Because as Andy says...
"Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.."

-The Canuck Engineer

Great Expectations

2011-09-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

Great expectations

they say its good to go through life without expecting anything from anyone..
Do what you gotta do, and if you get something more than what's your due, then consider it a bonus

Its one way to live life.. Its what all the grown up wisdom is all about.
Do what you're meant to do, thats your duty.. and fear not about the results.
That's one way to look at it..

As a young kid, I would wake up on Christmas morning,
with all kinds of goodies under my pillow and around my bed.
It was awesome, cuz it was unexpected..a bonus

Then I began to equate the concept of Santa with gifts.
and as December came rolling, I would get the countdown to Christmas eve started
As far removed from anything Christian as I was, Christmas eve was what I waited for.
and there is nothing bigger for a 5 year old, than the prospect of "santa" coming in at night
and stuffing your stockings with everything you wanted... or hoped for.
I mean a 5 year old doesn't want much..
but as december approached... I would clean up my act..
and stay clean.. and go to bed on time.. and wake up on time..
and make my bed. and clean up after myself.
so that Santa got the note.. that I was a "nice" kid.
and every day.. i would wait.. for december 24th
and the anticipation would build
and i would always wonder.. what will i wake up to Christmas morning..
Would I get a GI Joe?.... Would I get a transformer? Something from the Master of Universe?
A mattel toy car? I had been good for 2 months after all...surely that was worth a ferrari.
and my expectations would grow.. and I would wonder..
and every night.. the anticipation would make it all the more exciting..
and I would dream... of what it would be like.. on Christmas morning.
and I would wake up smiling.. and cross another day off the calender..

If someone told me then.. have no expectations for Christmas, I would look at them appalled
My world would have been shattered.
What's wrong with having expectations?
At worst, I wouldn't get what I wanted..
but atleast I got to dream..
and is that not worth it all at the end?
So what if I got a box of chocolates at the end of it all..
and no Gi Joes...
Atleast I got a box of chocolates, didn't I?

It was so simple back then...
We're all born perfect...
and then we learn about the world..
and the thought of disappointment...
and get so scared at the very prospect...
that we don't even dare to dream.

I wanna be that 5 year old kid again...
and yeah.. have all the expectations I want...
and sometimes I'll get what I hope is coming to me..
and other times.. I'll fall.

Well, falling down is part of life..
Getting up is living..
Time is swift, it races by;
Opportunities are born and die...
Still you wait and will not try -
A bird with wings who dares not rise and fly.

As R. Kelly so simplistically put it... I believe I can fly..

Come fly with ...

-The Canuck Engineer

Of Mail and Men!

2011-08-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of mail .. every day.
snail mail.. that's right.. the kind the mailman delivers... yep.. in your mailbox.. no not inbox.. Mailbox..

I always looked forward to getting the mail. I would go visit our mailbox multiple times a day.
We never had one of those mailboxes where you put the flag up when you received mail.
One summer, I even put up a fake "flag" on our brick&mortal column mail-slot..
confused all of our neighbors..
and our mailman..
and the Republicans.

Back then, the mail I would get would be "Free Birthday" invitations to restaurants...
or "Free Juniors Ice Cream Night" vouchers.
That was exciting.

Then when I was applying to college.. I'd wait for the admits in the mail...
There was no email updates then.. it was all mail... all excitement!I
I never realized the difference in excitement between small envelopes and large envelopes back then.
In fact, it wasn't until recently that it was even brought to my attention.

Big Envelopes:: Welcome... To American Express... to Delta Airlines.. to Mushi Sushi House.. All good news
Small Envelopes: Bills... rent increases.. Late fee.... Changes to Rules...Eviction Notice.. Parking tickets.. DMV renewalss.. Credit Card Declines... Sigh...

and then there's those medium-sized Envelopes.
and I get a fair number of those.

Sometimes from the Veterans' services.. sometimes from Research Hospitals.. other times from Non-profits..
Sometimes those envelopes are thicker than usual...
and I get a notepad..
or a bunch of address stickers..
or fridge magnets..
always accompanied by a note:

"Can we count on your support?"

Support..
...The marketing that made the JockStrap industry go "nuts"
...What my back looks forward to when I sit in my friends Beemer!
...What my belt does to my pants....and what the belt loops do to my belt :)

Support..

It could mean so many things..
It could mean a particular thing..

It could mean cheering on the troops as they defend the nation..
It could mean getting kicked out of the ballpark as you cheer on your sports team :)
It could just mean a pat on your nephew's back as he gets on a bike for the first time..
It could just mean offering no judgement when your friend finally comes out.
It could mean driving a hundred miles to watch them perform..
It could mean being vehement in their defense..
it could mean being vociferous in your enthusiasm..
It could mean offering your ear.. and letting them vent..
It could just mean answering the phone.. whenever it rings..

really what it means...
If they had to lean on you... would you lend your shoulder?

or it could just be the latest ad gimmick for Victoria's Secret Fall Collection!

The Canuck "WonderSupport" Engineer

"Getting Feeled Up"

2011-06-09T02:36:00.000-07:00

What you value is what you miss, and not what you have.
but what if you miss what you do have...
is it just that you didn't know you really had it... or is it that you didn't ever really have it?

Until I turned 18, I played some sport or the other pretty much every day of my life.... yeah, i played sports as a baby.. I practiced tasting my toes every day of my first year!
I loved "play-time".. .every single day from 5-7, I'd go shoot hoops, hit balls, stop pucks or chase frisbees or whatever the sport of the season was.
It was my most cherished part of the day (that, and 7pm on ice cream nights, but that's a separate story)..
and my mom knew that.
which is why if i ever really misbehaved, I was grounded.. from 5-7...
That was enough..
I'd squirm and wince, and display symptoms that would make the Chinese Water Torture look like eating candy floss!
I knew what I had.. and how I'd lost it.. and I missed it.

and now that I'm "all grow'd up", I miss the times when i could just go for a couple of hours and play.

What does a person really miss? You miss what you once had.. and crave what you perhaps never did.
But does that mean you don't really value what you have?
I don't think so.

They say cherish what you have, because you dont really know what you have until its gone.
Well, I'm reminded of that every single Sunday morning when I wakeup with a splitting headache.. and wonder... "where did my hangover recovery abilities go"
and everytime I have a burrito, and almost instantly my pants get tighter.. and i wonder..
"where did my metabolism go"..

and so i've taught myself to appreciate all the good things that I might be fortunate to have had or will have... because you never know when they will go away.
The sight of water in Southern California... the cool breeze of summer.... the beginning of baseball season...
these are all things that make me happy.. and then just as soon, they go away..

and every now and then i wonder... what would it take to have something that makes me happy..for keeps...
maybe like being part of something that is not as fleeting as the seasonal sights... something that last longer than a wave on the beach...
it could be a lifelong profession that you wake up excited every morning for
it could be a lasting friendship that you go to bed every night ecstatic about
it could be something material... it could be something abstract..
it could be a memory... it could be a lot of memories...
It could be all of the above...it could be none of the above
its just a feeling..
..
one that equips you to handle the curveballs of life... cuz you know..you got that feeling..

and regardless of how long or shortlived that feeling is.. you just have to believe, that it'll be forever..
but even if it doesn't, did you at least remember to live through it believing that it would?

Maybe its just the optimist in me...
When you look back at your life, you choose to remember the vivid moments...and memories..

and a lot of times its the smaller things in life that give you that feeling... because they remind you of what you really value.. and cherish..

and I love that feeling..

The feeling I get...when I see my runaway alarm clock, much to the chagrin of my stubbed toes
The feeling I get...when I see a dried up fern, preserved ever so beautifully
The feeling I get...when I see that spiral shaped, syrup soaked orange colored delicacy ...

ahh.. when i get that feeling....

-Canuck "Marvin Gaye" Engineer

Influence!

2011-03-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me, Sir, but did you just park there?" bellowed the cop running towards me with a flashlight.

What's the world come down to! Cops on a Saturday Night have nothing better to than to play meter maid?

I did a double take, my recent relationship with Southern Californian Parking Authorities was getting a bit too close for comfort, and lately, a lot of their wining and dining musta been courtesy the Canuck Engineer!.

"Yes, Officer, I sure did", convinced I'd parked within the allocated lines, AND when the meter was off. This guy had no shot of giving me a parking ticket, that's fer sure!

"Where are you coming from?
"uhh... a bar, where I just had me some delicious wings, and I thought I'd bring some back for my friends in this building." I felt like Lady Gaga's latest wardrobe malfunction... Nothing to hide!

"Oh where's my manners, Care for some buffalo hot, officer?" I offered the cop, my Canadian up bringing kicking in.

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

Well, I did come from a bar.. Do cops do this on purpose? I JUST CAME FROM A BAR!

"Yeah, I had a drink!" I proclaimed emphatically, with the confidence of Dubya during Mission Accomplished.

"Just one drink?" the flashlight shines in my eyes.

"Yeah, I had one beer. ONE beer". I was wondering if it was rude to spell out Beer. B as in Bob...E as in... sigh

"Okay, Sir, Can you please follow this pen with your eyes and not your head".

giggle.. he said head.

"Sir.. with your eyes.. not your head".

giggle.. he said it again.

"SIR.... please follow this pen with your eyes ONLY"

woah.. toy cop turned into Seargant Neanderthal.

"What's going on Officer?"

"We have here a DUI checkpoint, and I saw you park your car right before it. We're trying to catch any one trying to evade the checkpoint"

Oh.. excrement just got real!

Focus, canuck, Focus. eyes.. not neck. not head.. EYES.

"Okay Officer.. do it again"

and with the skills of a seeing eye dog, I followed that pen like a champ! That Bic mighta thought I was stalking it....

"Thank you Sir, you're good to go"
what that's it? Way to be stingy with the praise man.. I followed that pen like there was no tomorrow.... and I did it while holding a very distracting box of Hot Buffalo Wings!

"So wait, did you just gimme a sobreity test, while I was walking". What was he gonna charge me with .. Walking Under No Influence?

"Thank you Sir, have a great evening. "

Well, thank you Officer Chatty! sheesh.

I guess I got my first Sobreity Test.. fortunately, I had not indulged that evening..

Come to think of it.. I had. I had indulged in some fine goat cheese, and the most scrumptious of bruschettas.... all the while savoring the most radiant of smiles that only a scrumptious slice of tortamisu could bring about..

Yep, you could say I had an Extraordinary day!

Going Postal!

2011-03-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

He parks his minivan on the side of the road, and pops open the trunk.
He adjusts his satchel, and stashes it with more of the goods from his trunk.
He shuffles the envelopes in his hand and makes a stack.
the larger stack he put wraps an elastic band around.

He goes from house to house.. his hat on his forehead.. his satchel on his side.. and completes his task.
Its raining, its windy.. its sunny.. he makes the same rounds.. day after day... making the house calls he's obligated to...

and every evening we come back home, and look at my mailbox.. and cuss at the bills that are piled up in there... not sparing a thought for the satchel-donning, hat-clad mailman who delivers the mail and keeps the world ticking.

and with the internet, and e-bills, you'd think snail mail is soon to go the way of the dinosaur.

not anytime soon, it seems.

because as Newman would say "When you control the mail.. you control.. infohmashun!"

Salute your everyday heroes, folks... tip your mailman this Christmas!

Ye shall receive!

2011-03-17T00:16:00.000-07:00

"we got next"

That's how you call "next" on the basketball courts. Its a statement... we're here.. and we're taking on the winners.. that's just the way it is... you play ... "for the courts"..

well maybe not "For the Courts", American History X style.....although that was on my to-do list.. to go play in compton.. "For the Courts" :)

But it used to be different. When you went to the courts behind the middle school.. you just walked in and said.. "hey guys.. can I play?" as simple as that.. Ask. "Can.. I ... Play".

if they were smartasses, they'd say.. "Well, can you?"..and then you showed em... of course if you were me.. you'd grin.. cuz you knew you wouldn't show em... but you'd still ask... "So what team am i on!"

but as we grow up.. we forget about the beauty of asking...and instead worry about the possible response... but if you don't ask for something.. you're no worse off than where you were before you started...

When i was a youngun... (yeah, many many many moons ago).. and flew on airlines as a minor..I'd get toys... and chocolate.. yeah.. mini airplanes, toy cars, swiss chocolate galore... it was fun to fly as a youngun.

But then I turned "older than a youngun".. and suddenly.. no pre-meal napkins.. no clock airplanes..no swiss chocolate. and so I endured the gruesome journey, over the Atlantic.. with the grumpiness of a baby that had thrown all his toys out of the pram... except that I never got em to begin with!

So at the next layover.. I asked the kind lady at the frequent flyer desk... "Can I get the toys Unaccompanied Minors get?"... The lady smiled. I then proceeded to the McDonalds, to begin my assault on the European version of the Big Mac (even back then, Big was a very generous term to use!).

As I walked into the plane to begin my next leg, a voice behind me goes.. "Is that you, Mr. Canuck Junior?".. I sure is, I beamed.. and then she went into the pantry (or the galley, or whatever they call them on an aircraft) and came out with a huge bag marked with my name on it... and there it was.. I had my mini airplanes.. and my toy cars... and enough swiss chocolates for my dentist to have a coronary!

All I did was ask.

So the next time you're in Vegas and you want some of those mini-jam and ketchup bottles for your own selection... Will you remember to ask?

The next time you get pulled over, and want the cop to let you off with a warning considering your clean record.. (and the fact that you're canadian!)... Will you remember to ask?

The next time you're a point away from making the next grade in your class, and that would be the difference between a scholarship or not... .. Will you remember to ask?

The next time you bartend at a party, and a heavenly beauty walks in for a drink...will you remember...
...
...
to ask?

-The Canuck Engineer

Epilogue

2011-03-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

Pay not attention to the senselessness of the illness that consumed our friend... but instead let us celebrate the joy that his young life brought about in all of us. The words of the grieving brother as he opened up the service.

and for the next little while, that is exactly what we did.

The sister shared her memories of the brother any sibling would love to have. The wonder that was her brother, how she looked up to him and how much of a pillar of support he'd been to her... it all came pouring out...in between sobs and chokes...a sentiment shared by everyone at the service.

Then the brother shared his most cherished moments, and as he described some of his experiences as a 4 year old, for the first time in the day, you could see him take a brief hiatus from the rock he'd been ever since the turmoil began a few months ago. But displaying the strength he had, as the man of the household, he labored on, and supported every single person who came up to share their favorite memories of our fallen friend.

There is probably nothing more tragic than a father having to talk about burying his son. He did not give a eulogy, as much as he had a conversation with his son who lay not 5 feet away. It would be easy to term this the biggest misfortune a family might ever have, but once you heard everyone talk about how much of an impact my noble friend had on their lives, how deeply he had touched the souls of so many, you started reconsidering mourning his devastating loss to celebrating and appreciating the brief but impactful time he had in this world.

They say that the Lord would not put you through anything you can't handle. and so would be the destiny of his new bride, who celebrated but a few weeks of her blissful marriage before he took ill, that she would be the source of strength for her soulmate for the next 5 months till death doth them apart.

while it was probably no one's intention to be that way, the heartfelt emotions pouring out in the form of words resulted in some of the most eloquent tributes you could hope for anyone to receive...and while he did not know it as he rested peacefully encased in solid oak, our friend was the wave of graciousness that entered our lives, drenched us, and just as transiently.. left us.

As the priest recited the prayers for the peace of the departed, you begin to wonder about the mysterious ways of the Lord. He lets some see their great grand kids get to college, and yet, just as graciously, he takes away some before they see their 32nd birthday.

and you started to wonder...maybe, just maybe.. the big guy above does have a plan for all of us...maybe not immediately apparent to those of us not enlightened who still consider earth their domicile, but surely, there must be a reason why sometimes those most loved and least deserving of suffering are the ones taken away the soonest.

The way he spelt his name, he was always on top of my contact list.... and metaphorically, with his conduct, he would always find himself at the top of everyone's list. As they closed the service, the family asked of us..to celebrate his legacy, and to consider celebrating the time we do have here.

Everyone dies at some point.. .but does everyone live?

You will always be at the top of my list. I will hope that you can now rest peacefully, now that you're relieved from all the suffering.... but I know..there's a lot more souls you are about to touch in that big playground upstairs.

I will miss you, my friend.

-The Canuck Engineer

Sunset

2011-03-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

The Dog Days of summer are the sultriest, toughest days of the season.

Every now and then you get a preview of the warmth of that beloved season in the middle of a cold winter...

and the sun rays gleam on your skin..
and the wind blows through your hair..
and you ride through the California freeway system with the top down, feeling alive.

But its the circle of life... As sure as the crest today.. .following soon after is a trough.
and sometimes you descend into it like quicksand...at other times it hits you like a ton of bricks...

and the sense of taste leaves your tongue..
and the appetite leaves your stomach..
and the thought of slumber leaves your body..
all while you wonder why it is those who least deserve it suffer most.

Whether its those hit by the tsunami in Japan
or perhaps those hit by the vagaries of life a lot closer to home..
you wonder...and you pity... and you mourn..

Some mourn in company, others in solitude..
its undeniable..there is grief in loss, and we all deal with it... in our own way..

and in the midst of those gloomy, cloudy days..
right in the middle of dealing with the cocktail of emotions you never knew even existed..
as you stare aimlessly at the horizon, wondering when it will be dawn again...
you witness unbridled joy...
like that on the face of a newborn's father,
or the satisfaction at the first bite of a chocolate chip cookie at the end of a fasting day..
and you finally start appreciating the hairpin turns in the journey we call life..

and if only for a brief few moments..
the sun shines again...
the wind blows again

and from the trenches of your heart, you let out a wry smile.

Remember the time?

2011-03-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

Remember the times back in Canuck Collegiate Institute?

Remember all those times we walked to school on top of multiple feet of snow, clad in our parkas, rocking our thermal mitts but too cool to wear a "toque", cuz covering your head wasn't manly! Remember all those subsequent bouts of pneumonia we all suffered through?

Remember that time that OleN decided to fore-go gloves, and hid his hands in his parka, only to get his face intimately acquainted with the slippery ice road!

Remember when the VP of attendance caught us skipping class, and decided to chase us around on a bicycle.. and then fell.... and then we went to check up on him to see if he was seriously injured, only to get detention for the entire week after that!

Remember when we decided in all our ingenuity, to celebrate a friends 18th birthday by drinking Hard Lemonade .. that too, of all places, in the bleachers on the football field... remember the sinking feeling we got when we saw police lights heading towards us through the football field, and the visions of being behind bars that fleeted through our thoughts? Remember how cool we thought it was that we were rocking Mike's Hard Lemonade!!

Remember how we sawed off a tree to make a nice seating area for us behind the baseball field... the area forever entrenched in our memory as the Log of Wood... why did we feel the need to describe what the log was made of?

Remember the time when you had a massive crush on the young English Teacher.. and how devastated you were when you found out that on the last day of class, which you skipped, she gave out hugs to her first ever class....and remember the expression on her face when you went to the staff room to demand your hug, after all!

Remember when you realized that taking the bus 40 minutes after the one you usually took would get you to class only 5 minutes late, thus justifying an extra 30 minutes of snoozing? Remember how brilliant that decision felt when you were barred from all your classes for 30 consecutive "Lates"?

Remember how proud you were of the group purchase of the $500 Crown Victoria, in which every part made a louder sound than the horn ? How did that feel when the cops showed up to claim their "stolen"car back :)

Remember how proud you were that a Hollywood Film was being shot at your school many years after you graduated? Remember how bummed you were that it turned out to be "Mean Girls"

Remember the times you used to go to the library to "study", but only during the times the cute exchange student had a spare?

Also remember how crushed you were when you bid $10 for Hug and Kiss from that exchange student, only to find out she was doling out Hershey's Candy?

sigh... I love meeting up with high school friends, to reminisce back to the Time of Our Lives!

The "Greenday" Canuck Engineer

CanuckBots!

2011-02-07T02:39:00.001-08:00

I'm an engineer.

Yes, I know its obvious, given the title of this blog... but its still worth mentioning.

I'm an engineer.

I went to school to become an engineer.

I work as an engineer.

Ergo, I am technically apt.

or so you'd think!

Over the past few weeks, machines have decided to band together and mess with me!

In december, i turned on my heat, cuz i was freezing.. yeah, i know I'm canadian, and I know I live in So Cal.. but i was still cold!.. nay, freezing. Actually, I went to bed really cold ... so I decided to turn on the heat.. and then woke up freezing!

I looked at my thermostat, and realized, I had turned on my airconditioning..and the apartment was a balmy 61 degrees!!

Last month, I started seeing the world half clear and half blurry... For a few minutes, I was a philosopher... Then I realized I had worn both my contact lenses in my same eye!

Congratulations Canuck, you're well on your way to qualifying for a Darwin award!

Then the following week, I decided to move some money into my checking account to allow for vegas.. uhmm.. expenses. The next day, I get an overdraft notice. yep, I had somehow moved money OUT of my account!

Finally, last week, I actually did turn on my heater, and my smoke detector went nuts as my living room resembled a cigar lounge..

Whats going on here? when did the machines and I stop getting along together? I remember me and my first car, the trusty Oldsmobile, spending many years in perfect harmony? Why then, am I being victimized here?

And then I figured it out. All these are clearly attempts by Optimus Prime and his troupe to try and get my attention. I might just be the Canuck Witwicky.. and yeah, somewhere here, I hold the All Spark.. yep, the key to Earth's survival!

As I go on a spree to collect all the eyeglasses in my apartment, belonging to me, my friends or some ebay guy... I'd like to remind you ladies that when you look at the CanuckEngineer.

.... There's more than meets the eye!

Sweet Blog O Mine!

2011-02-07T02:11:00.000-08:00

Watching the Superbowl, it seems to me, reminds of old Bloggin Memories!

and what better way to start up my New Year (yep, i know its February) resolution than to blog on the night after the Superbowl!

The game was pretty good... a lot more exciting than it seemed it would be early in the first half. But while the game kept its promise, I was definitely underwhelmed by the quality of commercials this year.

As has been the case every year, I watched the game surrounded by people who insisted they were huge football fans and kept urging the players to "shoot a goal already"... and marvelled that "the kick had no shot of making a touchdown". It obvious, this game is about the commercials...and the halftime show... and the pregame show.. really everything except what goes in the gridiron.

It started off kinda fun.. Some guy dressed in drag decided to sing the national anthem and then decided to just "mad-lib" the words. Oh wait, it was Christina Aguilera! and she held the last note, on "Brave" for over 9 seconds.. (and yes.. that's longer than you think!!!)

Volkswagen's Mini Darth Vader was undoubtedly the best commercial of them all. And they barely even focussed on the car.. Marketing at its finest.
Easy Loser: Groupon.. Really groupon? of all the games in all the sports in all the countries of the world, you had to walk into the middle of the superbowl.. with an ill advised take on Tibet! Y'know when people hold signs saying "Free Tibet", they're not giving away the country for no cost!

I loved that the car companies decided to make a strong comeback. It felt like every other ad was a car commercial. I particularly liked the Chrysler ad. Serious, well thought out and made the point... GoDaddy and Stella could take a cue from them. No Humor is a lot better than failed humor!

and If I were to take that advice... I wouldn't have a blog!!

Watching the half time show made me realize how hard the organizers tried to "be relevant" to today's youth. No Prince, no old fogeys this time around.... the only faux pas in my opinion was Fergie's massacre of Sweet Child O Mine. If Slash's face wasn't completed hidden by his hair and hat, you coulda seen a little tear roll out of his eyes...as he tried to forget his GNR memories!

But of course, I enjoyed the whole production... and to top it all, I actually won me some money, some drinks and possibly even a dinner... Yeah, I know I was supposed to give up gambling, after my last trip to Sin City... (oh yeah, tha'ts a whole new blog post comin soon)... but atleast on Superbowl 45, I was ...

-The Winning CanuckEngineer!

Good Hobo Hunting!

2010-07-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

They say you don't choose life.. life chooses you.

and I've found that's been the case for the most part for me...

I went apartment hunting for almost an entire month... okay.. almost an entire week... Nothing lights up the fire in your apt hunt than the landlord warning you to leave by the weekend... (oh did i omit to mention I overstayed my lease by 11 days? :P)

I went east and I went west.. I went south and I went north...and then I walked into this place..

and loved it.

Was it the apartment size? maybe.. was it the view? probably.. was it the hobo that hung out by the trash can next to the place? SOLD!

And based on my new location.. I can proudly state..

Damn it feels good to be a "Banker" :)

-The Canuck Banker?

Lets make a move!

2010-07-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

So I moved.

When I was in college, I lived in 12 different residences over 5 years.. yep 12 moves.. (not 12 steps!!! that was way later!)

Before that I lived in 3 countries, 3 continents, and another 10 houses...

Then I came down to So Cal and its like I came here to settle. I lived in the same apartment for almost 5 entire years....Longer than I had ever spent under a single roof anywhere else in my life.

I got comfortable...

They say a man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

So i decided to change that... and move. I came to San Diego 5 years with nothing but two suitcases and a carryon. So I figured how bad could moving apartments be.

Well.. it was.. in fact in Chuck Barkley's words:

T U R R I B L E!!

On the day of my move, I had 28 boxes of stuff, plus furniture, plus 6 backs of clothes for Goodwill.. and this is after I tossed away 13 bags of trash!!

somebody call an intervention.. I've become a hoarder!!

It was time to clean house... In with the new, out with the old.....

It was time to move...I'm glad I moved...

The Canuck "Hoarder" Engineer

Another Year Wiser

2010-07-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

and another year, younger.. its how you count your years once you reach 21....in my world, i've been growing younger for a few years now...

On this momentous occasion, I feel compelled to note down some resolutions.. ones I might be some 6 months too late in making.. but whats the sayin.. something about being late than never being....hmm, i think i wrecked that one.. but you get the point...

just like the 4th guy did... oh wait you didn't know that one.

3 men walk into a bar.... the 4th guy ducked :)

Its been a weird sort of year for so many reasons.. I had some great moments.. watching team canada lift the olympic gold, buying my first hookah, going on my first cruise.... but then again, there's been tougher times... Nigeria lost in the first round of the World Cup.. the Blue Jays failed once again...and finally, my roommate left me.. (oh wait.. we've discussed that ad nauseum).

But its time for a fresh start... after 5 years in this beautiful so cal location, I'm moving to an even better place near the downtown core....my folks sold the place I spent my precious high school years.. and will move to another place this fall... and so on that note, here be some resolutions made today, on the day I saved 15% or more by switching to Geico.

I will stick to my commitments from earlier in 2010.. including my volunteer positions
I will never bet on a long shot again (damn you usa!), unless that long shot is me... I will always bet on me.. as many time as it takes :)
I will never doubt the impact a day old burrito can have on your internal organs
I will no longer assume that my teeth and enamel are immune to Diet Coke
I will accept that my obsession with Mexican Coke might be getting a tad dangerous
When I go to Vegas the next time, I vow to see the sun rise *after* I get out of bed, instead of the other way around... at least once in the weekend...
I will never root for Lebron James again.. Championships are earned... not just coattailed to
I will not read any more of Joel Stein's columns.. at least not until he apologizes in earnest
I will sing a lot more of "Damn it feels good to be a Banker"... not because I changed my profession.. but mainly because I changed my residence....yep.. it feels good to be a "Banker" :)
I will cook at home three times a week... and when I do, at least one of them will be an Indian meal.... with the caveat that if any of these occasions happen to be unedible, i reserve the right to visit El Cotixan at any hour of the day.
I will buy a set of tools and actually use them. a Philips screwdriver and a hammer should no longer be the extent of my toolset.. ( oh wait, I have a level too!!!)
Artwork belongs in a man's house... yes, I got some and I'm proud of it....and no, I do not suffer from loose-wrist-syndrome!
I have hundreds of "friends" but I can count on my fingers the number of people that really know me.. and i still got thumbs to spare.. and some.... Lets make those thumbs count!
I will not be mean to people who ask me if I identify with Slumdog Millionaire. Sarcasm isn't always the right answer.
Sarcasm isn't alway the wrong answer either.
Nothing lasts forever.. not even cold November rain......or your favorite pair of jeans... I'll make peace with that
I'll buy new jeans!
I will resuscitate the art of the phone call. Text messaging has consumed my life.. no more!

and I will resume writing to this blog more often...That is the vow of a 21 year old.. many times over :)

-The "wiser" Canuck Engineer

In Sweet Laundering

2010-06-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

So I decided to move out of my residence... after 5 years in the same place, its time for some different scenery.

I've been looking at places near the beach (so I can feel like I'm finally in a coastal city)...and in the downtown area (so I can feel like i'm not that old yet).

I looked up apartments on Craigslist, and found some really interesting places.... of course, the ones i liked would break the bank..but still worth a shot.

High on my criteria have been a renovated apartment, and central air/heat.... but for some reason, in every ad, the most highlighted aspect is "In-suite laundry".

Not really sure how I feel about that. I've had a personal laundry machine for the past 6 years, and never really thought much about it.. but is it really that big a deal to carry your hamper to the laundry room, and put in a load or two? Sure, its a hassle to leave your apartment, but to walk a few feet and push in some coins doesn't seem that bad.

well, apparently its a big deal to enough people, just not to me.. and I'm actually quite the picky Canuck..

Great battles are found in the laundry room.. territory is marked.. you "call" your washer.. you fight with the coin-vending machine, you browse the classifieds on the cork board..and every now and then you might chance upon a bunch of mafia guys discussing the next "hit".

How could you possibly turn that down :)

The Canuck "InHouse Launderer" Engineer

Habeas Corpus

2010-06-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

This past week, my beloved Blue Jays were visiting Petco Park.. and I decided I would attend all the games.. after all, they were visiting for the first time in 6 years, and I hadn't caught one of their games all year.

On Monday, I found myself at the ballpark, indulging in a Petco Dog and another overpriced beer.. sipping on which made me David Moulton.. "why do they serve American beer cold?... so you can tell the difference from urine"!!

Had a blast, bumped into quite a few Blue Jays fan, transplanted from all across Canada.. and decided to make the trip all over again the next day.

So its Tuesday, and 4 of us got kickass seats right behind 3rd base..... pre-gamed at the pub right by the park, where among others, I met my first Indian from Niagara Falls (a tribe whose name I won't massacre by attempting to spell) as well as one of the radio play-by-play guys.. Then we proceed to our seats and start heckling the crap out of the Blue Jays....

At one point, a padre fan sitting next to us turned around and goes "You sure you guys are Toronto fans?"... and the heckling continued... and the Toronto 3rd base coach was actually enjoying, giving us the Thumbs up and later the peace sign.. SCORE!!

So I looks to the 'security guy' and goes "Hey man, how many warnings do we get hahhaa".. i don't why I thought that was a funny question, cuz the next thing you know, he's on his radio, and another suit comes up to us and says.. "Gentleman, follow me".. We all look at each other, is he serious?.. It was the 2nd inning.. SECOND inning..

while we're talking to the security guy, a grand slam is hitting against the good guys, and we walk out...We didn't even get a warning, we protested.. sorry guys.. its the rule of the law. you gotta bounce... ...Another security guy looks at us and goes"Trust me, I'm from boston, this would never happen there"... I never thought I would have a RedSox fan empathize with me as I rocked my Maple Leafs jersey!!

So we got run from Petco Park in the 2nd inning.. no warnings.. no explanations... Hey Obama, what happened to Habeas Corpus.. (lawyers, feel free to roll your eyes at my blogger's licensed use of that writ!!).

So we bounce to the rooftop bar right next door, where we have a view of the game, and other beverages on tap....The night's been redeemed.. we suddenly a few other sympathizers chuckling away at our predicament, as we celebrated the creaming of my team from about a 1000 ft away (and about 300 feet in the air!).....

A few hours later, I find myself without my phone.. my trustee phone, seperated from me? what would I do? Its my best phone yet, but fat chance of ever getting that back.. it'd be on Ebay, before I could type out ebay.com!

The next day, I go and buy me a replacement phone, as I rue the loss of not just my previous device, but all the cherished pictures I had on it.. oh well.. at least it was a fun night and I had a story :)

4 days later I get a phone call.. "Hi, Its Frank. I'm the lost&found guy, and a housekeeper turned in your phone. .." ecstatic, i said, I'll be right over and then I asked "wait, my phone was disconnected, and the battery had died, how'd you contact me?".

"Oh, I charged it up myself.. i figured it was an expensive phone, you'd be looking for it. then i searched for home number, and found an entry under "Dad".. so i called up your father (in Canada, btw), and asked for your number and hence this".

My faith in humanity had been restored. 2 people had gone to great lengths to ensure that I was reunited with my device... Neither of them needed to do any of that, they weren't obligated at all.

But they did... and I was glad...
Pay it forward they say. I'm sure Lost&Found guy and that housekeeper will have tonnes of good karma coming their way.

and I now need to figure out what to do with the 2 new phones I bought myself earlier this week!

still, a good problem to have! Hang in there world, there's hope for us yet :)

The Canuck Engineer

A compelling argument!

2010-06-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you taking negotiating classes, or those who just want to improve their arguing skills, I urge you to seek the skills of this budding lawyer!

Can you speak English??

2010-06-08T00:58:00.001-07:00

So its Monday evening and I drive home from work, and decide that it would be awesome to get me some Prosciutto cuts for lunch the next day.

and so I head to Ralph's, and place my order for the best thing since sliced....prosciutto!
"A quarter pound please", says I to the deli guy.
"A half-pound?", yells Mr. Deli
"Yes!!!"

So, half a pound heavier, I walk across the store looking for some Ziploc bags. Why Ziploc bags? Well, its a lot more convenient carrying a sandwich in a ziploc than wrapped in Paper Towels (which is what I've done most of this week). now why would anyone carry their lunch in paper towels? Well, long story short, when Spades moved out he asked me what I wanted left in the kitchen, and i said.. "umm, I really don't need much in there, so take most of it away".

Welll he did. "Most of it" included Ziploc and aluminium foil!!

So I hustle across the store, at a pace I thought was brisk, but one I promptly reconsidered when I was passed by an old lady on her scooter. So I stop in amazement pondering my speedwalking skills, as I browse at the aisle boards wondering looking for a sign that says "Ziploc"...

So I'm standing there browsing, in vain, when this guy comes up to me.... (I've noticed in most stories, it's always a guy coming up to me. For some reason, the gender never changes, despite my many experiences. Hmm, clearly a coincidence!)

"Excuse Me, but can you speak Spanish?"
With my chest all puffed out because I did take a Spanish 101 course in college, I was about to thunder a yes, but my modesty got the better of me and made me say "Sorry, can't really speak much Spanish".

"Oh, well, can you speak English?"

huh.. .can i speak english? I'm pretty sure he asked me this question in English, and we did have a conversation that lasted greater than 10 seconds. Now I know i've been mocked and ridiculed for speaking like a Canadian, but surely I thought, it should have been clear that I did speak a language resembling English.

then i wondered, if he was referring to British English....Hmm.. queen's tongue, innit?

I ruefully reflected at my time in Nigeria... all those years speaking Pidgin english... did I really screw up the language that much?

and then I started regretting all the Eminem raps I had listened to and memorized over the years... sheesh, I wish I had never listened to Lil Wayne!! today's youth is indeed losing their language skills.

and then a smile broke on my face... ha.. i was still part of today's youth...I ain't over the hill yet.. score.. the day just got better.

"Well Do you", repeated my newest grocery store acquaintance.

"uhh.. yes, I think I do speak English and atleast half of the time people do understand what I'm trying to say. You see I am quite emphatic with my body language" said I, frantically waving my arms in an attempt to ensure buddy realized I could hold my own in English-off!

"ooh, that's reaallly good that you can speak English".

My mommy woulda been proud... I'd like to thank the jury..........

He continued.."You see, I am looking for people who can speak English to help me with my business....".

Oooh business opportunity. see, being youthful bears many rewards!!

"....and you can keep your existing job, and just work in your spare time and make up to 500 dollars a month!" He seemed quite proud of the offer.

hmmmm...I knew what this was.. This was no talent scout evaluating my public speaking skills...He wasn't even considering my vast knowledge of rap artists and other pop culture (did you know Eminem was actually named Marshall Mathers, and that Eminem is really just M&M, except he didn't want a moniker that would have people craving chocolate candy?)..

Nope, he was just looking for another scapegoat for his multilevel marketing venture... (Ralph dude, not Eminem.. pay attention here guys!!)

"So are you interested in joining my team?"

wow, that was an offer I could hardly refuse... but I sighed loudly, looked around to see the couple of people that were staring at us, with a rather bemused look.

"Sorry champ, I like to spend my spare time learning Spanish, so that I could do the people of California a favor by being able to converse in more then just one language, thus improving the socio-economic relations between the Hispanic and Caucasian Communities. Once I have done that I would like to do my part in settling the rift between Republicans and Democrats, especially in a state like California, but first things first, i need to focus all my energies on figuring out how to resolve the BP oil spill and keep the fishes from sleeping with the fishes"

He looked a little confused.

"So are you not interested?"

"Oh i'm very interested, but you said I could keep my day job, and at this point, I would like to find a day job that I can be happy keeping, so I could do something else in my spare time so that if people say to me ' Get a real job', I could tell them I have a real job and I have this job, which means I have two real jobs, ie I'm twice the hard worker they were. "

"Hey man, why are you messing with me, if you don't wanna work with me, just say so.. So would you like to know more?"

"I am always looking to increase my knowledge of other employable sectors. what kind of benefits do you offer? you see I only get 80% dental, but that doesn't cover grills and I really want platinum grilles that spell "C A N U C K"... would you be able to subsidize my cost for that?"

"uh, we don't really offer any benefits. Its a part time job, where you market these products to other people on the internet"

"well, if its all on the internet, why do I need to know how to speak English, could I not just type english, or use google translate for that purpose. Anyways, what are your company's policies on paternity leave? Do they have to be my kids, or can I take some time off to see my cousin's newborn kid whose videos are oh so adorable?"

"Man, why are you messing with me. I can't offer you any benefits.. but you could make 500 dollars a month, meeting other people and getting them to join our business"

by this time I had taken a slice of the proscuitto ham out of the bag, and as I was gnawing on what used to be a pig, I mused "I'm really strapped for cash, do you think I could get an advance on that 500 dollars to pay for this delectable deli meat tonight, and then we can continue our discussions next week?"

at this point he didn't even respond. He shook his head, handed me his card and walked away with out uttering a word.

Success!!

I'm quite excited today... its the first time ever I was interviewed at a grocery store, and I think I got the job!

-The English-speak Canuck Engineer

The Mike is on!

2010-05-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

What does it take for a straight male to be convinced to go Karaoke-ing?

Well, apparently the offer of some good Korean BBQ and tonnes of Soju. Have booze, will sing!

So last weekend, I indulged in the past time of many an asian, and accepted an invite to a Karaoke event.. (yes, the past time I referred to was accepting invites, not Karaoke-ing.. what do you think this is.. the Racist Engineer?)

By the barbeque good ness was wrapped up, I was lubricated enough to try my hand at singing. now this is something I hadn't done in 7 years.. (I sing every day, just not in public.....although I feel my roommate would disagree).

So I stepped up to share my splendid baritone with all those near and dear to "November Rain". I was pretty concerned about how I sounded in my best rendition of GnR... but instead what i should have been worried about were the thoughts going through my head.

Y'see, my roommate Spades moved out last month into his swanky new pad. I wonder if I was bummed cuz he was leaving after 5 leases... or because with him went the awesome Hi Def Plasma and Wii....

Not sure really, but clearly I was pondering these thoughts as I was singing the lyrics...

'Cause nothin' lasts forever And we both know hearts can
change..

SCREECH!! I gotta halt this before it gets any wierder... Next Song PLEASE, yelled I, in my deepest voice trying to best compensate for the past few minutes..

I need to redeem my masculinity... so bring on the next song.... the tv screen changed.. and the song title came up... in korean of course.. a nd then the lyrics stared me in the face..

"Just a small town girl..."

sigh..
Some battles are just not winnable!

IF I did it....

2010-05-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

Standing here, looking out my window...

more like sitting here, looking out the window of the LAX terminal, as I wait for my midnight flight. Now why would the Canuck Engineer take a red-eye...well, I'll tell you some reasons why I would NOT take a red eye.

I did NOT show up late to the airport for my original flight
and I also did NOT show up without my passport
and so I did NOT go back home to pick up my passport and rush back, only to see my flight take off.

and while i'm on this note of what all I did NOT do... I did NOT take off the rest of the day to visit the beautiful sights of downtown and indulge in some mediterranean cusine and other choice offerings.

and I'm NOT sitting in the lounge, hogging up the community terminal typing up this blog.

speaking of which.. Hi Blog.. How I missed you :)

hamari pehli pesh-e-khayal

2010-03-13T20:44:00.000-08:00

daawat ke liye bulaya hai.. ki chaahat ke liye?
khayaalo mein hi milna chahte ho..ki mulaakat ke bhi iraade hai?

hanste hue hi kabhi kuch lavs bol dete ho...
ab dekne waali baat hai ki kab tum apna dil bhi khol dete ho

jo keh na bhi sake, woh kar ke dikhate reh gaye
koshish kar kar ke baar baar khud ko girate reh gaye
jo socha.. samjhe bina hi ikraar karte reh gaye
aur kitne intehaa se aapka intezaar karte reh gaye

yeh zindagi bhi kaisi gul khilati rehti hai
jab sambhal na sake, tab bhi thukraati rehti hai
lekin phir bhi humein raat ko neend dilaati rehti hai
aur us neend mein haseen sapne dikhaati rehti hai..
aur unhi sapno mein aapko humse milati rehti hai

aapne to kabhi maanga hi nahin, lekin humne aapko apna saath diya
aap fisle, us se pehle hi humnein aapko apna haath diya

aapne inkaar bhi kiya.. lekin humne kabhi maana nahin tha..
aapne haath pakda hi nahin.. zor se thaama bhi tha

ritu se jaada, aap apna man badalte rehte ho...
aankhein kuch kehti hai...lekin zubaan se kuch bolte rehte ho..
ab aapka man chaha, aur humne pukaar na suni.. kya yehi hamari jyaada galti thi,
yaad rakhon.. aakhir pehli baar daal mein humari jyaadi haldi thi.. :)

aaj aapne kaha aajao...hamara dil hil gaya is liye..
daawat ke liye bulaya hai.. ki chaahat ke liye?
khayaalo mein hi milna chahte ho..ki mulaakat ke bhi iraade hai?
kuch der ke liye hi milna chahte ho..ki is baar rehne ke bhi iraade hai?

Ice Cream Flavors of the Rich & Famous

2009-08-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

Summer... when most people think of it, they think beaches, tanned bodies, tank tops & bikinis...

When I think summer, I always go back to my younger days in the streets of Canuckland, playing catch, shooting hoops or whatever.. and just yearning for the sound of Mr. Softee.. (if you haven't heard it in a while, google it and let nostalgia prevail!)...

and as soon as the ice cream truck rolled into the neighbourhood, all of us would absolutely lose our minds, drop whatever we were doing and run behind the ice cream truck screaming at the top of our lungs.. "ICE CREAM MAN!!!"..... No comedian has ever described this situation better than Eddie Murphy in Delirous.. (again, if you haven't heard it, youtube it and prepare for the lulz)..

As the summer heats up once again in So Cal, the Canuckian makes his ritual beeline for the Ice cream stores, and lines up behind the teenage girls all of who struggle to decide which ice cream they want, and proceed to sample a dozen flavors each before they finally arrive at a conclusion... "a triple scoop with brownies & bits and chocolate fudge, no whipped cream please Its gonna go straight to my thighs!" Yep, exactly the same as heading to McPukes and ordering a triple Big Mac with Bacon, and Diet Coke!

As I stand in line, waiting for this exact scenario to unfold every time, I always marvel at the wit behind the names.. .names like Cherry Garcia, Bohemian Raspberry, Mission to Marzipan etc... I love them..

I came up this post the other day pondering Ice cream flavors to describe the political climate of today.. Task in hand, I've decided to honor this blog with a list of the favorite ice cream flavors of the Rich & Famous (as thought up by the Canuck Engineer!):

Obama's Campaign: "Yes Pecan!"
Tim Geithner: "Cash for Chocolate Chunkers"
Bernanke: "Housing Bubble Gum"
Kanye West: "George Bush doesn't care about Black Cherry"
Tony Blair: "History will be my Fudge"
Chris Brown: "Chocolate Rihanna Batter" (Too soon?)

That's all I got for today.... besides, write any longer, and I'd have to settle for a Shake Formerly known as my Ice Cream Sundae!

-Canuck Engineer

In a TeleFunk

2009-05-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

The ringing of the phone has always been associated with activity, and a range of emotions.

Back in grade school, the ringing of the phone, a land line mind you, likely meant it was the automated phone call from the Attendance Office to remind your folks that their beloved offspring had skipped earlier that day. So you ran full throttle to get to it before anyone in the family picked it up. In High School, the phone ring meant your friend was calling you to tell you how he'd finally made it past the next level in Doom3! You rushed to answer it, cuz you knew it was for you... sometimes you'd be surprised and maybe even get asked to the library to "study"... and then you'd hop skip & jump your way there.

In College, the phone ringing was probably an invite to the partie du jour, or a call back from a recent acquaintance you'd met at the last party. Usually the phone was answered with a hungover "huuuhhhlooo", or in some cases with just a .. "huh"

Once you graduate and start working, the phone calls change their tones. Now a phone ringing could mean you hadn't paid your gas bill on time. It could also be a voice on the other end telling you how much you could save on your cable bills if you moved to Satellite. Some years, it could be John Mccain calling you and asking you for your vote, ending the voicemail by identifying himself and letting you know that he approved that message.

Gone are the days when you made a beeline for the phone, risking a cardiac arrest and answered it on the first ring, just so "people don't think we have only one phone". Gone even are the days when you'd make a beeline for the phone and wait for a couple of rings before answering it so that "people don't think you have nothing better to do than answer a phone call". Gone even are the days where phone calls are necessarily answered. In today's call screening world, i'd wager a majority of calls are not answered.

Heck gone even are the days when the phone would ring as much.. now it just beeps with a "2 new text message" sign.

But the phones, they still ring. Nothing that exciting anymore. Its more a routine now, answering the call and dealing with it. Sometimes its work related, sometimes it about playtime.

Every now and then though you get a phone call that you'd much rather not have received. I wish I hadn't answered my phone earlier today.

-Canuck

Change

2009-03-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Every weekend I plan to be productive and do my taxes and run my errands. Every weekend, I end up going out and staying up really late and then sleeping in and not doing anything that I had planned. And then every sunday I vow to not let that happen again.

Its Sunday Night. Next weekend will be different.

That expectation of change. I wonder if that's human nature.. or more specifically male nature. Everytime I hear from my recently married friends, they're always a bit surprised at how radically their lives have changed. Girls are no different either

actually there is a difference. and its something that I've noticed in all my years of wisdom.. I had been thinking about it.. and I read it somewhere, and I couldn't have said it better in my own words.

Men marry women, hoping the women will never change. But they do!
Women marry men, hoping the men will change. But they never do!

Change! Seems to be the topical word this past year or so. Never before was change considered this cool.. .Not even at the Hobo Conventions..

But now we're in it..."Change We can believe in"!

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!

-W. CanuckEngineer Fields

You think this is joke?

2009-03-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

For breakfast on Saturdays, I like to eat cereal... Well, I like to eat cereal on other days too, but I definitely like to eat them on Saturday... Its how the day should be started.. some milk and Wheaties.. after all, its only appropriate that I eat the Breakfast of Champions!

so when my day started yesterday, I opened the fridge and Bam.. no milk...! Well, let me rephrase that.. There was milk in the fridge...it just resembled yoghurt.....and I don't know of any Champions having lumps in their breakfast....although that might be debatable in this steroidal era.

So I gets in my car and heads to the grocery store and pack in a couple of gallons of milk, some dill pickels and some Liquid Plumber. Just a coincidence there.. Moving on... to the checkout aisle, I see every one lining up for the self-checkout.. yet the express lane there is free.. "manned" by an eastern european cashier "Tatiana"...Eastern European girls in general are easy on the eye...and their names even more exotic... its usually a good deal... unfortunately this is my blog, so obviously it was an exception to the rule. I got the member of the Yugoslavian Wrestling team..."Welcome to Ralphs"...and then she broke out into what might pass for a smile...except that I couldn't stop staring at her teeth. oh my god, those teeth!! It was like multiple bar fights gone wrong. Someone up there must have threw a bunch of chicklets and hope they stuck..... I mean I know hockey players with a better set of orthodontics!

I had my best Usher moment right there. She reminded me of a girl that I once knew. Same type of messed up teeth...We used to call her "Summer"... "Why Summer", "Well, y'know.. cuz summer 'ere, summer there" :)

Anyways, so Summer's checking out my pickle... as I'm nostalgic about my college days. Once she's done checking me out, the total is "fortee three dowlers". Forty Three..!!!!

damn, I forgot to use my club card. So I asked her if she'd slid a card for me..
"No.. do you have Club Card?"..
well, I do, but I don't have it on me....
"Okay then.. Fortee Three dowlers"....
No, I mean.. Can you not slide one of yours?
No, you need to bring card.
well, I don't have it here, but i don't want to pay almost twice of what I owe.
Fortee Three Dowlers!
I know its forty-three bucks.. can i get a new card then?
You will lose old card
That's fine
Ok, fill up application

Fine, so i filled up my name and phone number on the new club card and handed it to Tatiana. She looked at me, and she's like..

"What is this"
"This is the application you asked me to fill out"
"You didn't complete it"
"Yes, I realize that, but I put in the relevant stuff. .Name and Ph No."
"YOU THINK THIS IS JOKE?"

no, I really didn't think it was a joke.. I mean, I know whats a joke.. like.. "whats the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A pigeon can still make a deposit on Ferrari"

See I know jokes.. and this was no joke!

"No ma'am, I do NOT think this is a joke"
"Well, you're holding up line.. Fourtee Three Dowlers"
"What was the whole point of me filling up the application form then?"
"ugg.. fine.. i slide this time. but you treat this as joke. Twenty three dowlers"
"Thank you very much Tatiana", said I as I slid my credit card through.

her face was worth looking at..I was channeling Heath Ledger when I considered.. "Lets put a smiiiile on that faceeeeh!"

As I was leaving, "Btw, Tatiana, can you please pack my liquid plummer with some Updawg?"

"What's Updawg?"

"Not Much, What's up with you?" quipped as I walked out with the biggest grin a cheshire cat would ever see.

As I looked back, I saw Tatiana there, muttering to herself, with a very confused look on her face.

Now to get my wheaties on!

Play it again, Jerry

2009-03-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

For some reason, Jerry Maguire has made a resurgence in my life.

now, while that's something you might expect Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields to say, this past week, I found myself quoting lines from that movie more often than I was snorting them!

its been ridiculous at work lately, then again, rare is the week that its not.. of course, this year's been off the ridiculousness charts... but I think I worked hard... so much so that my boss's boss was quite impressed.. to the extent that he promised to double my bonus... Later that day, his boss, (so now we're at my boss's boss's boss) decided to double my raise. When I told my manager about what recently transpired, he agreed to quadruple both...!!!

Thats when my mind was like.. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"... yeah.. for once I actually held back what I was thinking... holding back.. my goodness, see what age does to a person!!! The only time I ever held something back were tears when family guy returned to primetime, but I digress..

So as I'm in the midst of my best Cuba Gooding Jr impression (sans the abs, of course, I've always been a staunch believer of the "why settle for a six-pack, when you can have the keg!" theory).... "Show me the money", My manager forwards to me the company wide email announcing the cancellation of all bonuses and raises for this review period..

I felt like the M&Ms from the M&M's commercial...and for those who may not have seen it...well, it'll feel like the raise and bonus I'm supposedly gonna get.. but never see!!!

That was followed by another colleague of mine asking me for help... this is one of the colleagues of Quick Questoin fame. Of course, as with every such question, I had to ask about 10 more follow up questions just to get the whole story... Once again, inspired by Mr. Scientology, I quipped.. "Help me Help You!"... and then I went into a whole routine ... "help ME, help YOU...".. seriously. >"HELP ME.. help YOU"... HELP ME HELP YOU.. .. help me.. just help me. help you.. Help ME Help YOU...."

by the end of that bit of course, said colleague was getting no help.. and others had already made me an appointment for when I could get some.... Help that is!! its all I'd be willing to pay for!!

and then just last evening I met this gorgeous woman... who seemed quite content with my company... and I was cranking up the charm.. after all, how often do you get a drop dead 10 hanging with you... (that was a rhetorical question...but if you insist, the answer is .. not as often as you'd think!)....and working it.. she said the 5 most beautiful words.. "You had me at Hello"...

this night couldn't get any better...and suddenly Stewie Griffin pops in and asks me how my blog is coming along.. the blog I've been working on for 2 years now.... WTF!...

BEEEP BEEP... ah the alarm clock... of course.. another blissful dream...

sigh.. i miss writing this blog.... this blog is my united way.. Without it there would no way... As I sign off for the evening, and in keeping with the theme of the post...

Dear Blog... you complete me!!

-Me, the Canuck Engineer

Ambien-Talk?

2008-08-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sleepy, and I can't sleep.

If you were to pop the sleep-aid "ambien" you'd sleep and then start walking or eating while in slumber.

The question is.. would TheCanuckEngineer start blogging in his sleep?

Heath Ledger had an addiction to Ambien. He started popping two a night, to get enough sleep just to keep himself sane. guess he didn't do a very good job with that.. bless his soul.

For the record, The Dark Night is the best Joker ever.. I'm gonna go ahead and say, best Batman villain yet.. and maybe ever. I'd like to say Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is the best villain ever, but Hannibal Lecter's fans might have somethings to say about that.

If you haven't seen that movie..you're missing out on a phenomenal performance. I'm not sure where that movie stands in my rankings.. but I can assure you I disagree with IMDB's ranking of it being the 2nd best movie of all time. The Shawshank Redemption raises its eyebrows.

On another topic, I gotta hand it to my man Klawny. He correctly predicted that my posts come in spurts. Then again, rumor has it that so does he.

As i sign off for the night.. the Canuck Engineer has a question for you... really..

"Why so serious?"

House Cleaning!

2008-08-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

I finally succumbed to my laziness.

I hired a maid!

The maid's a mexican dude!

When he came over to look at my place for an estimate, he was gung-ho about doing a townhouse.
When he entered my bathroom, he high-tailed it out there.

I managed to sweet talk him into agreeing to do the job. I think my affable personality won him over. He also charged me twice as much for my room & restroom, but that's just an irrelevant details. I now have a clean bathroom, and I intend to keep it that way. Which is why i've been showering for the past week in my Roommate Spades' bathroom.

We're pretty tight but he didn't seem very impressed when he found out about it. I don't think the fact that I was brushing my teeth, while in a bathrobe dripping all over his carpet had anything to do with it though. Nor the fact that it was his bathrobe!

Maybe it was the fact that it was also his toothbrush. Not really sure why he was upset though...he did mention"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with you, than clean your car". Well, he never cleaned my car.

sigh.. and they say I don't have social skills

Random Musings

2008-08-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

Murphy's laws of Employment states that for every two-week after-work activity that you plan, you will have 4 weeks of 60-hr weeks, during those two weeks!
Murphy's a god damned genius. but i wish he would be wrong every now and then!
US women swimmers wear full make-up even while in the pool. Guess they were all in the "boy scouts" while growing.. and just wanna "be prepared"!
Spades is in Canada for work. So I'm the king of the castle this week. So where's the Orgies then, you ask? ah, i postponed them cuz of the olympics... yes, i know.. but that's my story and sticking to it!
Sticking the landing is a skill even Olympic gymnasts haven't mastered
Knowing when to keep my mouth shut at work is a skill I still haven't mastered... (i know.. it took me by surprise too!)
Work's been a whore lately. My boss' boss' boss even offered me a hug. I had a JD moment with Dr. Cox. For those of you who don't watch Scrubs, please come back to this planet!
I attended my first baby shower!
I took wine!
Knowing what to gift at a baby shower is a skill I still haven't mastered
Anna Kournikova showed up at my door this week.... just thought I'd mention it
oh btw, I'm a Maxim subscriber.
I haven't updated my blog in almost 3 months.
I haven't been on facebook in over 2 weeks
Did I mention work's been a bitch? In this analogy, the work is the dog, and I'm the fire-hydrant..
I been watching The Mole on tv. Its the second reality show I've been interested in, the first being The Apprentice.
Donald Trump is a pimp... 'nuff said
I bought a pair of shoes online. Somehow I clicked the link twice. I must've been tired, because I didn't notice the final price. Two pairs of "identical" shoes showed up. Some like-sized individual is getting a nice pair of Ken Coles in his Christmas Stockings this year!
Chicago Style Pizza at 5am after a night of drinking is perfection. ... just saying..

Impressions from the first week at the Beijing Olympicsof

2008-08-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

The Olympics started last Friday, 08/08/08. Some random thoughts:

The opening ceremony was the best ever...no doubt about it
200 ft foldable LCD screen... how do you top that!
Equestrian is not an Olympic sport. its not a sport... its a midget riding a horse.... sl0wly..! Its like going to the retarded horse races!
Where the hell is the ping-pong coverage on NBC? I need me some ping pong action
Micheal Phelps eats 10,000 calories a day... that's 5 times the average male's consumption!
That's almost twice my daily consumption :) (*yea, i been cutting back) :P
Shawn Johnson, from the US Women's gym team, has the best temperament of any gymnast I've seen these olympics. Bullets could bounce off her suit, and she'd be unfazed
Alicia Sacramone broke a lot of hearts when she screwed up the US womens Gymnast team event... then again, judging by her appearance, breaking hearts may not be anything new to her
Nastia Lukin deserved that gold medal. She should thank the lord that, with a name like that, she's still easy on the eye. How much would it suck to be named "Nastia Lukin" and be Nasty Looking!!!
Micheal Phelps is a stud... 'nuff said
Canada has fewer medals than India... and India just got their first ever gold medal... yes, India has 1 medal. for the non-engineers reading this, that would mean Canada has as many medals so far in these Olympics as I do!
Bela Karoliy, the former US gymnastic coach, the one of coaching Nadia to the first perfect 10 fame, is hilarious. I love his candor... more commentators like him.. less Political Correctness!
The Chinese Gymnasts are NOT 16. Some of them may be 14. Babytooth is not 16.. Babytooth is 8.. if you don't know who I'm talking about.. you haven't seen the Chinese Women's team these Olympics!
Misty May adds the "hot" in "Olympics". Wait, that would've worked a lot better during "Hotlanta '96".. Sigh.. i'm 12 years too late!
The US alternate turned starting Male Gymnast, Raj B, has it going on!
Watching the 3rd Alternate Male Gymnast break into tears after the US Male team won the Team bronze was my softest moment yet. I might shed a tear..
In other news, I just lost my last Man-Card!
Did I mention Micheal Phelps is a stud?
Togo has 2 medals.. That would be two more medals than Canada has!
Watching Team Canada has no Happy Ending. Where's a massage parlor when you need one!
What's the deal with these Swimsuits? How does every record get broken in the Preliminary Heats? and then Re-broken in the next heat? At this rate, the 100m Track would be done in 8s!
Speaking of Track, this might be the greatest 100m event ever. 3 finalists who've broken 9.8s!
My biased self feels Ben Johnson would've escaped unscathed if he ran for the US team instead of Canada's!
These Olympics are wrecking my sleep schedule!
Watching Nigeria play soccer takes me back to my middle-school days. Go Supah Eaguls!
Thank God for Women's Beach Volleyball
On another unrelated topic, Thank God for HD Tv!

These are my impressions from the first week. I wish the Olympics would happen more than once ever four years!

Take me to the Ball Game

2008-05-24T03:30:00.000-07:00

Overheard at a club this past weekend from a member of the fairer sex:

"3rd base is the best part. Home Runs ...and then its all over...but 3rd base. There is always some suspense left!"

Most men would smile at that comment.. unfortunately this comment was made while watching some SportCenter highlights of the Yankees.

Then again, this comment could just as well have come NOT watching a baseball game.

Also overheard at a club a few weekends ago:

"how young is too young?"
"Hey, if there's grass on the field, play ball!"

Sigh, what has this blog come to!

Save the Earth!

2008-05-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

May 12th, 2007

"Are you gonna bike to work this Friday, Canuck? Its Bike-to-Work day"

"Of course!" I responded, absent mindedly.

"Really? I didn't take you to be the physically active kind"

"Neither does my health insurance agent!"

"Seriously, if you're gonna bike on Friday, register on this website".

Not willing to back down from a self-imposed challenge.."Sure, I'll do it right now, in front of you. Any thing to Save the Earth", as I signed up at SavetheEarth.com (or some variant of that)

May 16, 2007

I got home around 10pm from work.. (yes, I like to work a full 8hr shift on Thursdays!), all gung-ho to ride my bike in anticipation of Saving the Earth. I figured I'd go for a 5mile bike ride.

Note that I hadn't ridden a bike in about 15 years, so I wasn't sure where I stood in the biking ability. I had just bought a bike helmet, so I decided to bust that out.

The bike helmet is the most complicated headgear I ever wore.. and I actually had to put on a turban for an event! Honestly, the helmet seemed to fit both ways.. (pun not intended, DBs, bite your tongues). I couldn't figure out which way was the right one.. 5 minutes and 2 pages from the Power of Google, later, I knew which way Front was. As I looked at my helmet, I saw the "Front" sign right in the middle of the inside.

Regardless, helmet on, I broke out the bike from its cobwebs, only to find both tires completely out of air. With an inspiration of genius, I placed the bike in the backseat of my car, thanking myself for buying a soft-top vehicle..and then whizzed away to the gas station.

Only to find that the gas station air-valves were not compatible with mountain-bike valves. Score!

I called my buddy who inspired this entire ordeal, and he volunteered his air-pump's services.. Caveat, his place was about 9 miles away. I went and got my tires filled up.

May 17th

I woke up early morning at 7am, all set to bike to work the entire 5 miles. and then I decided to sleep in for a few minutes, "cuz I'm worth it".

BEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEP
The alarm jolted me out of bed at 10 am.. So much for the early breakfast. I showered in record time and sun-screened my entire body.. packed my office wear in the backpack I had acquired the night before from DB#3's sister-in-law. It was the only backpack available, even though it had a huge 'Hello Kitty' sign on it.... in Pink..

I was man enough.. I was gonna Bike to Work!

I got on the bike and bike about 2 miles in, when I heard this hissing sound..

Uh oh.. it was my front tire, doing most snakes proud! it was losing air, and there was nothing I could do about it. So now i'm halfway between work and home.. with a useless bike on my hands.

I decided to walk all the way back with the bike! One hour, and a sweaty t-shirt, later, I got in my car and reached work.

Typical 1 day mileage of Canuck Engineer; 5m to work + 5m back = 10m
Save the Earth Mileage for Canuck Engineer: 2m to Gas Station + 9m to friend + 9m back + 5m to work + 5m back = 30m.

Hey I tried Saving the Earth...Instead I pulled a

-Canuck Engineer!

What's in a Title?

2008-05-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

So I decided to replenish my stock of business cards last week.

I've been going to a few events over the past few months that have kinda sorta required the use of a business card. not as much for contact information, as much for legitimacy...

or at least that's what I think!

So I decided to go ahead and order some business cards, with my work assigned title..

something to the effect of

Name: "The Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Engineer, Canuck"

With that I submitted the order, expecting a set of 500 cards to be in my mailbox sometime later this month.

That very night I get an email from my manager.. and I quote...

"Canuck, can you please change your title? As it stands on your proposed business card, it is too boring"

Now I have been prone to some fiction and some exaggeration in the history of this blog.. the above has no word of a lie.. I quote, verbatim!

So I got around to thinking of what my title at work should be. Should title reflect self-grandeur... or should title reflect exactly what you do?

If the latter, how would "Guy who gets stuff done, including feeding the printer paper" sound?

If I wanted some more credibility, I could go for "Implementation Engineer". That sounds respekkable, dunnit?

In Ali G's words... "There is so little Respek left in the world, if you look it up in the dictionary, its not even there!"

But then I realized, no one's gonna audit my business card.. So if I wanted to put in some name to stroke my own ego, I could totally do that.

Visions of "Supreme Commander" crept in my head. I brushed them aside only to find myself drooling at the thought of Steve Job's title.. "Chief Know-it-all".

Then I wondered if I could reflect my web surfing obsession respectably... "Cybrarian" comes to mind..

Of course, if I owned my own company, I would go with.. "Master of Time & Space".. that would show them all :)

In the end (not the Linkin Park song!), My modesty took over, and I decided to go with a humble title that described me to the fullest...My business cards will arrive next week.. like so..:

Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic"

Oh wait, I got tenure...

Name: "Canuck Engineer"
Title: "Fucktastic, Chief"

Call me :)

HR Slogan that never made the Cut

2008-05-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

"Youthanize Enron. Hire an Intern this summer!"

The Sexist Post

2008-05-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

What was that old rhyme that girls would be singing when we grew up.. something like.."Girls go to college to gain some Knowledge.... Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider"

Well, other than the redundant more in the sentence, I can kinda see where those girls were coming from.. (Venus, obviously.. they would have to be aliens, considering how complex they are to figure out!)

So..Historically, why have men married women younger than them?
Its cause Men are like Government bonds.. they take forever to mature!

Which is why its been recommended that men marry women who're slightly younger than them. It helps with the fact that typically men are slightly immature for their age, while women tend to grow up a tad faster.

It also works out with the life expectancies, since women typically average a few more years than men.. Marrying men older than them helps minimize the number of Golden Years they spend alone.

Its ironic that women have always been asking for equal rights, when they've been blessed with the biggest inequality of all.. lifespan. then again, it is interesting that the number one thing women look for in a man is a sense of security....

So go ahead and keep 'em warm and cosy... and while you're at it, open the doors, pull out the chairs...and damn right, you're gonna be splitting the chores ...but don't for a moment forget.. anything you can do.. they can do better.

Oh yea.. how about doing some yard work for a change..
and how about doing it with the shirt off ;)

How bout this gem I recently overheard:

Men are like Wine.. they grow fine with age.
Women are like.. Milk... .....

ah, Never mind :)

The Buoyancy of Citrus

2008-05-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

"I went waterskiing* last weekend"
"Score.. "Do you know how to swim?"
"Nah man"
"Wow, that's ballsy. did you have a lifejacket on?"
"I had one, but it dint' fit. But not to worry, I had a lime"
"A lime?"
"Yea, last time I had a Jack & Coke, it had a lime in it."
"ookay?"
"Well, I saw the lime float. So I figured the next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I'd reach for a lime"
"People saw me water-skiing without a lifejacket and they said what the hell, and I pulled out a lime.... and a lemon.."

Saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Disclaimer: The above story may have some mild exaggerations of truth....for large values of mild.

I WAS on a speedboat last weekend.. and I did wear my newly acquired swim trunks, that closely resemble Beyonce's hotpants.. which is a story that I won't get into for the betterment of society in general.... and the lifejacket didn't fit... but fortunately elasticity is a brilliant property of lifepreservers.. and No, I did Not have any lime on me, but I just couldn't pass up a Mitch Hedberg bit like so :)

The Durrrty South!

2008-05-10T14:56:00.001-07:00

What's the price of a shoe?

Most of the men would probably say.. less than a Hundy! unless they're those Air Jordan's at the peak of their popularity.. in which case 2 Benjamin's was about right, and in which case you about 15 years too late to the party!

Well in Louisiana apparently, the price of a shoe is much higher than that.

Louisiana? What the hell was I doing there? that's exactly the question I've been pondering too.. suffice to say, I took the wrong flight there..and then decided to make the most of it :)

Indian Wedding.. The Dirrty South....2 Groomsmen, including yours truly, protecting the grooms shoes. 4 Bridesmaids, conniving their evil plans to steal those very shoes.

SHOES! Stealing Shoes! USED & WORN shoes!
Would a shoe by any other name not smell like a shoe? Call 'em florsheims or call 'em Jooties...They still wreak!

What kinda state is this? The DB's had been right to warn me of the Sooouthh!

"Give us those shoes.. Its a custom, We sell these shoes back to the groom. This is our payday", yelled the Brides "sisters".

"Sorry ladies, you're gonna have to go through me first", proudly proclaimed CanuckEngineer, in his latest avatar as Chief Protector of the Groom's Kicks.

That's right.. Every Dog has his Day.. today was gonna be mine!

As I sat watching the bride & groom exchanging their vows, my little pinky attached to the bag holding the precious cargo, I heard a rustle...and then some bustle.. and before I knew it, it was a 3on1 on the CanuckEngineer.... (and no, not the kind of 3-on-1 most men dream of), resulting in me left holding the bag, literally, sans the bullion!

So much for Chief Protector, eh, The only silver lining being the buffet outside. I walk towards said silver lining, only to find my shoes missing, cleverly hidden by the "dark side" as insurance!

As I ponder the very existence of my shoes, calusses occuring on my barefeet, I get hauled up by the groom's aunts... "Where the shoes at?". Shrug of the shoulder, as I point to my bare feet.. and I get a "WHAHHHAT? You lost the groom's shoes to those GIRLS?.. wait.. whatt.. you lost YOUR shoes tooo? What good are you?"

ok ok.. i get the point.. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200!

"HOW COULD YOU? You gave the shoes away? Whats the groom gonna walk in? you couldn't hold your own against GIRLS half your age and a quarter your size?"

ok.. first of all.. two-thirds my age!! you know what...never mind! I'd lost my battle, lost my pride.. and also lost my shoes...the only thing worse would be if I lost my appetite!

sigh.. so much for being the Big Dog!

Sometimes you're the dog.. Sometimes you're the Fire Hydrant..

Today.. I wasn't the Dog!

Britain's got talent!

2008-05-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

"Runs" to the hills!

2008-05-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Over a month with no updates, you say the CanuckEngineer's been slacking, I say he's been Snacking.

You see, part of the reason for this lull in blogativity was that the CanuckEngineer had been travelling. I was in India for slightly over two weeks, where I'd gone to attend the wedding of one of my closest cousins.

It was a fantastic trip, not the least of which was the immaculately conducted wedding. Some of the bonuses of the trip included touring the various sites & sounds of New Delhi & gorging on some of the best tasting food I've ever had in my life. When I wasn't marvelling at how an entire city can run with such precision under what would look to the untrained eye as pure chaos and anarchy, I was hanging out with my cousins who were no longer as little as I remembered them... and when I wasn't busy with them, I was indulging myself in the 2nd Deadly Sin - Gluttony.

But it wasn't all fun and mowing down the chow! The first week in there I took ill. Not sick as much as got the stomach bug, and to describe my predicament as "the runs" is a slight to marathoners around the world. The travel bug often causes people to not be able to hold any food.... I couldn't hold water!!! After 2 days of visiting the restroom, every hour on the hour, I was probably threatening the holder of the record for visiting the most number of bathrooms in New Delhi in a 48 hour span.

As proud I was of my latest achievement, I was still miserable, especially since I was missing all the great wedding food thanks to my predicament. I happened to visit one of my folks's friends' folks, who I affectionately call Uncle & Aunty, who lived close to the place of the wedding. I spent the first 40 minutes explaining why I couldn't have any of their thoughtfully provided salty mixes, thanks to my digestive system that now resembled the sewage systems in Hiroshima shortly after Little Boy in '45.

"Uncle" then made me an offer I couldn't refuse..."You can either continue to suffer in this way, or pop a couple of pills that I prescribe and get some relief". well, if he's prescribing pills, he's probably a doctor.. Would his degree be recognized in the States?...As I pondered these thoughts, put forth in front of me were two strips of pills and a glass of water. I'd heard a lot about narcotics in India, but I doubted that they'd use this family as peddlers. Even so, I was going to risk it, if the reward was relief from the spasms my stomach was going through. Besides, that might give me some blog material. Unfortunately, they were legit pills. Darnit!

I'm not trying to be pretentious, but after this incident, I'm pretty sure I can relate to childbirth. what with the water breaking and the contractions, I'm a bonafide midwife already!

anyways, I popped those pills, and hoped for the best. obviously it wasn't going to be an instantaneous cure, so I promptly christened their restroom as well. and then began the "thank you & Good bye" process, during which I gladly visited their other bathroom as well, and then finally took off to get dressed for the Reception in the evening.

Maybe it was the low expectations, maybe I was just delusional, but I was stunned when by the time of the Reception, my stomach stopped hurting, and I didn't even get a chance to visit the coveted restrooms at this resort that was hosting the reception. thankfully, I could now enjoy what was left of the Wedding in India experience.

The next day, I called up my folks.."Dad, you wouldn't believe Uncle's skills. He provided me these pills and voila, I was kicking it in no time."

My dad paused.."Uncle, as in Rosy's dad?"

"What a doctor, Dad.. Knows his stuff!".

I overheard a chuckle..and a smile... as I heard my Dad say.."Uncle!.. He's a vet!"

Go Shawtty

2008-03-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

Its yo Birthday! Sparkle Sparkle like its your birthday!

-51 Paise

Ground Zero

2008-03-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

All in Night's work!

2008-03-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

rrrriinnnnnnnnnnggggg ringgggggggggg

I will not miss that goddamned phone!

ringgggggggggggg ringggggggggg. ringggggggg ringggggggggggggggggg

Thank goodness I won't have to deal with ring over at Kelsey's. I will not miss that goddamned phone!

"Jose, why don't you grab that phone, and answer it already"

"You sure you don't want to answer the calls on your last day at the Hut?" inquired Jose.
"Alright..Settle down Cathal, I got it"

Thank you for calling the Hut, Jose speakin.. how may I help you

"Cathal, they're demanding to speak with the manager"

On my last friggin day, are you kidding me?

"Deal with the issue, offer them something else"

"Cathal, they asked to speak with you"

sigh. They're going to chew me out.. and demand a huge discount...

why the hell could Devon not take my last shift. Thank goodness I'll never be here on a Saturday ever again. !

"Hi, I'm Cathal, the manager of this store. I understand there's a problem"

"Cathal, is that your name? Well, it took us about 15 minutes before anyone answered the phone for this call. Our food took forever to arrive., and when it did, the bread sticks didn't have cheese spread evenly on them. " the entitled lady at the other end yelled!

I'm friggin checked out already! I won't miss the complaining customers!

"I'm sorry Ma'am, We've had an unusually busy evening, and we might have rushed through the order"

"But that's my point.. this is supposed to be a restaurant. Don't you know how to run this place. This is no Mom & Pop store. We should be treated better", continued Ms. Personality

This is textbook.

"I apologize ma'am that your expectations havent' been met tonight. As a token of appreciation of your continued patronage, I'd gladly re-cook your entire order, and have it delivered to you , for the price of 'on the Hut'."

sigh..would it be unprofessional to spit in her food before I send it out for delivery?

"Thats fine. We'll take it in that case. But we're not pleased!" Click!

The cardinal rule of Food & Beverage holds true.. all customers are the devil!!

I will NOT miss answering the phone!

"Cathal, Can you grab Line2?" huffed Jose

Are you kidding.. It took all my mental strength to not cuss out the Drama Queen in the last phone call, I can not handle another complaint at this point

"Jose, I told you, I'm not touching that phone again tonight.. just grab the order and deal with it"

"Cathal, its for YOU!"

sigh. 1 more hour. I cannot wait to never come back again!

"Cathal speaking"

"Hey Cathal, its Mindy! "

Ah, the cute coordinator for the peewee league. Makes the phone call a tad easier to handle now :)

" Guess what! Middleton Stars won their final league game yesterday, we're in the playoffs for Saturday. Thanks so much for the special pizza's during the entire season"

"Thats great to hear!"

".....The kids loved your pizzas so much, they made you a uniform, and the entire team signed it. They want to give it to you at the Playoff Dinner on Saturday, at the Hut. Lil Brandon came up with your name "PizzaMan". "

"....."

"Cathal, are you there?"

"mm... m.... Mindy... I might not be working that shift"

whats that lump in my throat.. I can't speak

"Cathal, we all really hope you'll stop by even if you're not working that shift. "

"I'll try Mindy. Good luck for the game though

"uh.. Cathal.?."

"Yes, Mindy?"

"umm.. The kids aren't the only ones looking forward to seeing you on Saturday night! Bye!"

...
....
.....
......
I stared at the handset.

I will miss that goddamned phone, after all.

Outro-Spection!

2008-03-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

"Show me around!"
yes ma'am
"Buy me dinner"
Of course dear
"Hold my purse"
sure, cutie!
"Walk beside me"
si senorita
"Do I look hot"
you always do

everyone's met this person before.. She is the spoilt kid, who had never heard the word "no" in her life. Typically blessed with good looks, said person usually has an entourage of "yes men" who hover round, always ready to please, and compliment, each one of them hoping for that one moment when she may smile at them or even better, fall for them.

Unfortunately these chumps almost always get heartbroken, as they watch theirBetty Paige get hit on by random guy after another. Sometimes SpoiltKid may say "Sorry, I got a boyfriend", at which point every Y chromosome in the entourage perks up, hoping she referred to him. In her mind of course, 'boyfriend' is just a placeholder to stave off the wrong kind of attention... rather attention from the wrong kinda male. As the men in the circle stand up tall, chest outs now that they have a thimble of hope, they start buying Her drinks, complimenting her again..and try to get within that 2 foot physical barrier that She seems to hold. Thinks are moving, things are progressing.. and then.. once again, random bloke picks her up and steals her from right in front of their eyes. HeartBreak Hotel, now ready for check-in!

Usually most adults are moulded in their formative years. the spoilt ones turn into the above. The deprived ones,, well, you can catch them on Cops, Jerry Spring, Maury... and sometimes all of them :). The Canuck Engineer was never deprived.. nor spoiled.. usually got most things he needed.. the one thing he never did get was a Nintendo, when all the kids had one. For some reason, I never got that goddamned console, and i was also playing at my friends house. Finally, when my folks decided to buy me, at the ripe old age of 12, all the cool kids were playing Sega, and once again, I was an outcaste!

Could that help explain how I turned out? Could a damn 8-bit console be the cause why the CanuckEngineer is how he is.....? Hmm.. this could be good material for my Wednesday 8pm'er. Recent sessions had been kinda dull! Now its time for some "Wii-habilitation" :)

Don't forget, Kids.. Stay in School, don't do drugs.. and Get the latest VideoGame out there...
you will thank yourself during your mid-age crisis!

American Pimp

2008-03-05T00:46:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, I went out again, after solemnly vowing the night before to have no more wildness, considering the toll Thu & Fri night had taken on my oh so aging body!

But a few ounces of ethanol later, I didn't quite mind the lineup at the club.. and when we didnt' have to pay cover, I definitely was ok with that too.

a couple more drinks were guzzled. visited all the rooms & levels of said club, and then I took my friend, who was visiting from out of town, to the bar. "aite, bro.. whatchu want?"

"whatever you're getting"

so I try to get to the bar, trying to catch they eye of the bartender. Fat chance, considering everyone around the bar had X chromosomes only.

"Kettle one with RedBull"...

I turned to my side, to stare at the person who would drink mix one of the finer vodka's with caffeineted grape juice and pay upwards of 30 bucks for it.

"What kinda order is that?", i yelled out, annoyed at the waste of some good Goose/One.

As I said, I was still turning my head, and as it turns out, the voice belonged to a rather attractive lady. Of course, if I wasn't as inebriated, I would have ordinarly not said a word.. but I was.... thanks to the ethanol mentioned above..

"i like my redbull and i like good vodka" says chica.

Now of course, what I meant to say in my head was
"oh yea.. they could pour you a well drink, you'd never know the difference!"

However, thanks to a gmail chat with one of my boys earlier in the day, what ended up coming out of my mouth was:

"Girl, you're looking qualified to be satisfied!"

And I said that with all the confidence of an American Pimp! (see part8 of the movie)

and as I said that, i took my ChupaChup out of my mouth and walked away..sporting the biggest grin on my face you'd ever see.

yes, ChupaChup... Yes, Alpha...for one evening atleast :D

-CanuckAlphaMaleEngineer

I need... atishoo!!

2008-03-04T22:41:00.000-08:00

I'm Strong.!!!!

Seriously.. I am!

I'm not claiming to be able to bench 500lbs or Squat another 700.. but I definitely have at least average strength.

AND I'm not particularly skinny either.. as those of you who've seen me in person will gladly attest to.... so I'm definitely not weak!

Ergo.. I am strong.. at least as strong as the average person..

Now I know what most of you are thinking reading this..."Canuck's finally lost his marbles. The wheel's spinning, but the Hamster's dropped off"

Well, no, This isn't exactly a self-congratulatory post....(those are for Sunday Mornings!). And no, this isn't an attempt to call out attention to the fact that I've been knocking out ten extra pushups every other Sunday, either.... (Scrubs reference, anybody?). =)

The reason I'm ranting like this is because I'm wondering why, if I'm at least as averagely healthy as an average healthy male, do I have the immunity of an ant? If I have the physical traits atleast EQUAL to that of the average male... then why the hell do I contract the damn common cold every single time *any* one in my vicinity has a cold.

Its ridiculous!. .. If I walk within 50 feet of someone who's been within 50 feet of a baby, I get a cold.

If I walk with 50 feet of a hospital or a doctor's office.. I get a cold.

If I walk for 50 feet... I get a cold!!

What is up with that!

Most people perform just fine with a cold. They fight wars, battle for championships, takeover companies, invent & discover and go about their merry life just fine.

Me.. with a cold.. Complete Shut Down Mode
Complete Shut Down Mode, with a thick veil of Self-Pity!

that's when I'm usually moaning and groaning about how tough I have it that I have to deal with a nose that reminds tourists of Niagara..
or how that itch in my throat prevents my splendid baritone from reaching my Roommate when I'm showering..

ah showering.. another casualty of this war against the Cold.

But as I deal with this quite routine catastrophe in the life of the Canuck Engineer, I've come to terms with my bouts of nasal leakage & throatal grunts that could only remind people of harsh animal abuse worthy of SPCA intervention( well, either that, or intense bestiality, whatever floats your boat!!)

But the worst is that along with losing my social couth, when I'm not wiping the snot out of... well.. my snot, I also lose whatever semblance of humor I have left after grinding out those days in Engineering Labs. Ya, check this out.. This was gonna be my hook for this blog today:

"Not only am I strong.. I am also fast.... why you ask? Cuz I can Catch a cold"!!

Yes, exactly.. so why don't you just slap my ass, and call me Alexander Phlegming, I'm outta here!

PS: on second thoughts, no ass slaps please. Not that there's anything wrong with it ;)

Another Day in Paradise

2008-02-29T03:46:00.000-08:00

"So I been meaning to talk to you about something at work"

"Are you taking a vacation anytime soon?"

"Ya maybe, but seriously, we need to discuss a project coming up"

"So whens the bachelor party?"

"My cousin's gettnig married, and you're not invited... But Dude, when are we discussing this project?"

"Vegas? Bellagio?"

"I dunno.. Could be in Canada. I need more resources to get this done. Are you free next month?"

"I'll go if K, V & J come along. I think we'll have a blast"

"So its a deal, you're gonna help me on this project?"

"What Project?"

"the one I've been talking about all week?"

"You lost me at hello!"

"No Doubt"

"Niiiiceee"

"Giggity Giggitttyyy"

"Awwwwwiiiiiigggggggghhhhttt"

And so began another day in Canuck Engineer Land

A Night in The NightLIfe

2008-02-29T03:32:00.001-08:00

"So what DOO you do for a living?", asked the young co-ed

"I'm a magician!"

"ya, ok, that's probably your move in clubs like this, but seriously what do you do?"

"You mean, when I'm not a marine?"

"Yes, when you're not performing magic, or being a marine"

"oh y0u mean when the world is not allowed the pleasure of my services.."

"Canuck, can you tell me already, what you do, otherwise I'm walking away from this table, and not paying for you drink"

Now this was a huge threat, because you never wanna turn down a free drink, and since I'd already got a drink and 3 smokes for my friends from her friends, I suppose I shouldn't screw this one up.

"Do you have a cell phone?"

the bitch shield goes up.. her friend says.. "No"

"Really.. You claim you don't have a cell phone in your purse?"

"Ya, I dont' need a cellphone to talk to my friends", said the friend..

Ringgggggg Ringngggggggg

As soon as she said she didnt' own a phone, her phone rang

She looked more sheepish than she could ever imagine.. Victory was mine. The bitch shield was off.

The British chick continued..."So Canuck, are you ever gonna say what you do"

"Yea.. Do you have a cell phone?"

"Of course I do"

"Well, Do you like to talk on it"

"Duhh..what else is a phone good for?"

"Ya.. I only use my phone to answer calls that my friends call me for. What do you use one for?" said the friend with the bitch shield slowly wearing off

"Well, I dunno.. All I do with Cell phones is I make it happen... I make your cell phone work"

"So you're a cell phone dude? are y0u one of those guys at the mall hollering at chicks for cell phones?"

"umm.. ya, I suppose I am a cell phone dude.. but no I dont' work at malls.. Just clubs like this, where i sell you new cell phones"

"But I don't want a new cell phone. I'm happy with this new phone of mine.. I even got a pink case for it"

"Well, if you had a new cell phone, you could call people on Verizon for free"

"Well, I already have Verizon.. Are you on Verizon also? So I could call you, and it wouldnt' cost us. Whats your number?" asked the hot Brit.

Victory was mine. A chick was asking me for digits... AND she was hot!!! And then she and her friend started gazing at each other verrrry lovingly...and then they got closer...

BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

I woke up. with a start.. The damn alarm clock said.. ."9:48" The dot on the AM was on.

I was late for my 10 am meeting!

and so another day started. Nice Dream.... and late to a meeting..

This is the life...for the Canuck Engineer.

Stacey's Mom

2008-02-23T23:38:00.000-08:00

She's got it going on.

lol.. for those of you wondering where I suddenly got this new found appreciation for older women... relax.. if you don't know that song by Fountains of Wayne, know it now...its been in my head all day!!

We is almost a year old!

2008-02-23T23:00:00.001-08:00

Its almost a year since CanuckEngineer started. Sure the posting has been sporadic, but it would never have happened had I not gotten my wisdom teeth pulled one fine morning in March, and get Vicodin'd out of my mind. For the next few days, all i did was stay at home, pop the pills and blog on this site. I suppose you can say.. I'll always have that March OD on painkillers...

That got me thinking. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of such few-day or few month instances which in their own way were more than significant in the life of the Canuck Engineer.

I'll always have:

Bomber Night
IRS... when we earned that Iron Ring!

I also learn to not ask questions during ER or Prison Break. If you do, the first time you'll be ignored. The second time, you'll be shushed. The third time, the DVR will be paused, and you'll get a strong bitchslap from your roommate.

the 5-course meal
GradBall

Don't take calls during dinner at North 44. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from your date and you could get replaced by the waiter

CindyBear
Jays game in the Rain.....

Do please the non-baseball fan with an icecream to distract them while you watch Roy Halladay pitch. If you don't, your ER favors from above will be returned in kind.

"That First Sale"
Sassafras

Don't assume you have car-fixing skills and that your can paint/reattach your side view mirrors on your car. If you do, you will fail.. and have to sell your car off in the next couple of weeks.

The GO Train Doors
XLR for the birthday weekend

Don't speed during speedtraps at the US/Canadian border. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the cop waiting for you in the median.

Altoids
"WoF"

and finally, don't assume that a prix fix menu makes it affordable for you to take 6 people out for dinner. If you do, you'll get a strong bitchslap from the gay server when you do a doubletake on the cheque..

Well, them was some good months....Most of you will have a strong "WTF" while reading this, so the next time I'm giving thanks, I'll bring to you my experiences with dem cops right thurr.

-Canuck Engineer

Squiggly Line

2008-02-13T01:58:00.000-08:00

Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.
I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision.

But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.

- Good Night, Selfish.

Bottle Wise, TableSpoon Foolish

2008-02-13T00:00:00.001-08:00

Congratulations. You have passed your mission.

The following details may interest you.

Tequila: Jose Cuervo Gold

Quantity: 2 Tbsps

Location: Same Ol' Bar & Grill

Time: 8:30pm..

Please leave a comment of confirmation. Fare Thee Well!

-The Canuck Engineer

He Said, She Said

2008-02-10T03:36:00.000-08:00

There aint nothing common between a male mind and that of a female.. Nothing..
As a direct corollary from that, men and women have different definitions for most things...

Some classics of course are..

Female: "I have a headache"
Translation: "You behaved like an ass over dinner, and I'm cutting you off for a while"

Male: "I have a headache"
Translation: "My favorite team lost today. I'm going to sleep.... but i'll still have time for a quickie!"

Female: "Its not you, its me!"
Translation: "Its you!"

Male: "I'm just going golfing"
Translation: "I can barely swing a club. I just want to get away from my wife.. and the kids.. and the chores....even if just for a few hours.."

But then there's the sense of timing that varies drastically between men and women..

A woman saying "I'm late" can cause untold effects on men, symptoms including jaw dropping, butt clenching, sever choking & asphyxiation, and usually uncontrolled sobbing.. Sometimes, all of the above.

A Man saying "I'm late" would usually be met by the response "About friggin time you showed up, Canuck!"

I was reading a blog the other day, about how women may consider a couple of months without a boyfriend an eternity. Yet I'm sure there are men in this world with dry spells that would make the Sahara jealous.

If a bunch of girls at a party say "they're tired", its usually that they're bored. If a bunch of attractive men were to appear in their eyeline, they'd likely outstay the rest of the party-ers.

If however a guy at a party says "I'm tired", it just means that there is a sausage overload at that party, all of them trying to game the lone girl who showed up. He's just cutting his losses and licking his wounds.

When the Canuck Engineer says "I'm tired", it just means he's finding an excuse to be home to play his newly acquired Wii. :)

The Klawny Post

2008-02-10T02:50:00.001-08:00

I was at my man Klawny's the other day, and we were discussing the Christmas break, and the recent uneventfulness after the New Years.

Klawny : "ya, its been quiet for over a month now"
Canuck: "dude, you were on vacation for the longest time. Whenchu get back?"
Klawny: "January 4th. I came on the 4th. Its been a month already!"
Canuck: "Dry Spell huh!"

For the usually quick-witted Klawny, he spent an eternity mulling that one before catching the impish grin on my face, and going for the obvious reference. It was interesting, because for the number of such digs that I take at him, one of the few joyous past times of mine, he has retorted back to an unusually high percentage.

Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been subjected to my single-tracked sense of what most would rank second only to potty humor, for over a month.

Perhaps, it was the consumption of all that Vodka mixed in a vat of Blue Curacao. We were after all at the "Official Cock-tail Party", sans any tail.. so you can tell what it mostly was :).. Oh by the way, We did order some good pizza.

Speaking of Meat-Lovers, Klawny takes enough shots at himself in his own rant page, which I find an amusing read. I especially look forward to occasions he reacquaints with his pet spider.

Sometimes the tone is a tad more sombre.. But I'm not worried. When life gives Klawny lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Klawny f'kin hates Lemonade!

-CanuckEngineer, Founding Member, Fans United against the Castigation of Klawny.

The Canuck Dr. Phil

2008-02-07T02:20:00.000-08:00

It was a cold December afternoon, down in Sunny SoCal, when I saw an OOO email from Beeks, stating he was flying out for his marriage, and won't be back for about 4 weeks. I panicked... "O Dang, I betta try to call him, I still haven't wished him luck.. God Knows every man needs that!".

ring ring ring

"Beeks, dude, I just realized you were flying out.. sorry I couldn't reach you earlier, but hey man, Bon Voyage.. and have a REALLY great wedding"

"thanks bro.. glad you called me..I'm at the airport, about to board the plane"

"Man, I can't be there for the wedding but here's some tips for you, now that you're entering this new phase in your life..."

"Oh yeah...Tips.. coming from a never-been-married guy?"

"Hey, you don't need to be a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows", Said I, quoting Bob Dylan.

"I can tell you this conversation blows"

"Hey, shut up and listen up, alright"

"Alright! Start with the Marriage Tips then.."

"I did.. that was the first one.. Shut Up & Listen Up..... When the woman asks you Hi Honey, How was your day... she basically is telling you to ask her that question..."

"uhh.. ok, Thanks!...I should probably get on the plane now"

I ignored him..."So the correct response to "Hi Honey, How was your day" is "Oh it wasn't bad, darling,.... Oh My God, you look so gorgeous.. and slim... I really can't wait to hear every single detail about your day today" "

"yuuuahhhh...umm, Canuck, I think the flight attendant wants me to shut down my phone now"..

"Hey Listen Beeks.. before your marriage, I got 3 tips for you..."

"alright go on" he said..resigned to his fate..

"Rule #1: After your wedding night.. never wake up before your wife does... and if you do wake up before her, dont EVER get out of bed before she does..."

"Uh why not, Canuck?"

"Well, cuz if your wife sees you out of bed before she wakes up, you will have just inherited all the household chores including laundry, vacuuming, dishes, carpet cleaning, dusting, Swiffering, Ironing, etc..... and all this ON TOP of your regularly scheduled Job Descriptions of Grocery Getter, Mr. Fix-it, Car Washer, Tyre Air Pumper, Chauffer, etc etc etc etc...... you dig"

"Umm, So are you suggesting I get a pre-nup".

Now it was my turn to ignore him..

"Rule#2: Fulfill every single promise you ever make to your wife...If you promised here a 1k Princess Cut ring, well, go get it for her.. If you offered to make her a life size Ice sculpture of the Colossus of Rhodes, so be it.. just get it done"

I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line...

"and finally.. but most importantly...Rule#3"
"Rule#3: Never EVER make a promise of any kind to your wife!!!!"

sigghhh of relief on the other side... My grin's getting larger too...

You could hear the beads of sweat being wiped off..."aww man, you almost had me going there... Thanks for your tips bro, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.."

"One last thing... Never Ever make an excuse to the wife that you can't sell?"

"uhhh.. so does that mean I am free to make any excuse to the wife who IS for sale?"

lol... My man was on the same page now....good on him..

"Cheers bud, have a great honeymoon and I'll quiz you on these when you're back from your honeymoon"

Suddenly there was commotion on the other line.. a lady voice shrieking.....

"What Beeks.. you wanna sell your wife.. all this right before our weddi....."Click!

static... white... .noise..

Oh well, I shrugged it off... My advice is worth as much as you paid for it...For Better or for Worse :)

The Insomniac Post

2008-02-07T02:14:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know its been a while since I've posted anything. But I'm gonna start updating this blog frequently. I've just been on vacations the past couple of months, and haven't really been in the Blogzone. But got a few stories to tell, so stay tuned over the next few weeks. I already posted a few recently:)

and all my loyal visitors, thanks for visiting.. Feel free to leave me a comment or three, I promise I won't delete them anymore :P

And yes.. The obligatory SuperBowl post is now past due.. its gonna happen.

Night Night!

Double Parked, Double Booked?

2008-02-07T01:36:00.000-08:00

"Its a bbq.. just bring your appetite. yes, I know Canuck, that you will..." My man, Beeks, says in his email. The latest one to get married in our group, Beeks wanted to introduce his fiance to his So Cal crew... It was a Saturday afternoon BBQ-at-the-Park, but I had said I'd be delayed due to other commitments.

My football team was out supporting the Girls' tournament that Saturday. We were supposed to have had our tournament the week before, but due to rain and ground conditions, it got posponed.... yes, unfortunate indeed, because in the scrimmage that ensued, I came out sans the use of my finger. If it had been the tournament, atleast I coulda claimed it was a Wound O' War.... Oh well.

Anyways, the girls team did exceptionally well, and definitely beat my expectations when they reached the finals of the tournament. it was a great performance, but alas, it had lasted until well past 5pm that day.. As soon as the game was over, I made like a banana and split to catch whatever remained of the BBQ.... (Did I mention that i was staaahvin?) Of course, it took me about 30 minutes to get out cause some yahoo had decided to double park right next to my car.... of course!!!

By the time I arrived, it was dark already and the crowd had gathered around the grill to toast their hands like they were marshmallows. "ah Canuck... about friggin time Your Highness got here..."... where the hell were you...?"

I told them.

my man Klowny wouldn't let this chance go. "You were Cheeeerleaaading???????"

"No, I was 'supporting' our girls team"

"So how does it feel to be a male cheerleader?", he continued.

"I was NOT cheerleading.. i was cheering them on so they would return the favor at our game"

"What, so they would return their pom poms to you?"

sigh...This was not an arguement I was gonna win.. Nor a battle I wanted to contest. Beeks to the rescue, introducing to me his newlywed better half..... and yes.. literally.. Half :)

"Thanks for calling me before I flew out for my wedding man", continued Beeks.

"hey man.. i'm glad I caught you just in time.. Besides, I can claim I was the last person to wish you luck for the future"... beamed I.... I'd given up on being the first or the best at anything a long time ago.. Now I just took pride in maximizing the things I could be the last to do.

"Ya, bro.. Thanks for the call...and those Marriage Tips."

My mind flashed back to that afternoon in December .. an afternoon, when I was The Canuck Dr. Phil... not just... the Canuck Engineer..

Do Unto Others...

2008-02-06T01:29:00.001-08:00

The world's a comic convention! My typical email this past week:

N: "Are you going Skiing on Saturday?"
C: "Nah, I broke my finger!"
N: "Do you usually Skii on your fingers?"

Here's another gem:

Email: "Please pray for the healing of our teammate with one Broken Finger, better known as The Canuck Engineer"
Response: "oh yeah.. what are his other nine fingers better known as?"

Sigh!!

If anyone asks me about how I broke my finger again, I'll tell them about the

Beware of the gruesome F1 accident that caused it. :)

Had a Bad Day?

2008-02-06T01:07:00.000-08:00

I was about to whine about day at work.. after all the original name of this blog was going to be Engineering Rant... But then I saw this video..... compilation of many bad days at work..

Pirates of the Car-ibean?

2008-02-06T01:05:00.000-08:00

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

Bartender: "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"

Pirate: "Argh, its drivin' me nuts!"

I Lol'd :)

Super Tuesday

2008-02-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

Its Polling Day around here.. and the Elections Fever is in the air. I'm going to bother anyone with my views on these Primaries.. but I think this picture might be topical.. if a bit crass :)

Million to One Shot ?

2008-02-06T00:10:00.000-08:00

"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. Feel free to read a magazine". I'm in an urgent care facility, hoping to get my finger x-rayed after my latest football injury.

In my best Seinfeld impression, I'm left wondering.. "Whats the deal with doctors? I was already in the Waiting Room.. and you know when you're in the waiting room, you gotta wait. So I did..but now i'm in the littler waiting room. Why the hell do I still need to wait and read magazines? and here I need to actually read the magazine instead of just pretending to read it while guessing what diseases other people are in there for, like in the big waiting room"

So I wait, resigned to my fate, and pick up the only magazine they have. I flip open a page where Jessica Simpson is urging me to use ProActiv.. "because it really works!". Suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm in a gown, completely disrobed under that, when all I am in here is for a x-ray of my FINGER!... helloo!!!

What kinda shady place is this? Is this the front for a Porn Shoot or something? my face lights up.. Maybe I'll get to see Jenna Jameson!! as I wistfully look onto the barewalls, conjuring up images that are not fit for this (or any other) blog, I am rudely disturbed by a gruff voice...

"What the hell did you do to your finger?!"

I get up with a start, and I get whiplash, cuz I'm looking at arguably the world's tallest doctor.. at 6"9 or so.. plus he wasn't a day younger than 80...

"Cat got your tongue? C'mon now.. young man.. where'd you stick it?" gruffly, he asked.

"Umm.. football.. McRoids..Collision..Finger Love...Uh.. Hurts when I bend"

"I'm not asking you about your romantic life.. how the hell did you wreck your finger". The shady doctor from the shady place now has a creepy smile.

"I been a hand surgeon for 38 years, Son. Trust me, I seen some things. These young boys... they'll stick theirs hands in some wiiiieeeerdd places"......"You sure it was football?"

"Uhh.. yes.. Is Jenna here yet?" I wonder aloud.

"Jeremy, lets get this young man an x-ray, so we can figure out if we should chop off his finger or not"

I listen to this in stark terror.

"Don't worry, Son.. We'll balance it out.. if needed, we'll chop off the finger on the right hand too"

I look up at him.. Great.. now my neck hurts too! What is this.. a stand up comedy show for failed comedians? He is funnier than Ron Dayne.. but then again, Ron Dayne couldn't make a hyena laugh!

So now i'm in x-ray room, with Jeremy handing me the lead gown as he says.."This is to protect your naughties"..

Thats it.. I'm done.. I'm outta here.. I can't even roll my eyes anymore! Naughties!!!??? Who says that?

10 minutes later..."So did you say you play football?" boomed the Doctor

"Sir Yes Sir"

"Ya, you aint gonna be playing much for about 6 weeks, Kid. You gots yourself a broken Distal Philange"

He continued.."In fact, I'm gonna put a split on, so you probably won't be playing much of anything at all with your left hand, Heh Heh!" Creepy Grin Ensued.

I'm glad one of us is finding this amusing. Especially while I'm in a plastic/paper gown... with a broken appendage! I have to have the worst luck with my doctors. I walk out with hand all taped up.. commiserating myself with my own misery, when I over hear the next patient...."I don't know how, but I just sorta fell on this toy car.....Million to One Shot, Doc, Million to One Shot!"

Suddenly I grinned to myself... I wasn't going to be the most tortured patient of the day after all :)

-The Canuck Engineer

Swollen Members

2008-02-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

"You alright, Canuck?" asks my O-line mate.
"Yea, I said"
"Well, then how about you stop pleasuring your finger and actually start blocking?" he quipped back.

Sheepishly, with a grin, I take my stance at the line, expecting another wave of absolute decimation. I recently decided to start playing football for a team that a few of my friends play for, including Spades, my roommate. Given that I couldn't catch, couldn't run, couldn't tackle, and really couldn't do anything skilled on a football field (or off it for that matter, but that's a different post altogether!), they decided to shove me on the O-line. Good, I figured, I can finally claim all those Rubio's Burritos were consumed for a good cause. You see, ladies, in most places in life, Size Does Matter :D

and no more so than on the Offensive Line at a football scrimmage. I see in front of me 2 linebackers built like tanks, both focussing on my end for some reason. I close my eyes, hoping that they'll start looking at the other tackle, but nope.. they're bull rushing straight for me.

Sigh! "Set... Hut........ HIT!", calls out our QB. I get up, trying in vain to stop Roids McJuiced from getting into the backfield... all the while wondering why in my half drunked bravado at a party 3 months ago I had agreed to play line.

Bam!!! "Run,, Run... RUNNNN!" called out the Defense.. Our QB had handed off, and the RB got decent yardage.

"Good Job Canuck! that was a good hold! Now why don't you and your finger get a room already?" quipped my teammate.

I look down, and I see my right hand massaging my left ring finger. and suddenly I wince in pain.. to quote Peter Griffin.."It stings like when I pee". I stumble over to the sidelines and get subbed out. The finger is all swollen up now, and turning black. Wow, I think to myself... I never imagined that the time I'd be paying this much attention to the third finger of my left hand, I'd be surrounded by only men, with not a lady in sight!

"Cheer up Canuck", I says to myself. Stop being a pansy. and lo & behold, the other teams' girls are warming up. One of the girls is especially tardy, barely having got her cleats on, she's devouring a piece of fruit while running. I yell out some choice words of encouragement "Go On Girl.. Work that banana!". and suddenly everythign stops. The girls stop running, the sidelines turn around...and it dawns on me..lol.."Yet another Faux Pas, Canuck" I think.

I imagine DB#2 in my head chiding me.."Smooth Move there Canuck! Way to get a girl's 10 digits". But at this point, all I can hope for is to retain my own 10 digits... I am after all the 10-digited Canuck Engineer

Who started the Fire?

2008-01-26T19:40:00.000-08:00

Its been 7 years since the last tech bubble..a time when fortunately I wasn't in the market. Back then everyone claimed a 30/20 hindsight..."Oh how could you not have seen the bubble.. it was so obvious..."

O'rly?

How about this time around?

Here_Comes_Another_Bubble_-_The_Richter_Scales

Confucious Say....

2007-10-26T01:24:00.001-07:00

I just logged onto my Orkut account.. and on there..

Today's fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly

In the words of Borat.... NYYYYCEEEEEEEE!!!!!

With that I'm off to Vegas..

EYYYEEEE LAAIKKKKEEEEE!!!!

Does Length Matter? :)

2007-10-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

"Would you not date someone shorter than you?"

I hear that question as I'm struggling to put my shoes on at the end of an Evening of Dance. It was quite the struggle to find my shoes, once I did though, I was going to hang on to them with dear life.. especially since they were borrowed property..

So here I was, Saturday evening, on a mid-October night, off to an evening of ethnic entertainment that involved dancing .. and by dancing I mean tonnes of hopping on my feet that would result in later days to remind me of muscles and nerves I never knew existed in my legs.

"Are you single?"
I turn around, still with one shoe in my hand, cuz this conversation just got interesting. Why, one would wonder, especially since thats probably one of the more common questions, but this was a question being asked by a woman to another.

In the mind of a man, certain things always spark interest..... whether it be bunk beds, mud wrestling or just conversation outside the Convention Center.. anytime there is woman on woman action.. we're interested... and here was a woman on woman chat.. while I was still goofing around with my shoe.. (note they were borrowed.. I would NEVER take so long with my own shoes!)

The question was being posed to my friend, Pumps. I'll call her that because inspite of being blessed with a 5'9" height, she enjoys wearing her Pumps.. and those of the multi-inch variety... and yes, I'm only referring to HEELS there you pervs! Four of us had gone to this event that evening, my man Beeks, Pumps and our other friend LilFeet. LilFeet (aka RiceGirl) might get another name in the future of this blog, but for now suffice to say that she met a friend at the event, who was a surgical resident.. and Rez was asking Pumps this question...

"Seriously, you're pretty tall, wouldn't you date some one shorter than you?"

Pumps was like "No.. thats the one quality I'd definitely like in my man.. that he taller than me.. ."

Since a whopping 2 minutes had passed since the time we had exited the ball-room, and for reasons involving a furious search of borrowed shoes, i hadn't been able to eke out a word. Unable to contain myself, for obvious health reasons.. I burst out "Would you date some one shorter than you?"

now keep in mind that Rez is at best 5'4" in her pumps :) at night.. after stretching...and the reason I say 5'4" is because she said that of her height. Well maybe she is 5'4".. for very small values of 5'4" :)... but the point here is .. this was a question purely for my entertainment.. and it was more rhetorical.. than it was stupid ....
so obviously you can imagine my shock when I heard.. "Oh Yeah.. sure I would..a nd I have!"

Suddenly I had visions of Rez in Lilliput land, being the towering queen in her harem of midgets.. i mean.. Little People.

"You would?" bust out Pumps, LilFeet, Beeks and I... mainly cuz this was the biggest shock we'd had since Prince claimed he was straight...

"Oh yeah.. i once dated a guy.. who was short... and balding too..."

So now I'm wondering if there was a financial transaction, maybe he was her tutor.. boss....traffic cop who had pulled her over.. or something.. cuz she wasn't hard on the eyes..and the guy as she described him... was!

"Oh yea, he was short and balding too.. but he had a great personality and a great sense of humor.. and really that's all that matters".

Now, I could see the Cliche Police coming to arrest her...its odd.. girls routinely rank sense of humour as the top requirement in their man.. but can you actually imagine a girl panting and perspiring..."oh my god.. his humor.. makes.. me... so...hot.. ooooh..myy... goooddddd"

Seriously, when was the last time you heard of a Comedian's posse.. you ever hear this.."Oh man.. that comic.. he is soo... funny.. i just wanna rip his clothes off"..

While I was thinking all these thoughts, imagining George Carlin getting molested by a bunch of cheerleaders, the girls in the group are just stunned and dismayed.... I think this comment of Rez's bought more Shock and Awe than the entire Iraqi war...

Rez continues..."really.. this guy.. he had the most beautiful eyelashes.. they were so long.."

Now I've heard women go nuts over length before, but in my experience its never been them describing EyeLash length... but to each their own I suppose.

"oh yea.. all he had to do was bat his eyelids..and I was putty for him" finished the Rez, suddenly sparking visions in my mind of entire kingdoms of dwarfs blinking furiously in an attempt to woo their dwarfettes.

So there is hope for the rest of the world.. to all those short, stocky balding guys out there... no longer do you need to consider yourselves a Man-cub frustrated in the quest for Eve.... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...well then the eyelashes are the curtains on those windows... Get those windows washed, Man-lets... open up those curtains, Go On.. get that eye-lash curler, and bat them eyelids until they heart.... and if you're really on the ball.. learn yourself some knock-knock jokes..its a cinch.. and just lay back and prepare for the inevitable Harem of Hotties that will soon be all over you...

you see gentlemen.. to use an old adage... "its not where you have the hair.. its how you use it" ;)

-The Canuck Engineer

The Light of Darkness

2007-10-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

The flames go on, the bushes dry yet deep,
I am reminded of all the promises I'm yet to keep
Yet as I stare at those mountains and canyons ablaze
watching as the fireballs crackle through my gaze
listening to the voice of reason asking us to flee
I'm left wondering if this was how I wanted it to be

Its time for high tea and I have no desire for even a scone
I am one to enjoy a rack of lamb, but I'm still dining alone
I stare into the burning red sky, gazing into the hue
I realize a little too late, buttefly, all I ever wanted was you.

-Light of Darkness

The Missing Link!

2007-10-23T18:26:00.001-07:00

Who understands women? Freud sure as hell died trying muttering the words that would inspire the title of a Mel Gibson flick "What do Women Want?"

I'm not gonna stand here on my soapbox and pretend I even begin to comprehend that minefield, but here's a video that might help outline just some of the ways we differ...

and yes... Shampoo Mohawks rule!

Magellan - The Navigational Genius

2007-10-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

The morning after my famous trek in a suit, right after the company party, I mapquested our route.

Not only did I take the wrong path, I was going in the wrong direction.. exactly opposite to where I wanted to go.. and it took us 2.3 miles to realize the folly... Once, again, thank you Mr. Dewars.

Talk about poor navigational skills.. How do you lose your way trying to navigate a distance of 1 BLOCK.. not a mile, not a km, just ONE block! reminded me of Miss South Carolina's speech. The tube map of her speech right here

For those not familiar with this modern beauty pageant marvel

The Radar lies within...

2007-10-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Last week, I attended the company party. I added the period for effect. For all the things the company I work for can't do, they sure know how to throw a good party once a year... and that's the bone all of us mignons work for all year around.

It was a pretty darned good party as usual, except that it might have been a tad crowded. Lines everywhere, including the bar. But yours truly wasn't worse off for it, a $5 tip goes a long way in attaining good service.... especially when everyone is paying in drink tickets!

I met a lot of people, a lot of familiar faces from work that I see everyday, some that I meet every now and then, others that I used to know back in my internship days..and still others that I happen to meet only at these annual parties every year. Even so, I missed quite a few people who supposedly attended but couldn't find me. Not sure why they had trouble locating me, Find Bar, see Canuck Engineer.

By the end of the night, thanks to the barkeep's generosity, and that of all my non-drinking coworkers who chose to share their drink tickets with me, I was pretty darn toasted. But even so, I had had a good time. It was time now to meet at the "after party", DB#2's apt. Its a block away from the hotel the party was at, so in my infinite wisdom, I tell my date to walk. In her infinite wisdom, she agrees.... for like the first time all night!

well, what followed then was a trek.... an adventurous 2.3 mile trek, me in my suit, and the date in her dress. midway through the pumps came off, but I was convinced "its right around the co rner". Finally, the voice of sobreity spoke, and we called our buddy to come pick us up..

All this while I was wondering... where did I go wrong? How did I end up on this road? This is not where I planned to be... 2.3 miles after I started. I had a place to get to.. yet here I am.. in the middle of the boondocks. I got my Sunday suit on... but I'm on my feet....So while I think my destination is right around the corner...is that really just an abberation.. just like the last few "turns" i coulda took? Am I really lost.... Or am I just... the Canuck Engineer!

How a Millionaire’s Brain Works

2007-09-14T03:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.fortunewatch.com/how-a-millionaires-brain-works/

A man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Philippines on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.

Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″.

The millionaire replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”

Well thats how the rich stay rich, they know a lot more about Money Management. All the millionaires I have met in my life were penny wise. Look after your cents and the Dollars will look after themselves.

The Saturday Afternoon tidbit

2007-08-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

Last few days have been pretty intense on the alcohol consumption scale... also, on the sleep deprivation scale. Woke up today, pretty sore from the activities of this week, not the least a result of the ridiculously heavy work hours lately.

And thus I awoke, inspired by my late afternoon readings of classy magazines for deadbeat men. Here's the latest rib-tickler:

Q. What's the difference between Kinky and Perverted?
A. When you're Kinky, you use a feather. When you're perverted, you use the whole chicken !

Classy!

Now that I have my 1% inspiration, its time for the 99% perspiration. And with the recent heatwave in this city, there's a chance I might actually get there!

Of Murphy & Hypocrates!

2007-08-24T04:03:00.000-07:00

"and God said, Let there be light: and there was light."

....and then Murphy said, let that light be a train coming in your direction!

Its how I've felt lately. Every victory has been the beginning of a big fall. Light at the end of every tunnel has been a Bullet train rushing back. Its just been busy... work and outside of that.

Which is why I'm updating this blog at 4 in the AM. No, I'm not a serial killer.. I don't know why people equate that with staying up late. and no, I'm not intoxicated... well, maybe a smidgeon.. but whats a few pints between friends.. and bloggers :)

so did you hear the one about the two antennas? yeah, the wedding was alright, but the reception was fantastic..... !!!!!!!

Thank you.. great show tonight! Tonight's topic is hypocrisy.

So, Facebook is at an all time popularity high.. I'm on it.
Orkut seems quite popular too.. I'm on it
Hi5, the original... reasonably popular.. most of my friends are on it
Friendster.. the original facebook... most of my friends are on it.

all these tools to keep in touch with all our "friends" and "classmates" & "colleagues". and we do a damned good job of hanging out online.. .yet, most of the contact online tends to be with people who you end up seeing on a weekly basis anyway..

So, in this wireless world without borders... we know our "friends" across multiple continents, but how many of us know our neighbours?

don't look at me.. I know mine.. they contacted me last week, at 2am, when we were causing too much ruckus at my place. So, Hypocrates, don't look at me... I'm not who you're looking for... hey....I'm just The Canuck Engineer

A Pack of Smokes!

2007-08-24T03:35:00.000-07:00

"So your blog is nice, but its so long" says the lady..

"take away the first part..and you got what she said"..say I, with a mischevious glance.

Boys will be boys.. even when they turn well beyond middle aged. Me... I'll always have the kid in me........ "that's what R Kelly said"... oh no!!!!

"So why is that you haven't updated it in the longest time", again the lady enquired.

This is like an FBI interrogation..except that instead of a big black guy wearing latex gloves, I have a young lady in my car asking me these questions. We're on our way to grab some sustenance... by that I mean, I'm going to grab some food, she's going to essentially watch, and my friends in the other car will do something in the middle...

Not really sure on how to answer that question. It isn't the first time since March that I've been asked that. Different variants of that have made it through by email, text and phone calls. An example has been "yo, your blogs pretty funny.. too bad it was just a one time thing".

NO! it wasn't.. its supposed to be an ongoing thing, except that i've let life's other vices get to me. Was it the extremely busy schedule at work that involved me working wee hours into the morning, including a dubious all-nighter? Check. Was it the co-ordination of an event on stage that was in shambles until the last minute, when we collectively managed to rescue it? Check. Or was it just that somewhere along the line, I just lost the motivation to write down my thoughts, and subject my acquaintances to my miseries? Bingo .. we have a winner!

"I don't know.. I guess I've just been busy" I half-truthed...."But I hope to start updating it again, now that you've brought it up"

"Yea, maybe you should.. Even since Law & Order, SVU cancelled its latest season, primetime TV just doesnt' cut it." said the girl.. I'm gonna refer to her as Smokes. No, she isn't a chain smoker, or a fire-swallower. Lets just say that SVU as a show rocks, and Smokes fits the description for reasons obvious to people in the know. I will never know :)

" Well, I write when I'm inspired.. which I suppose is when you dance"

"Umm .. I dance when I feel like.. not when you're inspired"

Sigh... suppose a stupid question.. suppose a smart ass answer

Smokes continues...."I have siblings who are way older than me. So I grew up in my own world, hanging out by myself, where I was the queen and the princess.. .the duckling and the swan....dancing in my own land, for myself.. and for my man.... my knight in shining armor"..

What would M. Night Shyamalan say?...... nope too cheesy.

Now, I can see DB#2 getting excited at the prospect if dancing for a man, sorry bud, it ain't quite like that. Smokes is clearly one of the most talented artists I've met, and she gave me a clue to where here talent came from.

"Well, I hope you continue the art... I know a lot of us contemplated a light when we saw that dance.... and we're all non-smokers"

"Aww shucks"... Smokes turned red-faced

There you have it though.... some of us work for ourselves..some for The Man....I guess some of us dance for ourselves...some for Some man....

In the world of analogies in the sea, it's interesting how we see a boat.. a mechanism for going from where you are to where you want to be... . Some see it as a rescue device for where you're drowning. Others treat is a vacation device, for when you're just surfing :) . Some think the boat is calling, other's wonder if they missed the boat altogether...Me... I can't sink nor swim... why do I need a boat.. I'm just the blogger.. I'm just The Canuck Engineer

Of Cadillacs and Escalades!

2007-08-20T04:17:00.001-07:00

"Table for three please", I said..lying about the number in the party. It was two actually......but there is no heterosexual way to ask a beautiful hostess for a table for 2 guys... not when you're a guy :)

"We're a bit busy right now.. Bar good for you until a table opens up?" said the hostess.

"Yeah, sure, it works....", said I, relieved as I walked towards the bar with DB#2. DB#2, introduced as one of my co-workers early in this blog, has lately earned his name even more.

"DB", he says to me, "what's the call tonight?"

"I'ma stick to my Escalade. This place rocks those Margarita's like nobody's bizness" say I, as we chance ourselves upon a recently cleared booth in the restaurant area. I guess we're gonna get seated in the restaurant after all

Score! and the waitress walks by right at that point... "why don't you guys have a seat, and I'll come by in a minute.. Do you guys want anything to drink?"

DB#2 jumps at that "I'll have an Apple-tini...heavy on the Apple, light on the Tini"....

The waitress writes it down.. suppressing her smile

"I'll have the Escalade please", I chuckle.

"Escalade? whats that?" the perplexed server squeals.

"Escalade!.. its a large Cadillac. in fact, its the largest Cadillac" my smile growing bigger.

"Stop! Are you guys pulling my leg cuz I'm blonde?" server speaketh.

lol.. that's awesome, I think to myself.

"Nope, we've ordered it in the past. Cancel the 'tini, I'll take one of those actually", chimes in DB#2.

"Ok, I'm gonna go ask the bartender, and if its not a real drink, I'm gonna hunt you guys down", smiles our server, to DB#2, enjoying a little lighthearted moment at the end of her shift.

"Yea, sure... and If you need it, I know where he lives. The judge asked him to let the entire neighborhood know when he moved in", I quip.

This is one of my favorite lines of all time. Usually most people don't get it quite then. But they laugh it off, with a confused look. and then it dawns on them.. and their expression changes for a short second. Absolute devestation. and then of course, they see the humour in there. I love watching the expressions change..and that's what I did to our server too.

She caught on quite soon though. She chuckled that comment away,
"Do you guys do this all the time?" the server says, now realizing our whole act.

"Since 2005, tormenting servers far and wide!", we both chuckle. Our server's cool. She's earned her tip already.

We get our drinks, and clink our glasses. Its been busy at work lately, some liquor after work is a welcome break. I sip the margarita, marvelling, enviously, at the life of the worm that may have resided in that bottle of Tequila, from which my drink was made.

I smile at the fact that I'm envious of a worm! Maybe I am a worm at heart... Maybe I am ..The Canuck Engineer

The World's a Stage..

2007-08-20T03:28:00.000-07:00

All the world's a stage
and all men and women merely players...

Truer words may never have been spoken.. or written, as the great Bard Shakespeare once did. In spite of this huge production that we all involuntarily seem to be a part of, a lot of us like to voluntarily be part of a production to be delivered on stage. Whether its film, theatre, music or a combination, way too often the players don't pay attention to the next line in this great poem..

They have their exits and their entrances...

The Canuck Engineer was recently involved in a small part of a big event all being performed on stage. Now, by "involved", I don't mean how Tom and Katie are involved. I wasn't jumping on no couches on a talk show.. although I was seated on a couch as part of a make believe Talk Show that I was hosting. Great Segue, I know, but that's a whole different post.

Having been involved in about 3 productions in the past year and a half, and having sat through a couple more, I'm listing a few things that productions should not have...ie cases where the players should know their exits and entrances :)

You might be part of a poor production if:

The Host of the show and the EmCee of the show are two different people
All the Microphones have a range limited to a 3 square foot area on one end of the stage.
That end of the stage is not lit...and the mikes squeal because they're too close to the speakers
The EmCee of the show promises that the show "will get better in the next few hours"
The Show lasts for the next few hours!
The EmCee begs the audience to return after the intermission.
The audience starts applauding midway through the performance of an artist in an attempt to get him to end the segment
If the artist takes the above to be appreciation, and further elongates his act!
The Emcee starts making shadow puppets on stage, in order to while away the time!
For the end credits, the Host asks for "The talent to appear on stage"... all the participants look around confused trying to figure out who the stage manager is referring to!
When you exit the theatre, you have escort service flyers clipped to your windshield wipers!

fyi, none of the above is fiction. All of it happened as part of a couple of productions that went down recently. well almost all of it. The escort flyers weren't exactly clipped to my car when I came out of the theatre, I had to steal them off another car's wipers !!

After all, I AM the Canuck Engineer!

Who's the boss?

2007-08-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

When the human body was first made, all the parts wanted to be " The Boss."

The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while The Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the Story:

You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Corporate Lessons

2007-08-20T03:10:00.000-07:00

Musing #1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Corporate Lesson#1

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. !!!

Musing #2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

Bull : "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Corporate Lesson#2

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Corporate Musings

2007-08-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

Like I mentioned earlier, I've been swamped at work. I'd love to do this all day, but it takes a computer and DSL connection for me to update my blog. For me to support those things, I sorta have to go to work and earn my paycheque. Every six months, they pretend to review me and thrown a nickel my way. Its that time again, maybe they'll reward my hardwork and toss a dime my way this time around.. and no, I did not mean dime bag. Yes, I know I'm a Canuck, we're not all potheads :)

All this work stuff had me reminiscing about the days when the Internet was new, and forwarded emails were the rage. Remember all those emails which Bill Gates was tracking and would pay you $5 for each forward? How about the one about the kidneys getting mysteriously removed? And of course the famous Nigerian Prince who wanted to give you a few billion to help him out. ah, those were the days.

In between those forwards, there were a couple of pretty funny ones. Given the time of the year, I thought sharing some of these might be appropriate. Note that, while this blog is usually all original content, the next couple of posts are attributed to anonymous wisemen. Men who were wise and funny...a far cry from me.. The Canuck Engineer

Back for Good!

2007-08-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

its been a while since I updated this blog.. Sorta got caught up at work, and did this one other event. Between the two of them, I barely had time to breathe.. my laundry hasn't been done since then either.. yes, I own a tonne of underwear.

I'm also half-kidding. I have been swamped over the past few months, and I've been meaning to update the blog, it just hasn't happened though. Its gonna happen now :)

The Canuck Engineer is glad to be back!

Midnight Musings

2007-03-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

While I try to keep this blog about original content and perspective, every now and then I'll post something that screams to be put on this blog.

I was watching "The Winner" earlier today and its only appropriate that I post this here for all the canuck-haters that read this blog

Q: "What do you call a French-Canadian person flying a plane?"

A: "A Pilot, you damn racist!"

aaaah, there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard!

and before I call it a night:

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Got Balls?

2007-03-08T00:37:00.000-08:00

The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.

The game of choice for frontline workers is football.

The game of choice for middle management is tennis.

The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.

Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.

Note how the Executives have the hardest balls :)

Rain Rain Go away!

2007-03-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

"Unbelievable!" I yell to my roommate Spades.

Its Sunday morning, and we were supposed to toss the football. Instead we're stuck indoors, watching the rain come down. Its late February, and we're in So Cal, and its raining on a Sunday.

What's so unbelievable about that? Well, it rained yesterday too!!

In So Cal, it rains an average of 2 days per year* (*Unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my own conjecture!). And its rained two consecutive days already. Its been a rainy winter, I suppose you could say.

Well, its time to run some errands. I head down to the local plaza, and the smile on my face returns. Weekend grocery shopping is not without its benefits. You see, weekends are when most of the college girls around here choose to do their laundry. Usually they try to minimize their number of loads, so all their clothes go in to the washer at once. Which is why, for a few hours every weekend, the ladies around here roam around in bare minimums* (another unsubstantiated claim, based on no statistics other than my hormonal ones)

I walk into the drugstore. I need some toothpaste and razor blades. I grab me my minty-fresh toothpaste, and I'm off to the grooming section. I scan the blades, looking for my Schick Extreme III 'SubZero'. I've tried a lot of razors, for some reason I've enjoyed these blades, with the cooling feeling of 'SubZero' being quite nice. I also see a yellow tag right below the Schicks.

"On Sale 11.99 Regular 14.99. Guaranteed Item". Right above the guaranteed item, I see an empty shelf.

"That's bizarre!", I say to myself, and flag the nearest associate.

"Hi, I'm looking for these Schick blades. Its a guaranteed item, but I don't see any of them available".

"Hmm", says the associate, "let me check the back".

I always wonder what they have in the 'back' of all these stores, and who gets access to the stuff in the 'back'. I bet Tony Soprano gets access to the 'back'. Then again, if Tony Soprano wants in the 'back', Tony Soprano gets in the 'back'.

As I am musing the charitable operations of the underworld, the associate returns with the manager, who with an ingratiating smile, approaches me.

"Sir, I believe you're looking for some blades"

"Yes, Sir"

"Yes... Yes.......You see, because of the recent rain, some of our deliveries are running late, and the shipment of the blades just hasn't arrived yet. Yes... Yes.....This is a guaranteed item, but we just don't have it in stock right now".

Sort of defeats the purpose of a guaranteed item, but then I'm just TheCanuckEngineer.

"well, I don't want to lose the sale price, I guess I'll just take a raincheck, in that case".

The manager comes closer, and his smile becomes even larger.

"Yes... Yes.....Well, you see, while this item is on sale, we've technically not run out of them, we just never received them. Yes... .Yes... and because we didn't receive them due to the torrential rains, I am unable to issue you a raincheck. Yes....Yes....You see, RainChecks do not apply to acts of nature, such as weather".

"sir, its a R-A-I-N-C-H-E-C-K! the term was originated with rain in mind!" I'm perplexed, since the manager seems to be agreeing with everything I say.. twice!

"Yes.... Yes.... I know, it does seem ironic doesn't it Sir, but the policy here at Short's Drugs is clear that rainchecks do not apply to deliveries that may be affected by acts of god, including weather. I hope you understand Sir."

"No, I do not understand", I mumble, as I walk away, more bemused than surprised or shocked. No I do not understand.. but then again, I'm just the CanuckEngineer.

My head don go Pata-Pata!

2007-03-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

"How fah?", asked the security guard, as I strolled out of my house.

Its late summer, and its my first weekend in Lagos, Nigeria. I'm still a young teenager, in middle school, all excited about being in an exotic land.

"How far to what?", I ask back, with a puzzled face

The guard just looks at me, perplexed. Then he sighs, and asks, "How now?"

Now its my turn to be perplexed.

"how WHAT now?", i inquire.

"Li'l pikin", says the guard, with a smile, "I ask you how you are doing. You no sabi pidgin?"

I finally get it. I had been told about Pidgin on the way in from the airport. Its a simplified version of English, with trivialized grammar in some cases. All I know is, the Nigerian version of it was damn colorful!

"Sunday!", yells our chef, Glory "Where's Peace?", referring to the housegirl, "Madame wan know!"

"She don go away-0!" shouts back Sunday.

"She don go for chop? Where she go?"

"She neva tell. She don chop earlier. She com back next tomorrow"

I walk back into the house. I'm loving this new language.

"Masta, Masta!" pants the chauffeur, Tunji. "Da Benz.. ..."

"What about it?", asks my dad, looking up from his newspaper

"Da benz.. it don die-o.. it don die-o for the middle of the road. "

It died?? I thought cars were inanimate. Did they bury the cars here?

"Where's Ade?" asks my dad, referring to the driver of the vehicle

"He go find transport. Make I go over there to help 'im dash yellow fever?"

I walk away, into the kitchen, still trying to figure out how they'd lay the car to rest. What Tunji meant above was that he was going to help Ade deal with cops and "dash" or bribe them some money to get the car towed.

The chef is teaching the house-girl how to make yogurt at home.

"Make you go take milk and small water, mix 'em, then take small yogurt, and put it to sleep with the milk. Then you go find yogurt next tomorrow, sabi?"

I guess we tolerated fornication in the kitchen too!

Later, I hear a loud commotion. Ade is back, with his tales of misery, pleading his case to anyone who's listen.

"Khai! long day-o!! car don die.. then fever harass me. they ask me .. are you condemn car? you no fit drive 'em. I de say.. oga.. you sabi see self. car don dieo...engine no fit talk....hey lord.. my head don go pata-pata-o!!"

I loved my time in Nigeria. Great country, great people, great language. Nothing describes a moment more vividly than some Pidgin!

"Not tonight, honey, my head don go pata-pata-o!"

The Summer of '69

2007-03-04T23:46:00.000-08:00

Its Wednesday evening, my last term in school. I got a major test tomorrow, and I'm feeling drowsy. "That Lasagna for dinner sure hit the spot", I muse to myself. I'm feeling drowsy, the bed beckons.. ...

"Tring tring...tring thin.. tring thin.. triniiingg thing...", rang my cell phone, to the tune of 50 Cent's In Da Club. Ya, 'twas the summer, and I was cool once too! Yes, I know.. I wasn't always an Engineer!

"Tring trin.. tring thh.." I woke up with a start, I picked up the phone, wondering who it could be the evening before my Economics Mid-term. I almost regretted answering the phone the moment I picked it up, in all my experience, nothing good has ever come from taking a call the night before an important exam.

"Hi!!!!"

The voice made me smile. why? Well, because it was one of the most beautiful voices I'd ever heard on my phone, and because it sounded pretty..oh, and also because it belonged to a girl... yes, a rarity in the world of engineers indeed!

"Do you even know who this is"?" asked the angel on the other end.

"I don't even care" , I said to myself, "Just keep talking, please".

"Engineer, I told you I'd be in town tonight. Are you going to the Bomber tonight? You promised me you would"

"oh yes, of course, I remember, its BebyG! Its been a long time.. and yea, I'll be there.. just a bit later in the evening!", lied I.

I had met BebyG over a year ago, at one of our social events in school. One of the prettiest women I'd ever laid my eyes on, she was clearly out of my league. I thought she was really cool though, she always pretended to be interested in what I said! I loved talking to her :)

I vaguely recall some conversation on MSN of her coming to town. But I had thought that to be one of those things that are often said but never followed up on..

She is IN MY HOOD right now!!!!

My heart rate's racing, my pulse is pulsing, my heart is thumping, my pulse is bumping!

"ENGINEER!!! Get a hold of yourself. " Spoke the inner me!

"You have a mid-term tomorrow, worth 35% of your grade!", my mind reasons.
"She is there with a bunch of friends, she may not even recognize you", some more reasoning
"You have a mid-term.........." trailed off the mind, even it realized it was all in vain.

It didn't matter what I had or didn't have tomorrow. I was going to the Bomber!

I looked up my wardrobe, found my best pair of socks (in EngineerWorld, well dressed means having matching socks!). Then I got out of my lounge pants, and flip flops, and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

and No, not all engineers have creases or pleats on their jeans!

I'm going to meet BebyG!

Why was I so excited? I don't know. But every man loves getting a phone call from a hot chick. I didn't care what happened tomorrow, I had got that call today :)

So I reach the Bombshelter, the local on-campus pub that was the hotspot on Wednesday nights. I says to myself "Deep Breaths! Be Cool! Don't be a loser", not really believing in any of that.

I spot BebyG in the line . Do I hug her? or do I shake her hand? Whats the rule on meeting someone after a year? So I offer her my hand, as I give her a half hug. She looks a bit surprised.

Its awkward! Engineer, you coulda been studying for your test. This thing's going no where!

We get into the club, I put my best "cool" face forward. I get me a beer, hang out with a couple of friends, all the while keeping an eye out for BebyG. I see her dancing with a couple of her friends.

Deep Breaths, Engineer!

I muster up the courage, I walk up to BebyG on the dance floor. She smiles at me, we start dancing, at a nerdy distance of about 3 feet from each other. She's smiling.. I remember now, what I was so attracted by.. it was that smile of hers...

"lets get a drink", says the hot BebyG.

"Ok, you lead the way", I said, chuckling at myself. Its not so much chivalry that I let her walk ahead of me... it was also for the 'view' :)

We're at the bar, about to order drinks. The Bartender asks her "what would you like to drink?"

"Chocolate Martini please!"

Eager to Impress, I yell "Shaken, not stirred".

The BarTender looks at me with his eyes searing at me. The eyes say "You're an idiot". I feel like an idiot. I guess that this may not have been the first time that Bartender has heard that line.

Nice Job Engineer!!

BebyG smiles at me. I can't figure out how much of the smile is pity. I guess 100%. I'm usually right!

"So, how is Samantha?", asks BebyG, referring to my ex-girlfriend

"Oh, we broke up recently. How about you?"

"Yeah, Joe was a jerk, I'm single now"

Vegas has jackpots, Canada has lotteries. I feel like I'd won them both suddenly.

BebyG is single!!!!

She then took a napkin from the Bar, took out her lipstick from her purse, and wrote something on the napkin and handed it to me. I looked at it and smiled.

We got some more drinks. We then hit the dance floor. I met all her friends, and made the nice. Yea, she was way out of the league for an Engineer, but she was just so awesome to hang out with!

We then took a walk in the patio, for some reason.. It was pretty cold. We then got some more drinks. All throughout the night, all I could think of was how hot this girl was, how pretty she was, and yet how easy it was to talk to her, how much fun it was to talk to her.

I would love to date this woman, I thought to myself, as I sipped on my 6th beer of the night. No shit genius, so would about a billion other men, I thought to myself, as I spilt most of my 7th beer of the night!

"Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep"!!!!

Ah, that frighteningly scary alarm clock! I look at it.. " 6:30 am" flashing real loud. I open my eyes. Oh Shit, its midterm day! I suddenly remember the events of the night before. Were they for real? What about BebyG?

I turn around in my bed, slowly, hoping, nay praying, for one of those moments you always dream of as a young teenager. I look hopefully to the other side of my bed. Nope.. hasn't been touched...by anyone.

I give myself a wry smile. It was too good to be true. I get out of bed. I have my midterm in less than an hour, I'd better get ready for school. I pick up my jacket from the floor, all the while thinking about my amazing dream from the night before.

I don't know why I enjoyed the dream so much. It could've been the thought of hanging out with a beautiful, intelligent girl. Maybe it was the fact that she called me up. or maybe it was just the typical nerd-dates-a-hottie dream. I smile at myself, at how easily I confused fantasy with reality.

It was a dream... a goddmaned..nice dream!

I then bend down to pick up a piece of paper that's fallen from my jacket. Its a napkin from the Bombshelter. and it has something written on it with a lipstick. WHAT!!!

It.. wasn't.... a... dreamm!!????

I nod to myself, with a big smile.

I'm glad I took that phone call the night before my Mid-term exam!

The Professionals

2007-03-03T18:23:00.000-08:00

Late last year, I went out with a group of people who I like to refer to as friends, although they have been known to have used the term "distantly acquainted" when referring to me, on more than one occasion ;-)

The cuisine of choice was Indian, so the obvious location was the local strip plaza sporting multiple choices for Indian Cuisine. On arriving there, it turned out that there was quite a celebration going on at said location, and hordes of people were there enjoying the festivities.

We decide to join the crowds and enjoy the foods on display, while taking in the general festive feeling around. Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas and now this, I can't help but agree with Frank Costanza on having Festivus..."The One Festivus for the Rest of us".

My city in So Cal is a large city, but its a small world! Why am I waxing poetic all of a sudden, I don't know.. it might be the Vicodin I'm on.. or it might just be fact. The population here is in the millions, yet I seem to recognize many faces. Of course, a lot of these work in my industry, some actually at my company.

I shake the hands, do the chit-chat, the usual small-talk about nothing, all the while nodding to people in the distance or just staring past some blank expressions. ...y'know.. "just making the nice". A typical social outing, I think to myself. I've worked with many of the people I see tonight, I've been to client meetings with some of them. All thorough professionals at work, handling themselves with style and grace, on every occasion that I've associated them in business or at work.

Which is why i'm surprised, as I see these same people take their disposable paper plates and throw them right near the trash bin, but not in it!. "Poor Aim", I think to myself, and look away.

The other side isn't much better. I see another group of people walking with their styrofoam coffee cups and callously tossing them by the side as they continue walking, and there isn't a trash-bin in sight!

Woah, what just happened here? I guess they're short of garbage cans around here.

Nature Calls..I heed it. The Men's room has a line, of course. I wait patiently, thinking about how relieved I'd feel when I get my turn. My sweet thoughts are abruptly broken, as I get a little shove. Suddenly I see two of these "gentlemen" barge right in, and cut right into the middle of the line, with one of their buddies. Funny, I don't remember reading about "holding a spot in the urinals line" in the book of Man-laws. I recognize these faces as well. Another one of those "professionals" I was talking about!

Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everything backwards? The same people that wouldn't dream of throwing a piece of paper outside the recycling bin at work are trashing coffee cups by the side of the road. People I've known to dispose of theirs and others trash in an orderly manner, after meetings, are now going ape-like tossing wrappers anywhichwhere! Guys I've seen patiently wait in line for over an hour just last week at the opening for the new Bond movie, are now cutting in line at a men's room? at a Men's room?? are you kidding me!

What changed for these people, now that we're no longer at work or at the movies? Aren't we still at a public place? a place of business? So why does etiquette go right out the window, just because it happens to be an ethnic place, Little India in this case.

I don't know why it happens... but it always happens!

We are like this only!

What the Canuck?

2007-03-03T17:27:00.000-08:00

"Hey Engineer, I read your blog. Its pretty neat", commented my friend, Ms. Artiste

"Thanks", I say, muffling those words out of clenched teeth somehow. "I'm glad you liked it, I just needed something to do as I recover from this surgery"

I'd had my wisdoms pulled earlier this week. I wasn't allowed to sleep for a few hours while my tongue was still numb, lest I swallow it. Tv wasn't cutting it, and Surfing the web just felt blah!. and thats how TheCanuckEngineer.BlogSpot.com was born!

" Yea, its entertaining. Although one of the blogs was really long.. I kinda skimmed it, I enjoy the shorter posts more"

"I'll keep that in mind, Artist. I guess size does matter!" I mumbled , with a twinkle in my eye. I may have lost my wisdom, but my mind is still in the gutter!

"So tell me this, why did you name your blog so... What's a Canuck?"

"oh, a Canuck's a Canadian" I quipped, slightly surprised.

"Oh, I thought that was a team!"

"That's the Vancouver Canucks, they're a hockey team. But Canuck, in general, refers to Canadians"

"hmm, didn't know that!", says la Artiste.

She wasn't the only one who's asked me this in the past few days.

So here's my Wikipedia note on the term Canuck

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canuck

History

The term was coined in the 19th century, although its etymology is unclear. Possibilities include:

kanata¹ "village" (See Canada)

Canada + -uc (Algonquian noun suffix)

Canada + -inuk (Inuit for "man")

Connaught, an obscure term for Irish-French-Canadians.

Cann-uck, a small yellow bird, much like Woodstock from the Peanuts comic strip.

Meaning

The Random House Dictionary notes that: "The term Canuck is first recorded about 1835 as an Americanism, originally referring specifically to a French Canadian. This was probably the original meaning, though in Canada and other countries, Canuck now more often refers to any Canadian." [1]

Usage and Examples

The use of "Canuck" by Canadians themselves is usually affectionate or patriotic.

The history and use of the term include:

The Vancouver Canucks hockey team

The Canada national rugby union team Canucks

The Crazy Canucks, a group of Canadian alpine ski racers who dominated the World Cup circuit in the '70s.

The use of "Canuck" parallels that of some other potentially offensive nicknames, that is, when used by the people it names — Canadians in this case — it is usually acceptable. But when used by an outsider — in this case particularly American strangers — it can be misinterpreted and deemed as insulting one's heritage (though rarely credibly so for Canuck). Although it is not as severe as most ethnic slurs, some consider it one - just as Yankee can be.^{[citation needed]}

Now if you want to know what an engineer is.. well, that's a whole different blog :)